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Yes. Yes, yes YES!

HE VAS MY.... BOYFRIEND! So there was a mention of Frau Blucher in the paper this morning, and there you go. This is one of those brain dump posts with lots of randomness. *smiles sweetly, becons with one hand*

* Thanks to those that read and left me fb on the fic I posted yesterday. I was very nervous about posting it, and that was just lovely. (Like how I'm kinda sorta pointing more of you to it? Yeah, I'm sly.)
* I want to hire a professional shopper and throw out every single article of clothing and start over. Oooh, except for my "Rocket Scientist" t-shirt. And those great shorts I had last summer. And my antique dress with the beading. Everything else, vamoose. *dreams* Wouldn't that be fun? Sigh.
* Spring break starts today for my kiddoes and we have big plans, Jerry, BIG PLANS. Like how they're going to have a sleepover with Grandpa tonight, YAY. There will be library trips, a visit to BodyWorlds, and a new chore list for the children, YAY!! \o/
* little plant babies (shut it) are popping up in my garden everywhere and it makes me so happy, I can barely explain it. My friend Alison (the getting-divorced buddy) said to me on our walk yesterday, "this is your time of the year, huh?" YES. Spring. Oh, glorious SPRIIIIIIIING! Confidential to about three of you: I looked out the window and what did I see?

TV Talk!
Okay, seriously with the Grey's Anatomy watchers. REALLY? I mean, COME ON. 30 Rock is SO CLEVER. You need a laugh. It's BENEFICIAL. It's health-inducing, laughter. 30 Rock is losing viewership to Grey's Freaking Anatomy, and it's worrying me, because where else will I hear lines like:

Tracey Morgan:
* I don't believe in the moon.
* I believe that vampires are the world's greatest golfers, but they play at night so they never get to prove it.
* I believe there are 31 letters in the White alphabet.
* You always meet [for church] on Wednesday nights? Kenneth the Page: Yeah, we lose about half the congregation every time American Idol starts up.

Jack Donnaghey (Alec Baldwin):
* You have to fire 10% of your people. We have to synergize backward overflow. <-- (caused my husband to spew out water he was drinking. He's amused by nonsense office-speak.)

Jenna (Jake Krazowski):
* Kabbalah is a religion that mixed the fun part of Judaism with MAGIC! Tracey: So when do you worship? Jenna: When don't you worship?

It's such a sarcastic and fast paced show, and it's dependent on a lot of visual queues, which basically means it's made of PERFECTION with a topping of Awesome Sauce. I should work on my phrasing. WATCH THE SHOW, DAMMIT. *cries*


I am buying Talledega Nights: The Legend of Ricky Bobby today, because why don't I have that already??

* Hakuna Matata, Bitches!
* I like to think of Jesus as a mischievous badger.
* I'm Ricky Bobby. If you don't chew Big Red, then fuck you.
* You remind me of me, precocious and full of wonderment.
* Shut up Chip, or I'll go ape-shit on your ass!
* I'm gonna scissor kick you in the back of the head!
* Chip, I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey!
* Greatest Generation my ass. Tom Brokaw's a punk!
* When I wake up in the morning, I piss excellence.
* I like to think of Jesus as an ice dancer, dressed in an all-white jumpsuit, and doin' an interpretive dance.
* I'm as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.
* I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo t-shirt, because it says I want to be formal, but I'm here to party.
* The room's starting to spin... 'cause of all the gayness... Cal, I love you.

Random, but that's my brain today:
* It's anchorMAN, not anchorLADY, and that is a scientific fact!
* LOUD NOISES.
* No commericals... NO SURRENDER!
* 60% of the time.. it works every time.
* I'm... kind of a big deal.

Every one of those would make awesome icons. I'm just saying.

I LOVE WILL FERRELL.[/obvious statement]


And finally, I've had some bad!fic brought to my attention. Oh, people. Never stop amusing me with the crack.


More in the I don't think you understand BASIC HUMAN ANATOMY Category:


  • Heero hadn't known when it happened, but at some point during their lovemaking, he'd torn Duo. Just once. Unfortunately in doing so he'd severed an artery.

    Duo must have felt it, but he hadn't complained. On the contrary, he'd gone on thrusting back at Heero,crying out in pleasure as they both came.

    "Merry Christmas, Heero." Duo had yawned, sleepily. "I hope you liked your present."

    "I loved it." Heero had whispered. "And I love you."

    Duo had snuggled against Heero, and had drifted off to sleep, both of them unaware that Duo was bleeding to death.


WHAT ON EARTH. Aww, that's so tender and TRAGIC. And oh yeah: impossible.


  • Sakura squirmed as he once again pushed his way into her backdoor. (It's because she JUST. FINISHED. MOPPING. And guess who has muddy feet? *squirm*)

  • His throbbing penis spewed another batch of his cum into her. (Well. I will NOT be making muffins today. At least not another batch).

  • Lucius breaks his lips away from James’s and arches his back with an ostentatious cry. (AHAHAHA. Why am I imagining uulation here? Like a nomad from Afghanistan riding towards his tent on the back of a camel? Also, stop with the extra S at the end. It's ostentatious!)




  • Best line ever. No, really: "Guys, I gotta bail." he told them. "I'm in labor." ~from a Gundam Wing mpreg


(I search for this shit, I don't read that fandom. Also, I'm imagining those complicated handshakes guys do, maybe with chest-bumping as our pregnant hero shoves his hands in his pockets, kicks a can out of the way and saunters to a hospital after stopping off for a roast beef sammich, or something. Maybe a beer and a game of darts. !!!)

I'm not even going to put the one with shampoo as anal lube and the BROWN SOAPSUDS CREATED from the force of the buttsecks. What is WRONG with people??

Comments

( 68 comments — Leave a comment )
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brandil
Mar. 9th, 2007 02:59 pm (UTC)
You're in my to read folder with LOTS of other stuff. Why did I get sucked into that monster HP fic yesterday? Why? Why?
stoney321
Mar. 9th, 2007 03:03 pm (UTC)
Probably because you WANTED to be sucked in. I love it when a fic does that. Oh, and you had some awesome recs today - I'm bookmarking them in three... two... one...
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brandil
Mar. 9th, 2007 03:01 pm (UTC)
I often wonder about people using shower products for lube. Don't they know that shit stings?
stoney321
Mar. 9th, 2007 03:04 pm (UTC)
I KNOW! [/Monica Gellar]

I mean, SHAMPOO!! Oh, ouch. Obviously the writer has never attempted that. Jeez, even lotion stings! Because... it's not LUBE.

Oh, crap. I gotta bail. I'm in labor.
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wolfshark
Mar. 9th, 2007 03:06 pm (UTC)
An *artery*??? What the fuck???
stoney321
Mar. 9th, 2007 03:08 pm (UTC)
APPARENTLY THE COCK IS A KNIFE. I have no idea, Sharkie. I HAVE NO IDEA!! Kids these days with their lack of brains...

Oh, shit. I gotta bail. I'm in labor. *makes peace out sign*
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sdwolfpup
Mar. 9th, 2007 03:09 pm (UTC)
*dying* He severed the artery! I can't even- *laughing and laughing*

I'm imagining those complicated handshakes guys do, maybe with chest-bumping

Totally. And the Randy Marsh "Peace out" fist-thump and peace sign from this week's South Park.

Word to your mother.
stoney321
Mar. 9th, 2007 03:11 pm (UTC)
*big ups to ya moms*

Peace. I'm Audi. *window shops on my way to give birth*

AN ARTERY. Oh, man. what the HELL?!?
moosesal
Mar. 9th, 2007 03:27 pm (UTC)
LOL. Oh I love it when you share the cracked out badfic. Good grief. Severed an artery? Brown soapsuds? And an ostentatious cry? Thank you. So. Much.
stoney321
Mar. 9th, 2007 03:32 pm (UTC)
Oh, man the ostentatious cry!! It cracks me up because I had a bit when I did standup (briefly) about people "screaming" during sex. Like, what if someone let out a bloodcurdling scream? I don't think that's what the author meant by the word.

Try it some time: just shriek like a banshee during sex. Ohmahgahd, that's hot. [/Paris]

HAHAHAHA.
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yin_again
Mar. 9th, 2007 03:29 pm (UTC)
More in the I don't think you understand BASIC HUMAN ANATOMY Category:

Ohgod, I just peed a little.
stoney321
Mar. 9th, 2007 03:33 pm (UTC)
That's hot. Wait... or did your water break? *takes you to an amusement park on the way to labor/delivery*
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thepiratequeen
Mar. 9th, 2007 03:33 pm (UTC)
Shake and Bake
My ex roommate will text me random Talladega Nights quotes when he knows I'm at work and hysterically laughing at my phone is probably not what I should be doing. I love and hate him for it.


# Heero hadn't known when it happened, but at some point during their lovemaking, he'd torn Duo. Just once. Unfortunately in doing so he'd severed an artery.
Duo must have felt it, but he hadn't complained. On the contrary, he'd gone on thrusting back at Heero,crying out in pleasure as they both came.
"Merry Christmas, Heero." Duo had yawned, sleepily. "I hope you liked your present."
"I loved it." Heero had whispered. "And I love you."
Duo had snuggled against Heero, and had drifted off to sleep, both of them unaware that Duo was bleeding to death.


AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! OMG!!! This is the best. THE BEST. I want to sew this on to pillows and give them to everyone I know for their birthdays.

stoney321
Mar. 9th, 2007 03:35 pm (UTC)
Re: Shake and Bake
I like, "I hope you liked your present" with the unspoken: "MY DEATH. MERRY CHRISTMAS, DOUCHEBAG" implied.

Isn't that AWFUL? Oh - *grabs stomach* Peace out, homes. I gotta give birth. *fisthearts*
rahirah
Mar. 9th, 2007 03:47 pm (UTC)
There is a word for those brown soapsuds, people! Santorum! Learn it, live it, love it!
stoney321
Mar. 9th, 2007 04:05 pm (UTC)
Well, techinically it's not Santorum, as there was no condom + lube foam. So.

Oh, internets. All you've taught me... *smiles*
a2zmom
Mar. 9th, 2007 04:03 pm (UTC)
Lucius breaks his lips away from James’s and arches his back with an ostentatious cry

His dick was lovingly swathed in a tiny feather boa.
stoney321
Mar. 9th, 2007 04:07 pm (UTC)
Ahahaha. Oh, are those the new Bobby Trendy condoms? *buys a box*
slasheuse
Mar. 9th, 2007 04:34 pm (UTC)
DON'T THINK I DO NOT LOVE YOUR FIC. I love your fic ALREADY. I just haven't read it yet b/c I left college at 8.45 a.m. and got back at MIDNIGHT yesterday. My girl says it is good also. I posted pictures of my show on my journal, go see the Real True Boykissing (for the sake of ART, what). *loves yoooou*

also dude, if you saw my room now, you would disOWN me. It is a student pit of hell.
stoney321
Mar. 9th, 2007 04:40 pm (UTC)
I DO THINK IT! I think it and I hold myself alone in a closet and I CRY, SOPHIE.

Ahahaha, no I do NOT. And I saw!! You look lovely, as per usual, and the BOY KISSING! What- This is glorious, this art you do. Mmm hmm. Also, it makes me miss stage acting something fierce and want to be in a show you're producing.

(I am trying to convince Mr. S to buy me a new vacuum cleaner today - if I get it, I'll fly out directly and make everything in your place spit-spot.) :*
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marenfic
Mar. 9th, 2007 04:37 pm (UTC)
Hee! I can't believe you don't already own Talladega Nights. And this brings up a funny (to me) story about how I've had to drive to Atlanta twice this week and right between B'ham and Talladega there is a HUGE billboard that says. . .

Pants Store

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I giggled for a good mile every time.

"Mr.Burgundy, you have n massive erection."
marenfic
Mar. 9th, 2007 04:39 pm (UTC)
I am, by the way, ignoring the lessons in human anatomy and bodily fluids you've provided.
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lynnenne
Mar. 9th, 2007 05:00 pm (UTC)
It's so sad when they bleed to death all unawares.
stoney321
Mar. 9th, 2007 05:03 pm (UTC)
Especially when it's such tender, Christmas-gift buttsex.
fiveandfour
Mar. 9th, 2007 05:04 pm (UTC)
My belated comments on your ANS fic of the other day (I suck at the feedback like a vampire at an all-you-can-suck buffet): it was sad and touching and dirty/bad/wrong in the best possible way. When can I have some more?

I'm not even going to put the one with shampoo as anal lube and the BROWN SOAPSUDS CREATED from the force of the buttsecks.

Ho man, pass the brain bleach 'cause I need some now that that image has been planted. That's a whole new level of bad...maybe awesome!bad or hella!bad? English-needs-a-new-word!bad?
stoney321
Mar. 9th, 2007 05:07 pm (UTC)
Oh, thank you! (But I don't think there will be more ANS fic - too sad.)

And there should TOTALLY be a new word for bad to describe the badness! Like, Color Me Badd should have a song about it. "I Wanna Smack You Up (from the BaddNess)"

WHY ARE PEOPLE GROSS? AND NOT ON PURPOSE? Because then it would be intentionally funny, which is a different animal.
kita0610
Mar. 9th, 2007 05:08 pm (UTC)
Hey now.

Cartoon characters bleeding to death is serious business. What the hell is wrong with you?
stoney321
Mar. 9th, 2007 05:13 pm (UTC)
It is SO serious. Therioth. I totally cried and contemplated cutting myself to feel something aside from the numbing SHOCK of poor Duo's bleedy death-ass of Christmas giftery.
gillo
Mar. 9th, 2007 05:31 pm (UTC)
Come on. Anybody in labour has to bail. Give him a break. ::shoves fist into mouth::

An artery, though? Redesign the human body, much? ::bites fist off at wrist in an attempt to stop laughing too much::

This is a world of which I know more than I ever wanted to...
stoney321
Mar. 9th, 2007 05:35 pm (UTC)
Yeah. I'm finding that the anime world is providing me many large doses of my medicinal crack.

WHAT ON EARTH. Just... wow.
herself_nyc
Mar. 9th, 2007 05:41 pm (UTC)
Love the icon!
stoney321
Mar. 9th, 2007 05:43 pm (UTC)
Heeee!! Oh, Little Britain. How I love you so.

*squish*
brunettepet
Mar. 9th, 2007 05:54 pm (UTC)
A friend works for NASA and her business card reads "Rocket Scientist." It makes me laugh every time.

Oh, man, this post had me laughing from beginning to end, but the bad fic, oh my!
stoney321
Mar. 9th, 2007 06:08 pm (UTC)
Hahaha, that's the best business card EVER. (And I decided on wearing my tee today. I look s-m-r-t!)

Bad fic - it's what's for dinner. Or bad fic: the other white meat. Nope, it works best as fandom crack. Mmmmm.)
zandra_x
Mar. 9th, 2007 06:09 pm (UTC)
Duo had snuggled against Heero, and had drifted off to sleep, both of them unaware that Duo was bleeding to death. That got a laugh out of me at a scare-the-cats volume.
stoney321
Mar. 9th, 2007 06:11 pm (UTC)
Yeah, that's one of the more ridiculous things I've EVER read. And that's saying a lot.

*eyes my bad!fic folder* Man. There're some doozies out there.
violethamster
Mar. 9th, 2007 06:43 pm (UTC)
I'm totally bookmarking your fic (I have two programs, a database schema and a ficathon due and I should not be on the internets).

Lucius breaks his lips away from James’s and arches his back with an ostentatious cry.

I'm imagining him waving a handkerchief with a flourish and shouting "ACTING!"

You know, I laughed at the Gundam Wing line, but when I stopped to think about it, it kind of rocks compared to the usual girlyman fanfic shenanigans.

stoney321
Mar. 9th, 2007 06:46 pm (UTC)
You know what could have made the Gundam Wing line BETTER? "Later, 'Gator." And then he got on his skateboard to head off to the hospital. :D

And now you've got Jon Lovitz in my head wearing a smoking jacket. "Thhhhank you!" "Thank YOU."

(Oooh, I'd love your thoughts on my fic. But I am a big fan of you doing well on your other projects, so yes!! Shoo! *g*)
southernbangel
Mar. 9th, 2007 06:51 pm (UTC)
WE MUST WATCH WILL FERRELL TOGETHER.

I had a dream last night that you, Maren and myself were co-pilots of a Plane O'Awesome. And then we crashed and died because even though the plane was awesome, as pilots we were not. Hahaha. Weird.

I couldn't love 30 Rock more if I tried. Fo' realz. Alec Baldwin is a genius at comedic timing. GENIUS. And hey, did you see that Liz Lemmler was the girl from My Girl? She's all grown up and stuff now. Wow, I feel old.

Zooming off to leave feedback on the dirty!hot!wrong!fic RIGHT NOW.
stoney321
Mar. 9th, 2007 06:56 pm (UTC)
OKAY: TAKE YOUR PICK OF MOVIES, ZOMG!!

I would totally have wrenched those controls from you and Maren and landed us on a desserted island where we would all befriend (and bitch about behind its back) a volleyball.

30 Rock - oh my God, Kenneth's CHURCH! "Hola, Jose!" "We haven't been Presbyterian in weeks!"

And I had NO IDEA that's who that was. Oh my GOSH.
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Mar. 9th, 2007 08:38 pm (UTC)
Hahaha, GOOD QUESTION! So, in one of the advice columns, people were offering their variants on calling your S.O. something other than boyfriend/girlfriend when you're of an age, and one woman wrote in that she didn't want to sound like Frau Blucher *queue the horses* and chose to call her partner her "gentleman caller" in a tongue in cheek way. Ha! I love it.

Oooh, I'm so sorry you didn't get to see it! We're very excited - I'll be sure to fill you in on the science etc. after going so you can be there vicariously. ;)
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dlgood
Mar. 9th, 2007 11:10 pm (UTC)
I believe that vampires are the world's greatest golfers, but they play at night so they never get to prove it.


This smells like a prompt.
stoney321
Mar. 10th, 2007 02:58 pm (UTC)
Heeeeeeee! My husband said the same thing! And seriously, with that DB golfing picture floating around... It's not far fetched. Oh, and Spike can drive the cart and be irritating. Like, ask Angel ridiculous questions while Angel's teeing off or something?

....

It's just writing itself, isn't it??
darlas_mom
Mar. 10th, 2007 03:30 am (UTC)
Severed an artery? Um...which artery is that, exactly? And...how? And--my mind, she is spinning with questions. The biology nerd in me is quizzically staring. People wonder why I don't make much effort to get into new fandoms. ::shakes head:: Also, I was totally worried I was going to be on the bad, crackfic list. Phew.

"Guys, I gotta bail." he told them. "I'm in labor."

::dies::

I haven't actually seen all of "Talladega Nights." How terrible is that?
stoney321
Mar. 10th, 2007 03:00 pm (UTC)
Oh, man Talladega Nights is funny. It's no Anchorman, but it's funny in its own right.

And COME ON: have you ever, EVER written anything as ridiculous as the stuff up there? Of course you haven't. (Stories you wrote when four don't count.) And also, I would NEVER post with something from my own flist! :D (Because I can't imagine any of y'all writing that poorly!)
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_tayler
Mar. 10th, 2007 01:33 pm (UTC)
This is why I luff you!
So funny!
*wipes tears*
stoney321
Mar. 10th, 2007 03:00 pm (UTC)
Wheee! And I didn't have to look hard for this stuff this time. Sometimes it's an exercise in brutality...

:D
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demonqueen666
Mar. 10th, 2007 07:36 pm (UTC)
He...severed...an artery...in his...?

WHAT.
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( 68 comments — Leave a comment )

Tags

Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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