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THIS WILL BE ENTERTAINING!!

Come on, it's Friday. I blew off exercise, so you can blow off work. I'm a mom. I'll write you a note.

Let's play a game!! Is it a 70s Porno, or legitimate title of a 30s - 40s movie? Or feel free to offer your suggestions! (Inspired by the movie meme I posted yesterday - I KNOW. I meme'd. Dun keel mee.) I'll list "titles" and you reply with which you think it is: porno title or pre-war movie. Give a "synopsis" of what you think the movie is about. Heh.



[ETA] In case this isn't clear, this is meant to be silly. And porny. Okay... GO!
[ETA 2] Okay, this really isn't clear: make up funny pornos so I can laugh. Hahaha!

Foolish Wives
The Bank Dick
Seven Chances
Taboo
Me and My Gal
I am a Fugitive From A Chain Gang
Trouble in Paradise
Cream Streets
She Done Him Wrong
It Happened One Night
Caught From Behind
The Thin Man
The Thin Man Returns
Jezebel
Catch Me If You Can
Dance, Girl, Dance
The Magnificent Ambersons
Dictation
Eaten Alive
Once Upon a Girl

So. Which are which? And what were they about? Heh heh.

In other news, I am impatiently waiting for the new season of Squidbillies to start back on Adult Swim, and it may be as beloved by me as South Park. And that's saying something. "How you like that mess?" You can watch the initial episode that explains what the hell it is, HERE. And the conclusion is here. It's... it's pretty left-field. Which is why I love it. (The gimmie caps!!
I ♥ Cock
fighting.

Hahahaha!)

Comments

( 82 comments — Leave a comment )
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slasheuse
Aug. 18th, 2006 03:01 pm (UTC)
My mum wrote me a note! Well, not really. But I am sick off work.

SO looking forward to seeing you! *is stuck in bed right now*
stoney321
Aug. 18th, 2006 03:04 pm (UTC)
*pets you and brings you soup!*

Poor little sickie. Can't wait for you girls to get here, too!!!!
tinpanalley
Aug. 18th, 2006 03:02 pm (UTC)

Eaten Alive is clearly a 70's porn film about a man who went down on a woman and was eaten alive by her alligator-snapping cunt! It's quite gruesome I've heard! ;)
stoney321
Aug. 18th, 2006 03:05 pm (UTC)
Mostly, that aligator pussy was PISSED. And we all know how violent snapping pissed-off aligator pussies can be.

Which is a shame, really, because the fluffer claimed she tasted of Cinna-Bon essence.

(oh my god, this might be the best game of the DAY!)
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southernbangel
Aug. 18th, 2006 03:03 pm (UTC)
HAHAHAHAHA. Best. game. EVER.

And you know what's scary? I was going to do a snarky "Things I've Learned from Porn" post today. And then you post this. It's going to be a pornriffic day!

stoney321
Aug. 18th, 2006 03:04 pm (UTC)
Oooh, post! post!! (I may sneak out at lunch and see either Little Miss SUnshine, or Talladega Nights. I may have to flip a coin!!)

Porn me up, baby!
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ex_dovil323
Aug. 18th, 2006 03:06 pm (UTC)
Me and My Gal is about a widowed man who has taken custordy of his pre-teen daughter who has Tim Brooke Taylor as a best friend and a mother-in-law who is stern but comedic in theme with the rest of the writing.

No, that would be an 80's English tv programme. I think it's then to do with underage prositution and sheep. Just because. Dirty bloody 30 something theatre watchers.
stoney321
Aug. 18th, 2006 03:09 pm (UTC)
The sheep are underaged? Because I'm thinking lamb is far more tender.

Can they have wacky adventures in a truck in the mountains of New Zealand? Humping and friending all the lonely undersaged sheep they meet? Also, a pizza delivery man shows up, and joins in. Just like every 70s porno ever made.
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harmonyfb
Aug. 18th, 2006 03:07 pm (UTC)
In order:

Foolish Wives - porn
The Bank Dick - film noir (seen it)
Seven Chances - film noir?
Taboo - porn
Me and My Gal - 40's romantic comedy
I am a Fugitive From A Chain Gang - 30's (wasn't this a Bogart vehicle?)
Trouble in Paradise - porn
Cream Streets - definitely porn
She Done Him Wrong - Mae West movie, very funny (seen it)
It Happened One Night - Clark Gable! (seen it)
Caught From Behind - porn
The Thin Man - Film Noir (seen it)
The Thin Man Returns - Film Noir (seen it)
Jezebel - Bette Davis! (seen it)
Catch Me If You Can - That came out last year or the year before, starring Leonardo DiCaprio and whatshisname from Philadelphia.
Dance, Girl, Dance - hmm. Porn?
The Magnificent Ambersons - 30's film
Dictation - porn?
Eaten Alive - horror movie by Tobe Hooper
Once Upon a Girl - porn
stoney321
Aug. 18th, 2006 03:10 pm (UTC)
no, no... you are to make up porno plots to the legitimate movies. Heh.

My hat is OFF TO YOU for knowing the actual answers. (Trouble in Paradise is also a legitimate movie, though!)
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floweringjudas
Aug. 18th, 2006 03:14 pm (UTC)
The Magnificent Ambersons! *geeks out* Was supposed to be Orson Welles's best movie evar, except he could never get funding and shot, like, scenes at a time when he had the money for it. They finally made a version of it a few years ago and it had Jonathan Rhys-Meyers in.

...did I remember all that correctly? *goes to cheat at imdb*
stoney321
Aug. 18th, 2006 03:17 pm (UTC)
No, no, the Magnificent Ambersons was about a family of cock suckers that did their job SO WONDERFULLY, people fell about in tears and wonderment.

Also, they did splits and spelled out their partner's name with sparklers while sucking. It's really beautiful. Kind of Fellini-esque, until the spooge hits. Then it's just straight up Spaghetti Western.
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dedra
Aug. 18th, 2006 03:22 pm (UTC)
Cream Streets--do I actually have to write this?

*hangs head*

Okay, well...Long Dong Silver, John Holmes, and Jake the Snake are private 'dicks' in the mean streets of LA, fighting crime and come with their own version of a gun...or is that a pistol in their pocket? They are surrounded like woah! by busty sexy blondes in miniskirts that they call Toots, Schweetheart, and BabyCakes, and their sexcretary, Miss Moneylover, keeps them busy on their off hours with their side job, exotic male dancing...

How was that?
stoney321
Aug. 18th, 2006 03:27 pm (UTC)
Um, that's just what the movie is. Yes! (Shh. Yes, I've seen many erm... never mind.)

NOW. Make one of the NON pornos a porno! (It's a game of imagination, not recall! *pokes you* :D )
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halfmoon_mollie
Aug. 18th, 2006 03:33 pm (UTC)
Foolish Wives

The Bank Dick old movie
Seven Chances I have no idea
Taboo
Me and My Gal old movie
I am a Fugitive From A Chain Gang I think I saw this, Bogart maybe?
Trouble in Paradise - old movie with Miriam Hopkins
Cream Streets - Give me a break.
She Done Him Wrong - Mae West! overacted but fun
It Happened One Night - Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert. Loved it
Caught From Behind - you made that up, right?
The Thin Man - William Powell and Myrna Loy. Love the Thin Man Movies
The Thin Man Returns - see Above
Jezebel - Bette Davis and a VERY young Henry Fonda. In black and white but it was so good that I thought it was in color. I could SEE that red dress.

Catch Me If You Can - before that anemic Leo DeCaprio, it was a movie with Gilbert Roland and Dina Merrill

Dance, Girl, Dance Maureen O'Hara and a very young Lucille Ball (as a dancer who may do...other things...as well.)

The Magnificent Ambersons - Orson Wells. Oh my GOD this is a long movie.

Dictation - porn

Eaten Alive - Carolyn Jones. bad bad BAD horror movie

Once Upon a Girl - I would guess porn.
stoney321
Aug. 18th, 2006 03:40 pm (UTC)
Well, yes, you know what the REAL movies are. :) (We're playing a silly game, is all. Basically, I'm trying to get people to make up hilarious porn plots for me, you see. )

(I'm silly like that.)
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halfmoon_mollie
Aug. 18th, 2006 03:35 pm (UTC)
oh wait. Seven Chances was a Buster Keeton film...or was it Chaplin...?
wolfshark
Aug. 18th, 2006 03:41 pm (UTC)
The bank dick is about a banker who accidentally gets locked into the vault with a (male) customer. Wacky hijinks and porn result!
stoney321
Aug. 18th, 2006 03:44 pm (UTC)
YES IT WAS. Now, I think I was "occupied" during a recent screening.

Wasn't there something about "making a deposit?" Or was it more about being penalized for "early withdrawal?"

*props chin on fists*
marenfic
Aug. 18th, 2006 03:44 pm (UTC)
She Done Him Wrong was so awesome. It was a hot little story about a woman who was cheating on her poor, clothing designer wannabe husband(played by PR's Daniel V!) with a series of sort of gross, mustached men. Daniel V's burly best friend finds out and does her too (but he doesn't have a mustache, so she isn't as into it). But lo, it doesn't matter! It was all a trick by said best friend who actually wanted Daniel all to himself and wanted his friend to know what a hobag his wife was. They end up having the hot rosebud (sic) sex while the wife watches, and learns a thing or two. Not only did she do him wrong by cheating, she actually did him wrong.

It's porn, with a moral message. Yay for teh buttsexxx! Boo on adultery.

stoney321
Aug. 18th, 2006 03:49 pm (UTC)
Ah, the pornstache. A 70s staple. Mmm hmmm. And what I found intriguing was how hot the wife was, as she stood in the closet touching herself while her friend and husband got it on.

But when she came out, licking her lips, I felt that she had learned her lesson. So the three-way "forgiveness" sex made me happy.

Also, when the pizza delivery guy showed up with "a hot slice," that gave the audience the laugh we needed after all that tension. And he had a ginormous dong.
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marenfic
Aug. 18th, 2006 03:54 pm (UTC)
Dictation is a amputee fetish-film about a genious deaf mute without hands who can only communicate through a complicated system of dick-tapping braille.

It's inspiring, really.
stoney321
Aug. 18th, 2006 04:01 pm (UTC)
*weeps copious amounts of creamy tears, not unlike a penis*

Dear lord, that's beautiful. And hot. Please, PLEASE tell me there's a sequel. Involving paper clips.
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fiveandfour
Aug. 18th, 2006 04:53 pm (UTC)
Trouble in Paradise is the cautionary tale of a guy named Trouble and a girl named Paradise. One day Trouble got the bright idea that if he used a vacuum hose to fluff himself up, as it were, before meeting with Paradise in their Bed of Sin (also known as Eden) he could give a little extra pleasure to Paradise.

He didn't realize until too late that this would cause Little Trouble when not in Big China to be a bit too, er, fluffy. In short, Trouble was in Paradise and couldn't get back out again. They became like a swollen dove-tail joint that a carpenter had brought together that no man could break asunder. Well, until Trouble somehow had a flash of memory about the hairy-backed butcher who had opened his virginal back door without the courtesy of a lube or a reach around, that is.

It's a cautionary tale because Trouble succeeded all too well in giving Paradise that extra pleasure he had set out to and she, like the greedy bitch she was, wanted it just like that again and again and again, oh yes baby just like that. It was a painful blow to Trouble's manly dignity to realize Paradise couldn't want him without benefit of a hosing ever again. And thus, Trouble realized too late why boys aren't supposed to play with hoses.
entrenous88
Aug. 18th, 2006 05:56 pm (UTC)
Cream Streets
This *MUST* be porn!
tinpanalley
Aug. 18th, 2006 06:16 pm (UTC)

It's about a brothel of transvestites in Venice. They had so much sex, the canal next to the brothel was literally filled with come. I'm surprised you haven't heard of it! ;)
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sp23
Aug. 18th, 2006 06:30 pm (UTC)
The Bank Dick is the touching tale of a young college graduate who gets his first job in the training program for a large well-known bank. In order to pay off his crushing student debt, he moonlights as an 'escort'. Little does he know that his 'cover' will quickly be blown (in more ways than one) when the manager of the branch where he works calls his agency and hires a companion for the night. After their initial shock, the young man quickly learns the best way to get 'ahead' in the corporate world.

Caught from Behind is, uh, pretty self-explanatory. ;P
stoney321
Aug. 18th, 2006 07:06 pm (UTC)
"his cover will quickly be blown" HAHAHAHAHAHA!! *bonus points!*
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( 82 comments — Leave a comment )

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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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