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Fic Update: Pirates of the Caribbean

Title: You Had a Charming Air, All Cheap and Debonair, Part 8/15
Author: Stoney321
Fandom: Pirates of the Caribbean
Rating/Pairing: PG-13 / Sparrow, Norrington
Summary: Set decades after PotC1, with flashbacks to 1 and after. Who doesn't like a little cat and mouse? Except, who's the cat and who's the mouse?
Disclaimer Own nothing, make not one red cent, Disney even owns an ISLAND. I, however, realize only one of you is reading this sentence and I have a fat cat.
A/N: There are betas in the world, and they make your writing better. Really. I have two: floweringjudas andcherusha. They rock.




[Prologue, 1] [2 ] [ 3 ] [ 4 ] [ 5 ] [ 6 ] [ 7 ] [ 8 ] [ 9 ] [ 10 ] [ 11 ] [ 12 ] [ 13 ] [ 14 ] [ 15 ]


You Had a Charming Air, All Cheap and Debonair

~ ‡ ~


PART EIGHT


Norrington's eyes narrowed, not sure if he should even waste his time listening to Sparrow. "Out with it."

Jack focused on a bit of crumbling stone in the wall, rubbed the mortar with his finger, and mumbled, "Problem is... I didn't get the best of looks at him, only heard his voice."

"Right. Rather convenient, that," James stood still, bounced his knee and straightened his spine. "They'll hang you in the morning, Sparrow," James dropped the harsh tone to his voice. "And this time there will be no escaping it."

Jack looked up at that, flashed a grin that didn't quite meet his eyes and replied, "I know. It appears the noose finally caught up with me, eh? If it changes anything, I wasn't stealing when they nabbed me."

James raised an eyebrow.

"I was putting something back."

"You were caught in the Governor's daughter's room, Jack!"

"Exactly! I was putting her back!"

James stood still, mouth agape.

"I didn't touch her, James! I can't help that she fancied me, now can I? Don't care for blondes anyhow. Skin's too pale - sun ruins it, you see." Jack fiddled with the front of his shirt, thinking hard, "Commodore - I don't suppose I could ask a favor of you?"

"You can ask, but that doesn't merit that I'll do it."

"Make sure they toss me to Her, when it's done. Let the sea carry me down to my final resting place. I ask you, sailor to sailor, aye?"

James regarded the quiet calm that seemed to envelop Sparrow. He took a step closer to the bars, uncrossed his hands from behind his coat, and slipped one through the bars. Jack made a face and clutched at his shirtfront, unsure of what to do. Then, realizing it was no trick, carefully took the proffered hand and shook it.

"You were a... worthy adversary, Sparrow. May God have mercy on your- "

"Duck."

"Beg pardon?"

"DUCK!"

Jack gave an almighty heave on James' hand, pulling him up against the bars, then reached through and pulled Norrington's sword from its sheath and ran it through the man dressed in a red coat who had slowly been approaching the Commodore from behind with a dirk drawn.

The man staggered, gave a high-pitched scream and yelled, "Ahh! You filthy bugger-"

He fell onto his side, clutching low at his abdomen, red seeping thickly through his fingers. James pulled himself free of the bars and kicked the man onto his back, drawing his sword from the man's belly.

"I"ve - I've never seen this man before in my life!"

Jack pressed his face into a gap in the bars to get a close look at the dead man. "Wasn't him anyway."

James whirled to face Sparrow. "What do you mean it wasn't him?"

"I mean, James, that it wasn't him I overheard planning to kill you. Had a deeper voice. Authoritative," Jack tilted his head and smirked slightly, "like a Commodore. Hmm. Perhaps just a Captain."

"But that's ridiculous. The only other commanding officer here is Honeychurch, and his retirement ceremony is tonight."

"Well, that's him then."

"Preposterous."

"Tell you what, slip me out of here, let me hear the man give his speech, skulk about a few taverns gleaning what nefarious information I can about regarding any hired attacks on your person, I'll let you know if it's him or not, and we'll be square."

"Square? Do you honestly think that giving me one bit of information will make us square, Sparrow?"

Jack steepled his fingers under his chin, lost in thought, "I'll give you back your hat?"

James exhaled slowly through his nostrils and made to leave when Jack pressed his face up against the bars, hands reaching out, "Commodore! Don't you wonder... why a fellow officer wants you dead? I could find out. Me being a... well. What I am? I can slip into places you never could. I can insinuate myself in with the darkest of men... Come on, mate! Life for a life? I wasn't lying about someone wanting to kill you, at least you can see that much!"

Commodore Norrington had to admit Jack was right about the immediate threat to his life. But to let Jack Sparrow free? Still, James was a man of honor. A life for a life. "Well, Captain Sparrow. It seems I've finally discovered a use for you."

James stepped back into the shadows and took the large iron ring from the wall and slipped the key into the lock of the cell. "As you have no honor to swear by, I'll ask you to swear on the one thing I know you truly love. The Pearl. I overheard orders given for it to be sunk at dawn - to coincide with your hanging, you see. If your intelligence proves to have merit, I'll be sure to see that she isn't, nor will you hang. If it doesn't, then your appointment with the gallows stands."

Jack nodded solemnly. "We have an accord. Fine then. I'll just nip off to a tavern or two, dig up some old acquaintances, and-"

"Not so fast. To think that I'd just turn you out and hope you'd deliver the information to me? You should know by now that I'm not a fool, Sparrow."

James turned the heavy key inside the lock; the tumblers released with a loud clang. "I'm going with you."

~*~

"Oh, there never were a gibbet nor cell what would hold Captain Jack Sparrow, try as they might. He slipped away the night afore he was to swing, and with a new First Mate to boot."

"Ach, hear him now! Probably laid plans to blow apart The Scourge and his ship that very night, him and his canny new friend."

Norrington picked at a chip in the counter where he sat. They hadn't made the final plans that night, no, but James had discussed his 'final exit' with Jack the next day. And that had become his most effective tool against piracy in his entire career. But first, he had to discover who was trying to kill him. James sighed into his glass. Treachery among his enemies was to be expected. Treachery among his peers? It wasn't the Navy that James had honored, which had been exactly the mindset Jack had hoped for.

~*~

"Oh, you can't be serious, mate."

James stood ramrod straight, hands clasped behind him and kept an eye on Sparrow, who was currently pacing Norrington's quarters. "I beg your pardon?"

"First off, you'll have to get that stick you've jammed up yer arse out, second, you'll need to dirty up yer fine clothes a bit, and third," Jack chewed the inside of his lip and regarded the Commodore. "Don't open yer mouth. The... words. They all come out wrong from it."

"They most certainly do no- "

"See? Fine example of what not to say, Commodore. I have it! We'll pass you off as a mute." Jack snapped his fingers and tapped James in the center of his chest. "A mute eunuch. Keep the whores off you." He tipped James a magnanimous wink.

James continued his baleful glare.

"No? I -" Jack dropped his voice to a conspiratorial whisper, "I didn't think you'd appreciate the, er, ladies clawing at you." He fixed Norrington with a knowing stare. "Because I've heard-"

"You've heard what?"

Jack pantomimed locking his mouth up and throwing away the key. "Not a thing. Still, it's best that you stay quiet. You don't seem to be able to help.. well, help how you sound. We'll just let me do the talking, and you do the listening, savvy?"

"This may be the worst idea I've ever-"

"Enough of that, let's mess up your clothes. Here- " Jack pulled off the extra fabric at his waist and motioned for James to tie it about his head, " put that on and we'll grab a pint and a fine piece of... information."

James rolled his eyes and made a moue of disgust at the filthy scrap of material. Nonetheless, he tied it over his shortly cropped hair, untied the jabot at his neck, unbuttoned the top few fastenings of his blouse, and tried to drop his shoulders to better appear the sluggard.

Jack surveyed the Commodore, arms crossed and hand at his lip, tugging. "You don't have a looser pair of breeches, do you? I ask because it'll be hard to pass you off as a eunuch in those tight-"

"That will be quite enough, Mr. Sparrow!"

Jack gave a low chuckle. "Take it as a compliment. Now. Get out there and muck yourself up a bit. We have scoundrels and assassins to uncover! And I could really use a drink."

If James Norrington hadn't been a respected Naval officer with years of training under his belt, a passer-by might have believed a tall, imposing man with a clean white blouse and a filthy rag on his head was stomping down the cobblestone path. Which he wasn't. Not at all. Jack weaved side to side behind him, laughing to himself.

"NOT. ONE. WORD."

Jack held a finger to his lips. "Wouldn't dream of it, mate. Hang on..."

James stopped, rested his hands on the railing, the sea and village below, and sighed heavily. Jack wrenched a few rings off his fingers and handed them to James. "Slip those on, doesn't matter which ones. And here-"

Jack stepped out of the way for a mule-drawn cart, raised his eyebrow, bent low, scooped up a handful of muck from the stone floor where the cart has passed and smeared it over James' shirt front and the exposed portion of his chest. He then used James' trouser legs to wipe his hand clean. "Don't suppose you'd be willing to get a tattoo or three before we try this, eh?"

James stood, chest slumped over, hands outstretched, mouth working to try and find any words at all.

"No? Hmm. Well, then, we'll head off to the scullery, find a nice, fresh pile of scales and such, get you to roll arou-"

"If you so much as finish that word I will run you through on a pike and cut your-"

"-nd. Uh oh." Jack's eyes were round, his hands outstretched. "Now, listen, I was just wanting you to fit in, 's all! You're too clean, mate! Er... buy you a drink, sailor?"

James paused a beat before, "I really want to kill you right now."

"Sure you do. Wouldn't know what to think if you didn't." Jack patted James' chest, then pulled his hand away with a face. "You're a bit sticky. A drink is what's needed! I know a particular place filled with a most unsavory lot. Should prove to be fruitful."

"Get on with it, then."

"To the left, Commo- James. Mind if I call you Jim? No? Fine, fine, I'm warning you, though - keep an eye peeled for Maisri, her that runs the ale tap. She hears that silken voice of leadership," Jack looked down quickly to hide his smile, "and she'll be on you like a pig to pears. Or... whatever pigs eat."

Jack slunk through the open doorway to a rowdy public house and sank into the crowd. James saw the filthy, loud, dangerous lot of vagabonds, sailors, and thieves inside, then looked down at his costume. He spied a half-drunk mug of ale resting on an upturned cask, heaved a sigh, and dumped it down the front of his shirt. As he walked through the doorway, he reached up high overhead and caught a bit of soot off the grimy ceiling with his fingertips, closed his eyes for a moment of strength, and smeared his cheek with it. Jack was sitting along the far wall at a table with an empty chair next to him. He was grinning from ear to ear and patting the seat next to him.

"This had better be worth it, " James muttered, "or by God, I really will hang him twice."



~TBC, or I'll swing with the corbies feastin' on me bones.

~ ‡ ~




Update cross-posted to pirategasm and sparrington

Comments

( 31 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Feb. 22nd, 2006 06:23 am (UTC)
Well, his undercover career has barely begun, so he should at least stay covered in muck for a bit longer. :D
kenazfiction
Feb. 22nd, 2006 06:25 am (UTC)
"Don't open yer mouth. The... words. They all come out wrong from it."

"They most certainly do no- "

"See? Fine example of what not to say, Commodore. I have it! We'll pass you off as a mute." Jack snapped his fingers and tapped James in the center of his chest. "A mute eunuch. Keep the whores off you." He tipped James a magnanimous wink.


Bwaaaahahaha!!!!
stoney321
Feb. 22nd, 2006 06:43 am (UTC)
*bg* Oh, how I love Jack Sparrow... Glad it's funny to someone other than myself!
classics_lover
Feb. 22nd, 2006 06:26 am (UTC)
That last line!
*grin*
*sporfle*
*gigglefits*

>>"You were a... worthy adversary, Sparrow. May God have mercy on your- "

"Duck."

"Beg pardon?"<<
I don't quite know why, but this exchange made me fall about laughing. Maybe because I can really hear their voices.

And making James go all rough looking - hilarious!

Anyway. Keep up the good work!
stoney321
Feb. 22nd, 2006 06:44 am (UTC)
Whee! I'm glad the jokes work, but most of all that it seems I'm keeping them in character. That's my number one goal.

Thanks, and there will be more soon.
oneiriad
Feb. 22nd, 2006 07:17 am (UTC)
Have I remembered to tell you how much I am enjoying this story? How much it amuses me? No? Well, I'm telling you now :-)
stoney321
Feb. 22nd, 2006 07:55 am (UTC)
And i will take that now with many thanks in return!
pernickety
Feb. 22nd, 2006 07:22 am (UTC)
Duck! Hahaha

Just got caught up and yay yay yay I love this story so much. It's just got everything. The funny, the banter, the perfect characterisation and now even dirty Norrington on top of that.

present! A bit of Boooosh for download.
stoney321
Feb. 22nd, 2006 07:55 am (UTC)
YAYAYAYAY!!! Boooooooosh. Am dl'ing, and thank you thank you!!

Mmmm, dirty Norrington.
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Feb. 22nd, 2006 07:57 am (UTC)
Oh, woe!!! I will miss you, my Anne! But the best part of your return, you'll have all the chapters to read!

(And it will be warm in FLA! There's that at least, right? *pets*)

I'm glad you're still enjoying your story! *hugs tight*
jedipirate
Feb. 22nd, 2006 07:44 am (UTC)
Which he wasn't. Not at all. James weaved side to side behind him, laughing to himself.

Should that be "*Jack* weaved side to side," or am I just misreading that bit?


"No? Hmm. Well, then, we'll head off to the scullery, find a nice, fresh pile of scales and such, get you to roll arou-"

"If you so much as finish that word I will run you through on a pike and cut your-"

"-nd. Uh oh." Jack's eyes were round, his hands outstretched. "Now, listen, I was just wanting you to fit in, 's all! You're too clean, mate! Er... buy you a drink, sailor?"

James paused a beat before, "I really want to kill you right now."

"Sure you do. Wouldn't know what to think if you didn't."


I love you. XD This whole story is brilliant.
stoney321
Feb. 22nd, 2006 08:00 am (UTC)
Oh, excellent catch! Thanks for bringing that to my attention, and fixed it ASAP. (Even with two people reading over it, things can slip by...)

I'm so glad you have an eagle eye out, and that you're enjoying this! I can say without reservation that this is the most fun writing a fic I've had. *grins*
timeofchange
Feb. 22nd, 2006 11:29 am (UTC)
Oh, I'm sure it will be worth it.
stoney321
Feb. 22nd, 2006 01:32 pm (UTC)
WHEEEEE!! It's the use of the word "sure" that pleases me the most.

*beams at you*
galadhir
Feb. 22nd, 2006 12:27 pm (UTC)
LOL! Oh, fantastic :) Ducks and eunuchs (and *very* personal remarks - Mr.Sparrow, you are not supposed to be looking!) and treachery in the Navy, and poor discomforted, dirty James. Another wonderful chapter from start to finish!
stoney321
Feb. 22nd, 2006 01:32 pm (UTC)
Mmmmmm, dirty James. *goes to a happy place* Glad you are still finding this an entertaining way to pass the time!

*wriggles*
cherusha
Feb. 22nd, 2006 12:49 pm (UTC)
Am grinning from ear to ear, like Jack. Lovely, entertaining chapter this was. By God, I adore the hell out of everything in Jack and James's Excellent Adventure.



and his nickname is Drooly. and he has a sharp tooth.
stoney321
Feb. 22nd, 2006 01:31 pm (UTC)
But they won't be picking up Sew-crates and having him do their book report, I want you to know that ahead of time...

YAY!! *loves this fic, too, doesn't care how bad that sounds*
porridgebird
Feb. 22nd, 2006 01:38 pm (UTC)
"You don't have a looser pair of breeches, do you? I ask because it'll be hard to pass you off as a eunuch in those tight-"

Yeah I've salivated all over my keyboard now thank you very much

:-D
stoney321
Feb. 22nd, 2006 02:07 pm (UTC)
Hee hee!! Oh, Jack. He just can't help himself, the lascivious bastard.

:D back at you!
jaekayelle
Feb. 22nd, 2006 02:53 pm (UTC)
James paused a beat before, "I really want to kill you right now."

LOL Well, I'd be surprised if you didn't, Jamie. Jack is a plague on your pretty, clean self. Dirty!James. Yum. And now they're working together, which is one of my fave things. What adventures await our boys? Staying tuned!


stoney321
Feb. 22nd, 2006 03:24 pm (UTC)
Oh, how I love these two and their hatred of one another. Except they don't hate each other. ...not underneath it all. Ha!

Thanks again, and more is coming! *sets up your FicVo*
sandssavvy
Feb. 22nd, 2006 03:27 pm (UTC)
The right honorable commodore getting himself messy is more amusing than it should be. lol

I love how this is building up :)
stoney321
Feb. 22nd, 2006 03:49 pm (UTC)
*wants to bathe him*
*properly*

I'm sorry? Were you saying something? *g* Was a bit distracted there...

Thanks, again.
(Anonymous)
Feb. 22nd, 2006 09:06 pm (UTC)
WOW
I have one word for you, "awesome". This is the best LJ writing I have ever read! :) Can't wait for the next installment!
stoney321
Feb. 23rd, 2006 06:29 am (UTC)
If I may quote Jack for a moment, "Not sure I deserve that..." But I certainly appreciate the thought, and shall try and live up to your high praise and thank you!

(Next bit has been posted, and is linked above, thanks again!)
zyrya
Mar. 27th, 2006 10:32 am (UTC)
The dialogue really glows. It's so easy to overdo mannerisms and speech patters, but here they're perfect.

And it's very funny :D
stoney321
Mar. 28th, 2006 10:20 am (UTC)
Okay, I owe you a pony for the last remark of yours. :D

Best. Compliment. Ever.
pearlseed
Apr. 28th, 2008 12:02 am (UTC)
you've done it now, donchano?
"A mute eunuch. Keep the whores off you." He tipped James a magnanimous wink.

Good on you, Miz Stoney321 (honorary title in the south, you see)--I'm desperate for the read becos your story's telling itself like this magnificent movie going on twixt me ears, then I read the line above and well, stopping's all I can do to write you and say--ohmyword!!! Did your sides hurt after you writ all this wonderfully funny story-=-cos mine are aching & I'm not so far along as I'd like to be. Oh, my--go to the head of the class, little one--you've writ but good the dear captain and shown the sweet man side of Norrington--what a jewel he's turned out to be--skirting the issues nicely, naughty one, letting us all fill in the blanks as we will--boy, you lead nicely!!
( 31 comments — Leave a comment )

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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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