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Yes. Her jaw will kill us all one, day, MARK MY WORDS. (Seriously: it's larger than her rib cage!)

YAAAAAARRRR! Trust me on this one: SCREW THE CRITICS WHO PANNED THIS MOVIE. Some of the best two and a half hours (yep, go potty before the trailers) I've spent in a movie theater. This is the very essence of a fun summer blockbuster - it ain't The Manchurian Candidate. It's better: IT'S PIRATES! But first the TRAILERS!

Talledega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. August 4th. Will Ferrell. There's not much more you need to know, except go potty first and keep beverages to a minimum to reduce laughter spewage. I told my husband last night that I would leave him for that man. It's not for you to understand!!! *weeps* It's just how it is, people. Funny men make me happy.

"Somebody better get these muthafuckin' snakes off this muthafuckin' plane!" I will be there for Samuel L. Jackson, as well. Wait, what am I doing here?

PIRATES!!! I don't care that they had a bloated budget, thin script, and The Jaw. Gore Verbinski makes gorgeous movies. The actors are OBVIOUSLY having fun. And for those of you who aren't in the fandom, you are missing one of the sexiest fandoms around. (I mean, there's subtext for EVERYONE. Everyone! Possibly even Mr. Cotton's Parrot and the Ghost Monkey!)

One problem I have, and I know I have KK lovers on my flist: her "Elizabeth" is OOC for a woman of the 17th century. Yeah, I know they're trying to make her modern, but it would have been MORE CLEVER to have her do it within the time frame. As in: Elizabeth Bennett, thank you Jane Austen. It's like how Winona Ryder (*shudder* - FUCK, I hate The Sinus) ruined "Little Women" with the same mistake. She's a virginal lady of society in the 17th Century, and yet she can seduce Jack Sparrow? I was squirming in my seat during that scene, and not in the good way, because HELLO! Your fiance that you risked life and limb over is RIGHT THERE. (And her talking about "having" Will already and her FATHER is behind him. Haha, right. And come on, people.)

I mean, I get why anyone would want to make out with Johnny Depp/Sparrow. I GET IT. But we're working within a story, people! And how much do I love Norrington's line: "your latest fiance." Hahaha! NORRINGTON. I have been trying to tell you people for a year that he's the most well developed/layered character in the whole damn thing, and you'll see. YOU'LL ALL SEE! My husband grinned when That Voice was heard and you knew he was coming. Guh. He's fantastic.

Quick point to make to those on the PotC comms: that WAS his wig he used to scrub the deck! I specifically looked for it, and it seems they cut the scene short, but that was his wig. hahahaha! (Mr. S turned to me and said, "Hey! His wig is important, just like in your fanfic!" *beams*)

STORY ARCS: 1) Will Turner. Okay, NOW I get it, fangirls. I couldn't stand him in the first one, but he wasn't dependent on just looking Orli-ish with a hat in #2, they gave him DEPTH. And I bought it. One review I read mocked the reunion with his father, and I have to say I thought those scenes were touching. He didn't do his "Joey Tribiani fart" look, or look like he was mentally trying to locate his keys, so yay, Orli! He's the Luke Skywalker of the piece - and we all know that once Luke dropped his "But, Uncle Owen!" whining, he became more interesting. Just. Like. Orli.

2) Norrington! Oh, let's hope the Norrington saucing it up and growing more and more angry on Tortuga fics come rolling in. The smirking! The sneering! Dear god, the puking over the rail while covered in muck! (I gasped when he was tossed in with the pigs - Norrington! Oh, Commodore.) And how hilarious is it that Sparrow continued to call him a version of Commodore? That's right! He still commands attention! I look forward to the deleted scenes with the Commodore: I have a strong feeling that some were cut out to show that he's not evil, as they tried to hint at in this piece, and his little hurt-heart moment at Will/Lizzie's reunion! OH! (Because he was imagining himself kissing and stabbing Sparrow, that's why!)

3) Sparrow!! Best way to leave us with a cliffhanger with this character. No character development with Sparrow, as per usual. Which I don't have a problem with. He is who he is, and it's a fantastic character, so *shrug*. Bring on more Captain Jack. I cracked up at every long shot of him running. Heeee! The fact that he admitted to reading tales of gay, debaucherous pirates in the 17th and 18th centuries to flesh out Sparrow makes me love Depp all the more. HAH! Gay pirates are CANON, people!

4) Ragetti. I love Gareth. (Forever Gareth from The Office to me.) Mackenzie Crook is a fantastic character actor. I love how Ragetti's an idiot, but would toss out lines of complexity and deep philosophical meaning on occasion. One of the first rules of comedy, people: have idiots say something brilliant, and be shocked at their own words. See: Jim from Taxi.

5) DAVY JONES. (Ru, I don't even want to hear it.) For the first half hour, I was just fascinated by the CGI and how NON-CGI it looked. Amazing. But Bill Nighy really comes through all that makeup-animation. He's a unique character and just chews up the scenery in a fantastic way. Little personal movements show through - which is mind boggling, given the amount of CGI on the man. Bootstrap Bill as well has some great moments that pull you away from the CGI. And given the FANTASTIC EFFECTS of this movie, that's saying something.

SPECIAL EFFECTS: Here's a little something about me: I love big, showy summer movies with great special effects. This movie has mind boggling special effects. Remember those Disney films where they would have cameras under the sea, and they'd pan over a huge field of sea anenomes, and they'd all suck back in, then slowly creep out, tentacles waving? Now, imagine that happening on a PERSON. Little barnacles and sea slugs and coral reefs etc. etc. The crew of Davy Jones' Leviathon was absolutely astounding. They become one with the ship, too, and there's a brief scene that illustrates this with a fantastic (and oogey) effect. If I was a 10 year old boy, I'd want all of the action figures NOW.

The Kraken is possibly the most awesome creature on screen EVER. (Mr. S and I kept doing impressions of Phil Hartman's speech impedimented captain of "20,000 Leaguesth Under the Sthea." Anyone? Just us?) Although I'll say that Harry Potter's Prisoner of Azkaban did the whole "tentacle-like hold on a person, waving them about in a menacing manner" well enough, that I could have done without the Kraken doing it several times in this movie. (Um, I was referring the the Whomping Willow, if you didn't catch that.) And I wondered if the scene with the Kraken's tentacles pulling the ship (The Il! Oh, The Black Pearl...) into the sea wasn't inspired by Ursula's death scene in The Little Mermaid. What?! That's a great movie, and she's a fantastic villain! :)

SWORD FIGHTING: Are you KIDDING? A three-way (ahem! I told you there was subtext) sword fight with Will, Norrington, and Jack is fantastic. Then they take it to the giant water wheel, which I will be watching over and over when the DVD is released, thank you. And Lizzie stomping about (god, she was DRIVING ME CRAZY with all her bellowing. Show me the FIGHT, not her COMPLAINING about the fight, fuck!) and commenting on their need to "slap their swords against each other..." Ahahahaha. What do we get when we re-arrange subtext? And again, Norrington reigns supreme in that whole act. I love that character SO MUCH.

In conclusion: will be seeing again. Well worth the price of admission, absolutely fun to movie to watch, and I cannot believe I have to wait an entire year to get some resolution. Okay, I enjoy the anticipation, but STILL. Don't expect Polanksi - expect Verbinski! (Beautiful, fun, lots of effects.) And how much do I love that Jack Davenport went on record as saying this was their " Empire Strikes Back?" Is there ANY DOUBT why I love the man??

Back to painting! [ETA] And if some of you are FINALLY starting to see the light re: Norrington, and are looking for some GOOD fic recs (I'm talking - mind blowing writing, etc. etc.) I can point the way. *hums the Love Boat theme*



( 49 comments — Leave a comment )
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(Deleted comment)
Jul. 9th, 2006 02:26 pm (UTC)
<-- what?!?!?!
AHHHH YOU PEOPLE ARE KILLING ME WITH THE NO COMMODORE LOVE, WHAT?!?! Go re-watch #1 (especially with the deleted scenes of his kindness and thoughtfulness and GAH)

AND YES to the ending! YES!! Our audience was overcome with shock and delight! ME, TOO. BARBOSSA!! (Man, I loved it so much I'm all capslock!!)
Jul. 9th, 2006 02:24 pm (UTC)
I gotta admit, while I had no love for the commodore in the first movie, MAN was he AWESOME in this one.
And Pintel and Ragetti are much love, as always. They're totally my POTC OTP...right after Tia Dalma/Davy Jones, of course. Now there's a hot couple.

For the first half hour, I was just fascinated by the CGI and how NON-CGI it looked. Amazing. But Bill Nighy really comes through all that makeup-animation. He's a unique character and just chews up the scenery in a fantastic way. Little personal movements show through - which is mind boggling, given the amount of CGI on the man.

Wordy McWord Word to everything you just said. Not only was the non-CGI CGI breathtaking, but I was totally keeping an eye out to see if I'd recognize Bill Nighy as a squidface and I was pleased as punch to see that I did. There were some mannerisms in there were classic Bill Nighy, like that little snort-giggle of his he tends to do a lot. So much awesome.
Jul. 9th, 2006 02:29 pm (UTC)
*CRIES!! BITTERLY!!* Oh, the Commodore! Bless his sexy heart. Well, I'll love him in your stead!

Pintel/Ragetti! How fun were they? Tia Dalma! Isn't she great? She nailed that accent, and I adored her every time she showed up. (Oh, the mourners of Sparrow as they floated back to her, too! *cries for Sparrow*)

Yes yes to the snort-giggle! And the lip-pop thing he does and the tiny head shakes and and and... I LOVE HIM. I have a lot of buds that are hating the CGI, but are you kidding?? It was an eye-feast! (BUt then, I'm a huge fan of SW:Ep2 because of the visuals - not the dialogue OF COURSE - but I love the make-believe. I LOVE the make-believe!!)

Um, I'm spazzing all over you. PIRATES!!!!
... - demonqueen666 - Jul. 9th, 2006 03:35 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Jul. 9th, 2006 03:43 pm (UTC) - Expand
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Jul. 9th, 2006 02:44 pm (UTC)
Norrington is indeed the love. I'm just so happy that other people get to see this now! :D

Have been thinking a lot about the character arc: Do we really know - a hundred percent - that he's gone over to Beckett's side in order to regain his honor and nobility? Like, what if it turns out in PotC 3 that he's been working for someone else all along (or perhaps himself)? I thought his explanation to Gibbs was a little lacking in substance, though that may very well be because they cut a lot of scenes out. They man's obviously got a really sharp mind and not the type of guy who trusts easily. I think an even bigger twist will come in PotC 3. And if there's anything PotC 2 taught us, it's to trust no one, not even what the writers want you to see, and... gah!

probably I'm just insane.
Jul. 9th, 2006 02:49 pm (UTC)
Oh, GOD NO. To the Beckett/Dark Side of the Force East India Trading company. He's still an honorable man: a man who obeys the law. He hears that an agent of the King wants something, he complies. Once he sees that Beckett is acting on his own, and not on the King's orders (evidenced by their reaction to Swann trying to contact the King), he'll try and make things right. Because Norrington is the MORAL COMPASS of this piece!! *clutches hands to chest, hyperventilates*

AND YES: trust no one! Except Norrington, and possibly Will. The JAW is not to be trusted, obviously! And she might devour you and pout you to death. I fully expect to see flies zooming in that fucking hole in PotC3, by the way. CLOSE YOUR MOUTH, KEIRA.
... - cherusha - Jul. 9th, 2006 02:54 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 9th, 2006 02:47 pm (UTC)
The Kraken was awesome. It looked totally real, and completely creepy. I also thought Norrington was terrific. But man, oh man, do I love Johnny Depp as an actor. (Though I did not know ahead of time that there was an Empire Strikes Back cliffhanger ending, and it kind of annoyed me.)
Jul. 9th, 2006 02:51 pm (UTC)
DEPP. What's not to love? I've been a fan of his since he got sucked into his bed in Nightmare on Elm Street, and have loved him ever since! He's fantastic.

Oh, I'm sorry about the ending bugging you! I'm all shades of creepy fangirl, so I knew going in - HOWEVER. One year, and it's out. You won't have to wait for a really long time, and they're wrapping up filming in August, so... There'll be teaser scenes on the DVD, yay!

(The Kraken! It was awesome. And I'm so glad people are starting to like Norrington! He's my favorite character of all. Ahem. In case that wasn't obvious. :D )
Jul. 9th, 2006 03:08 pm (UTC)
I so want to bone Will Turner.

That said, I still hold to the theory that Jack is going to take both Lizzie and Will and chain them up in his cabin, whether they like it or not, because we all know Jack likes pretty things.
Jul. 9th, 2006 03:41 pm (UTC)
Hahahaha!!! I read your post about the movie, and you know, I DO NOT DOUBT YOU re: locking up/shiny. This movie left a LOT for the W/E/J shippers out there, to be sure. (Not to mention the N/W/J shippers. SO. MUCH. SUBTEXT.)

And I am right on board with you on Will this go around. They actually gave the guy a story! And the sword fight was FANTASTIC.
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(Deleted comment)
Jul. 9th, 2006 03:45 pm (UTC)
Heeeeeee!!! I'm pretty sure that crevette has found the tentacle porn, check her journal for the link! Ha ha, internets!

(And how great was it that you thought it was him? Supports my theory that CGI doesn't have to RUIN a character, are you LISTENING, GEORGE LUCAS?)

I am so filled with pirate love I can barely walk straight. That could come off REALLY wrong, huh? *cough*
you rang? - crevette - Jul. 9th, 2006 09:19 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 9th, 2006 04:25 pm (UTC)
Haven't seen it, probably won't until it comes out on dvd and Miss Perfect wathes it six times in a row. What's weird is that she hasn't seen it yet, either, as she's waiting for the twins to get back from vacation so she can go with them before Kyle takes off to Germany.

That said, Bill Nighy is God, no doubt, and if KK gets any thinner she could stand in as one of the skeletons.

Julia, held hostage by a damned ugly non-native to this biozone possum, and wishing for a varmint gun
Jul. 9th, 2006 04:46 pm (UTC)
Bill Nighy is an absolute DELIGHT in this, as he usually is. KK is just sickeningly thin, and while I'd love to see someone with actual acting chops (like Kate Winslet, thanks Cherusha) play the part, due to Orli's slight build, it's not gonna happen.

I told Mr. S on our way to our car that watching all three (when they're released on DVD) on a rainy day is going to be my new favorite activity. :D
Jul. 9th, 2006 04:38 pm (UTC)


Jul. 9th, 2006 04:48 pm (UTC)
I KNOW!!! He is GLORIOUS and MORAL and wonderful and heart=broken with love and he RESIGNED because he has respect for his JOB and DUTY. Plus: we fangirls were RIGHT when it came to how important it is for him to SAIL, because he joined the PIRATES to be on a ship again, COME ON, PEOPLE!!!!!
... - floweringjudas - Jul. 9th, 2006 05:08 pm (UTC) - Expand
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Jul. 9th, 2006 04:38 pm (UTC)
"Slap their swords against each other"? They really didn't write that, did they? Must have been reading all the fanfic. Made you squee, didn't it? I can't wait to see this.
Jul. 9th, 2006 04:48 pm (UTC)
I KNOW!! See what I mean?? It's so fantastic, I can't begin to EXPLAIN. AND SPARROW IS BISEXUAL, it is CANON!!!
Jul. 9th, 2006 04:49 pm (UTC)
I LOVED it. also, as i was with BRATTY children *grumbles and nearly decapitates on of them* I missed the opening credits, and had NO idea who was playing Davey Jones. BUT, the eye twitches, the tics of the face, and I knew it was Bill Nighy. I LOVE him. Viktor on Underworld, in Love Actually, and in Hitchiker's Guide, that guy just Cracks me up! Loved him. Also, I was absolutely fascinated by the CGI on him. It's like they purposely watched him perform and copied - to a tee - his quirks. Loved it! And the eyes! *sigh*

Norrington!!! HOly hannah! LOVED him too. and yes, finally, I see the 'subtext' which is almost just plain text. Guh. I like him MUCH better all scuffed up and dirty. Yeah. hawtness.

Gah, KK. *hurls* Hated her. Wanted to smack her six ways from Sunday through the whole thing. although, her feinting the fainting? HEEE! But then, THEN she shackles Jack! that little bitch! grrrr.

And Captain Barbosa!!!! Whoot! PotC 3 is gonna ROCK!
Jul. 9th, 2006 04:52 pm (UTC)
Man, the feinted fainting BUGGED me. She bugs me, though, so I'm a bit biased.

YAY FOR MORE PEOPLE GETTING THE NORRINGTON LOVE!! I mean, COME ON! The snark! The vendetta! "Excuse me while I kill the man who ruined my life." AWESOME!!

And come ON with the subtext/actual text! It's friggin' fantastic. We have FANTASTIC fanfiction, too, yayness!

SO. GOOD. Will be seeing again, many times.
Jul. 9th, 2006 05:51 pm (UTC)
Oh yay - at last a happy review. I was seriously starting to wonder WTF was wrong with people that they couldn't just have some fun with this movie.

And Norrington...le sigh. Love him. Love love love. Perhaps I wouldn't quite so much if he weren't played by Jack Davenport because it's hard not to let that adoration spill over. But there's so much there with that character and I was so unbelievably pleased that he was back and playing a significant part in this story.
Jul. 9th, 2006 08:19 pm (UTC)
And does it matter that we love JackDav as we do? I say NO! *loves him so*

And I was SO glad he came back - I just wish he had a PR rep to get his name out there! (Did you know he has no manager, agent, etc? He handles all of his business affairs himself! ♥)

And I don't see how it's POSSIBLE to see this movie and not have fun. I mean, it's not Proust: it's PIRATES!
... - fiveandfour - Jul. 9th, 2006 11:07 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
Jul. 9th, 2006 08:18 pm (UTC)
YOU ARE A DORK. And yet I still love you. Because I'm PAID TO.

Also because you're funny and stuff. Or something. (Haha for Shelly Long. Throw in a Meredith Baxter Burney ref, and it would be perfection.)
Jul. 9th, 2006 07:12 pm (UTC)
Saw it yesterday with the boys and LOVED IT! It's SO what a summer movie should be!!

Right now, can't think of another movie that is gayer than this one. Even with the trunk full of gay porno that I own, LOL. Screw the subtext, it was full of text, LOL. Jack could have gone either way with a kiss and I fully believe had Will been moving in on him he'd have puckered up willingly, LOL.

Norrington was fantastic and a wonderful surprise (and god SO beautiful with that wig off) but I wasn't surprised by the ending as I've been reading all week that they were bringing out a 3rd so I just figured they'd clifthang us on this one. Jack going into the Kraken though? Wow.

The CGI? Almost TOO distracting with the goodness of it. I so do not want shell fish like, ever, again.


I also found myself singing "yo ho! you ho!" after I left so I know I had a great time, LOL.
Jul. 9th, 2006 08:17 pm (UTC)
<-- the Commodore sans wig.
HEEEE!! I've been singing/humming the music since we drove home, too.

And SERIOUSLY WITH THE TEXT. It's so obvious and WONDERFUL!! (And I'm proud to say that I've been Norrington's girl from the beginning. JackDav is fantastic!)
Jul. 9th, 2006 07:38 pm (UTC)
Hi! You don't know me but I've been lurking in your journal for a while now. I went and friended you yesterday, I hope you're okay with that? You're just too damn funny for me to want to miss any posts:P
Anyway, I was just enjoying this post, and saw that you mentioned something about Jack Sparrow's lack of...um...development in the second movie. I just read a news thingie about the third movie and thought you might like the link. It doesn't contain spoilers but it does give hints about the direction of Sparrow's character in the third installment.
Jul. 9th, 2006 08:15 pm (UTC)
Hello! And remember that I don't worry about being defriended - if you need to trim, do so without worry from my end!

And let me clarify what I mean about Sparrow, so I don't have folks jump down my throat: I think he is who he is, and WE (and his compatriots in the movie) are slowly being revealed his nature, which is unlike a character arc, where the character would change.

(And I'm spoiled for the whole trilogy, so I kinda sorta know how it ends, and I CAN NOT WAIT until next summer!!)
Jul. 9th, 2006 09:32 pm (UTC)
I liked Elizabeth despite her historical inaccuracy (but maybe just because her "Because you're curious" exchange with Sparrow is an eerie mirror of a scene I wrote once.) I thought that while Norrington and Will were given quite good arcs, it would have been a better story overall if they'd cut a few chase scenes and instead devoted a little time to building up the attraction between Sparrow and Elizabeth, which would have made bettter sense of both her final 'seduction' and his sudden fit of heroism.
Jul. 9th, 2006 11:32 pm (UTC)
Oooh, good point with the building up of her final "seduction" and Will's broken heart (at least, I know we're to think that. He reverted back to his "where are my keys? Am I sitting on them?" face for a moment.

I mean, I know what we're to think/feel because again, not Proust, but it would be great (and elevate this from a B to an A-) if they really sold that, yeah.

(But I'm shameless, and LoTR spoiled me: I want NO cuts! I want the entire fantasy world, with all the side details. I'm sick, I know. I blame a fixation on Joan D. Vinge space opera novels as an impressionable youth. :) )
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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

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