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This concept is stolen shamelessly from mctabby's Summary Executions, found here. Doing the lord's work, people. Now, granted, there are far more people in the Harry Potter fandom without access to spell-checker, true. But fear not! You know that I work diligently to find the best of the Bad(great!)fic on the intarwebnets to provide you with a glimmer of hope - that you CAN achieve your goals, I'm living proof. Beefcake. Beefcake!

We need to be more flowery in our fandom! Are you just gonna sit there and let the 14 year olds write the cutting/anorexia/song-fics about wereflamingoes and Ron Weasley and KICK OUR FANDOM'S ASSES??? Puh. You all shame me.

I am not poking fun at any particular author. Any person. Okay, I'm totally mocking YOU, and you know it. No, not you, YOU. Yeah, YOU. Okay. Summaries. Meant to lure someone in to read your work of art. A "dust jacket cover" online. SHOULD be enticing. Should NOT have spelling or grammatical errors. Or, in an ideal world, THREATS.

Let us begin.



I would like to make the official statement that "LOL" does not belong in a summary. Nor do emoticons. And SEQUEL is spelled that way. DEFINITELY has no "A." All were taken from the early days at FF.net, lifted as presented, all spelin erahs belon g 2 teh authores.


  • "F*ck you and your cat." Comedy. And...smut.

  • "Cave Giles" Just read the title.

  • "The Story of B" The communication was wiped clean in TR, then smashed, wrecked, gone, put through a doublemeat grinder & turned in a dead thing.

  • Ever just wanna hurt morons?

  • Slashy Cinderella. Almost makes you tremble, doesn't it?

  • Xander thinks, maybe he shouldn't.

  • Total PWP. It's got cheesy lines. I couldn't help it.

  • Dru sneaks into Angel's room to fu-fill a fantasy.

  • Xander waits for the inevitable. *includes rape*

  • They tell me to warn you so yes, there's a character death. Funny enough, it's not angsty.

  • I suck at these! What can I say about this fic? Things get interesting.

  • Werewolves are good.

  • It's all fun and games being a glamorous girl. *self mutilation*

  • More Spuffy because it's wrong.

  • A "Sailor Moon" crossover best described at "Just Wrong" warning: tentacles

  • AU Buffy *slash* f/f Cordy/baby

  • Plot? Ok.

  • A short little fic that explains... hey read the fic!

  • A humorous fanfiction, featuring more Xander than some people might be able to stomach.

  • Buffy battles the evil cafeteria soup.

  • Its what he does

  • Um, just read it.

  • Buffy reflects on... :)

  • Angel says goodbye. Really short.

  • Don't judge me.

  • Wen 2 vampires, a prophet and a shy hacker's lives collide - the story of a lifetime begins...

  • It's Willow-centric and too short for a summary.

  • The adventures of a gay man (Forrest) and a lesbian (Riley)

  • This is slightly depressing... and my friend is threatening to kill me if I don't put it up.

  • This ain't your daddy's shipper fic (stoney: won't SOMEONE make this an icon for us all????)

  • The final one!!!! OR IS IT?????

  • I hate doing summaries.

  • What if Xander knew something?

  • Buffy fights the Taco Bell Chihuahua, then explodes.

  • Death is quick. A short fic.

  • Another strange story, for the Spike lovers... and the strange things lovers :-p

  • Xander gets tortured. warning: humor

  • This is a first person sulking fic (me again: icon. sooo many possibilities with this.)

  • This is a crossover but not as horrible as you'd think

  • Uh, yeah.

  • The titttle pretty much summs it up just read "Buffy Litttle Dairy Rant"

  • It's a very weird story about things that could happen!!!!

  • The reader has to guess what character is involved.

  • Willow's dreaming...and sleeping

  • Hahaha.

  • The Scoobies Learn Too Late why you never, ever mix a chalupa and a Supreme Burrito

  • What will happen when the wobbly desert meets the Hellmouth? Read all about it in this story! you will be amazed (or maybe you'll just be bored) at this tale of love, hate, and most of all...Jell-O!

  • Character death...and irony.

  • Willow and Giles get married in a Judeo-Pagan.Anglican ceremony

  • A combination of comedy, martail arts style action and poigient moments, some of which fans might get on my case for considering what happens to some of the characters!!!!

  • I'd like to know if this works or if I'm full of it.

  • Buffy finds herself alone. Literally!

  • Main entry: Effulgence - Late Latin effugentia, from Latin effulgent - effulgens, present participle of effulgEre to shine forth, from ex- + fulgEre to shine - more at FULGENT. Brilliant splendor, radiance.

  • The story's finaly over...YAY!!!

  • Dru has a bittersweet holiday. Buffy/Whoever you decide

  • Rated PG-13 for bad poetry.

  • I am dawn's raging bile duct. I am Dawns' smirking revenge. (me: little tear. on my cheek. so, so very happy.)

  • Someone reflects on their relationship with... someone else! There ya go.

  • I apologize for the cruddy title. Anyway this is a fanfic about something Spike would do. Maybe.

  • Slash, duh, but clean.

  • Spike gets runover by a steamroller and lives! Some mildly offensive words like you wouldn't say around the principal.

  • Let's pretend that Buffy's alive and well. And then, let's pretend that she's not.

  • This story is pretty much dead... I didn't get enough reviews to persuade me to continue writing it.

  • This one is really stupid. Oh, and no flames.

  • A fic about me and Xander and my blue talking lizards. Why I try not to drnk Mountain Dew late at night anymore.

  • A series of disconnected stories made up entirely of sound effects. (me: this may be my most favorite thing ever in the history of MAN)

  • Angel is acting suicidal and deals with issues of depression, but not in a deep way.

  • What if a vampire wanted the holy Sacrament...on thing could happen...and then again...not!

  • Lindsey McDonald is being brainwashed by the hot dogs! Actually it's more complicated that that.

  • Okie, this is a bit confusing, but I think it's sorta food, lmk Raegan has real issues w/ everything you know?

  • Angel has thoughts. Could I be more vague? (me: I didn't realize Chanandler Bing was writing fanfic. And the answer is, OF COURSE you can be more vague: Words. Maybe.)

  • Please don't ask.

  • LA is like, nowhere.

  • The author finds a creative use for all those "flames."

  • The year is 1755; Rupert Giles is the Duke of Wellington. His King and Best Friend is William Penning of England. Elizabeth Penning was promised to Rupert Giles at birth. Though she doesn't know this, eventually romance blossoms and whole buch of smut.




Well played, my Merchant-Ivory dreamer, well played. Now, I've only touched the tip of the iceberg here, and fankly, I'm a little disappointed. I wanted to find something like: "Wesly snapes and killz them all with a mashety and him and Soike ride the world killing and humping. warning: song-fic. A/N: based on "My Immortal" by evannesans omg.. *cuts*"

I'll of course keep you posted if I find this gem.

For any new folks popping in today... More gems can be found in memories. I do not condone person bashing - only mock the words. For they are glorious in mine sight.

[ETA]: Some icons are rolling in. mpoetess has some h e r e and mirielle719 has a great Xander one h e r e. Hooray! I'll link as they come in, or if you'll point me to them!

[ETA2]: I've put some up H e r e if you want some more. Whee!

Comments

( 133 comments — Leave a comment )
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bitchygrrl
Nov. 22nd, 2005 08:55 am (UTC)
OMG 1111 I luff U 4 dewin' this. U R soooooooooooooooooo COOL. u FInd the most besttest badD fiK eVaH 111111111 StOney RULZ 1111
stoney321
Nov. 22nd, 2005 09:14 am (UTC)
WHEEEEE!!

*runs your comment though a spell checker* Ah. Yes, yes. Hee!
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poshcat
Nov. 22nd, 2005 08:56 am (UTC)
>>Almost makes you tremble, doesn't it?

More than almost, baby!

>>A "Sailor Moon" crossover best described at "Just Wrong" warning: tentacles

OMG I WANT TENTACLE SEX

>>A fic about me and Xander and my blue talking lizards. Why I try not to drnk Mountain Dew late at night anymore.

OMG I WANT A BLUE TALKING LIZARD

>>Xander gets tortured. warning: humor

>>Buffy finds herself alone. Literally!

>>Let's pretend that Buffy's alive and well. And then, let's pretend that she's not.

>>A series of disconnected stories made up entirely of sound effects. (me: this may be my most favorite thing ever in the history of MAN)

::cries::

These were so perfect, my darling. Thanks for sharing them.
stoney321
Nov. 22nd, 2005 09:07 am (UTC)
Gimmie a day or two, and I'll get some more up. Holy crap I just laughed and laughed.

But, to be fair, the Potterverse has the better bad!summaries.

Hello, My Poshy!! *slaps that ass*
emma_daisy
Nov. 22nd, 2005 08:58 am (UTC)
That's Ms Chanandler Bong.

Okie, this is a bit confusing, but I think it's sorta food, lmk Raegan has real issues w/ everything you know?

A bit confusing? A bit?
stoney321
Nov. 22nd, 2005 09:08 am (UTC)
DAMMIT, you are correct. Hee! Of COURSE you knew the correct name. :-D

Hahaha! Who the HELL is Raegan? I need to connect so I can identify with her "real issues."

Your icon wins a gold frickin' medal, by the way.
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stoney321
Nov. 22nd, 2005 09:09 am (UTC)
No, YOU are. :-D MARI!! Hey, sweetheart! Things should be slowing down for you, right?

*hugs the gorditas y their guapa mama!*
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hellespont
Nov. 22nd, 2005 09:06 am (UTC)
OMG, you have killed me ded. My family is now going to launch a blood vendetta at you, so watch out 'cause some of them are really big. I can't decide which ones I like better, the ones that are beautifully if unintentionally meta about Xander as the "whipping boy":

Xander waits for the inevitable. *includes rape*

A humorous fanfiction, featuring more Xander than some people might be able to stomach.

Xander gets tortured. warning: humor

Or the ones that are basically canon. I keep picturing Joss himself putting these before certain episodes:

Xander thinks, maybe he shouldn't.

They tell me to warn you so yes, there's a character death. Funny enough, it's not angsty.

More Spuffy because it's wrong.

Angel says goodbye. Really short.

Don't judge me.

Hahaha.
stoney321
Nov. 22nd, 2005 09:12 am (UTC)
The "waits for the inevitable" is so damn funny. YOU CAN'T RAPE THE WILLING!!

I imagine the "Angel says goodbye" fic to read as follows.

"Angel stands in the dark, says, "Good bye," and leaves." TEH END0RZ.

And "Hahaha." AWESOME.
entrenous88
Nov. 22nd, 2005 09:06 am (UTC)
Xander waits for the inevitable. *includes rape*
OMG, why is this making me laugh until tears are welling up in my eyes? God, POOR XANDER! Is Xander-torture-rape now INEVITABLE????

Jaysus, these are hilarious. I'll be back to read more, after I can stop hunching over and shaking in my cubicle like an insane person.
stoney321
Nov. 22nd, 2005 09:14 am (UTC)
Jess: you can't rape the willing! It's INEVITABLE.

Xander: Do do do do... La la la... Oh! *checks watch* Time for torture and rape! La la la.

Heeeeee!! My work here is done.
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mpoetess
Nov. 22nd, 2005 09:17 am (UTC)
I am dawn's raging bile duct. I am Dawns' smirking revenge.

I am Dawn's laparoscopic cholecystectomy!!


F*ck You And Your Cat is (at least from memory; it's been a while) actually hilarious. Though I can't remember if it ever really hit full-on smut due to constant felis interruptus.
mpoetess
Nov. 22nd, 2005 09:21 am (UTC)
Also, I may raid these, and some of your past quoteposts, for icons, iffen' you don't mind - Kita had a hankering for some (and some quotes of her own to use too), along the lines of the Potterverse ones that are so popular.
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amybnnyc
Nov. 22nd, 2005 09:25 am (UTC)
"The Story of B"
Is this anything like "The Story of O," as told by a fangrrl? 'cause if so... o.O

It's all fun and games being a glamorous girl. *self mutilation*
Dude... I *can't* have been the only one with Razor Blade Supermodel Barbie. Was I?

This ain't your daddy's shipper fic (stoney: won't SOMEONE make this an icon for us all????)
::joins in the pleading::

The titttle pretty much summs it up just read "Buffy Litttle Dairy Rant"
What? Hellmouth cows can be evil, too. You know they are. They probably... shoot milk on passersby, and spit their cud at people instead of just chewing it, and stuff. Although a "Buffy Little Debbie Rant" could also prove interesting... maybe we should request a series?

Willow and Giles get married in a Judeo-Pagan.Anglican ceremony
Calling Eddie Izzard... paging Eddie Izzard...

Slash, duh, but clean.
Um... but why? *Dirty* is the way to go, young one. Always go for the dirty.

And why all the Taco Bell? Why not Del Taco or something? Or did Buffy one time way back in a half-second sound clip from a deleted scene in the unaired pilot mention Taco Bell?

I love you all over again for doing this... I needed this today. ::fangirls::
stoney321
Nov. 22nd, 2005 09:43 am (UTC)
WHEEEEE!!!

*throws confetti about*
*waits patiently for people to make icons of hilarity*
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Nov. 22nd, 2005 09:44 am (UTC)
WHAT is the deal with Buffy meets Mexican food? There were like... five of them.

??
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Nov. 22nd, 2005 09:55 am (UTC)
*hands you whole box of Kleenex*

OUCH. I'm hoping there wasn't spicy mustard on that sammich?

And hahahah! It IS a perfect description! She's smarter than I gave her credit for...
yin_again
Nov. 22nd, 2005 10:01 am (UTC)
Oh, gawd! I'm crying.

I love you so fucking much.
stoney321
Nov. 22nd, 2005 10:23 am (UTC)
BACK AT YOU.

Dude. I only hit about 10 pages out of 903.

You know what this means, right???

MORE. Just in time for the holidays when you NEED to laugh.
fish_23
Nov. 22nd, 2005 10:02 am (UTC)
You do brilliant work, and not only am I dead from the laughter but I also got an intensive stomach workout so I'll finally be able to wear that crop top in my casket.
stoney321
Nov. 22nd, 2005 10:24 am (UTC)
No bikini? Shame.

Heee!!! Keep your eye peeled for more. FOR MORE.
marguerite_26
Nov. 22nd, 2005 10:15 am (UTC)
::spits coffee all over keyboard::

::loves you like crazy::

Sooooo hard to pick a favourite, maybe:
AU Buffy *slash* f/f Cordy/baby
oh! or
Xander gets tortured. warning: humor

Makes me want to write bad!fic. We need another bad!ficathon where we write fics to these summaries. oh, wait they already have fics written for them...

stoney321
Nov. 22nd, 2005 10:25 am (UTC)
In the interim, I point you to my memories where many more bad!fic quotes await you.

There SHOULD be a bad!fic ficathon! (The HP verse has a community for fics based on the Summary Executions. We should get one for our fandom! COME ON JOSSVERSE!! The teen/goths/cutters/unicorn-humpers are WINNING!)
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winterlive
Nov. 22nd, 2005 10:22 am (UTC)
In addition to everything you put italics next to, these need to be made into icons:

Angel says goodbye. Really short.
What if Xander knew something?
Buffy fights the Taco Bell Chihuahua, then explodes.
The titttle pretty much summs it up just read "Buffy Litttle Dairy Rant"
Willow and Giles get married in a Judeo-Pagan.Anglican ceremony
Rated PG-13 for bad poetry.
LA is like, nowhere.
The author finds a creative use for all those "flames."
Lindsey McDonald is being brainwashed by the hot dogs! Actually it's more complicated that that.
Angel is acting suicidal and deals with issues of depression, but not in a deep way.

DEAR GOD HYSTERICAL. I love you. Have I mentioned I love you?
stoney321
Nov. 22nd, 2005 10:26 am (UTC)
WHAT IF XANDER KNEW SOMETHING?

The whole series would be different?

heeeeeeee!! Get them icon making skilz a'workin!
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likeadeuce
Nov. 22nd, 2005 10:31 am (UTC)
hahahahaha.

THANK YOU.

I am having a crappy day and this was exactly the laugh I needed.

The last one if the most. . .extensive, but I think, "What if Xander knew something?" is my favorite.
stoney321
Nov. 22nd, 2005 10:51 am (UTC)
I think "this ain't your daddy's shipper fic" may be mine.

HEEEEEEEEE!!!

*pokes you and gives you sweets to better up your day*
julia_here
Nov. 22nd, 2005 10:38 am (UTC)
Snerking wildly and unable to put words together, much like the writers featured above.

Julia, and HEE!
stoney321
Nov. 22nd, 2005 10:52 am (UTC)
Heh heh.

You know me: I aim to get you to laugh.
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fitofpique
Nov. 22nd, 2005 11:10 am (UTC)
Slash, duh, but clean.

heeeeeeeee! oh man, these are hilarious! thanks so much for compiling them!

*laughs and laughs*

you know what though? sometimes I do wanna hurt morons!
stoney321
Nov. 22nd, 2005 11:20 am (UTC)
Hee hee! There should be moron herding. But not camps, because that is bad mm'kay? But definitely moron-prods and crops.

While hiding from in-laws this holiday season, I plan on making more lists. This was only 10 pages. Of 903.

It's mind boogleing. *cracks up at your icon's keywords*
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dlgood
Nov. 22nd, 2005 11:15 am (UTC)
My favorite is the "not your father's shipped fic". No, really? Because so much shipper fic is just like how my father would write it. Only, not.
stoney321
Nov. 22nd, 2005 11:27 am (UTC)
Hee! Definitely my favorite, as well.

My daddy's shipper fic. If it was my daddy's shipper fic? It would be "Sho-gun" or "Moby Dick" and not gay.
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marlo
Nov. 22nd, 2005 11:18 am (UTC)
LOL in horror
D:
more Xander than some people might be able to stomach.
LMAO. What the hell was this person thinking. Xander till you puke! Yeah!

Angel says goodbye. Really short.
"Goodbye," said Angel.
The end.

The titttle pretty much summs it up just read "Buffy Litttle Dairy Rant"
I keep looking at titttle and cracking up. "OMG, it looks like tit. Can't say tit. But I do have that pesky Freudian stutter. What to do?" TITTTLE

The year is 1755; Rupert Giles is the Duke of Wellington. His King and Best Friend is William Penning of England. Elizabeth Penning was promised to Rupert Giles at birth. Though she doesn't know this, eventually romance blossoms and whole buch of smut.
Thank you for desecrating one of my favorite books, you twit.
stoney321
Nov. 22nd, 2005 11:29 am (UTC)
HA HA HA!! Oh, man. It's the "and a whole bunch of smut" that kills me. CLASSY.

The "really short" fic? That's just what I imagined, too. Heeee!!

MARLO! *squishes you til you pop*
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dawnie1970
Nov. 22nd, 2005 11:51 am (UTC)
Xander waits for the inevitable. *includes rape*
Buffy fights the Taco Bell Chihuahua, then explodes.


OMG, I am falling over laughing, my ribs hurt. LOL!!!!
stoney321
Nov. 22nd, 2005 12:56 pm (UTC)
*bandages you up, shoves you back in there*

One more inning left, Tiger!
lostgirlslair
Nov. 22nd, 2005 12:04 pm (UTC)
Oh, good God!

::wipes tears from eyes::

Oh, thank you for assembling these!

My person favorite has to be The adventures of a gay man (Forrest) and a lesbian (Riley).
stoney321
Nov. 22nd, 2005 12:57 pm (UTC)
HEEE! That one is GREAT.

you are welcome! Tweren't nuthin, ma'am.
rayne_y_daze
Nov. 22nd, 2005 12:14 pm (UTC)
The adventures of a gay man (Forrest) and a lesbian (Riley)

This is where my eye started to twitch :-) I love this list, and I love you for making it!
stoney321
Nov. 22nd, 2005 12:58 pm (UTC)
*beams*

Hopefully that twitch led to a few guffaws. More later this week!
mireille719
Nov. 22nd, 2005 12:14 pm (UTC)
"Cave Giles" Just read the title.

Actually, I think the title might be a bit much.

Ever just wanna hurt morons?

Oh, they're making it too easy.

AU Buffy *slash* f/f Cordy/baby

This summary makes baby Connor cry. Cordy/baby? B'zuh?

Angel says goodbye. Really short.

My response has been done before.

The adventures of a gay man (Forrest) and a lesbian (Riley)

*blinks* Riley's a lesbian. Sure, okay, I'll go with that.

This ain't your daddy's shipper fic (stoney: won't SOMEONE make this an icon for us all????)

I agree. We all need icons for that. Also, how do they know what my Dad ships?

What if Xander knew something?

Hmph. *pets Xander*

Xander gets tortured. warning: humor

'Cause torture is funny, let me tell you.

I'd like to know if this works or if I'm full of it.

Again, too easy.

The year is 1755; Rupert Giles is the Duke of Wellington. His King and Best Friend is William Penning of England. Elizabeth Penning was promised to Rupert Giles at birth. Though she doesn't know this, eventually romance blossoms and whole buch of smut.

And history teachers everywhere weep. As does George II, who'd like to know who this William Penning fellow is. And Arthur Wellesley would probably be surprised to find that he wasn't the first Duke of Wellington after all.
stoney321
Nov. 22nd, 2005 01:00 pm (UTC)
Heeee!!! Yeah, nothing like writing a historical fiction and GETTING IT WRONG. -ER.
mirasol
Nov. 22nd, 2005 12:15 pm (UTC)
Ever just wanna hurt morons?

No, I just don't read the story - and we're all happy with that.

What if a vampire wanted the holy Sacrament...
Interesting concept, with the idea of the wine transfiguring into Jesus's blood.
The answer, however, is that the priest would next want a dustbuster or a broom and a trashcan.

Also, I don't know that I've actually seen that summary about Wes and his mashety on a fic, but I remember chancing across a fic that would near enough fit the description.
Except it's not a songfic.
stoney321
Nov. 22nd, 2005 01:01 pm (UTC)
Hee! I love the "OMG, this is teh best idea EVAH!" with the sacrament.

:-D
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( 133 comments — Leave a comment )

Tags

Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

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