?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Fic Post! Fandom: Scrubs

Title: My Observed Holiday
Author: Stoney321
Fandom: Scrubs
Characters: Ensemble, JD's POV
Summary: Carla could never understand our need to celebrate the unusual. To admire and honor the ordinary that moved beyond into the extraordinary. Plus, there were cool rubber flaps on his arms and legs that showed you his insides!
Word Count: 1800ish
Disclaimer: I do not make money from writing about fictitious television characters. For fun.
A/N: For the sitcomathon, requested by scrunchy, prompt: JD, Turk, a new holiday. Thank you to dlgood for the beta, and to Mr. S for his extensive Steve Austin knowledge, the big dork. If you want to see the doll in question (read to understand) it's here. Also, the theme song and intro can be seen here.



My Observed Holiday

*****




“Neither of you even grew up watching it. You didn’t know about it until college.”

“Carla, would you mock a dying man for wanting to come closer to Jesus?”

“Bambi, don’t you start with me.”

Carla could never understand our need to celebrate the unusual. To admire and honor the ordinary that moved beyond into the extraordinary. Plus, there were cool rubber flaps on his arms and legs that showed you his insides!

“A memorial day for a cancelled television show? You were two years old when it finished. And it’s August! They only had reruns during the summer. It wasn’t even on.”

“I know, but there are lots of things to celebrate in the spring. First of all, you know April’s tied up with ‘Jell-O-bration.’ Turk?”

“And May has ‘Take Your Rowdy To Work Day.’”

“So you see, Carla, the clear choice for The Six Million Dollar Man Memorial Day is in August.”

Turk broke in, “Listen, baby. JD and I have done this for years. You’re just going to have to understand it’s a part of who we are. How we identify ourselves. Plus, he has Real Working Bionic Vision and leg flaps!”

“I was just thinking that same thing, Super Brain Buddy!”

Carla rolled her eyes and dropped the “Six Million Dollar Man” Steve Austin doll on the coffee table. “Fine. Look like a pair of idiots. Same as every day.”

I quickly picked him up and checked to make sure that his vintage red jumpsuit wasn’t scuffed or soiled.

“Is he okay?”

“He’s going to be fine, Brown Bear.”

Turk gave a shimmy. “Me first!”


*******


Dr. Wen pointed at the monitor next to the patient’s head. “The barium test clearly shows a tear in the peritoneal cavity. Who can show me where, exactly?”

Turk leaned into the surgical field. “Doctor, I’ve arranged for a special consult for this procedure. Allow me to introduce you to Dr. Steve Austin.” Turk pulled the doll out of his scrubs’ pocket and showed it to the nursing staff and Dr. Wen.

I was standing on the other side of the glass with an intern. “How did he manage to make tiny OR scrubs so quickly? That little mask is adorable!”

Turk held the doll to his face and looked through the Bionic Eye for a close up. “Doctor? We believe the tear is located two centimeters distally from the ileocecal valve.”

Dr. Wen nodded. “Excellent work, you two. Dr. Turk? I’d like a second opinion, please.” He held out his hand, his face mask hiding his wide grin.


*******


I got Mr. Anderson in Curtain Three - subcutaneous hematoma and hairline fracture of the hamate - started on an IV drip with Doug in charge, which meant I had about three minutes before needing a crash cart. Time to find the Bionic Man. First stop? Nurses’ Station.

“Laverne, have you seen Turk?”

“Mmm hmm. Him and Carla think they’re fooling everyone into thinking they’re checking out supplies in that closet, but we know better.”

“Oh... kay.”

Just then, my pager went off. Apparently Doug had set a new record. The adventures of Dr. John Dorian and Colonel Steve Austin would have to wait.


*******


“Elliot, don’t tell me you’re in on this, too,” Carla whined.

Elliot held up a finger in the classic “wait” hold, made her Jaime “The Bionic Woman” Summers doll fake an orgasm, and sighed. “Too bad there aren’t mini cigarettes for them to smoke. He’s good. Oh, he’s very good.”

“Why, Elliot? Why??”

“Turk and JD wouldn’t let me play with him last year because I said that GI Joe could totally beat up the Bionic Man but that’s only because I never watched boy shows. My brother Barry and I weren’t allowed to have boy dolls when we were little because my mom thought we make them,” she poked a finger through the other hand’s finger circle, “which we totally would have. Barry had the great idea of sanding the boobs off our Skipper doll so Barbie would have a boyfriend? That took all afternoon. He always made me play with Skipper, which I didn’t mind since Barry seemed to love dressing Barbie up in all the Bob Mackie gowns we had. Anyhoo, I asked JD last year if Steve Austin went commando under his jumpsuit and they wouldn’t let me hold him.”

“So... you brought your own Bionic Man doll today?”

“No, this is theirs. I found it lying around the wash station in the OR on Three and-” she pantomimed the classic ‘yoink.’

Elliot unzipped Steve’s jumpsuit and slipped Jaime’s plastic hand inside to feel his molded pectorals. In a high pitched voice she purred, “Take me out for lobster and I might let you pet my bajingo. Then you can show me what else is better, stronger, and faster... No, that last one doesn’t work for me.”

Carla blinked, shook her head, and walked swiftly away.


********


With Mr. Anderson stabilized and Doug writing lines in the Janitor’s closet - Dr. Cox just wanted him out of the way, I think - it was time to reminisce with my hero: the world’s first cyber-genetic astronaut doctor. God, he had everything.

Now... where was he?


********


Elliot bit her lower lip while smooshing the two dolls together in a plastic kiss when she heard Laverne’s voice ring out, “Anyone seen Johnny, the Tackling Alzheimer’s patient?”

“WHO AM I??”

Elliot was knocked to the ground with a whoosh of air, the dolls skittering along the floor towards the Janitor.

“Dammit, I never get any help around here. This biomedical waste weighs a t– . Oh. This should do the trick.”

The Janitor pulled a pair of barbeque tongs from his work belt and neatly snagged the Bionic Man off the floor and wiped the lipstick that perfectly matched Blonde Doctor’s off its face.

“Hey!” Elliot struggled to untangle herself from Johnny on the floor.

“Sorry. Got work to do, Blondie.”

The Janitor spun the doll in his hand like a pistol. “This’ll do juuuust fine.”


********


Turk was under the scrub station when I ran in.

“Okay, my turn, Dark Chocolate.”

Turk gave me a look. And right then, I knew I had used the wrong name.

“Mocha.”

“Thank you.”

“So where is he?”

Turk smiled and let out a nervous laugh.

“Nooooooo!”


**********


“So how does this thing work again?”

The Janitor poked at the bionic panels on Colonel Steve Austin’s arm.

“Hmm. Where’d I put my knife-wrench?”


**********


Turk and I raced from Three down to Two, looking in every room for the Six Million Dollar Man. Unfortunately, we began picking up onlookers. Like Ted’s a capella group, The Worthless Peons.

Their stunningly talented rendition of the Six Million Dollar Man theme song as we ran was a little distracting. Also, they weren’t as fast as Turk and I. We improvised with running in slow-mo and making bionic sounds as we exited the elevator in front of the nurses station to allow them to catch up.

And that was when I saw Colonel Steve Austin, American Hero, in the hands of the enemy.

“So you turn his head like this and push the lever on his back and – ”

The Janitor demonstrated how the Bionic Action Arm could lift an entire bag of biomedical waste.

“-viola! That Bionic Grip is amazing.”

I raced towards the Colonel, not paying attention to the crash cart Lonnie was rolling in my path. Does that count as a double entendre? Or is that only for sexy things? No one bothered to check on me as I flipped to the floor. The Todd popped out of an adjoining room.

“Bionic Grip? Because I could use that. Down here!” he grinned.

Turk hurdled me. “Todd, NO!” The Todd leered and pulled the front of his scrubs out and slipped Steve Austin in.

I got to my feet and yelled, “Nurse! Forceps!”

Nothing. Turk held his hand out. “Nurse! Forceps!”

Laverne slapped a pair into his hand while a second nurse snapped a rubber glove on his left hand.

“Oh, now come on!”

Turk, using his gloved hand, pulled The Todd’s pants open and gingerly reached in with the forceps and retrieved Steve.

“I need a Gurney!”

I shoved an older woman off a nearby Gurney - what? She was climbing off! - tossed a “sorry!” over my shoulder and strapped Steve down. Turk and I raced to the autoclave to sterilize him before any of Todd’s cooties could take hold.

Turk checked the Colonel’s vitals as we raced to the Sterilization Room. “Dammit, don’t you go dying on me!”

“He won’t, T-Diddy. We won’t let him.”

We held each other while the autoclave ran through its cycle.

“He’s going to be fine. He’s going to be fine, dammit! He’s Bionic!”

I patted Turk’s back while he pulled himself together.


*********


I gave The Worthless Peons a nod.

“BUM bum bum BUM BUM bum bum...”

Turk switched on various monitors and fired up the defibrillator. It made a glorious hum. I took Mr. Anderson’s hairline fractured hamate into my hand and addressed the interns.

“Mr. Anderson, Curtain Three. A man barely alive.”

Mr. Anderson gave a frightened start. I reassured him with a shake of my head to let him know he wasn’t going to die of a marginally broken hand.

“Do dooo dee doooo!”

“Interns? We can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to make the world’s first Bionic Hand. Mr. Anderson will be that man. Better than he was before. Better. Stronger. Faster. Isn’t that right, Mr. Austin?”

The Six Million Dollar Man, astride the IV drip, had his right hand outstretched.

“Action Figure Five!” The Todd knocked him across the floor. Stupid Todd. Turk retrieved him and held him close. I knew that hold. And at that moment, I knew The Colonel was safe.

“Dah dah daaaaaaaah! Bum bum bum.”

I gave Ted and the other Peons a “well done” nod. “Nice work on the running noise, Ted.”

Ted mopped his sweaty pate with a handkerchief. “Thanks.”

Only three hundred and sixty-four more days until the next Six Million Dollar Man Memorial Day. Oh, I almost forgot...

“Carla?”

“No!”

Turk made that puppy dog face that no human and most mammals couldn’t resist.

“Oh, fine.”

Carla tossed both of us tennis balls that we had strategically sliced with scalpels earlier. I made the “nahnahnahnahnahnah” bionic noise and one, two, three-

Crush!

Only Jell-O-bration was better. Or maybe the Pop-Tart-A-Thon of September...


*****

Comments

( 45 comments — Leave a comment )
Page 1 of 2
<<[1] [2] >>
ladycat777
Oct. 31st, 2006 03:42 pm (UTC)
OH MY GOD I LOVE THAT ICON SO VERY MUCH!!!
stoney321
Oct. 31st, 2006 03:46 pm (UTC)
Heeeeeee! That's one of my favorite moments on that show EVER.
spuffyduds
Oct. 31st, 2006 03:44 pm (UTC)
HAH HAH HAH!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, god, yes, you looked through a hole in the back of his head for the Bionic vision...
stoney321
Oct. 31st, 2006 03:47 pm (UTC)
And his Bionic Arm really could hold a lot of weight, too! I totally had the Bionic Woman doll as a kid.
floweringjudas
Oct. 31st, 2006 05:15 pm (UTC)
DUDE THIS IS AWESOME. I am so glad you included a Barry mention.

Elliot bit her lower lip while smooshing the two dolls together in a plastic kiss when she heard Laverne’s voice ring out, “Anyone seen Johnny, the Tackling Alzheimer’s patient?”

“WHO AM I??”



*FALLS OVER*
stoney321
Nov. 1st, 2006 12:26 am (UTC)
Heee! I LOVE it when she casually mentions her brother Barry. (Or when Kelso mentions his flamingly gay son in a matter of fact voice. HA!)

Thanks, Laura!
kat_lair
Oct. 31st, 2006 07:21 pm (UTC)
Oh man, GENIUS!

You managed to capture the relentless absurdity of the show really well. Dolls! Forceps! Turk and JD! This was just absolutely great.
stoney321
Nov. 1st, 2006 12:28 am (UTC)
Janitor!! *loves your icon*

Oh, thanks! I'm glad this worked. I friggin' LOVE that show. So silly and hilarious.
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Nov. 1st, 2006 12:30 am (UTC)
Um, I may have Mary Sued myself with the whole not allowed to have a boy doll bit because my mother totally thought my sister and I would make then "hauna hauna." (Her words for sex.) And she was right.

I remember that Spidey mask! What the hell, Kenner?

JELLOBRATION. My Mormon family makes that ribbon jello dish every year, and I may have to nickname it Jellobration. (And why is LJ changing my Elliot icon to the default? The word WHORE is off-putting?? WTF, LJ?)
cordelianne
Oct. 31st, 2006 09:19 pm (UTC)
heeeee! This is awesome! I'm so impressed by this because it's like a missing episode of the show. All the character voices are excellent and it has that fun Scrubs humour. My favourite moment (which was hard to choose because there were many):
Their stunningly talented rendition of the Six Million Dollar Man theme song as we ran was a little distracting. Also, they weren’t as fast as Turk and I. We improvised with running in slow-mo and making bionic sounds as we exited the elevator in front of the nurses station to allow them to catch up.
I can totally visualize this - and it's hysterical! Love it! *g*
stoney321
Nov. 1st, 2006 12:31 am (UTC)
Oh, hurrah! I'm glad the bit with the Worthless Peons and the slow-mo worked - I loved visualizing that, YAY!!

Thanks, cookie!!
sdwolfpup
Oct. 31st, 2006 09:23 pm (UTC)
I LOVED THIS FIC SO MUCH. It made me laugh and I could hear the actors saying the lines. Jell-O-Bration is genius. GENIUS. Chocolate Bear and the Tackling Alzheimer's Patient and Carla's voice - dude, you so get Carla. Love love love.
stoney321
Nov. 1st, 2006 12:32 am (UTC)
TACKLING ALZHEIMER'S PATIENT. Dammit, I love that show. They make the most random moments WORK and it pleases me.

Thank you so much!! Love love love YOU!
cara_leigh9
Oct. 31st, 2006 09:48 pm (UTC)
*is stunned*

LOL, this is hilarious. Are you sure this wasn't a lost episode that you know about and we don't?

Uh, no you don't know me. I just snuck over here to read this.
stoney321
Nov. 1st, 2006 12:32 am (UTC)
Hello! Thanks for coming over and leaving me feedback! I'm so glad you got a laugh out of this, YAY!!
semby
Oct. 31st, 2006 10:34 pm (UTC)
HAHAHA! This was so much like the show, hilariously ridiculous. Love it.

You have also just had the honor of popping my Scrubs-fic-reading cherry! Never ventured this way before, but I've been rewatching so many old Scrubs episodes lately that I couldn't resist...
stoney321
Nov. 1st, 2006 12:33 am (UTC)
WHEE!! I've only read a few, so I don't know if I'm writing the way that fandom prefers, but this is what came out...

And I'm so glad Comedy Central is re-airing the episodes. I LOVE THAT SHOW. It's my husband's favorite sitcom, too.

THANK YOU, SEMBY!! :*
lorax
Nov. 1st, 2006 04:28 am (UTC)
Oh god, I LOVED this. The voices were spot on, it was funny and quick as hell. And had the randomness of the show that makes it so bizzarely funny. The random tackling alzheimers patient! Doctor Wen wanting a second opinion!

Thank you so much!
stoney321
Nov. 1st, 2006 01:45 pm (UTC)
*cracks up at your The Todd icon*

Oh, HURRAY! I've never written Scrubs fic before, so I've been nervous as all get out that it worked. (Yay for the Dr. Wen shout out! That was the first thing I wrote. Heee!)
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Nov. 1st, 2006 01:46 pm (UTC)
Yay!! I'm so glad you got a laugh - exactly what I was going for.

THANK YOU!!
elucidate_this
Nov. 1st, 2006 07:20 am (UTC)
this is so amazingly perfect there aren't words. *has a moment of silent appreciation and love*
stoney321
Nov. 1st, 2006 01:47 pm (UTC)
WHEEE!! I'm glad you liked it! I've not written in this fandom before, and I'm thinking I could really enjoy writing in it... I love the funny! *squish*
wickedgrdn
Nov. 1st, 2006 04:17 pm (UTC)
You. Wrote. Scrubs. Fic. *dies from loving you so much* Scrubs is one of my favorite shows and this was fic was AWESOME. *chortles* Very funny stuff, good character voice, I could hear them in my head as I read the story. Nice job, sweetie! :)
stoney321
Nov. 2nd, 2006 09:27 pm (UTC)
How did I miss this? THANK YOU SO MUCH for the compliment! *takes it and cross stitches on a pillow*

I'm so glad you could hear the voices - WHEW!
vassilissa
Nov. 1st, 2006 06:45 pm (UTC)
This is beautiful beyond words.

And I love that you put Ted & co in it.
stoney321
Nov. 1st, 2006 06:59 pm (UTC)
WHEEEE!! Oh, I'm so glad you liked it! (And how can you have a Scrubs fic without Sweaty Teddy??)

THANK YOU!
agate
Nov. 2nd, 2006 01:26 am (UTC)
“Okay, my turn, Dark Chocolate.”

Turk gave me a look. And right then, I knew I had used the wrong name.

“Mocha.”


Hee! This whole thing is extremely funny.
stoney321
Nov. 2nd, 2006 01:32 am (UTC)
Yay! JUST what I want to hear. THANK YOU!
Page 1 of 2
<<[1] [2] >>
( 45 comments — Leave a comment )

Tags

Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

April 2017
S M T W T F S
      1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
30      
Powered by LiveJournal.com