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Let me start by saying I have the worlds crappiest digital camera. *hopes Santa pays attention this year and doesn't CHEAT ME, bastard*

Okay the run-down. Emily, our littlest, has REFUSED to trick or treat. Up until this year. Like, screaming hissy fit. So I was super excited that she was jazzed for dress-up this year. I only had to make three costumes before we got her to comply. Brat? Nooooo. She started off as the Corpse Bride, then hated it. So... Sally from "Nightmare Before Christmas" it is! But... black wig, not red. Oh, well. Mr. S in his infinite wisdom *cough* took all the pictures OUTSIDE. In the dark. Without a flash. Which I discovered this morning. So I've tried to lighten them up as best as I could...

So. The boy was Darth Vader, but you couldn't see his handsome face, so I uploaded the pics of him sans mask. He had the breathing and the "Noooooooooo!" down pat. Hee hee! *siiiigh* He's going to be dreamy when he gets older. Mother's bias? Sure, sure. and yes, I am aware that Emily looks like Samara. Ha!

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One more, because they've been bickering lately and I was SO GLAD the two of them were ENJOYING each other's company.

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You can't see it, but "Sally" has stitches down her arms, up her neck, etc. I TRIED! It's hard putting makeup on a squirming 4 year old. And here's where we realized she could pass for Samara. Niiiiiiiice. Guess what you're going as next year!

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My Number 2 - third grader, wanted to be a "cute devil." Can you believe not ONE store had a devil costume? Correction. Not one NON-SEXY, THIS IS FOR A CHILD, I'M NOT RAISING A WHORE, I THANK YOU, Devil Costume. So. Black unitard, black yoga pants, black boots, and tail and horns. *cough* Her friend, SHEBLI (remember her? Crap. They ran into her last night) was dressed like a Pirate Whore. Oh, I'm sure that's not what the costume box said... I don't think... but. Half shirt that laced up IN THE FRONT like a corset. With NOTHING underneath. Are you picturing this? Skin exposed between the laces? On her FRONT?? Tiny skirt with handkerchief hem - you know: like it's ragged and torn? TINY. And platform boots. Knee high. Number one: it was 50 degrees. Number two: the child is 9. Number 3: her parents let her go BY HERSELF. Thank god Mr. S was there. Can you IMAGINE? We live in a gated community, but are you trying to tell me perverts don't own houses? Not to mention the possibility of being hit, or falling down, or getting lost in the dark.... GAH.

Okay. Here's my beautiful Morgan. (Yes, yes, mother's bias.)

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And Morgan and Emily. (GOD, Morgan is tall! She's 8!!! 4'5"? That's tall, right?)

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And now I have more candy than I know what to do with. At one point, I ran out while passing out candy, the boy came back (was bored) and I ransacked his pillowcase (we're old school, yo) for the crap candy. "And a Bit-O-Honey for you, peanut butter wafer thingy for you, and some cheap, turquoise Brachs hard candy thingamajigger for you! Don't egg me!"


OH! I had a Tiny Elvis come to my door. He was... 20 months? Could barely hold his bag? And he said: "Thank you. Thank you vewy much." I DIED. His dad was cracking up, then cuddled and kissed the boy - they had rehearsed. *laughs* Not many imaginative costumes. Lots of store bought ones. Okay, yeah, my kids too, I know. Except for Emily, who remains my favorite for letting me play with her. NEXT YEAR THEY ARE COING AS CONTRACTIONS. Or something with 3. I don't know. THE TRINITY!!!! Ha ha ha! I'm going to get run out of town. And I WILL DRESS UP, dangit. Mr. S went with anelith's costume idea (we were in a time crunch and I couldn't get anything for us - poop!): Arhtur Dent: robe, towel, empty tea cup, bewildered expression, and a "Don't Panic" button. Heee! No one got it. I laughed at least. Stupid illiterate Republican neighborhood.


[ETA: For Eh? Factor in the haul from last night] Okay, got new toothbrushes - yes, from the dentist - not interested in drumming up business, is he? Granola bars - my kids thought that was cool. Noise-makers - THANKS. No. Really. "Come on, kids! Let's go stand outside the nice lady's house and blow REALLY HARD." And 2 Jesus tracts. "Trick? or TRUTH." Awesome. "It isn't always fun to be afraid. Let Jesus save you from Satan." And I quote. I need to see if they got tp'd. and #2: "Say, let's make this a REAL HALLOWEEN!" What? string up witches and burn them for being pagans? Take the blood of a virgin after she's been rutted by the tribe elders and sprinkle it on the crops for a good harvest? OH. Pray to Jesus. ...huh? "Thank you for coming to my house and letting me share the love of Jesus." Well... we would have preferred smarties, thanks.


( 75 comments — Leave a comment )
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Nov. 1st, 2005 07:14 am (UTC)
The little one DOES look like Samara with the makeup. Your kiddies are adorable. :) Oh and I agree with you about the pirate costume WTF? Allow your child to be a child. You don't even want to start me on that bit... Little Elvis sounds too cute, and I would have laughed at Mr.S's costume. No nore candy for you today, unless you share with the group.
Nov. 1st, 2005 07:17 am (UTC)
OMG. *dumps a TON of candy in your hands* Sooooo much. 3 kids + pillowcases + a Dad who thinks it should never end = TOO MUCH CANDY.

Oh! I forgot to mention the Jesus tracts... *edits to add*
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Nov. 1st, 2005 07:23 am (UTC)

I love your family.

Lori and I worked. Meh. No Halloween for us. Jeff said he was too old to go trick or treating and told me to bring him home candy. Lisa, who will NEVER be too old for trick or treating, dressed up, as usual, as some obscure Final Fantasy character. Last year she was Hell Boy. The year before that? Night Crawler. But she didn't T and T, she and her best friend, who was an UnDead Barbie Zombie answered the door and scared the Hell out of the neighborhood kids. Ahhhh. Good times.

Gimme some candy!

Nov. 1st, 2005 07:26 am (UTC)
*DUMPS A TON* And we got (mostly) good candy: FULL SIZED chocolate bars on one block. Whoa! Lots of chocolate and popcorn balls and smarties and skittles and... *makes a little package for you*

I LOVE YOUR KID. Man, I dressed up and went trick or treating through COLLEGE. Gimmie some CANDY! Hee!! Night crawler? I bet that looked AWESOME.
Nov. 1st, 2005 07:27 am (UTC)
OMG! your kids got Chick Tracts for Halloween!?! That is the best thing ever. Hee! There are like 10 different Halloween themed Chick Tracts I've never seen them all.
Nov. 1st, 2005 07:34 am (UTC)
HA! Oh, man I WISH they were Chick tracts. Those are AWESOME for their doom and gloom. These were happy, oh my god, Christianity is good! We have no history of persecution or hatred, and COME UNTO USSSSS. These are.. *checks* Good News Publishers?

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Nov. 1st, 2005 07:37 am (UTC)
*siighs over my dreamy boy* He gets the braces on TOMORROW. *prepares for whining*

You know... I called you THREE TIMES. Ahem. And pinged you. And chatted with Caza on IM.

I WILL HAVE CANDY IN DECEMBER. Dude - pillowcases were 3/4ths filled. I'm not exaggerating. That is... if I'm still coming in December? WHO KNOWS. ignorerer. You don't love me. You just love my CD style.
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Nov. 1st, 2005 07:46 am (UTC)

The kids are precious! Such beautiful smiles!

Don't feel about taking the kid's candy, my mom had something she made up called Mom's Choice. This basically meant that before my friends and I started the barter and trade process, my mom got to choose three pieces of candy of her choice, including the really good stuff! And, believe me...she took full advantage of that! :)

Nov. 1st, 2005 08:16 am (UTC)
Gulp! I'm only supposed to take 3? *puts a bunch back*
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Nov. 1st, 2005 07:53 am (UTC)
Cute costumes and cute kids! Yes, I think 4'5" at 8 years old is tall. But what do I know? I was barely 4' tall when I was 9. *Everyone* is tall compared to me.
Nov. 1st, 2005 08:17 am (UTC)
She's GINORMOUS. Lean, long and TAAAAAALLLL. (Her biological father is 6'8". She's gonna be expensive.)
Nov. 1st, 2005 07:57 am (UTC)
Too early for me to read your OMG STONEY HAS HAD SUGAR!! post, but just a quick photo tip.
Do you have photoshop? (or photoshop elements? although I don't know if elements has the features needed...) You can lighten pictures like magic (magic, I tell you!!!) really easily. You take the picture and copy the whole darn thing to another layer. Then you set the blending mode to screen. The whole thing lightens up. If it's not light enough yet, put another copy on top of that one with the blending mode set to screen. Shampoo, rinse, repeat. When you are at a stage where one is still a bit too dark but the next layer makes it too light you just dial down the opacity of that top layer.
Nov. 1st, 2005 08:18 am (UTC)
I have PS8 - and I have NO CLUE how to use filters and stuff. Ergh! I am going to try this! Woooot!

Layer? Vastor? Rectum? *flails*
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Nov. 1st, 2005 08:44 am (UTC)
Aww, adorable childrens! And it sounds like a rip-roaring good Halloween time at Casa Stoney. :) More fun than the rest of the neighborhood is having! (Jesus tracts? WTF?)
Nov. 1st, 2005 08:56 am (UTC)
Just us? You don't have people proselytizing on Halloween in YOUR neighborhood? Heh.

It was only one house this year. Last year there were four.

*beams with motherly pride*
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Nov. 1st, 2005 09:17 am (UTC)
OK--your kids are the prettiest kids EVER. It's not just mother's bias--they're gorgeous!

The 9 year old dressed like Jon Benet and out by herself--jiggawha? Holy shit! The one year I absolutely insisted that my friends and I could walk it by ourselves, my dad acquiesced--and then followed us 100 feet back in the car the whole way. We looked independent, he looked... well, like a pedophile, probably, but nobody called him on it, and most importantly--nothing bad happened to me, because he was there, even though he was hidden. And I wasn't too terribly mortified. All in all, a satisfactory parent/child compromise, I think.

"Thank you for coming to my house and letting me share the love of Jesus." Well... we would have preferred smarties, thanks.
I'd rather have the toothbrushes or the apples than the Chick tracts, really... even the fuzzy old lady candy that looked like they pulled it out of their purse and put it in the candy bucket would be better than that.
Nov. 1st, 2005 09:21 am (UTC)
I mean... I get that THEY think they are giving you Something More Precious Than Gold - the love of Jesus - but dude. Not everyone is Christian, and it's HALLOWEEN. Pass that out on Sunday.

*is pleased I'm not biased - much* And yay for your dad! Mr. S. got dressed up and walked with all the kids. It's more fun that way!
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Nov. 1st, 2005 11:58 am (UTC)
She was FREAKED OUT when she saw herself in the mirror - I drug her outside to see kids getting FREE CANDY, WHEEE!! and she got into it. But it was touch and go AGAIN.

I LOOOOOOVED your pics. Your makeup was AWESOME, Beth. Also, re: towels. You wanna get high?
Nov. 1st, 2005 10:04 am (UTC)
Your kids are just toooo cute. I'm glad there are some parents out there who don't want their 8 year olds walking the streets lookin like hoochies.
Nov. 1st, 2005 11:58 am (UTC)
You know what's even better? My 8 year old doesn't WANT to look like a hootchie. hooray!!

*hugs you* They are cute, huh? *beams*
Nov. 1st, 2005 10:16 am (UTC)
BABY ELVIS!!! I'm dying and I'm just hearing about it.

Your kids are so cute! We don't get any at my apartment building. There's 4 apartments and the youngest tennant is a 17 year old with her parents.

Booo to the pirate whore. I saw a 10 year old wearing a similar costume. Lace up bodices are NOT meant for people who have yet to hit puberty. Ick.
Nov. 1st, 2005 11:59 am (UTC)
Dude. DUDE! Pirate whore! I almost want to go back to the costume shop and look at the packaging:

Pirate Whore! Get your daughter's booty piflered and plundered!
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Nov. 1st, 2005 11:26 am (UTC)
1. Your kids are cute.
2. I also have had candy.
3. HI!
4. Hee, Arthur Dent! Towel!
5. OMG I want the Jesus paraphenalia. HEE! Live from Texas!
6. I love you eleventy.
7. There is no seven.
8. Canada's smarties are made with chocolate, yum.
Nov. 1st, 2005 12:01 pm (UTC)
CHOCOLATE? how is such a thing possible? They must taste completely different. Are they called something else? Like... chocoties or something? *boggles*

I WILL SAVE THE PAMPHLETS. I will send them to you!

Hi!! I love you a billionity, so neener!
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Nov. 1st, 2005 11:44 am (UTC)
They are absolutely gorgeous! Too bad you didn't get a piccie of Tiny Elvis, though. Thanks so much for sharing these. Since my kids are older, I don't get to play Halloween any more. *sob*
Nov. 1st, 2005 12:02 pm (UTC)
TINY E! Mr. S took the camera with him, so no pics at the door. He had on a wig for the pompador. KEEYOOT!

And I'm going to be the sad sack dressing up 'til kingdom come. KINGDOM. It will come, so I've been told.
Nov. 1st, 2005 12:35 pm (UTC)
They are all so beautiful.
Ya, know I was wondering where I could find a pirate whore costume for Tiny E. (I don't think he would have gone for it )
I'll have to have you pick up one for me next year. :-)
Nov. 1st, 2005 05:18 pm (UTC)
HELLO! And apparently, the Pirate Whore costume is easy to come by, so you just let me know. I can also get a cheerleader whore or rock star whore.

Ahem. Tchus!
Nov. 1st, 2005 01:27 pm (UTC)

I was stuffing my face last night while giving out candy. Before I had any dinner. Argh.

I won't let my 12 year old go alone. He was pants man this year. oh, you had to be here to get it. They always save me my favorites. /hey, train them early.
Nov. 1st, 2005 05:18 pm (UTC)
CANDY. Are you bursting at the seams like I am? WHY?? WHy do we let them go so long??? Oh. Because it's free.

PANTS MAN. That's a story I'm willing to hear. :-D
Nov. 1st, 2005 01:30 pm (UTC)
squee! what cuties.


I *knew* moms did that!
Nov. 1st, 2005 05:19 pm (UTC)
We do. WE DO STEAL. The secret is out.
Nov. 1st, 2005 01:49 pm (UTC)
Aww, your kids are adorable, :) The girls look just like you! Or what Ive seen of you anyway, lol. Does the boy have a name? Lol, or is he just boy?
Nov. 1st, 2005 05:20 pm (UTC)
Well, the boy is getting up there in internet years, so I show him the respect of not mentioning him by name. Same with Mr. S.

And thanks! *squishes my cute kids*
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Nov. 1st, 2005 05:21 pm (UTC)
MEMES. Beth. What are you doing here?

Hey! How about that sports team doing that thing it does? My word, huh? With the activity? And the people involved? Heh. Stuff. Goes here.
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Nov. 1st, 2005 05:22 pm (UTC)
Le sigh... If your girls were closer, my son would be fawning all over them... But I'm raising him to be a good boy! He would just doodle their names on his folder! And blush!

*hugs you TIGHTER!!*
Nov. 1st, 2005 03:42 pm (UTC)
Ahh, too cute! We didn't get a single kid knock on the door last night - they must have all grown up. Not that they could have got chocolate, but we could have scared em
Nov. 1st, 2005 05:24 pm (UTC)
When our littlest is a bit bigger, we plan on making kids wet themselves and run screaming. It's my husband's life goal, you see. Well, to cause a child to have a heart attack would be like winning the lottery.

Heh. (Not one? Are you stuck with candy then? Stuck? What am I SAYING.)
Nov. 1st, 2005 05:07 pm (UTC)
Holy crap, do you live in my neighborhood?! The teenagers up the street dropped by and showed me their "You Can Fight Satan!" pamphlets. I was *so* tempted to supply them with tp and eggs.

I mean really, wtf.
Nov. 1st, 2005 05:25 pm (UTC)
I can fight Satan by JOINING HIM. Someone should make anti-religious-tracts tracts.

So... if one gets slipped into your bag, you can counter slip with: "Hey thanks for fucking up Halloween! Ya religious son of a bitch."
Nov. 1st, 2005 05:07 pm (UTC)
Your kids are too cute and your middle daughter is TALL! *is totally not jealous in any way*

I can not believe the Pirate Whore costume. Some parents worry me. But then my mother bought me a witch costume when I was in third grade and then decided that she didn't like how flimsy the material was and made me wear a turtleneck underneath it. I was not happy. I probably would have loved being the Pirate Whore but thankfully my mother had some sense.
Nov. 1st, 2005 05:26 pm (UTC)
She IS tall. Man, she did NOT get that from me. My ex husband is 6'8'. She'll be a tall girl. *is totally jealous of my own CHILD*

PIRATE WHORE. I mean, *I* would be a pirate whore, but a CHILD? Dude. Good mommy you have. "Let's have you put on a coat while we're at it... And a scarf. And gloves. And your dad's hunting clothes. And we'll have your dad follow you with a rifle. Have fun!"
Nov. 1st, 2005 06:00 pm (UTC)
Aww! the kids are ADORABLE!!!!!! *Ah-DOR-ah-able*!! I enjoyed reading about y'all's night.:)

Your Halloween haul is freaking me out.

Don't know what you where going to do with the Jesus tracts, but can I scan 'em? Did you get any of the little black and white comic strip ones?
Nov. 1st, 2005 06:02 pm (UTC)
Substituting 'were' for 'where'. I'm cross-eyed from too many words about sea creatures today.</i>
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Nov. 1st, 2005 09:37 pm (UTC)
1. Your children are completely adorable and you need to put them into work as child actors and/or in brochures.

2. You stole your children's candy. You so rock!

3. 9 year old pirate whore's parents need to be taken aside and hit over the heads with rolled up newspapers until they stop being shitty parents.

4. Costume designers for children also need to be hit over the head with rolled up newspapers - this also goes for half of the people who design childrens fashions.
Nov. 1st, 2005 09:41 pm (UTC)
Whore. Child whore. Isn't that PRECIOUS? I'm soooo glad my daughter likes jeans, ponytails and tee-shirts. Simple and cute, my girl is.

*beams with motherly pride!*

I have soooo much candy. Damn that diet! Come eat some.
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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

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