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Screams in the Key of Yipes and a Poll

Before all the craziness under the cuts begins, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE INCOMPARABLE yin_again!!!! She is brilliant, a fantastic writer of fanfiction and original fiction, is heading up many tasks with WriterCon - at which she'll be rooming with me, I thank you. Yin, I heart you tons for your smarts, for your grammar nazi ways (um, expecting excellence from the whole is a GOOD thing, no one will ever convince me otherwise), for your wicked sense of humor, and for making me write Connie: The Musical. Okay, you didn't make me, but I like to give you credit for the inspiration. Unless that makes your skin crawl, in which, SHE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT. She is too classy and elegant to ever be involved in depravity!

Yin, I smooch you, I heart you, and I cannot wait to see you in July. *huge hugs, you sweet, pretty little dog rescuer, you* You get the Super Spectacular icon today!

A Conversation with my Self

Self: Psst!
Me: Uh...
Self: Psst! *whistles*
Me: I can HEAR YOU. What?
Self: You know your mustache?
Me: Ewwww! I don't have a-
Self: No, but you have those three hairs.
Me: I hate those hairs.
Self: *nods* And they're blonde, and no one sees them but you-
Me: Everyone lies.
Self: Right. They've lied when they've said there's nothing there. They want you-
Me: ...to look foolish, I KNOW! I knew it!
Self: .....riiiiiiiight. Anyway. You know what would be FUN?
Me: A night of drinking and dancing and to be completely uninhibited? Oh, and hot guys all up on me?
Self: ...
Me: Oh. Um, no, what?
Self: Let's go buy some home wax kit thingy and get those hairs taken care of ONCE AND FOR ALL!
Me: This makes perfect sense and can in NO WAY go wrong!

*A trip to the store later...*

Self: So that one time? At Orchestra camp?
Me: OH! Microwave dinged, sorry!
Self: Directions are boring to read.
Me: *slapping on hot wax to my upper lip* Uh huh. It's like the ones that come with tampons? And you only read them if you have to go number tw-
Self: Hey.
Me: Hmm? *slapping wax on with glee - it's like painting with honey! ON MY FACE! GLEE!*
Self: hey.
Me: *giggling, looking over shoulder* whaaaaaaat?
Self: No one's here.
Me: I know! This is fun! *slap, slap, paint*
Self: You should totally do... you know. *significant look "downstairs"*
Me: OoooooOOoooh. ...you think?
Me: *painting while bent over and face is being drawn into a tight ball of wax, making facial movements an impossibility* Hee hee! I mean, I shave, but this way I don't have to-
Self: ...do the deodorant thing, right. Do you think all girls know about that?
Me: *checks self in mirror for good coverage* Hmmm. I don't know. Anyway, what's it say about how long to leave this on?
Self: *shrugs* Hee hee! You look funny.
Me: *laughing - cuts off abruptly* How... how do we get this off?
Self: *checks instructions, quickly hides them behind back* N-nothing. Um, it just melts away in a few months.
Me: Oh god. What the- *grabs instructions* Hmmm. I've plucked. This can't be bad...
Self: *sneaks out*
Me: *pulls up edge of wax, rips*


*comes to after several minutes*

Me: *whimpers* I... I only pulled it off the one side of my face. I have- *checks "bikini area"* -three more tugs, OH MY GOD.
Self: This was a bad idea. What on earth made you think you should do this? I mean, you have THREE BLONDE HAIRS. AT THE CORNER OF YOUR LIP. That is NOT a mustache. Why the hell didn't you just TWEEZE THEM?
Me: I hate you so very very much.

The best part is... the kit came with "sensitive lotion" - which I figured had a "cooling" agent or something. I put too much on my hand, so I rubbed it onto my whole face. It has a NUMBING AGENT. So I was Botox-Queen for a full five minutes, laughing my butt off with a Nicole Kidman frozen face. Hahahaha! WHY DO WE DO THIS TO OURSELVES??

And now for something completely different.

Think you know Hip-Hop lingo? Or.... know without reservation that you DON'T? Take my "quiz" - it'll be like hip-hop Mad-Libs. Or it'll just make me laugh really hard. :)

Poll #717943 Hip-Hop Quiz

Don't push me cuz I'm close to tha ______

cops, foo!
breakin' point, an Imma kill you, foo

Girl you _____ too much, girl you never ________

fuck, suck my dick
talk, shut up
spend, act fiscally responsible
bitch, fix me a pot pie
scream, get me my gat so I can buss some muthafuckin holes in some fools

______ up, ______ down

dicks, bitchez
pimps, hos
stocks, T-Bills
the sky is, green, green grass is
you look, I knock yo ass

Never trust a _____ _____ that smiles

mean girl
black panther
big butt
black cop
G carrying a muthafuckin' AK-47 cuz he gonna blow ya muthafuckin head off

Gettin' ______ with it

down like a person
my Five-Oh cocked and loaded biotch

Drink a lot of ____ so they call me _____

Jizzum, Hizzum Schism
Red Bull, Chicken n'Wings
soda, Dr. Pepper
coffee, Ghostface Killah
danger, my body eats bullets BITCH!

Lost a few pounds in my ______ fo ya, sex me so good I say ___ ____ ____

bottom, Good show, sir!
arms, holy moly guacamole!
ass, ha ha ha
whips, blah blah blah
brain, where's my muthafuckin' tech-nine so I can kill a bitch?

You know what you suck in yo mouth?

A lozenge - very soothing.
A lollipop - work it like my dick, biotch
Deez muthafuckin' nuuuuutz.
The tip of my tech-nine bitch!

The girls, the girls they ________

love me! (He's the overweight lover, Heavy D!)
suck me! (I'm the ess, oh yes, in double oh pee, biotch.)
pay me! (I'm the pimp brangin' in ALL the G's)
fall down dead when I drive-by *POW POW* them bitchez


Skee doodly bop de doo be do be ooow. I'll make you boom boom doooown.
there are no words to the fucking dumb song. I'll make you boom boom doooown.
Canadians shouldn't rap in glasses with Jamaican accents. I'll make you boom boom dooown.
Seriously. What were we all thinking? This sucks! I'll make you boom boom dooown.

"We want to _____ you, Easy!" I wanna _____ you too!

love, love
fuck, fuck
shoot you with theez muthafuckin' guns, shoot you with theez muthafuckin' guns
invest in front loaded mutual funds, invest in front loaded mutual funs
drink many 40 ounce alcholic beverages, drink many 40 ounce alcoholic beverages

Whooop! _________________!

You shot my dick off!
There's a sale at the mall!
My stocks split and paid out a hefty dividend!
There it is! (Louder)

Never eat a ___ because a ___ is a ____. Or better yet a _____, like _____

donut, donut, heart attack in fat, kolache, workin' Fibonacci
kid, kid, kid, teenager, a walking/talking pager
steak, steak, cow, Master Blaster, workin' a gun faster
pig, pig, cop, Terminator, Arnold Schwarztenegger

I know You're supposed to be my _____ and not just my ________

steering wheel, spare tire
main biotch, skeezer
mother, wallet
best friend, driver when I do some drive bys

Nearly broke my ______

dick off.
mama's heart.
trigger finger

And I'll post the actual answers tomorrow. Some.... might surprise you. :D



( 63 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 27th, 2006 06:22 am (UTC)
The hip hop poll? Yeah, I knew almost all of those! And I hate rap. Go figure!

*runs away*
Apr. 27th, 2006 06:29 am (UTC)
Ooooh, I looooooooove rap. But good for you for knowing the answers! I'll check in a bit. *peers over glasses at screen* :D
... - wickedgrdn - Apr. 27th, 2006 06:33 am (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Apr. 27th, 2006 06:35 am (UTC) - Expand
... - wickedgrdn - Apr. 27th, 2006 06:41 am (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Apr. 27th, 2006 06:42 am (UTC) - Expand
... - wickedgrdn - Apr. 27th, 2006 06:47 am (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Apr. 27th, 2006 06:42 am (UTC) - Expand
... - wickedgrdn - Apr. 27th, 2006 06:43 am (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Apr. 27th, 2006 06:50 am (UTC) - Expand
Apr. 27th, 2006 06:26 am (UTC)
Ahhhh, waxing. Always fun. Not. For the three blonde hairs I recommend electrolosis -- it's not cheap, but for that little, it's probably really easy. I did it for years which is the only reason I can actually show my face in public.

Also: owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
Apr. 27th, 2006 06:30 am (UTC)
(Heeee! Dude. I have NO REASON to wax or anything, really. Somehow, I thought it would be FUN. I am fairly hairless all over - I can go weeks without shaving legs, etc.)

Remind me that torturing myself is not FUN, mm'kay?
... - ladycat777 - Apr. 27th, 2006 06:37 am (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Apr. 27th, 2006 06:40 am (UTC) - Expand
... - ladycat777 - Apr. 27th, 2006 06:44 am (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Apr. 27th, 2006 06:46 am (UTC) - Expand
... - ladycat777 - Apr. 27th, 2006 06:50 am (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Apr. 27th, 2006 06:57 am (UTC) - Expand
... - ladycat777 - Apr. 27th, 2006 07:07 am (UTC) - Expand
Apr. 27th, 2006 06:35 am (UTC)
Best poll ever. Talkin' about wild guesses, yo!
Apr. 27th, 2006 06:38 am (UTC)
Hahahahaha!!! OH! Crap. I knew I was going to forget a question... I'll make it just for you:

"Fallin' back on that ass with a hellified gangsta lean, gettin' funky on the mic like ______________"

a) an old batch of collard greens
b) an old school Emcee
c) a Big Dawg that's mean

... - lennongirl - Apr. 27th, 2006 06:46 am (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Apr. 27th, 2006 06:48 am (UTC) - Expand
... - lennongirl - Apr. 27th, 2006 06:51 am (UTC) - Expand
Apr. 27th, 2006 06:42 am (UTC)
I totally messed up your poll, because some of the lyrics I knew right off the bat, and some I didn't even finish reading because I was too busy clicking the silly answers like "drink many 40 ounce alcholic beverages, drink many 40 ounce alcoholic beverages".


HI STONEY! GOOD MORNING! Did you have the raisin bran today? What'd you feed the cheerins?
Apr. 27th, 2006 06:44 am (UTC)
pssst -- you were on aim for a second! And then you went away!
... - entrenous88 - Apr. 27th, 2006 06:57 am (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Apr. 27th, 2006 06:44 am (UTC) - Expand
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... - entrenous88 - Apr. 27th, 2006 07:49 am (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Apr. 27th, 2006 07:54 am (UTC) - Expand
Apr. 27th, 2006 06:47 am (UTC)
WELL. I think it's safe to say that I have failed that quiz quite dismally.
Apr. 27th, 2006 06:49 am (UTC)
Hahahahahaha!!! That's what makes it FUN!!

I'll put up a fol/songwriter/acoustic guitar poll another time and you will PWN it!

...all Aimmee Mann and the like. :*
Apr. 27th, 2006 06:53 am (UTC)
donut, donut, heart attack in fat, kolache, workin' Fibonacci

Of course, I went for the math joke, completely ruining all my cred.

Thank you for the wonderful birthday wishes. *loves*
Apr. 27th, 2006 07:00 am (UTC)

Also: I kanda love you, too. *hearts* YIN! I'm so happy to hear about Frank!! You are so fantastic, did you know? Because you ARE.

*squishes you all up, can't wait for July!!!*
... - yin_again - Apr. 27th, 2006 07:08 am (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Apr. 27th, 2006 07:12 am (UTC) - Expand
Apr. 27th, 2006 07:32 am (UTC)
Hi Stoney!!

OMG sympathy winces for you and your hoochie pain! I've found with my legs (because I am so not getting near my nethers with wax of any sort) that you need to be CONFIDENT in your pulling. You need to be FEARLESS. That will help...not that there will be another chance for you to try again, I'm guessing. I laughed so hard at your conversation with yourself. Hee! I'm sorry - there's nothing funny about waxing your bikini area without reading the instructions first. NOTHING AT ALL. I hope I didn't make you mad. It's hard to tell with your face all frozen like that. Heeeeeeeeeeeeee.

I was totally Wes taking this poll: "By jove, this is an interesting window into the heads of today's youth! Anything that's unfamiliar I should be able to deduce by elimination of...OMGWTF!!?!? Every answer was eqally ludicrous (hey, a rap pun). I finally just gave up. I did know the jiggy one, because I am just that lame.

I hope you have the best day ever, baby.
Apr. 27th, 2006 07:37 am (UTC)
Hahahaha!! I laughed my ASS OFF while screaming, which only made me laugh harder. And I wasn't sure what kind of rippage was required, so I was tentative at first with my lip (I made it like a mustache - a waxy paper mustache. Basically, I was playing around.) but had CONFIDENCE with the others.

Oh, and the laughing/yelling. That was there, too. (I have this niggling thought that now that I've done it once down below, it won't hurt as much the next time. I.... I kind of like pain, I think.)

Your poll-taking answers are HILARIOUS. LudaCRIS, whuh whuh? *makes hand signs* I hope YOU have the best day ever!! (You know I've been waiting for your comments on the cooter-wax, right? Hahahah!)
Apr. 27th, 2006 07:35 am (UTC)
I think I own all those songs you listed. Which is why I mostly wait for the loony answers.

I own some unlikely music, yo.
Apr. 27th, 2006 07:39 am (UTC)
Dag, yo. The very first album I ever bought? "Kings of Rap," featuring a new group, Run DMC. Second album? Laura Brannigan. The hell? I'm all about the variety. (With the exception of most country music, especially the new stuff. No power on earth or hell, man.)
Apr. 27th, 2006 08:09 am (UTC)
OMG! I'm laughing too hard to actually navigate little poll ticky type things!


*gets you cold compresses* *cancels waxing appointment*

I don't know where to start petting first!?!?
Apr. 27th, 2006 08:26 am (UTC)
I'm thinking any appointment is a good idea. Just... don't do it at HOME. Unless you have a really good friend on the phone that can laugh at you while you scream. :D

(Hahahahahaha!!! *Bites lip, looks coyly at you*)
... - ely_jan - Apr. 27th, 2006 08:53 am (UTC) - Expand
Apr. 27th, 2006 08:12 am (UTC)
Face waxing? SO not good.

(and totally can't do the Hip-Hop quiz)
Apr. 27th, 2006 08:27 am (UTC)
FACE WAXING. And UNNECESSARY face waxing at that! (Seriously, I just have normal hair on my skin like everyone else. I have no "mustache") What the hell is wrong with me???

(But that's what will make it fun!!)
Apr. 27th, 2006 08:25 am (UTC)
I love hiphop, but it sucks that so much of it is misogynist. :( They best be respectin' us, yo.
Apr. 27th, 2006 08:29 am (UTC)
I operate on the theory that it's misogynistic if I believe it. Otherwise, I see it as parody/pushing the boundaries of unacceptable language for a laugh, like South Park.

Because: "gaps teef in ya mouf, so my dick's GOTS ta fit." Hahahahaha!!! Is that a come on or WHAT?!

*squishes you UP!!!!* Heading out for a run - it is GORGEOUS today. Back in a bit!
Apr. 27th, 2006 09:48 am (UTC)
I think I did okay.
I have to rummage through my old ass cassettes and find Grandmaster Flash and The Furious Five.

*dances wildly around the room*

Sorry about the waxing adventure. I myself have ventured to that hair free zone. It was a painful and frightening place.
Apr. 27th, 2006 11:56 am (UTC)
Heeeee!! *laughs at your icon* FURIOUS. The FURIOUS Five. Oh, man I loved them! (I used to have a rat tail and would breakdance with a group before school every morning. OH MY GOD. 7th grade. Hahahaha!)
... - chantal87 - Apr. 27th, 2006 10:48 pm (UTC) - Expand
Apr. 27th, 2006 10:00 am (UTC)
1) Yeeouch
2) I think, no matter how much brain damage I might eventually suffer, I will never forget the lyrics to "Jump Around"
3) Did you see this weeks Scrubs. It was awesome, and the B plot was all up on The Todd hitting on guys.
(Deleted comment)
Apr. 27th, 2006 11:58 am (UTC)
KITTY! *pets your white kitty icon*

And Anne, there was NO REASON for me to do this. The hell?? I think I need a new hobby, because the current one isn't occupying my time enough, evidently. :D

And I fully support goofy answers to this poll: it makes it more fun!

(got so excited earlier thinking of all the fun stuff we can do - or doing NOTHING but talking and visiting. All will be good!)
Apr. 27th, 2006 11:39 am (UTC)
I grew up in the effin' hood, 10 minutes outside of Newark and I had to guess on most of these.

I blame all the meds I'm on.
Apr. 27th, 2006 11:59 am (UTC)
Oh noes! Still sick? *hugs gently*

And yo, you ain't down with tha sound from tha underground... *flashes complicated gang signs, sticks up lower lip and leans back*
( 63 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

April 2017
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