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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN AND ALL THE FISH AT SEA NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

My dad asked me to send him the Pirates of the Caribbean fic I wrote - the swashbuckling gen fic - and I ATTACHED THE HARD CORE NC-17 PRISON SEX FIC ON ACCIDENT AND EMAILED IT OH MY GOD MY DAAAAAAAAAAADD!!!!!!!!

And he's on his way to CHURCH. Mormon Church. Riiiiiiiiight after he reads what his Little Girl wrote.

He's

He got

OH JESUS STRIKE ME DEAD BEFORE HE CALLS ME UP!!! I can still remember his shame the first time he heard me swear!!

To Those Whom It May Concern: I am going to die of embarassment. I leave all my personal effects to my husband, and all of my porn to the community at large. Change my friggin' name to protect the innocent, please. And for god's sake, do NOT PUT AUTHOR OF WEE!SPIKE on my tombstone!! *plays Taps*




[ETA]: Haha!! HE COULDN'T OPEN THE ATTACHMENT!!! oh my god I have used up all my good karma, haven't I?? OH HOLY EARTH AND SKY THANK YOU.

Comments

( 124 comments — Leave a comment )
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dlgood
Mar. 12th, 2006 06:41 am (UTC)
If you sent the email using MS Outlook, you can recall the message and have it deleted. At least, you can as long as he hasn't already checked his email.
stoney321
Mar. 12th, 2006 06:44 am (UTC)
I DID NOT. Dammit.

I used Google mail. OH MY GOD DAVE MY DAD IS NAMED DAVE TOO AND I'M A BIT HYSTERICAL.
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tx_cronopio
Mar. 12th, 2006 06:41 am (UTC)
Ack! ACKACKACK! Any chance that if you called him and asked him to delete attachment unread, that he would?

Or we could mobilize a SWAT Team! A Mormon daddy-protecting SWAT Team!

Oh, hon. I can't help but giggle, but I am sorry!
stoney321
Mar. 12th, 2006 06:45 am (UTC)
I can't!!! I can't call him! OH GOD HE HAS PROBABLY CLICKED IT-

I'm going to call him. SHIT. (I sent it late last night - just checked to see if it went through and FREAKED OUT when I saw what I had attached OH MY GOD)
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killabeez
Mar. 12th, 2006 06:42 am (UTC)
Oh, yikes. I think that might beat my cat sending my tax forms to the IRS. *sympathy*
stoney321
Mar. 12th, 2006 06:45 am (UTC)
CAT! Kitty. That's pretty funny.

CRAP. I'm going to call him and see if- SHIT.
trepkos
Mar. 12th, 2006 06:48 am (UTC)
OMG!
stoney321
Mar. 12th, 2006 06:52 am (UTC)
I KNOW!! PLEASE! Check out the ETA - I've never been more grateful for my dad' inability to use a computer than I am at this VERY MOMENT.
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slackerace
Mar. 12th, 2006 06:52 am (UTC)
C'mon, you KNEW something like this was going to happen eventually! I'm sorry for laughing in the face of such tragedy, but oh my god Stoney, you are so fucked. And this is so damn funny. I must take my fun times at the expense of others where I can find it. Your father is going to stroke out. You'd better call him and let him know that the document you sent was written by someone else and that you sent it by mistake. Written by an unsavory evildoer whom you are counseling.
stoney321
Mar. 12th, 2006 06:54 am (UTC)
Ahahahaha! JOKES ON YOU, A!! I took Pat's advice and called him, nonchallantly asking if he read my story and he said he couldn't get it to open!!!!

SCORE!

(bwah ha haha! Oh, my GOD I am shaking, trembling, and bursting forth with hysterical laughter.)
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sdwolfpup
Mar. 12th, 2006 06:53 am (UTC)
!

!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
stoney321
Mar. 12th, 2006 06:56 am (UTC)
*almost ready to pass out*

Please... please see the ETA above... *hogod*
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tinpanalley
Mar. 12th, 2006 06:53 am (UTC)

MEEP! Oh, sweetie...I feel your pain. My dad still imagines me a six year old with pigtails. But, I'll second the question above. Can you ask him to delete the attachment without looking at it? Make something up! Tell him the attachment has an icky, dangerous virus that will wipe out his hard drive!

*hugs you hard* Please don't die, Stoney!

stoney321
Mar. 12th, 2006 06:57 am (UTC)
AHAHAHA!! Great minds think alike!! I JUST DID that. ANd he DID.

Oh my fucking- If he had read that????? He never would have been able to look me in the eye again. Oh MY.
menomegirl
Mar. 12th, 2006 06:53 am (UTC)
*hugs you tight* omg. I'm crossing my fingers he hasn't read it or you can get ahold of him before he does.


Eeep!
stoney321
Mar. 12th, 2006 06:58 am (UTC)
ETA. There is one. All is well, aside from the CORONARY I almost sustained.
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slasheuse
Mar. 12th, 2006 06:57 am (UTC)
*DIES* Ohgod, that is so funny.

Call him back and tell him you think your computer has a virus, so DELETE THE BAD ATTACHMENT RIGHT AWAY. *nodnodnod*

am SO GLAD he couldn't open it!
stoney321
Mar. 12th, 2006 06:59 am (UTC)
YES!! YES!! He has! Oh god, my dad is a "progressive Mormon" but teh butt sex??? And my dad WORSHIPS Johnnny Depp! (he did delete it, thank GOD.)

I... I almost made my daddy cry, S.

(also: hello!!) WAY TOO MUCH EXCITEMENT ON THIS CALM MORNING.
luvs_phoenix
Mar. 12th, 2006 07:26 am (UTC)
Karma...she sure does lurveeeeeeeeeeeeee you!
stoney321
Mar. 12th, 2006 07:27 am (UTC)
*collapses* I'm pretty sure I've used up my entire store of the good stuff now.

:D
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Mar. 12th, 2006 07:46 am (UTC)
Heh, I have a bottle of 16 year old Lagavulin for JUST such an occassion. *looks at the clock* Hmm. Bit early. Oh, well, it's Happy Hour somewhere, right?

:D
(Deleted comment)
floweringjudas
Mar. 12th, 2006 07:45 am (UTC)
....*crying with laughter here*
stoney321
Mar. 12th, 2006 07:47 am (UTC)
OH MY GOD.

THE DETAILS. My DAD would have read DETAILS. (And he thinks Johnny Depp is the coolest of the cool and the things I do to his character are-)

Oh holy MOTHER did I skirt a Bad Thing. Ahahahaha!
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dodyskin
Mar. 12th, 2006 07:46 am (UTC)
omg oh can't breathe omg ha

You are the luckiest girl who ever sent explicit porn to her father by accident.

omg
stoney321
Mar. 12th, 2006 07:48 am (UTC)
HAHAHAHAHA!!

I KNOW! I will be donating a kidney later today to balance the scales, believe me.

*is CRYING with laughter*
lostakasha
Mar. 12th, 2006 07:54 am (UTC)
Holy shitsky, Batgirl!

You have an angel on your shoulder, and he ain't wearing a leather duster.

Um, you shall also do time in hell for making me almost -- almost -- pee myself. (Which at my advanced age is nearly a daily happenstance, but still...)

Wee!Spike? Is absolutely going on your tombstone.

:::takes up collection for engraver's fee:::

stoney321
Mar. 12th, 2006 07:57 am (UTC)
Never have I been more grateful that my dad hates "The Man" (read: Bill Gates) and uses subpar email programs and doc reading programs that are HORRIBLY OUT OF DATE, thus keeping him from viewing attachments.

And it appears I'll have to divide my ashes up: one set for my family, and one set for the people on my flist who INSIST on the whole "remembering me for the bad!fic" thing. Y'all should definitely have big ass party and get drunk and get debauched when I pass, however.
julia_here
Mar. 12th, 2006 08:00 am (UTC)
See: another reason you never, ever do anything before noon on Sunday.

Ever.

Especially nothing to do with computers, or going out in the cold.

Julia, off to check cattle, right after I post the first pic spam
stoney321
Mar. 12th, 2006 08:02 am (UTC)
Hahaha! oh, but see... I emailed this LAST NIGHT. To give him something to read as he waited for church hour to roll around, you see.

THE POSSIBILITIES! THE NIGHTMARES I COULD HAVE GIVEN HIM!!

*pets downy calves noses*
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( 124 comments — Leave a comment )

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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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