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AN OPEN LETTER TO MY ARCH-NEMESIS

Dear Hot Wind of 20 MPH:

So we meet again. Do I have to remind you that YESTERDAY was the official first day of Autumn? But this wouldn't be the first time you didn't take other people into consideration, would it? Of course not, you selfish bastard. That whole line "'tis an ill wind that blows no good" is all about you, isn't it? ISN'T IT?!?

Look. I'm training. I need to exercise outdoors. It's been wonderful for several days now. Bet that just pissed you off, huh? So today, the day I've decided to really push it, you come back from Mexico, or wherever you've been and just amp it up a notch by bringing hot humidity alongside your 20 mph self, huh? You're probably hanging out in the jetstream having a real laugh at my ponytail wacking me in the face, because it's not like you can just pick a direction and be done with it, nooooooo. You have to blow SSW one second, then whip around with the ESE confusion. You. Bastard.

So you know what? FINE. You win. Today didn't start off great, what with the Monster Freak-out™ from the boy over his missing shoes (outside by the trampoline - did I tell him three times to bring them in last night? Yes I did.), the fleck of syrup in the eye of #2 that resulted in caterwauling not seen since the rending of cloth and subsequent covering of ashes applied in 572 BC, Cradle of Life, aka Tigris and Euphrates river basin, and the Battle Over The Last Slice of Cold Pizza for Lunch, which resulted in NO ONE GETTING IT, OH MY GOD.

So you know what would have been nice? A good foot pounding on the pavement. Tension releaser. Endorphins. May this year's hurricane season REJECT YOU. I hope you stall out over the Gulf and never pick up steam. I hope you are mocked by butterflies and pelicans for your lack of loft.

May Tumbleweeds Lie Still In Your Stead,
Stoney


Also, it's not helping that I woke up before things got to the good part of my dream last night, the one with me and Stephen Colbert cheating on our spouses together. With his slightly stubbled cheek against my neck. The one obviously inspired by my late night viewing of an old SNL clip with my most favorite host ever, Alec Baldwin. (Canteen Boy and the Scoutmaster.) GRRRRRR. I don't want to be in a bad mood! *checks dl of last night's ep of The Office* 93%, hurrah!! (Man, I could NOT HEAR the beginning!! WHY DID THEY STOP KISSING?? - Don't tell me!! I'm re-watching....)

Comments

( 80 comments — Leave a comment )
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likeadeuce
Sep. 22nd, 2006 02:12 pm (UTC)
Hee hee.

Did you see Colbert put "irony" on notice? Now that's irony.

Sucks to the evil wind!
stoney321
Sep. 22nd, 2006 02:13 pm (UTC)
Hahahaha - I loved his hotline so all the Jews who have wronged him can make apologies on this day of Rosh Hashana. Hahaha!

SCREW YOU, HOT WIND!!
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floweringjudas
Sep. 22nd, 2006 02:16 pm (UTC)
...for the icon, basically.
stoney321
Sep. 22nd, 2006 02:18 pm (UTC)
Heeeee!! Oh, Colbert. I want him to nuzzle my neck with stubble so I giggle and get covered in goosebumps.
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chrisleeoctaves
Sep. 22nd, 2006 02:17 pm (UTC)
Feel free to send that hot wind my way- it was only plus 3 celcius when the kids headed off to school this morning.
I am wearing socks.
And a sweater.
And the best part- I have 7 more months of this crap to look forward to- possibly eight if we get the same shitty summer next year as we had this year.
So, boo hoo I say. *g*
stoney321
Sep. 22nd, 2006 02:19 pm (UTC)
YOU COULD MOVE SOUTH TO TEXAS. That way, you'll get GOOD Mexican food. And only have one month out of the year that's inhospitable.

Oh, plus one day, which is TODAY. GARGH. (I don't know how you people live in the cold. I'm a wuss.)
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stoney321
Sep. 22nd, 2006 02:27 pm (UTC)
A FLECK of syrup. Obtained by snapping the flip-top cap down "too fast." GOOD GOD I have WEINERS for children. Not even Oscar Myers. Those Bar-K cheap ass weiners made of pig lips and rectal tissue.

I AM A CRAB APPLE TODAY, GAH. I need Quincy Jones, STAT.
brandil
Sep. 22nd, 2006 02:33 pm (UTC)
Poor Stoney, mother nature's fucking with you again. So. Not. Fair.
stoney321
Sep. 22nd, 2006 02:48 pm (UTC)
<-- not today! Bah.
SERIOUSLY! Mother Nature's a douche. Whyfore, MN? It's not like I haven't dedicated most of my adult life to MN's BENEFIT.
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leila82
Sep. 22nd, 2006 02:50 pm (UTC)
But...but...that wasn't humid! It was windy out, yes, but not humid at all, because I wasn't drenched the second I stepped out, and I could breathe. I actually thought it was a nice day.

*has acclimated self to Houston humidty*
stoney321
Sep. 22nd, 2006 02:52 pm (UTC)
Ah, but see, I don't live in Houston! I'm in DFW and it is DISGUSTING today. I woke up in a sweat and aggravated at midnight when the weather shifted and had to turn the A/C back on. GAH. *shakes fist at heat*
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a2zmom
Sep. 22nd, 2006 02:56 pm (UTC)
Come here. It's quite nce today, got that slighty crisp fall thing going.

G-d doesn't dare do bad weather in NYC during the high holy days.

(That's actually true. I think it's rained twice in the last thirthy years on Yom Kippur and it's always beautiful on Rosh Hashanna)
stoney321
Sep. 22nd, 2006 02:58 pm (UTC)
OKAY. *packs bags ASAP* Crap - except I have to be here today, because I'm the Library Mom.

TODAY GETS AN F. F minus.
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fiveandfour
Sep. 22nd, 2006 02:59 pm (UTC)
My family's partial to Alec Baldwin and his Schweaty Balls.

(Boy, there's a sentence I never saw coming.)
stoney321
Sep. 22nd, 2006 03:01 pm (UTC)
Heeeeee!! I loved that skit, too. He did one once where it was a mockery of late night soap operas, and he was having an affair with everyone, men, women, and the family's Golden Retriever alike. Ahahahaha! He's SO FUNNY!
crevette
Sep. 22nd, 2006 03:13 pm (UTC)
I hear ya. We got a cold front through. It went to 69 degrees Wends night, and the coolness lasted TWELVE HOURS. TWELVE. I walked yesterday and it was gorgeous!

Tomorrow for my 22 mile slog? 92 degrees. "Higher than normal temps".

This had better be DONE by the 13th.
stoney321
Sep. 22nd, 2006 03:15 pm (UTC)
92!!! Dude, that ain't right for that kind of walking.

I at least have a few more weeks than you. Mother Nature better cooperate, or I WILL NO LONGER RECYCLE. You hear me, bitch??
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xochitl42
Sep. 22nd, 2006 03:21 pm (UTC)
Aw, it's one of them weird Texan autumns. I went through quite a few of those growing up in the Rio Grande Valley (go, Texsun!). I'm trying to remember if it indicated a whopper of a late season Gulf hurricane, but my memory's too fuzzy.

Nuts to your originating millibars, you foul intractable wind!

(Continuing good vibes towards all your hard training, despite the idiotic September heat.)
stoney321
Sep. 22nd, 2006 03:24 pm (UTC)
BAH TO TODAY. It's a wash. And I have to go grocery shopping, and it's so windy I want to HIDE.
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julia_here
Sep. 22nd, 2006 05:06 pm (UTC)
Hot and windy is a situation I can't get my head around, no matter how many times I've been in that situation, in Texas and Oklahoma and stuck in LA with a broken carand Santa Anna's.

It's supposed to get up to 68F here today, and in the seventies during the day by Sunday. I have a mind-blowing lily in bloom, and my camera is either dead or so sick as to make no never-mind.

Julia, it's a Lilium longicuspusXaurelius, white with a deep red throat, and I've lost the name
stoney321
Sep. 22nd, 2006 05:21 pm (UTC)
Lillies blooming NOW? That's something I can't get my head around! :) Unless it's what's called a "Surprise" Lily or Sider lily. I ned to dig up the name - I can see the ground shifting in the bed, hopefully if we get rain tomorrow they'll shoot up. (Mine are blood red, not pink, however.)
beanbeans
Sep. 22nd, 2006 08:26 pm (UTC)
*sends the 44 degree temps we had this morning, omg BRRR*

You are in a bad mood after a stubble snuggle dream with Steven Colbert? HOW is this possible??? :P

*keeps you, and is grateful for you and your words liek whoa* :D
stoney321
Sep. 22nd, 2006 08:48 pm (UTC)
*omg, takes that weather with JOY* Or you know, I'd go halfsies: my 97 today (seriously: WTF??) and that 44.

I woke up in a bad mood because it didn't get to the GOOD stuff! Heh. I was right. there. Hee!!

*squishes you* And seriously: I put my opinionation in my User Info. I don['t mind the lurkers at all. But don't be making messes in mah house. *head roll* Hahaha!
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Sep. 22nd, 2006 08:46 pm (UTC)
Heee!! I did! I started watching TDS with Kilborn (who I do not like anymore AT ALL - what an ass.) I linked to one of those montage clips a few weeks back - or last week? It's different than the one they showed last night. I LOVE THEM, TOO!

And I swear to god - I'm about to start stapling the shoes to the child's feet. HE HAS THE ONE PAIR. (I took the flip-flops and sandals away to make things EASIER IN THE MORNING. Aaaaaaaand the joke's on me.)

HI! I'm working on some curry recipes for when you are here. I need to find out from Sue if she'll eat Indian...
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domenowtrent
Sep. 22nd, 2006 09:59 pm (UTC)
I was informed by slasheuse that I should friend you. And here I am.


Hi!
stoney321
Sep. 22nd, 2006 10:25 pm (UTC)
Heeee!! HELLO! (Omg, are you Lyssa at the Y? Laura's buddy? BECAUSE WE SHOULD TALK.)
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moosesal
Sep. 22nd, 2006 10:37 pm (UTC)
It's nice and cool here. In fact, it's been snowing on and off. :)
stoney321
Sep. 22nd, 2006 11:01 pm (UTC)
Oh, I'm glad it's still pretty there! Hopefully this NASTY WEATHER will be gone by tomorrow afternoon. FEH. It got to 97! That's unacceptable for almost October, Sal!
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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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