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Unsung Heroes.

HEROES.

That's what this post is about. Those brave men and women that stand for their beliefs, even in the face of danger and hormones. Those that have scruples. That tuck in their shirts. That comb their... side locks with a black comb that is then carefully rinsed and stored in its proper place - WATCH YOUR STEP, MISTER! The unsung heroes.

THIS is their song. *cue violins*


My Principal Snyder

My Snyder is short.
- but tall inside.

My Snyder follows the rules. EXPLICITLY.
- he just doesn't care what the rule is, he follows it because it is a RULE, wisenheimer.

My Snyder has two suits.
- both bought on the sale rack at Sears.
- with a coupon.
- and he glared at the sales girl until she discounted the loose thread on the lapel.
- and then made a disparaging remark under his breath about the state of her scuffed shoes.

My Snyder votes a straight Republican ticket.
- because they seem to like more rules than those wooly-headed liberals.

My Snyder has lots of rules written down at his house.
- you never know if there will be a visitor, and they might try something... funny.
- he has never had a visitor to his condo.
- which he inherited from his surly aunt.
- she liked rules.
- she was the President of the HOA there.

My Snyder admires HOAs.
- if he wasn't so busy watching the filthy teenagers at Sunnydale High all the time, he would have offered to take the minutes for the HOA meetings.

My Snyder has excellent penmanship.
- sometimes he practices writing newspaper headlines, while watching "Law & Order."
- that's his favorite show, mostly because of the title.
- he only writes one headline: "Buffy Summers Given Life Sentence in Maximum Security Prison"

My Snyder thinks of maximum security prisons every time someone says "Disneyland."
- if he ever moves on after this principal job, he thinks being a prison warden would be keen.

My Snyder would never let anyone hear him use the word "keen."
- or "cool."

My Snyder thinks he is a catch for the ladies.
- I mean, he's so tidy and orderly.
- He pays his bills on time.
- everything is in its place in the condo.
- he is a man In Charge, people. Too bad California is filled with the "wrong sort."

My Snyder thinks Utah - aside from that weird cult - sounds like a nice and orderly place to live.
- but my Snyder likes to be in charge of bad eggs. So... Sunnydale it is.

My Snyder secretly watches how the Mayor exudes casual control and takes notes in a specially designated steno-pad.
- he also practices standing with his hands in his pockets like Mayor Wilkins in the bathroom mirror.

My Snyder thinks "1984" is a handbook for discipline, and has the "Cliff Notes."
- he was also disappointed that "Crime and Punishment" was a novel. He doesn't have time to read novels, people.

My Snyder asked a girl out his senior year in high school, feeling "it was time." She rejected him soundly. In public.
- that girl had blonde hair, a sunny disposition, and resembled a certain slayer.

My Snyder would never call someone a "juvvie."
- he relishes the sound of "juvenile delinquent."
- he sometimes slowly enunciates that in his bathroom mirror.

My Snyder usually hears the whistling intro to "The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly" whenever he spots a "juvenile delinquent" in his school.
- which is several times a day.
- and is it really so hard to hit the trashcan with that wadded up paper?
- or to belt your pants?
- or to walk in a straight, orderly line to Mrs. Wilson's history class?

My Snyder wishes he was allowed to carry a bull whip.
- that'd show them.
- or possibly shackles.
- branding irons.
- Iron Maidens wouldn't go amiss, either.

My Snyder would never read Harry Potter, because the children break rules, and he would write a scathing letter to one JKR.
- he would recognize that Filtch was the unsung hero of that series.

My Snyder doesn't believe in magic.
- or monsters.
- or demons.
- he just cleans up the mess after they've been killed.

My Snyder convinces himself that they're just kids on some new illegal drug.
- or they've done something to him to make him hallucinate.
- he blames Buffy.

My Snyder still hated Buffy when the Mayor - as a snake-like demon - chomped down on him, and in the last clicks of his brain, knew that somehow, somehow she was responsible for all of this and would find a way to make her p-






My Snyder was an hors d'oeuver the Mayor found a little on the sour side, and spit him out before going after Buffy.

Comments

( 101 comments — Leave a comment )
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(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Jun. 2nd, 2006 03:54 pm (UTC)
My Snyder has a Master Key that lists all of the rule books in his home and place of business, and has a well-organized index for locating by-laws.
inlovewithnight
Jun. 2nd, 2006 02:43 pm (UTC)
Hee! Oh, Snyder. He never got the love he deserved. ::lights a candle for Snyder, in a well-ventilated area away from flammable objects, with a good candleholder that will catch any dripping wax::
stoney321
Jun. 2nd, 2006 03:56 pm (UTC)
You're walking on thin ice, missy! *blows out candle, plugs in regulation electric candle, as all open flames on school property have been banned.

Except for the bunsen burners, and one day... One sweet day we'll do away with chemistry. Hooligans that will be detailing my car don't NEED chemistry.
likeadeuce
Jun. 2nd, 2006 02:47 pm (UTC)
man, you rule!

and why isn't there more Snyder/Mayor fic out there?
stoney321
Jun. 2nd, 2006 03:56 pm (UTC)
Slide rule. *straightens jacket, smooths back side-locks*

There should be! OMG, are you asking for a SEQUEL??
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likeadeuce
Jun. 2nd, 2006 02:47 pm (UTC)
also --
I'm pretty sure my brother wrote something once about the Mayor joining the Mormon church.
stoney321
Jun. 2nd, 2006 03:57 pm (UTC)
Re: also --
LINK.
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gillo
Jun. 2nd, 2006 02:48 pm (UTC)
Oh yes. Very much yes.

Armin Shimmerman is an awesome actor in the role too.

I love your last two lines in particular.
stoney321
Jun. 2nd, 2006 03:58 pm (UTC)
Are you being smart? I don't like smart. That Rosenberg girl is a smart one,and look at what it's gotten her: a juvenile deliquent for a best friend and a black mark on her permanent record.

*points* You watch yourself, missy.
a2zmom
Jun. 2nd, 2006 02:58 pm (UTC)
I adore your Synder. And those last two points are so very, very true. He and Cordelia have something in common - blaming Buffy for everything.
stoney321
Jun. 2nd, 2006 03:59 pm (UTC)
*smooths back side locks*

If you're free tonight, I know of a few home security lectures we could attend, and I have a coupon for IHOP...
cherusha
Jun. 2nd, 2006 03:01 pm (UTC)
He also moonlighted as a caddy for a brief time and the questionable advice he imparted to K during this period haplessly lead to the exoneration of E's hated foe, Sue Ellen Mishke. /dork
stoney321
Jun. 2nd, 2006 04:00 pm (UTC)
Okay, what have we said about not taking your medication? Oh, that's for me. HEEE!! *cracks up* WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?!

XDDD <-- you've brought me to anime faces!

4_4
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(Deleted comment)
beadattitude
Jun. 2nd, 2006 03:32 pm (UTC)
Carefully placed ruler of love. That's it exactly.

I vote for more Mayor/Snyder fic! Ass babies ass babies, ass babies!!!!
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annabelle528
Jun. 2nd, 2006 03:35 pm (UTC)
Hee! I love this!
stoney321
Jun. 2nd, 2006 04:01 pm (UTC)
Watch that noise level, missy. Don't you have a class to get to?

;)
peasant_
Jun. 2nd, 2006 03:39 pm (UTC)
You are a wonderful and shiny person.
stoney321
Jun. 2nd, 2006 04:02 pm (UTC)
*did I forget to powder my pate?*

YOU. You're volunteering at the orchestra bake sale. Be here tomorrow with baked goods. I think 4 dozen bran muffins should do it.
dancetomato
Jun. 2nd, 2006 03:43 pm (UTC)
Are you in therapy? Because you should take this to your next session. Of course my Snyder would never be in therapy. It's for namby, pamby whiny *whistles The Good, the Bad and the Ugly* NO WHISTLING IN THE HALLWAYS crybabies.
stoney321
Jun. 2nd, 2006 04:03 pm (UTC)
Therapy is what leads to being eaten!

The thing about getting in touch with students and their emotions is that I don't care. Now get to class.
julia_here
Jun. 2nd, 2006 03:55 pm (UTC)
Blessings on you, my dear one!

Julia, off to share this with the depressed hoards at the S'cubie Board
stoney321
Jun. 2nd, 2006 04:04 pm (UTC)
"Depression" is one of those softy words that just means you don't have enough to do. If you have time to lean, you have time to clean.

Report to the janitor at fourth period and get a scrub bucket. I believe the cafeteria needs some detailing.

:)
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elisi
Jun. 2nd, 2006 04:23 pm (UTC)
I was a straight A student who never got in trouble. I'm tidy. I'm now a housewife with 3 small children who writes vampire porn who does her best to look after her husband. Do I get a gold star?
stoney321
Jun. 2nd, 2006 04:33 pm (UTC)
VAMPIRES AREN'T REAL. Those are kids on PCP with bad plastic surgery. Darn California trends...

(hee! I was the good kid, too. Snyder is JUUUUUST like Dr. Jones, who sniffed at me for being Willow running with the bad kids. Ha!)
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(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Jun. 2nd, 2006 04:53 pm (UTC)
Can you tell I'm re-watching Buffy, seasons 1-3? I love classic BtvS.

Watch that smiling, missy, or I'll give you something to smile about.
moosesal
Jun. 2nd, 2006 05:06 pm (UTC)
Brilliant.
stoney321
Jun. 2nd, 2006 05:38 pm (UTC)
I know you are, but what am I?

:)
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wolfshark
Jun. 2nd, 2006 05:16 pm (UTC)
I adore your Snyder in a carefully regulated, dignified way.
stoney321
Jun. 2nd, 2006 05:39 pm (UTC)
You make sure it stays regulation, too, or I'll have you in detention so fast, your head will swim.
bdbdb
Jun. 2nd, 2006 05:31 pm (UTC)
You? Kinda wonderful! :)
stoney321
Jun. 2nd, 2006 05:39 pm (UTC)
Heee!! *points to your icon* I just watched that ep last night.

*squish*
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(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Jun. 2nd, 2006 06:14 pm (UTC)
Ha! I mean... get to class! work!

Poor Snyder. So misunderstood...
drusplace
Jun. 2nd, 2006 06:03 pm (UTC)
Ah Snyder. The hero who tried to save the world from gang members on PCP and unorderly anything.

May he RIP or pieces as the case may be.
stoney321
Jun. 2nd, 2006 06:15 pm (UTC)
Hahaha! Great icon there.

What's great is if you think about it, he became one with The Mayor, whom he admired so greatly, their scattered remnants for ever locked in a bloody, burned mess along with Snyder's beloved institution...
... - drusplace - Jun. 2nd, 2006 06:28 pm (UTC) - Expand
crayonbreakygal
Jun. 2nd, 2006 06:34 pm (UTC)
You are inside the man's head. Totally inside. Scary.
stoney321
Jun. 2nd, 2006 10:15 pm (UTC)
Not only is it scary in here, but everything is in clear boxes with labels.

*carefully wipes shoes*

Ew. Now I'm barefoot in his brain.
rahirah
Jun. 2nd, 2006 06:36 pm (UTC)
There is not enough Snyder love in the world. *g*
stoney321
Jun. 2nd, 2006 10:17 pm (UTC)
My Snyder doesn't need that hippie-dippy love. He just needs you to get through school with no incidences as you toe the line.

Are those flip-flops regulation? *eyes you*

:)
elcazavampiros
Jun. 2nd, 2006 07:36 pm (UTC)
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

- he also practices standing with his hands in his pockets like Mayor Wilkins in the bathroom mirror.

He so had Mayor-envy. That is of course until the mayor ate him.
stoney321
Jun. 2nd, 2006 10:17 pm (UTC)
Heeeeee! YES. He was engulfed by his mentor and idol, which probably gave him a moment's peace before his spine snapped.
midnightsjane
Jun. 2nd, 2006 07:46 pm (UTC)
My Snyder doesn't believe in magic.
- or monsters.
- or demons.
- he just cleans up the mess after they've been killed.



Heeeee! Poor Snyder, so much the unrecognized hero of the piece.
What would Sunnydale High have done without his guiding spirit?

This is so brilliant.
stoney321
Jun. 2nd, 2006 10:18 pm (UTC)
HIS GUIDING SPIRIT.

That's best thing ever, right there. Ha ha ha!!

COMB THAT HAIR, MISSY. This isn't Haight-Ashbury.
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petzipellepingo
Jun. 2nd, 2006 08:56 pm (UTC)
Points to icon and then "sighs" because Snyder was just, well Snyder.
stoney321
Jun. 2nd, 2006 10:20 pm (UTC)
Heee! Spongebob!

I want a photoshopped pic with Buffy wearing a T-shirt that reads: "I ♥ Snyder" on it.

...that's pushing things, isn't it? :)
adriana_is
Jun. 2nd, 2006 09:55 pm (UTC)
yep, that darn Buffy..it's all HER fault.
stoney321
Jun. 2nd, 2006 10:21 pm (UTC)
Well. My Snyder COMPLETELY AGREES with you.

And would know that blonde hooligan in your icon wasn't a registered student. Get a badge at the front desk, bub, or you get yourself off grounds. *straightens tie*
... - adriana_is - Jun. 2nd, 2006 11:57 pm (UTC) - Expand
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( 101 comments — Leave a comment )

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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

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