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In honor of a new LJ  buddy  being raised in a Pentecostal environment, I give you:

MY LIFE AS TOLD BY THE REVEREND BILLY BOB  (Jimmy Joe is just not "Christ" enough, you know?)


And Lo, I did go forth unto the doctor this morning, and he did look unto mine eye with a rod that giveth light, as our Lord Jesus doth give us light.  And there was the checking of the strength of my sinews and yea, of mine bone.  And when mine knees did creak unto him, there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.


And he placed his hands upon my knee and spake unto the heavens for the demons that afflict them to come out!  He spake forth saying, the power of Christ (yea, the Alpha and the Omega) compels you!
And the demons that doth reside unto mine knees spake unto him with a hissing, we are many.  We are Legion and we will not give up these knees.  We take divers pleasure with the destruction of this place that was once a temple unto the moving swiftly forward, yea and it was called running.  But she shall run no more.


GET THEE HENCE, DEMON!  Dost thou not know that I am the mouthpiece of the Lord, our God and Savior?  Thou shalt not afflict the knees of his child henceforth!



Now, if my doctor's visits went like THAT, I'd go more.  Instead, I get to fill out FORMS!!  Whee!! And they all have the same info on it, but just slightly different.  Why can't they ask all of the questions on ONE sheet (make it a long one!) instead of me filling out the same info on four different papers?

Now, I have nothing in life to complain about, but then, were would my fun come from?  Ridiculing things is where the fun comes in.  And if you don't like it, Ike'll make a comeback and slap some sense into yo ass.  Pain medication is fun!

Comments

( 15 comments — Leave a comment )
vincitveritas
Aug. 31st, 2004 11:06 am (UTC)
you should write every entry like this. bible speak is hilarious.

and yay!medication!
stoney321
Aug. 31st, 2004 11:48 am (UTC)
Hey! My response is longer than your post!
Thou dost speak the truth, yea, even unto me. DRUGS RULE!!! Now. I'd like to take a step back from God (or rather, run away laughing) and tell you I found a few great links to R/HR stories if you want them...

Do you already know about RestrictedSection.org? I'm reading a great (long) story about R/Hr on fanfiction.net (cause checkmated.com is down) called "The Price of Love." Cause I'm a big, sappy dork. Happy now?

I shall deliver unto you the pestilence brought upon the MUD people. And locusts and fire (say far) shall rain down upon the wicked and hom'sex'shuls.
vincitveritas
Aug. 31st, 2004 12:36 pm (UTC)
run away! run away! hahahaha
very happy, indeed! i had no knowledge of such a site! thank you for sharing your...uh, knowledge. i don't know where to start, though. so many stories, it boggles my fragile little mind.

far, as in "mah house is own far!"? damn southern roots.

hom'sex'shuls <----is that jewish? heehee.
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stoney321
Aug. 31st, 2004 02:21 pm (UTC)
Whoo Hoo! Red River Shootout!
*channels Roscoe P. Coltrane* Coo coo coo!

And you're off the death list: I did not attend UT. I left the best state in the union of get my learn on at U of Utah. Turned down a full ride at BYU because MORMONS are FREAKS!! But they live in a purdy spot...

And we ARE legion. Our new saying shall be: Trifle not with the things of Joss, for they are of great import!!
likeadeuce
Sep. 5th, 2004 09:15 pm (UTC)
Re: Whoo Hoo! Red River Shootout!
I'm catching up on your backlist because otherwise, you know, I'd have to work. I turned down a fullride at BYU TOO, man. Did they fly you in for that "Benson Scholars weekend"? Was that not just a thing of freakdom?
stoney321
Sep. 5th, 2004 09:34 pm (UTC)
Re: Whoo Hoo! Red River Shootout!
Wow, was Benson Pres then? I was flown out for a week during the semester of my senior year in high school. I knew it wasn't the place for me when I over heard some dork ask a chick if they had met in the pre-existence. WTF?? And then I heard some girls comment on some guy's "smiley face." Know what I'm talking about?

I was wearing some cut-off boy's jeans that my boyfriend had painted pop art all over, had little round wire-rimmed glasses, and a tight t-shirt popping the Ds, and I did NOT fit in. Ended up studying Microbiology at the U where they don't secretly believe in creationism.

Don't work!! 3 day weekend!! Come party with me! now tell me your tales of LDSism and leaving-itis. Dying to hear!
likeadeuce
Sep. 5th, 2004 09:40 pm (UTC)
Re: Whoo Hoo! Red River Shootout!
I also went my senior year, the spring of 1993 -- probably 2 or 3 years after you? I was still kind-of actually Mormon at that point, but the place still freaked me out.

I actually ought to get off soon, but if you want I'll email you more about it. I can also send you an essay I'm trying to publish about being-Mormon-in-the-Bible-belt, if you want?
stoney321
Sep. 5th, 2004 09:46 pm (UTC)
Re: Whoo Hoo! Red River Shootout!
You can't see it, but I'm doing my Mr. Burns' "ehhhhxcellent" fingers. Spam me, baby!
spikesbint
Aug. 31st, 2004 06:51 pm (UTC)
you studied in Utah? I stayed there for a month when I was 16, which was a hell of a long time ago! I used to be a Mormon, but thanks goodness I cured myself of that years ago.

So the docs visit went okay? Loved the bible speak btw.

Angela
stoney321
Aug. 31st, 2004 09:12 pm (UTC)
Rod and Todd would fit in
yes, praise be that you left those shennanigans far behind you, as I have done. Utah: pretty state. Crazy people.

Doc visit was fine, just told me what I already know. I screwed my knees up years ago, (sprinter back in the day - trained running up and DOWN stairs. Bad idea for people with arthritis) and the drugs are losing their effectiveness. I'll get some purdy titanium bendies one of these days...

I'll be Bionic Woman!! T-Minus 30:48:57, 30:48:56.... Hooray for school!!!
spikesbint
Sep. 1st, 2004 08:40 am (UTC)
Re: Rod and Todd would fit in
lol,

and drugs are effective for only so long your body gets used to them. My mother has to change her painkillers meds every few years and they are usually for stronger ones.
sangueuk
Sep. 1st, 2004 03:31 pm (UTC)
:::stares hard at your knuckles:::

are you related to Robert Mitchum by any chance?
stoney321
Sep. 1st, 2004 04:54 pm (UTC)
Oh. My. God.
if you are saying that because of why I think, well then.... That's just the nicest thing ever.

::holds your boobs:: (you know, 'cause they were heavy and making your shoulders ache. That's the kind of friend I am.)
( 15 comments — Leave a comment )

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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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