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Spam, I know, I know but OH MY GOD!!!

This is so not work safe. It's just... it's not HUMAN SAFE.



I like tattoos. Good tattoos. Some tattoos turn me right the hell on. Heck, I have a tattoo. Some are lame. Some are poorly done. Some are cheesy.

And then you have these.







That is a TATTOO. Someone paid someone else to make them look like they got the shit beat out of them. I would have done it for FREE.




COCK DRAGON!!! Oh my chickens and eggs, that looks like SERIOUS OUCHIE happening. Cock dragon. Totally changes that joke about the guy with "WY" tattooed on his knob that becomes "Welcome to Wisconsin, have a great day!" when hard. This guy goes to bed with a Richard Scarry earthworm and wakes up with Eragon. (Seriously - intricate tattoos have to get refilled in! So... was he hard? OH MY GOD. Can you imagine the hard core artist with Pennywise on his skull having to hold a hard dick in his hand and POKE IT OVER AND OVER WITH A NEEDLE????)





WHY?? WHY. WHY! WHY?!?! Girlfriend: no. En. Oh. NO. That is NOT hot. That is not "cool." The only guys (or girls) that are going to dig that are parolees running meth out of their grandma's kitchen while still living with their moms. Who steal from their baby cousins to support their habit, but won't sell their collection of pewter dragons and wizards to get Taco Bell for dinner. And who come up with new and unique ways to "jazz up" Ramen noodles. "Hey, cook it in bong water, add the cheese dust from the inside of a Dorito's bag, and sprinkle a red pepper flakes packet from Pizza Inn over the top, and you're talking some A-Line eatin', bro!"



WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOME PEOPLE???

AND I DO NOT KNOW WHAT I AM LOOKING AT HERE. I... WHAT AM I LOOKING AT HERE???

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Comments

( 70 comments — Leave a comment )
liz_marcs
Nov. 2nd, 2006 07:32 pm (UTC)
Ummmmm....

Got no words. None.

Although I admit that I'd laugh myself sick if I saw a dragon-penis, which is probably not the reaction the wanna-be was going for.
stoney321
Nov. 2nd, 2006 07:35 pm (UTC)
I KNOW. I would laugh so hard at the Dragon cock, it's just not even funny. Except for all that laughing would indicate that it WAS funny.

WHAT ON EARTH? That's is called TOO MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS TO THINK ABOUT YOUR DICK.

Not to mention that I'd be humming Puff the Magic Dragon, and that's not exactly a "sexy" tune.
brandil
Nov. 2nd, 2006 07:37 pm (UTC)
I had seen the penis dragon before, but not the permanent face bruises or the vagina face. Er ...

Neither of which are as disturbing as that video. did you noticed that that one poodle had a cock? And here I was thinking they were all girls.

The fuck was that about?
stoney321
Nov. 2nd, 2006 07:45 pm (UTC)
I did NOT see the Poodle cock, OH MY GOD. Brandi! What is WRONG with people???

Vagina demon. Well, THANKS A LOT, chick. Like we don't have enough of a stigma down there, you have to add an evil face.

(oooh, Sal's in for the walk next year - you wanna come????)
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southernbangel
Nov. 2nd, 2006 07:38 pm (UTC)
Wait, guys get tattoos on their COCKS? Doesn't that, I don't hurt, HURT LIKE A MOFO? And the lady one? OH EM GEE.

And what the hell is up with that video? WHAT?! Poodle lady is CAH-RAZY.
stoney321
Nov. 2nd, 2006 07:47 pm (UTC)
I DO NOT KNOW WHY YOU WOULD DO THAT DOWN THERE.

I mean, I didn't think my tattoo hurt. It was irritating, but not PAINFUL. And mine's on the top of my foot where it's nothing but nerve endings. But your PO PO??

Poodle Lady. It HAS to be a parody of some kind. It... *sigh*
a2zmom
Nov. 2nd, 2006 07:43 pm (UTC)
There is no way dragon dick would get anywhere near me. (And now I'm thinking about flames shooting out. No, no, no.)

I wouldn't even get a tatoo on my shoulder because of the whole ouch thing. I'm gonna let someone play color by numbers with my poon? I think not.
stoney321
Nov. 2nd, 2006 07:48 pm (UTC)
I would laugh so hard at Dragon Dick and ask him all about his 30 year long DnD game and did he think he was actually gaining magic powers and... (not to insult those on my flist - or my husband - who PLAY and ENJOY DnD but you KNOW what I mean here.)

THIS GIRL GIVES A WHOLE NEW MEANING TO PUNJAB. [/rimshot]
sdwolfpup
Nov. 2nd, 2006 07:43 pm (UTC)
I...I...I've got nothing.
stoney321
Nov. 2nd, 2006 07:49 pm (UTC)
Imagine if these people had just read a few more books... Taken a few more walks... Anything to GET THEM OUT OF THE TATTOO CHAIR.
sweetumms33
Nov. 2nd, 2006 07:44 pm (UTC)
You just made my day. The beat-up face guy was just sad, but Dragon penis? I died laughing. Now I am going to look at random men on the street and wonder if they have that under their pants. HAHHAHAHA, I can't stop laughing it's too funny.
As for the face...yeah not so much. Bad idea.

You rock, this is so funny
stoney321
Nov. 2nd, 2006 07:50 pm (UTC)
*drools over your Logan icon*

I mean... DRAGON DICK. Some guy thinks his dick is a DRAGON. And paid good money and endured lots of pain to be a living cock joke. WOW.

*laughs with you*
poshcat
Nov. 2nd, 2006 07:53 pm (UTC)
THE POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now I want a poodle that wears spandex while doing aerobics.

Also, did you see that "before" pic!?!? OMG, please tell me she didn't look like that on a daily basis! Put your legs together, honey, for the love of god!
stoney321
Nov. 2nd, 2006 08:12 pm (UTC)
JIM!!!

Okay, I did NOT see the before pic, what?!? And SRSLY with the putting the legs together. Unless you look like THIS (omg I am not straight when that picture is shown, UNGH) you should KEEP 'EM CLOSED.
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romanyg
Nov. 2nd, 2006 07:56 pm (UTC)
Um...she's going to regret the facial tattoos when she's older?

And Puff...*squeezes legs together just looking at it, in an ouch way*

Poodle...wha?
stoney321
Nov. 2nd, 2006 08:14 pm (UTC)
JUST IMAGINE BEING 87.

Say you've let the hair grow back, because you are 87. And you need to get an exam, which requires - maybe - a nurse to shave you.

AND THEY FIND THAT ON GRANDMA.
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beadattitude
Nov. 2nd, 2006 08:02 pm (UTC)
I'm just imagining that girl getting a pap smear done and scaring the ell out of her doctor. Also? Her birthing videos are going to be sumpin' else.

Man, she took the vagina dentata idea a little far.

As for the others!? OMG. OMG. Not only did the dragon have to be fully...formed to tatoo it, but he let some tat artist do that to his balls. :::shudders::: I mean, damn.

And for the guy that looks beat up? Bless his heart. He really is messed up big time. Jeez!

Jeff and I looked at the poodle thing and are once again, completely baffled by the Japanese culture. WTF, indeed.
stoney321
Nov. 2nd, 2006 08:15 pm (UTC)
Can you imagine "getting straight" and trying to get a regular job with permanent bruising on your face?

WTF with the poodles. W. T. F.
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Nov. 2nd, 2006 08:16 pm (UTC)
I think I filled your bizarre quota for the MONTH. I do NOT know how they did the poodle thing, or if it's a parody or what.

I... WOW, ANNE.
moosesal
Nov. 2nd, 2006 08:13 pm (UTC)
Wow, I've actually seen the dragon before, but the last one? What do you tell your Gyno? Or your waxer? I mean WTF??

I don't even know what to make of that video. But did you notice the the poodles' handweights were dog bones? Hee!
stoney321
Nov. 2nd, 2006 08:17 pm (UTC)
I've seen some pretty intricate tattooing in my time, but that dragon and demon take the CAKE.

Imagine 85 year old Grandpa balls covered in dragon scales. OH GOOD LORD, SAL.

I did NOT notice the bone weights!! So... parody? Or weird idea the Japanese love?
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samsom
Nov. 2nd, 2006 08:14 pm (UTC)
If I showed that dragon tattoo to my husband, he'd fall to his knees, twitching, just from *imagining* the utter horror of being bombarded with a needle in. that. way.

I'd shudder in sympathy myself but I'm betting that guy didn't exactly 'shrink' from the pain.
stoney321
Nov. 2nd, 2006 08:18 pm (UTC)
*badumCHING!* Yeah - I'm thinking the pain was a bonus for our Puffster.

HIS SCROTUM IS TATTOOED. Ouch. OOOOOOOUUUUUUUCHuh.
kultiras
Nov. 2nd, 2006 08:34 pm (UTC)
So if she gives birth naturally can she actually say she gave birth to demon spawn?

And I thought the guy who had the Imperial Insignia (from Star Wars) branded onto his skull was bad…

*hides from video*
stoney321
Nov. 2nd, 2006 09:45 pm (UTC)
FOR THE RECORD: the video is just weird, not perverted or anything. JUST VERY VERY WEIRD.

And HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA to demon spawn!!
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marenfic
Nov. 2nd, 2006 09:38 pm (UTC)
Oh Em Gee.

Gives unfortunate legitimacy to the "cock eater" name for the va-jay-jay.
stoney321
Nov. 2nd, 2006 09:46 pm (UTC)
HAHAHAHAHA and ewwwwww. There are about fifteen shades of WRONG in those pictures.

WHYYYYYY???
gillo
Nov. 2nd, 2006 09:40 pm (UTC)
Bloody hell. That is all.

No it isn't. WTF????

stoney321
Nov. 2nd, 2006 09:46 pm (UTC)
I KNOW!! *holds you and cries on your shoulder*

This is what you call a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
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demonqueen666
Nov. 2nd, 2006 11:22 pm (UTC)
AUUUUUUUUUUGH!!!

Oh my GOD, what the fuck IS that?? What were these people thinking? Both the dragon cock and the vagina dentata of DOOM are so effin' creepy I CAN. NOT. STOP. STARING.

I mean, can you just imagine what would happen if either of those people tried to have a one-nighter with someone, and didn't warn them beforehand? And then they pulled their pants off? OH MY GOD.
stoney321
Nov. 2nd, 2006 11:24 pm (UTC)
I'm still stuck on the poor tattoo artist and how on EARTH that woman must have sat in that chair with her hinter out for all to see for SEVERAL HOURS while he worked on it!!

GAH. GAH GAH GAH.
luninar
Nov. 2nd, 2006 11:39 pm (UTC)
this is what i get for opening things when obviously warned they are not work safe. i don't think i've ever seen my boss smile, let alone laugh so hard he was crying against the file cabinet for a good 10 minutes.

at least i'm not fired.

and, as a girl who likes girls: that is one scary thing to come face to face with. i wouldn't be able to handle the shock.
stoney321
Nov. 3rd, 2006 12:24 am (UTC)
I WAS NOT GLIB WITH THE WARNING!!! Ahahahahaha - you officiailly have the coolest boss of the day.

AND YEAH. Erk. Not something to be sprung upon a potential lover, to be sure. o_O
lumenara
Nov. 2nd, 2006 11:55 pm (UTC)
Um. Yark.

The first time I tried to load that video, it was a bunch of lame-o college boys who thought they were the shit throwing a tiny ball into a tiny wall-mounted basketball hoop. When I saw all this talk of poodles I tried again.

And I have no idea what's up with that video, besides a lot of retouching work in post. Though if you're looking for it, you can see where the dog heads were joined in the fur ruff-thing at the neck. But the front lady scares me with her arms and legs, which I can only pray were done in post.
stoney321
Nov. 3rd, 2006 12:25 am (UTC)
Heeee! Oh, I mean I *know* it's not real. I get that. I just don't understand WHY IT WAS MADE. Is it a parody? Is it one of those weird fetish Japanese things? Because believe me, I've seen enough fetishist Japanese TV to know that's not unlikely.

WHY, LUM? WHYYYYYY???
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elfgirl
Nov. 3rd, 2006 12:32 am (UTC)
The poodle thing? It's Japanese. I think that explains everything. The Japanese are just...odd. The Husband found some images the other night that came from a Japanese fetish site. The fetish? Girls putting cat's heads in their mouths. In. their. mouths, Stoney. A world of WTF.

As for the tattoos ---> O.O
stoney321
Nov. 3rd, 2006 12:54 am (UTC)
OH MY GOD I HAVE SEEN THE KITTEN MOUTH THING WHAT ON EARTH?!?! Why? Are they so sedate in their lives that this... THIS is what they have become???
lettered
Nov. 3rd, 2006 12:34 am (UTC)
I cannot watch the poodle video. This post already crossed the line.

Stoney, I did not know I had lines.

Hold me.
stoney321
Nov. 3rd, 2006 12:55 am (UTC)
FOR THE RECORD: the poodle video is just weird. It's not dirty or anything. BUT IT IS VERY ODD AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

*holds you tightly and shushes in your ear*
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hellziggy
Nov. 3rd, 2006 12:51 am (UTC)
0.o

With that warning I figured the Cock Dragon would be under there. But the Demon Vagina? Eeeek!
stoney321
Nov. 3rd, 2006 12:55 am (UTC)
DEMON VAGINA. Why would you DO that to your precious nay nay??
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kita0610
Nov. 3rd, 2006 01:17 am (UTC)
I'm pretty sure the guy you described is Satanic!Twat's dream date.

I am fascinated by the cock dragon. I've seen it before and I'm still. fascinated.

Christ I love my Fl.
stoney321
Nov. 3rd, 2006 01:23 am (UTC)
I wondered if it started with the piercing. Like, he got it done and was just lying there with a beer, checking out his junk and thought, "this looks like the eye of my trouser snake. Or dragon. Hey, that movie with Ralph Feinnes and the dragon tattoo was cool and... DUDE."

or if the tat came first and THEN the steel eye.

All I know is OOOOUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCHHHHHHH.
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wickedgrdn
Nov. 3rd, 2006 05:16 am (UTC)
I think I've been scarred for life. *tries to look away, can't. look. away.* I hurt physically for these people and there ZOMG SCARY TATS!!!! People are just...yeah....I don't even have the words, LOL.
chantal87
Nov. 3rd, 2006 05:49 am (UTC)
WTF is right
Dear lord.

I have a small tat above my ankle. Getting inked isn't the most pleasant feeling but, Jebus help me, a freakin' devil twat. Gadzooks! What a freak.

I have to tell you, if I had learned how to really "Jazz up" the ramen noodles, ah lets say, 15 years ago. I think I probably would have done it.

Poodle work out girl must be iconed.
I'm just sayin'.............
( 70 comments — Leave a comment )

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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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