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First, I'm late on my training walk today because it was 36 degrees this morning! What the hell, Canada? Thanks for back-bacon and Tim Hortons, but no thanks on the chilly wind. I'm waiting for a respectable 50ish temp before hitting the outdoors. Today is a 16 miler, so I'll be scarce this mid-day. Exciting news: I've only got $129 left to raise to reach my goal by this Friday morning! If you've been putting off making a donation, act now! 100% of the money I raise goes directly into affecting a person's life! Either by paying direct medical expenses (75%) or research to come up with better treatments (25%).

In other news, I've devised a mathematical formula using physics (both quantum and other) to prove that S/A makes the world go 'round. For dovil, based on a conversation in her journal.

If weight = mass x gravity (W=mg) and is measured in Newtons, and the Earth's gravity is 10 Newtons per kilogram, and Liam weighed 14 stone when turned, then Spike stole Fig Newtons from Andrew's hoard in Season 7.

If Spike ate an entire package - out of spite, mind - then he would still only weigh half of Angel's weight, because Otter Blood weighs more than Fig Newtons by .87 Newtons. To a factor of three, because three is a magic number, and we're talking Vampires.

We've established the weights and measures of our two Masses, and honestly, we could have eyeballed it. But this is SCIENCE and we believe in precision.

Proofs:
  • All masses are attracted to each other by a force of lust gravity
  • the greater the mass the greater the gravity (force of attraction)
  • the closer the mass, the stronger he gravity (force of attraction)


Ergo:
  • Everyone wants Angel and/or Spike
  • Angel weighs more than Spike - especially in later AtS seasons, Spike is noncorporeal and is drawn to Angel because one Mass is larger than the other
  • AtS S:5 had palpable sexual tension between the two and loads of deleted groiny scenes between them and they both were in Angel's bed on occasion


We can calculate the force of attraction by a complex formula and show the work, but that would change the rating of this post to NC-17, so take my word on it being a high number. I've calculated it to 6.9 x1069 because let's face it - they're both going to want to be "serviced" at the same time.

If electromagnetic coupling of the "core" affects the wobble of the earth's axis, and ice gathering in specific locales affects the rotational spin, then we can surmise that anal sex between two vampires, one of whom was recently electrocuted by Gwen, and the core is represented by Spike's ass (we'll discuss Black Hole and White Dwarf theorems at a later time), then their "coupling" disturbs the earth rotational spin until Cold Dead Seed (CDS*) is released - thus speeding up the earth's spin by .800 milliseconds. Multiply this times a factor of 6.9 x 1069, and you have the earth's rotational spin increasing until they take their time coupling yet again. (Vampire stamina, you see. They can go and go and go and...) It is this scientist's postulation that they were attempting to disrupt the rotational ellipses enough so that we would be constantly in darkness - this is Angelus/Spike, mind.

To maintain the current spin ratio, which an ensouled Angel would want, the wobble and speed needs to be contained by a force in the atmosphere circling the earth, yet escape velocity is expressed as follows:
Vescape=11.2x103 m/s. Which means nothing to you, I know. BUT! Conditions that are required for a projectile to escape the atmosphere and stay in orbit:

  • no friction
  • it must have at least as much kinetic energy (energy that a body possesses as a result of its motion) as potential energy (energy that is captured in an object).

In other words:

  • lube - tremendous quantities, obviously
  • reach-around while thrusting, thus putting super strength (let's not forget vampires have the strength of many men) into the projectile from the second mass, ie: Spike's cock. We'll calculate the mass of Spike's cock in subsequent discussions.


This can all be summed up by the following:

If Angel uses an entire gallon of Astro-Glide, If Spike is positioned at 23.5 degrees - mimicking the tilt of the Earth's axis, If Angel can sustain an erection for a minimum of 15 minutes, If the rate of speed of Angel's left hand is equal to the speed of thrusting into Spike's "core", Then the rate of velocity of Cold Dead Seed (CDS*) will be sufficient enough to leave the earth's atmosphere, fall into orbit, and return the earth's rotation to appropriate speeds, in as much as they continue to hump and "couple at the core" at a rate of once hourly, allowing for purring and downtime in between to allow them to snark and snipe at one another.

In other words: THEIR LOVE MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND.



Happy Monday, everyone!

Comments

( 85 comments — Leave a comment )
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(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Oct. 23rd, 2006 02:54 pm (UTC)
Oh, there's totally going to be a Black Hole and White Dwarf (hahahahaha) post soon. But not this week. This is HELL WEEK, I've determined.

Have a good day! Make faces when their backs are turned! Mention that you didn't know if you should count the sales from heroin in "profits" or "expeditures." Because you have to spend money to make money. And the bank had the money at the time. :D
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ladycat777
Oct. 23rd, 2006 02:50 pm (UTC)
BWAH! Sorry, that's all I got this morning, but it's heart-felt?

Also -- el nony-mouse is me. I don't like having my name on "Look Who Pledged" things because, um, that's not why I'm doing it and seems kind of hypocritical. But I wanted you to know :)
stoney321
Oct. 23rd, 2006 02:52 pm (UTC)
Hi! *takes that heartfelt Bwah* And I know who donates - I get emails telling me what's the what. (But if you want me to screen your comment, say the word) AND THANK YOU. *hugs hugs hugs*
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wolfshark
Oct. 23rd, 2006 02:53 pm (UTC)
*dies laughing*

I mean, we knew that already, but it's so nice to have the actual evidence right there in front of us!
stoney321
Oct. 23rd, 2006 02:54 pm (UTC)
I'm all for scientific proofs. *pushes glasses up nose, adjusts slide rule*

Heeeeeeee! And now I walk!
brandil
Oct. 23rd, 2006 03:05 pm (UTC)
I <3 you now more than ever.

stoney321
Oct. 23rd, 2006 05:24 pm (UTC)
Hahahaha. NERDS are HAWT.
crevette
Oct. 23rd, 2006 03:18 pm (UTC)
36 degrees? Yikes.

I hope it gets a tad warmer for you before the weekend.

Some tips for you:

1. If you didn't get towel service, do. It's worth it.

2. Bring a good sized tarp. The tents are TEENY and you will not be able to fit both people's gear in them along with airmattresses and you. You can leave your gear outside the tent, but cover it with a tarp so it doesn't get damp.

3. Get the big ziploc baggies--ie 2 gallon or bigger. Pack each day's clothing in an individual bag. That way if the gear does get wet, you'll be able to have the individual items dry.

4. On day 3, take your flip flops or comfy camp shoes and loop them onto your pack or belt. You'll want to change your shoes when you get to the holding area and it is a PAIN to put the sneaks back on after everything.

5. If one of the stops has the peanut butter and jelly grahams, RUN--don't walk--to get them. They are very, very yummy.

6. Sunscreen the tops of your ears. Just sayin'.

7. visit the La Croix tent and get the foot massage thing. It's worth the entire walk. Seriously.

8. If you get any hot spots at all, visit medical ASAP. The rebuilt my feet from scratch at least twice. They have some kind of special spray adhesive that holds the moleskin on so much better, and something called "second skin" that cushions the blisters so much better. Also, they have Ben-Gay and Biofreeze for the muscle cramps.

9. You may want to bring a small travel size of toilet paper or tissues when you walk. Some times the portalets run out. Just saying.

10. ENJOY it. Bring your camera. Prepare to be amazed at how freaking great this is.

11. You are an incredible woman. I salute you.
stoney321
Oct. 23rd, 2006 05:27 pm (UTC)
re: 36 degrees - seriously!! What the hell??? Our weekend is looking to be in the 50s - 70s, which is PERFECT. *crosses fingers and toes*

I think I might need to bring a towel or pillow for my face at the foot massage tent, because I might orgasm. Loudly.

Got the big baggies, will get a tarp - good tip! - and I have antibacterial wipes for the porta-potties, because EWWWWWWW.

Hey, here's something fun: it looks like my period is coming early, so changing tampons in porta-potties is going to be SUPER AWESOME FUN. kill me.

I HEART YOU, IRENE. You are awesome, and you got me into this, and it's the most wonderful thing I've been involved with and I haven't even DONE it yet!! *smooch*
fiveandfour
Oct. 23rd, 2006 03:26 pm (UTC)
Geez, and here I thought it was fun when we used math and physics to calculate the ideal angle and velocity for launching objects in a perfect arc over the freeway.

See kids, math is fun (not to mention incredibly useful and relevant)!

P.S. I think you've left me in the dust on the Nerd, Geek or Dork Test.
stoney321
Oct. 23rd, 2006 05:28 pm (UTC)
Hahahaha - and no, no, launching things over the freeway is fun. (And I may have asked the Mister to get The Boy a small trebuchet. Because it is SO FUN.)

*total nerd* Hahaha, thanks for that link!!
lynnenne
Oct. 23rd, 2006 03:47 pm (UTC)
Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Oh, Stoney, I lick your brain. And possibly other parts of you as well.
stoney321
Oct. 23rd, 2006 05:29 pm (UTC)
*unbuttons shirt a tad*

HI!! Say, did you happen to call this weekend? I think I may have missed a call from you... Whoops!
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kita0610
Oct. 23rd, 2006 03:49 pm (UTC)
It's as if you've seen my soul.
stoney321
Oct. 23rd, 2006 05:30 pm (UTC)
Naw, that was just down your shirt while you were bent over earlier.
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moosesal
Oct. 23rd, 2006 03:56 pm (UTC)
Oh man, I knew there was a reason to check LJ today. I love you to bits.
stoney321
Oct. 23rd, 2006 05:30 pm (UTC)
Hahaha. I love YOU to bits!!!
a2zmom
Oct. 23rd, 2006 04:17 pm (UTC)
I knew all that calculus would pay off some day. Proof positive that higher math is good for something.

36 degrees? Isn't that ilegal in your neck of the woods?
stoney321
Oct. 23rd, 2006 05:31 pm (UTC)
Math proves slash and vampire sex!!

And I'm pretty sure that temperature IS illegal!! It was a freak temp. A FREAK. It's already in the upper 50s, low 60s, so WHEW.
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Oct. 23rd, 2006 05:32 pm (UTC)
Hee - I hope I don't gross him out, is all!

It has - and it's supposed to be great all week, temp. wise. We're due some rain Weds. and Thurs. so I'm hoping it'll all be done and I have blue skies come 3-Day weekend. (Because we walk, rain, snow or shine. YIKES.)
lettered
Oct. 23rd, 2006 05:50 pm (UTC)
My god, it's full of stars!

I have it so bad for you right now.
stoney321
Oct. 23rd, 2006 06:36 pm (UTC)
If I'da known being sofa king wee todd it was a turn on, I wouldn't have dropped out of Mu Alpha Theta (math society) my senior year of high school...
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entrenous88
Oct. 23rd, 2006 06:21 pm (UTC)
O_o

I will trust you on this one, my Stoney!

<3
stoney321
Oct. 23rd, 2006 06:34 pm (UTC)
YOU SHOULD. For truly, my knowledge of quantum physics as pertaining to vampire butt sex is frightening in its vastness. Not unlike Spike's ass.
petzipellepingo
Oct. 23rd, 2006 06:24 pm (UTC)
Hmm... I wonder what Stephen Hawking would say about this....
stoney321
Oct. 23rd, 2006 06:33 pm (UTC)
Well, he wouldn't say anything because he can't talk. But, he would type this:

I ♥ U Stoney.

Ahahahaha. I'm going to the Special Hell.
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st_salieri
Oct. 23rd, 2006 06:47 pm (UTC)
OMG!!!!

Don't think I'm not going to come back and comment extensively on this. SO AWESOME.
st_salieri
Oct. 23rd, 2006 10:06 pm (UTC)
..and I've been trying to think of something to add to my original comment, and can't. Woe.

Except that I've planned an extensive refutation wherein I prove mathematically that Spuffy is the ultimate pairing.
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electricalgwen
Oct. 23rd, 2006 07:59 pm (UTC)
*grumps*
If I'd known it would lead to Spike/Angel, I would never have zapped the git.
*clings to S/X*
;)
stoney321
Oct. 23rd, 2006 08:12 pm (UTC)
"zapped the git?" Oooh, please do 'splain! :D

And yeah - I'm all about the S/A when it comes to any sort of 'shippiness, which I rarely admit to, as I'm a gen type of girl. With...the...exception of the S/A. And A/C. Because I'm wrong. Ha!
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shiny_n_new
Oct. 23rd, 2006 08:52 pm (UTC)
That right there is the prettiest math I have ever seen...<3
stoney321
Oct. 23rd, 2006 08:56 pm (UTC)
*cracks up at your icon* And thank you! *curtsies*
eccentricorbit
Oct. 24th, 2006 12:12 am (UTC)
Hummm, Am I more disgusted by the physics or the gay sex? :)

Actually, I like the 11km/s escape velocity.
stoney321
Oct. 24th, 2006 02:23 am (UTC)
Heeeeeee! I said as much (re: gay sex) to Anne and your thoughts on it.

OMG, physics are Sew Phun when you screw them up! *cracks up*
amavel_bel
Oct. 24th, 2006 12:55 am (UTC)
Woaaaa, I'm kinda dizzy after reading this. But I believe in your theory with all my heart *g*. Yay, scientific proof for Spangel!!! *bounces crazily*
stoney321
Oct. 24th, 2006 02:21 am (UTC)
Hee hee! I'm all about scientific proofs, especially when it comes to vampires.

Wait...

;)
cordelianne
Oct. 24th, 2006 01:52 am (UTC)
Excellent! *slow applause*

OMG I laughed so hard reading this!! *g*
stoney321
Oct. 24th, 2006 02:20 am (UTC)
Hee hee! HOORAY!! And I am in love with your icon, hahahaha!!!
hellziggy
Oct. 24th, 2006 01:53 am (UTC)
You are a liar, Miss Stoney.

You do not need $129 to meet your goal.

YOU HAVE SURPASSED YOUR GOAL BECAUSE YOU FUCKIN' ROCK! Way to go, you!! *squish*

And in other important news,

OMG! I love your math skillz!

Can I link to this in my journal? This brilliance needs to be shared with the world, even if Spike/Xander are a better couple...
stoney321
Oct. 24th, 2006 02:19 am (UTC)
I see that!! (And I see why you deserve a HUGE thanks, too! THANK YOU, SHARON.) I didn't ammend my post because I was off walking a gazillion miles today, you see... :D

OMG THEY ARE NOT. *totally has a shipper war* <-- except not really.
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tamibrandt
Oct. 24th, 2006 03:50 am (UTC)
*ROTFLMFAO*

*Picks self up off the floor wiping tears out of her eyes*

That's great...scientific proof I can show everyone who thinks I've totally lost it to Spangel!
stoney321
Oct. 24th, 2006 12:14 pm (UTC)
Hahaha! YES. Now you have UNREFUTABLE PROOF that there is one 'Ship to rule them all - and CDS* to bind them!
xochitl42
Oct. 24th, 2006 03:56 am (UTC)
I'm utterly grossed out and singularly awed by your command of genre and physics at exactly the same time.

How the hell am I supposed to go to sleep now?!
stoney321
Oct. 24th, 2006 12:15 pm (UTC)
Oh, yeah. HEADS UP! I'm usually quite disgusting. Or rather, I like making fun of words that pop up in fandom a lot that are disgusting, because HUH?

*tells you bedtime story of puppies gamboling in fields of flowers to soothe your worried brow*
luvxander
Oct. 24th, 2006 10:30 am (UTC)
I just don't understand. There are no additions or subtractions to anything based on Xander's absence. There's no way anything can be done without him.
stoney321
Oct. 24th, 2006 12:15 pm (UTC)
HAHAHA. YES, I think I've scientifically shown that it CAN, CJ. Heee! Kidding, OMG!
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beadattitude
Oct. 24th, 2006 10:58 am (UTC)
How did I miss this the first time? ::is agawp::
stoney321
Oct. 24th, 2006 12:16 pm (UTC)
I don't know!?! Maybe the words "quantum physics" made you have a brain freeze?

Also: THANK YOU, My Susi!!! Thank you so much, sweetheart.
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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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