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Merciful Zeus. I ain't right.

Title: Well, Why On Earth Do You Think They Called Him The "Jolly" Green Giant?
Author: Stoney
Pairing/Rating: Jolly Green Giant/Incredible Hulk, PG with innuendo
A/N: I like the overwhelmingly ridiculous idea of referring to myself as an "author" for this. Hahahahaha! GOOD GOD, THE JOLLY GREEN GIANT IS FROM THE VALLEY, HELLO!
250 words. 250 very wrong words.



Well, Why On Earth Do You Think They Called Him The "Jolly" Green Giant?


Hulk raised fist to smash door. Hulk remembered key in pocket - Jay had told him not forget. Hulk lowered fist to torn jeans to paw for key. Pocket torn from transformation.

HULK SMASH DOOR.

"Hulk? 'S that you? Honey, did you forget about the hide-a-key on the front porch, again? Sillikins. Dinner will be ready in about five."

Hulk lowered head. Hulk forget things all the time. Jay was good to not yell. Hulk no like yelling. Hulk felt kiss on cheek.

"Oh, you. I know what will turn that frown upside down! A Complete Chicken Alfredo Skillet Meal™ and broccoli with cheese sauce on the side! And no, I didn't forget your corn nibblets!"

Hulk grunted Hulk's approval and sat in chair.

"Now, now, aren't you forgetting something?"

Hulk looked around; Hulk patted pockets. Dodge Stratus keys, Hulk no forget. Wallet, Hulk no forget. Was Hulk to bring home pie for dessert? HULK SMAS-

"Wash your hands, stinky boots!"

Hulk chuckled, "Oh Kay."

Hulk swatted at the water tap until water come. Hulk squeeze bar of Lava™ hand soap and clean up. Jay like Hulk to be clean. Not all the time... Hulk laughed low and hard.

Speaking of hard... Hulk stand behind Jay while he use tongs to pull corn nibblets from pot. Jay laughed.

"Ho ho ho! Looks like someone brought their own corn on the cob!"

Comments

( 97 comments — Leave a comment )
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neur0vanity
Jul. 28th, 2006 12:16 am (UTC)
Holy Mother of Crack. Once again, you are my hero.
stoney321
Jul. 28th, 2006 12:18 am (UTC)
I think I had to stop and wipe my eyes after typing "stinky boots."

Ahahahaha!!
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Jul. 28th, 2006 12:18 am (UTC)
Yeah. I...

I'm not read in the head.
sweptawaybayou
Jul. 28th, 2006 12:17 am (UTC)
You. Are sooooooo wrong.

But in such a good way.

*dies*

I think I'll print this out to keep and read to my grandchildren someday.

:)

**twirls you**
stoney321
Jul. 28th, 2006 12:19 am (UTC)
Is it sad that I'm imagining an entire series (like a gay super hero sitcom - like Friends without capes, basically) with these two?

Laughtrack and everything? Letters written to bosses that have to be retrieved and the whole nine?

I never said I was sane. :D
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ladycat777
Jul. 28th, 2006 12:20 am (UTC)
I love you. Lovelovelovelovelovelovelove.
stoney321
Jul. 28th, 2006 12:21 am (UTC)
I should probably be on some kind of pill. I mean, WTFUCK? (And the sad thing is, this was inspired from all the Skeletor/He-man chatting today. Hahahaha!)
tx_cronopio
Jul. 28th, 2006 12:22 am (UTC)
Hee Hee Hee! Skillet Meal, the perfect touch!
stoney321
Jul. 28th, 2006 12:23 am (UTC)
HAHAHA!! You know that meal, YES YOU DO!!

(HO HO HO, GREEEEN Giant!)
crazydiamondsue
Jul. 28th, 2006 12:25 am (UTC)
Complete Chicken Alfredo Skillet Meal killed me (with the wee TM) but it was Dodge Stratus that had me howling.

Corn nibblets!!!! Ahahahahaha! You are the most twisted person I know. I really do love that about you.
stoney321
Jul. 28th, 2006 12:29 am (UTC)
HEEEEE!! I got off the phone with you and this came out. Like pee when you're laughing too hard.

I'm not right. You knew that going in. Heh.
shipperx
Jul. 28th, 2006 12:34 am (UTC)
*snorfle*
stoney321
Jul. 28th, 2006 12:37 am (UTC)
*hands you a tissue* Sometimes those snorfles leave fringe boogers, is all.
rahirah
Jul. 28th, 2006 12:34 am (UTC)
Dude! How can you possibly do Hulk/JGG fic and forget the greatest Hulk line of ALL TIME?
stoney321
Jul. 28th, 2006 12:37 am (UTC)
BECAUSE I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THE HULK!!

THERE!!

I've said it!! *falls down sobbing, eats lots of chocolate*
... - rahirah - Jul. 28th, 2006 12:40 am (UTC) - Expand
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going_not_gone
Jul. 28th, 2006 12:44 am (UTC)
This is wrong like a wrong thing that is made of the essence of wrongness, with Wrong Sauce on top.

I think I love you. You make me feel all warm and fuzzy, and....sane.
stoney321
Jul. 28th, 2006 12:46 am (UTC)
Don't forget the English Peas and Carrot dimes on that dish!

I'm glad to be the measuring stick for insanity. *g*
lynnenne
Jul. 28th, 2006 12:45 am (UTC)
Hahahahahaha! You are seriously twisted. I love that about you.
stoney321
Jul. 28th, 2006 12:47 am (UTC)
Hahaha! It's becoming a sitcom in my head, the longer I think about them! Someone really should put me down.

<333333
... - a2zmom - Jul. 28th, 2006 01:24 am (UTC) - Expand
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a2zmom
Jul. 28th, 2006 12:47 am (UTC)
It warms my heart to know that Hulk was able to get some loving. Although it seems to me the "Hulk smash" could be quite painful if done at the wrong moment.

And now I'll never eat niblet corn again.
stoney321
Jul. 28th, 2006 12:48 am (UTC)
Pffft. JGG is all about the plowing, if you catch my drift. That dirty bitch.
amybnnyc
Jul. 28th, 2006 12:50 am (UTC)
Heeeeeeeeeeeee. And all over again, I am filled with love for you. Also, giggles. But mostly love. *hearts*
stoney321
Jul. 28th, 2006 12:52 am (UTC)
That you haven't run away in horror is testament to the righteousness of our love.

*g*
zyrya
Jul. 28th, 2006 01:04 am (UTC)
I can't believe I read that. Only for love of you, Stoney!

::scrubs brain::
stoney321
Jul. 28th, 2006 01:05 am (UTC)
IT WAS CLEAN!!!

*loves you EVEN THOUGH YOU CAN'T SEE THE BEAUTY OF JOLLY GREEN GIANT/HULK LOVE!!!* Ahahahahaha!
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floweringjudas
Jul. 28th, 2006 01:09 am (UTC)
I just don't even know what to say.

You had me at "sillikins."
stoney321
Jul. 28th, 2006 01:10 am (UTC)
I like imagining his deep, booming voice with the affectations of a queen.

Because clearly: I am broken inside.
... - floweringjudas - Jul. 28th, 2006 01:30 am (UTC) - Expand
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ex_dovil323
Jul. 28th, 2006 01:11 am (UTC)
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Dovil like! Dovil smash keyboard to say me like!
stoney321
Jul. 28th, 2006 01:12 am (UTC)
HAHAHAHAHHA!!!!

dm,xdmcm,cm,cc

Like that, but with a side of steamed asparagus!
harmonyfb
Jul. 28th, 2006 01:43 am (UTC)
You know, it hurts when you snort beer.

And truly, I had only myself to blame for clicking the link. ::hides eyes::
stoney321
Jul. 28th, 2006 01:46 am (UTC)
Yeah, I don't think hops counts as saline. Ouch.

Heh.
crevette
Jul. 28th, 2006 01:49 am (UTC)
::small voice::

I hate you.

::flosses brain::
stoney321
Jul. 28th, 2006 01:53 am (UTC)
Don't act like you can't see Giant with a stuffed tomato for his pins while he sews up Hulk's torn clothes at night, while Hulk goes over their taxes!!!!
... - crevette - Jul. 28th, 2006 02:00 pm (UTC) - Expand
altyronsmaker
Jul. 28th, 2006 02:25 am (UTC)
OH my jeebus! NO! You have defiled - DEFILED, I say - my childhood icons!!!!!!!!!!


Do it again: I give you Mr. Clean and the new Brawny guy. Go.
stoney321
Jul. 28th, 2006 12:11 pm (UTC)
I...

I AM GOING TO WRITE THAT!!!!! They're going to host the baby shower for the Mpreg fic!!!
... - altyronsmaker - Jul. 28th, 2006 01:58 pm (UTC) - Expand
cordelianne
Jul. 28th, 2006 02:27 am (UTC)
OMG this is hysterical!!!!!!! I love the part about the stinky boots!! And A Complete Chicken Alfredo Skillet Meal™ and broccoli with cheese sauce on the side! This rocks!! *g*
stoney321
Jul. 28th, 2006 12:12 pm (UTC)
Heeee!! Destroying brain cells, one at a time.™

(Heh - I was HOWLING as I typed "stinky boots." My kids looked at me like they wanted a new mommy.)
lwbush
Jul. 28th, 2006 02:36 am (UTC)
Oh. My. Gawd.

"Ho, ho, ho."

"Urrrgh. Hulk love it when you talk dirty."

I feel the sickness spreading...
stoney321
Jul. 28th, 2006 12:14 pm (UTC)
HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I like to think of my self as infectuous... Not like "one who brings others to her emotions" but like a virus.

I'm a phage.
adriana_is
Jul. 28th, 2006 03:00 am (UTC)
There was a cartoon in my newspaper's comic section with Hulk and Jolly Green Giant sitting in a bar getting to know each other.

You must have seen it...
stoney321
Jul. 28th, 2006 12:14 pm (UTC)
THAT IS WHAT DID IT!!!!
spuffyduds
Jul. 28th, 2006 03:15 am (UTC)
So, the Little Green Sprout was an mpreg?
stoney321
Jul. 28th, 2006 12:15 pm (UTC)
YES!

And Mr. Clean is going to have the baby shower. (FOr the flashback fic, obviously.) *g*
moosesal
Jul. 28th, 2006 04:30 am (UTC)
Is it okay if I offer concrit?

I was really impressed with the tightness of the 3rd person POV here. The reader really gets inside Hulk's head. But I feel like we didn't get enough of motivation for his relationship with Jolly Green Giant.

Also, referring to said Giant as Jay was a bit confusing for people new to the fandom. This isn't a flame, just a minor criticism.

I think if you were to go back and examine the interpersonal relationship here, you'd find that kitchen sex would really improve the story. I think rimming would really make the flavor of the story burst.

I really think this is a good start though. Read more in the fandom and I think you'll improve.

Keep writing!!!11!!eleventy!! I can't wait for the sequel!
stoney321
Jul. 28th, 2006 12:17 pm (UTC)
Mmmmm, yes, yes I see. Motivation. Okay, it's not enough that he just enjoys the goodness of fresh, ready-to-go meals made with love by someone who shares common interests, got it.

And I will defend my spelling of Jolly - I feel that it isn't OOC, but more a DEEPER LOOK inside of their relationship, one that only I can share with you. For I know them best.

And rimming! Oh, that's the triumphant ending of my fluffy angst fic with a funny non-con!

Thank you SO MUCH for your words, gentle reader. Shall I gift you with more of my words, my sweet?

(Hahahahaha! Oh, Sal. You're like Christmas without family - perfect.)
... - moosesal - Jul. 28th, 2006 03:22 pm (UTC) - Expand
eggblue
Jul. 28th, 2006 04:47 am (UTC)
*snort snort snort* Corn nibblets!!!!!!! You are too cool.
stoney321
Jul. 28th, 2006 12:18 pm (UTC)
And by cool you mean "emotionally stunted and need of putting down," right?

*g*
... - eggblue - Jul. 29th, 2006 06:48 am (UTC) - Expand
samsom
Jul. 28th, 2006 04:55 am (UTC)
This is what crack!fic wants to be when it grows up.

I'd ask where this came from, but unturned rocks and all.

::shudders::


stoney321
Jul. 28th, 2006 12:19 pm (UTC)
Okay, I can't help it: a Mother Goose comic strip in yesterday's paper.

THIS IS WHAT MY BRAIN DOES TO THINGS?? *weeps copius amounts of fluid*
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( 97 comments — Leave a comment )

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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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