?

Log in

Previous Entry | Next Entry

The Filthiest Joke In The World

I knew my husband wouldn't go. My girlfriends here in town wouldn't go, god, they don't even KNOW about it. If somecandytalkin had been in town, I would have dragged her - she's broken like me - but... Ultimately, I just went by myself. I saw: THE ARISTOCRATS. Don't know what this is? Here's a quick run-down: when all the patrons leave the comedy clubs, everyone hangs out, wired from their show, and cracks jokes. The idea is to out-do each other in the most foul way possible.

Okay. If you found Connie:The Musical funny, or the Wee!Spike series funny, that touches the tip of the ice-berg with limit pushing. In fact, let's just go right on and say there are NO BOUNDARIES. None. NOTHING IS SACRED when it comes to telling a good joke, and if you have ANY WORDS that are unacceptable for you, just look at the pretty flowers and don't click the link. Remember how I say I'm broken inside? Yeah.


Fisting a 3 year old, till their blood acts as lube.

No? Not funny out of context? Okay, let me just say that IN context, I was ROLLING. I jumped ahead... Okay, I found it HILARIOUS that when I handed my card over to buy the ticket, the ticket girl sighs and said, "Disclaimer." Some very bored and spotty teen (obviously the Senior Manager) stepped forward and looked at a fixed point over my head and rattled off, YoudounderstandthatTheAristocratsismeanttobeoffensiveandusesverycrudelanguageandifyouwalkoutofthetheaterduringtheviewingyouwillnotgetyour moneyback.

I laughed a bit and replied, "Man, isn't that the POINT?" Took my ticket, found a seat, and tried to scope out the 1/3 filled theater. Elderly couple behind me: the type where the husband would wear Mickey Mouse ears at Disneyland while his black socks kept sliding down to meet his brown hurraches, but not seeing this because of his enormous gut. That guy. And his wife. Late 60s. Sitting behind me. I figure that's the audience's first casualty. Mid-40s couple in front of me. Hmmm. Movie starts. George Carlin goes into the joke, describing in hilarious and disgusting detail, the shit a man takes over his wife's face, trying to find the "sweet spot." Because it's the family act.

Oh, yeah. Some of you may not know the joke: A family walks into a Talent Agent's off, have we got a gig for you! We do the most amazing family act! "What do you do?" *fill in details here* Talent Agent, jaw opened, "what... what do you call yourselves?"

The Aristocrats!

Now, if I have to explain WHY that is funny, then you really are on the wrong flist, and it won't hurt my feelings if you bump me off. Three minutes into the joke, the wife of the mid-40s couple stormed out. Huh. Didn't see THAT coming.

On the surface, the movie is about listening to different comedians tell (relatively) the same joke. Except, you can tell people's style by the way they TELL the joke. You have George Carlin, getting older, a bit of a crotchety guy (no, really?) and his joke is about shit. And poking a finger in it. Paul Reiser has people peeing on the floor and sliding around in it. Mom, dad, kids, the family dog... And then (for me) one of the absolute highlights: Kevin Pollack. Nice guy, Kevin Pollack. HE tells it like CHRISTOPHER WALKEN. Okay, that alone is hilarious, because he has NAILED Walken's cadence, etc. But the joke becomes different.

And as the movie goes on, they introduce women comics, and it changes because women comics are different. And one, Wendy ... Meisner? She tells a completely clean version. I won't ruin the punchline, because it's hilarious. And I'm rolling. Dads are fucking their sons, Daughters are eating out Grandma, Mom is fingering the dog, people puke, a leg gets broken, circle jerk on dead Grandpa, TA DA! And it's hilarious. Because, dear GOD. It sure ain't right. Sarah Silverman comes on and tells the joke in a matter of fact way, because, you see, she IS an Aristocrat. She was the little girl in the joke. And it could be uncomfortable if you aren't prepared for her deadpan delivery of what her dad and brother and dog did to her, because now the joke is in a completely different context. Again, HILARIOUS.

And as the movie continues, it's about more than just grossing people out. Because honestly: do you think you can gross out Robin Williams? The man did coke and horse in the 70s - he's seen everything. It's about a private club of comics, seeing if anyone HAS boundaries. It's about taking things you think YOU or your FRIENDS wouldn't find funny, and then dressing it up in a clown suit. The staff of The Onion shows up with a white board. Jesus, I was rolling. Can you imagine the staff meeting where you write down:

  • race bating

  • fag bashing

  • incest: daughter?/son?

  • necrophilia

  • beastiality>/li>
  • Can we work in the Pope and anal rape?


And a big circle around this, with an arrow pointing to large letters: MAKE FUNNY.

Remember the older couple behind me? The guy. Is. DYING! Not literally. He is belly laughing so hard, the aisle is shaking. I'm cracking up, wiping away tears, and sometimes it's only this old guy and me laughing in the theater, because people don't think they should laugh at the idea of a dad gouging out his son's eye so he has a better place to fuck, see, now the kid's cock-eyed. (Thanks, Bob Saget!) Did I mention how funny this was?

And see, my best friend in the world, chrissykiedis is broken, too. You gotta love someone that JUST HOURS BEFORE lost her beloved pet in a horrific manner (rattlesnake bite, GAH, poor, poor Freckles) and we're crying and commiserating on the phone, and she breaks into the Maine voice and does a schpiel about how we're going to bury her in the Pet Semetary, but the ground's all sour, so she'll be a zombie dog and it'll scare my kids. Ha ha ha!! *cries* Ha ha ha!!! crazydiamondsue? You're broken inside, a bit, too. Which is why I ♥ you. One day I'll kill that last bit of sweetness inside you, and you'll be ruined just like me. Did I say that out loud?

If I was more coherent, or smarter, I'd write an essay about horror and laughing, or sorrow and laughing, and how closely they are related. But it would be trite, and you should know that stuff already. I stand firmly behind the belief that nothing is sacred (for me), and the more taboo something, the more I'm going to try and poke fun at it. Dying children in Calcutta, forced into prostitution? Let's make it a musical about vampire orphans. And incest! Because lord knows THAT'S funny. And it is! *whistles Make 'Em Laugh* And here's the thing: I learned years ago from the pros that working blue is cheap. And it IS. (That means dirty.) ANYONE can stand up and yell out, "pee pee poo poo cock!" and get a nervous laugh from the audience. But can you keep them laughing? No way.

And based on that, how does The Aristocrats work? Well, it isn't about the CONTENT of the joke, it's trying to figure out what is off-limits and shoving someone's face in it. Some. And it's about the glee at saying something so horrible, that in real life, you'd be executed for it actually DOING IT. And mostly? It's about the person telling the joke. They compare it in the movie to taking a standard tune, say, "Misty," and giving it to Thelonius Monk. Or Coltrane. It'll be the same song, but sound very different. One of the best moments in the movie is a split screen with Robin Williams and Drew Carrey telling a completely different version of the joke. But they come up with the same punchline, same hand gestures and everything. And it's AWESOME.

I suspect DVD sales to be very high. People will be more comfortable laughing in their homes, I think. Me? I just may go back this coming weekend.

Final joke: I went to a restaurant, saw two priests sitting at the table next to me. I didn't know whether to send over a bottle of wine, or two Boy Scouts.

THANK YOU! GOOD NIGHT! I'll be here all week, try the fish, and don't forget to tip your waiter. And I am REALLY looking forward to one month, when I meet dovil and we bring the world to an end. Or just get really drunk and laugh a lot.

Comments

( 42 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Aug. 22nd, 2005 06:47 am (UTC)
Aw, Jesus, Sue I was CRYING. Matt and Trey animated the kids at the bus stop with Cartman telling the joke. AH HA HA!!!

And the answer you seek is KAEPAS. Pfft. The cheerleader tennies! :-) I MISS you!! I'll call you today. I was sick this weekend, and cleaned and read. And took myself to the movie. (Honestly, I almost prefer going to moves alone - it's not like you can talk during them, you know? But we would have held on to each other, laughing.)
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Aug. 22nd, 2005 07:40 am (UTC)
Movies + no one hogging the arm rest = fun.

I made Will gay last night. With Hugh Grant. I... I don't even know who I am anymore...

I'm hungry. What's fer breakfast?
bdbdb
Aug. 22nd, 2005 07:04 am (UTC)
I saw this movie a few weekends ago, and man was I glad I'd used the restroom before the show! The movie was that damn funny! :)
stoney321
Aug. 22nd, 2005 07:14 am (UTC)
Man, I've been waiting since Sundance to see it. Three kids + summer vacation = not a lot of movies for mom.

And, ah, god, Bob Saget remains my favorite stand-up. The man is a TRAIN WRECK. Hooray! (I would have liked to have seen David Cross or Seinfeld hit it.)
bdbdb
Aug. 22nd, 2005 08:04 am (UTC)
Ah, the Bob Saget part was one of my favorites! :) I'm not a huge Seinfeld person. I don't hate him or anything, but he's just never appealed to me....
stoney321
Aug. 22nd, 2005 11:57 am (UTC)
I'd just be amused to see clean-act Seinfeld do the gag.

And I was happy to see Phyllis Diller still with the humor. Man, she was FUUUUUNNY back in the day.
hellziggy
Aug. 22nd, 2005 10:00 am (UTC)
(I saw Bob Sagat walking into the Paramount commissary. My only celebrity sighting that day, unless you count meeting A.C. Lyles who's worked for Paramount since 1928.)
marlo
Aug. 22nd, 2005 07:49 am (UTC)
That's funny that they disclaimered you! You just know there has to be a quota of stupid people being DUMB before they decide to do the disclaimer.

I totally thought of you when I went to see this. I just knew you'd love it. It's comedians talking about comedy, riffing on the same theme.

Billy the Mime, Bob Saget (I'd heard he was filthy, but I had no idea how filthy), Sarah Silverman (I think I mentioned her to you when you posted about women and comedy), the South Park kids ("Now we'll do our impression of the victims of 9/11! AAAAH! AAAAH!").... there were so many great ones! It totally has re-watch value. I'd buy it on DVD.

stoney321
Aug. 22nd, 2005 11:59 am (UTC)
I know... you could tell the kid was sick of spitting that out. WTF? But then, a few people did leave during my showing, so... I guess the didn't pay attention.

I saw that you had posted about it, but I didn't want to read so I could go in "fresh." In a way... Hee!! I'm SO buying the DVD. Heh.
bitchygrrl
Aug. 22nd, 2005 08:31 am (UTC)
OMG I've been dying to see this movie. Just haven't had a chance I here it's hilarious. I know I'm going to love it because I'm a big fan of that's so awful, that's so wrong, hahahahahaha. I can't believe they gave you a disclaimer. I've never heard of such. Don't people read about movies before they go?
stoney321
Aug. 22nd, 2005 12:01 pm (UTC)
Well, the older cuple behind me? The laughing old man? His wife said (as she hauled herself out of her seat) "I can't believe we paid 8 bucks for that." HA HA! I wonder if she didn't leave because her arthritis was acting up...
bitchygrrl
Aug. 22nd, 2005 12:10 pm (UTC)
Or because her husband had the car keys. I'm going to see it this weekend, I think. Hopefully it won't be crowded because I know I'll laugh a lot and I hav a kind of Chrissy Snow laugh. When I saw American Psycho I laughed so hard the guy next to me moved away. That also could be beacause he didn't think death was funny, well it is when accompanied by the song Hip To Be Square. *laugh* *snort*
beadattitude
Aug. 22nd, 2005 08:49 am (UTC)
OOh, now I...kinda wanna go.

I think you should write that essay, too, missy.

As I grow older, I realize I've got a thing for physcial comedy that I never knew. Now, I'm never gonna be a Three Stooges fan, but when Graham Chapman puts a hankie on his head, grabs two bricks and shouts, "Oi luv you!" and conks himself in the head, I'll laugh 'til I can't breathe.
stoney321
Aug. 22nd, 2005 12:02 pm (UTC)
Um, now keep in mind there is NO physical comedy in this... It's just the filthiest language on the planet. Hooray!

Oh, god... Graham Chapman... Now you have me thinking of the House of Lords playing charades.
hellziggy
Aug. 22nd, 2005 10:02 am (UTC)
I woulda totally gone with you. I was a little twisted before LJ. Now I'm just plain broken! *hug*
stoney321
Aug. 22nd, 2005 12:02 pm (UTC)
I'll take a little credit for breaking you. BWAH!

*hugs back*
hellziggy
Aug. 22nd, 2005 12:17 pm (UTC)
I'll forgive you for breaking me if you can tell me what the purple flower (i.e. weed) in the bumblebee picture is... and bonus points & hugs & kisses if you know the scientific name for the bumblebee, because I'm that much of a dork that I must put the scientific names on my pictures in my gallery... :) But taxonomy dorkiness is something I know you understand!
http://www.livejournal.com/users/hellziggy/243724.html
julissak01
Aug. 22nd, 2005 10:35 am (UTC)
I fear that my brain exploded. And it's the first day back on my flist, Stoney! What a WAY to go. ;)

*glomps you*
stoney321
Aug. 22nd, 2005 12:03 pm (UTC)
Well, it's NOT LIKE I DIDN'T WARN YOU!! :-D

(Oh, god. Wait til you catch up at the other place... Chaos. Seriously. Wheeeeee!)

Welcome back, tootsie!
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Aug. 22nd, 2005 12:05 pm (UTC)
Oh, Anne, I can't believe you actually READ THIS! It's so low class.... Hilarious, but low class. And you? My leetle New England Preeencess.... Too high brow for the filth. I'll wallow for you. :-D

I was in stitches over the "warning." I guess we really are that "sue" happy in this country... What would the punitive damages on a case like this be? *boggles*
*hugs you*
*hands you bleach for your brain*
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Aug. 22nd, 2005 05:00 pm (UTC)
In my mind, you're this beautiful, delicate fairy who bestows benevolent kisses upon Sue's and my brow, raising me up from the gutter depths by force of your sweetness.

Let's just hang on to that, okay? ;-D *tickles you*
winterlive
Aug. 22nd, 2005 12:09 pm (UTC)
Joke at the end: *dies laughing*

DUDE! I want to see this movie with you. I SO DO.
stoney321
Aug. 22nd, 2005 12:13 pm (UTC)
The fellas at Ad-libs... they just RUINED me. *thanks the stars*

:-D
_divya_
Aug. 22nd, 2005 12:40 pm (UTC)
::jumps up and down with GLEE::

I was shamefully unaware of this movie until last week, when I went to a stand-up show of one of the guys who's in it, and got an earful. I can't wait to see it, omg. I'm so glad you liked it, and if it's still playing here in a month, we should drag dovil to it, yes?
stoney321
Aug. 22nd, 2005 01:33 pm (UTC)
YEEEESSSSS!!!!!! Oh, that would be a BLAST.

Re: SF in a month: I'm picking up a rental car when I get there on friday (lunchtime?) and I'm not sure when D is getting in. So, basically, we can be mobile that weekend if necessary and get to where we need to be. A MONTH! er, and a few days, but STILL!)
ropo
Aug. 22nd, 2005 01:36 pm (UTC)
Hee! I haven't seen it yet, but I will.
stoney321
Aug. 22nd, 2005 04:57 pm (UTC)
LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU DO. *bounces*
lynnenne
Aug. 22nd, 2005 03:31 pm (UTC)
Can we work in the Pope and anal rape?

HAHAHAHA! That must be the best white board ever.
stoney321
Aug. 22nd, 2005 04:56 pm (UTC)
AHH! Okay, Top Four Writing Jobs that entail Group Effort
By Stoney.

1) Saturday Night Live (writing AND performing)
2) The Onion staff
3) The Daily Show
4) Arrested Development (man, the writing is TIGHT on that show)

*dreams*
ely_jan
Aug. 22nd, 2005 08:46 pm (UTC)
OMG - I am so glad you did this - have been dying to talk to someone who has seen it and am planning trek out of town to watch it since there is no way...absolutely none it will play in Bumfuck, KY. *sighs*

*adores you down to the ground*
stoney321
Aug. 23rd, 2005 07:55 pm (UTC)
TELL ME WHEN YOU'VE SEEN IT!!! Yeah, I'm thinking KY is going to be a hard sell... If you go to their website (I think it's www.thearistocrats.com) you should be able to find a theater near you.

We'll talk when you've seen it? EEE!
ely_jan
Aug. 23rd, 2005 08:23 pm (UTC)
*dances* It's opening in Nashville on the 26th and will also be in Lexington and Louisville, though Nashville's closer for me and I can go visit my snakes.

*coughs* And my old roommates who, of course, I want to see more than my snakes. *pines for Slithus, Spot and Lucy* *and for roommates*

Can't wait - will check back with you!
mskakaako
Aug. 23rd, 2005 09:41 am (UTC)
Heehee! I woke up this morning to a sound bite on the radio and it was Leslie Neilson saying, "I haven't had this much sex since I was a Boy Scout leader!" HEEHEEE! That made me sit up and LAFF!! Not a bad way to wake up. :D Love you!
stoney321
Aug. 23rd, 2005 07:53 pm (UTC)
AH HA HA HA!! #1: your icon. #2: Leslie freakin' Nielson. HA HA! Oh, I love him. Sooooo funny.

And man, if you don't laugh at the HORRIBLENESS that happens around here (points to Earth) then yo'll get sucked into badness. I have to laugh, or I'd cry.

I LOVE YOU!!! *squeezes you gently*
cherusha
Aug. 25th, 2005 01:22 pm (UTC)
Friended you.
*coughs*
stoney321
Aug. 25th, 2005 01:34 pm (UTC)
Re: Friended you.
*molests you*

Heee!!! My lovah.... Erm, some random person, I mean. Uh, hello stranger.
cherusha
Aug. 25th, 2005 01:38 pm (UTC)
Re: Friended you.
*has no idea what you're babbling about*
crayonbreakygal
Aug. 30th, 2005 09:42 pm (UTC)
You posted this ages ago, but I'm just back from vacation and catching up with everyone.

I knew that Robin Williams was dirtier than hell, but Bob Saget? I so didn't know. I might have to rent the DVD just to see that. And I so love Sarah Silverman.

My hubby sometimes tells these kinds of jokes, but only around people he knows will not be offended. I'm sure he'd love this too. I'll need to rent it when it comes out.
( 42 comments — Leave a comment )

Tags

Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

April 2017
S M T W T F S
      1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
30      
Powered by LiveJournal.com