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I love life.  I love stupid people, weirdos, and the like.  It makes me seem so smart and normal in comparison.

I got a last minute call by the Master Gardener association to give a presentation to a convention today at THE MESQUITE RODEO.  If you know nothing of Texas, know this: that is the epicenter of all cheesy Texana.  The pro shop outdoors is "Gay's Pro Rodeo Shop."  (hee hee!) Next door is the Trail Dust, where they tackle you and cut your tie off (should you be foolish to wear one), nail it to the wall and then ring a big dinner bell.  And the whole arena is sponsored by Resistol Cowboy hats and Justin boots.  'Cause everyone needs a pair of steel-toed Llama boots.  (??)

I'll just say right now that I was not needed.  As a female, and a young one at that, and a relatively stacked young female, I served no purpose.  The Shitkickers there (big difference between a Cowboy and a Shitkicker.) looked at me like I was there to fetch them a "cobeer," the salesmen of the landscaping products booths knew I wasn't there to fill up my "flower shop," and the rest was filled with "Natural Gardeners" who were so out of place, I can't even begin.

Let me tell you what I think about Natural Gardening.  This is a selling gimmick.  Your plants don't care where their nitrogen comes from.  Just because someone dug something out of the ground doesn't make it inherently better than a chemical made in a lab. Example?  Sure thing!  Rotenone is a "natural" product made from chrysanthemums.  It has an LD50 so low, that you can die from breathing its fumes.  Now, you can breathe Malathion and not die.  You may get a headache, but you'll live to see another day.  Guess which costs more?  And guess which gets a bad rap? Plutonium comes from "Mother Earth."  So does opium and uranium.  And stupid people.  The earth produces the worst thing on the planet: Bush supporters.  Hee hee!!

There was a lady who I was getting along famously with about using smarts when it comes to gardening.  (Meaning, don't just nuke your lawn, use compost, etc.)  I had to stretch my legs (I have TERRIBLE arthritis) and she noticed.  "You should take a teaspoon of tumeric to fix those knees of yours."  Well, I certainly appreciate your concern, and I wish I could do something so simple, but I have to have total knee replacement soon.  "No you do not!  If you would just TRY the tumeric, you'd be amazed at how it works."  She was truly huffing and puffing at this point.  "Ma'am, all drugs and doctors aren't bad.  You wanna try to have an appendectomy without anesthesia?  Want the doctors to sterilize their scalpels with crushed garlic?  Should we tell diabetics to hit the basil patch?  Gimme a break."

So it was fun!  Because I got to tell a story in LJ.  Oh!!  And the booth across from me had the most horrible display of Tchochkes ever!  Statues with little girls in bonnets holding a picnic basket under one arm while clutching an American flag in the other.  Or stepping stones shaped like 4 leaf clovers.  And more statues of little "Huck Finns" clutching American flags and fishing poles.  Classy stuff like that.  Lots of fat bellies straining at the buttons on their American Flag shirts.  A few cowboys were there, they were older folks and I enjoyed talking to them.  We talked of 4-H and who grows the best tomatoes.  But those conversations were few and far between.

In other glorious news, the best LJ friend in DAS VORLD sent me 2 (count 'em) CDs of excellent music.  chantal87  is the bomb diggity!!!  And crazydiamondsue  and elcazavampiros  are coming to see me!  Woot!!!

In honor of the discussion brought up on Fer1213 's LJ, I bring you my jaw-dropping (or just brought me out of it) moments from Buffy.
6. The forced Angel kiss in End Of Days with Spike watching.  It's the writers attempt to rile up the Spuffy fans, IMO.
5. Dawn's first kiss with that ugly Vamp Kid.  She just looks like a bad kisser.
4. You don't have a ricer??  SMG is so horrible at the Lucy stuff.  I love that episode, otherwise.
3. Get out get out GET OUT!! Who DOESN'T hate that moment?
2. Riley's first haircut.  Ughh.  Long bangs in a bowl cut?
1. Professor Walsh's shambling as a zombie.  You can practically see the actress thinking "stumble shuffle, stumble shuffle."


( 33 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 21st, 2004 01:56 pm (UTC)
the best LJ friend in DAS VORLD sent me 2 (count 'em) CDs of excellent music. chantal87 is the bomb diggity!!!

No, you are. I'm glad you like them. Are you totally grooving to Millie Jackson or what?
::loves millie::
Sep. 21st, 2004 02:11 pm (UTC)
I am LOVING Mille! And India.Arie! And TMBG! And my FAVORITE song by Parliament is Flashlight.

**hugs you SOOO tight!!**

Sep. 21st, 2004 02:21 pm (UTC)
I'm so with you on tumeric lady. My mom has rheumatoid arthritis (she used to take Enbrel, that shit's expensive, yo! Now she take Humera, sorta the same thing) Anyhoo, in the in between time people were always telling her to take and do the most absurd (and for 'absurd' read 'useless and stupid') home remedies. Geez, now why didn't the docs think of that.
:: facepalm ::

BTW: I'm jealous of you. That is all.
Sep. 21st, 2004 02:27 pm (UTC)
Hop on one leg under a full moon and you won't have cancer!
I know some things work. Oregano IS a natural decongestant, but they don't even use Foxglove for digitalis. It's all man made. For a REASON. Join us in the land of the future where Humors and Bile mean funny and Republican hate speech. Hee!!

And what on earth could you be jealous of? My having to stand amongst the unwashed for four hours? Listening to "used car salesmen" talk about how their garlic tea will cure fire ants? or imported ladybugs will help? (Um, how do they know which is YOUR fence? What will keep them from flying off? People can be so dumb. Let's flush all our money down the toilet!!) Is that what you are jealous of? Or is it my lady-like thin ankles?
Sep. 21st, 2004 02:33 pm (UTC)
Re: Hop on one leg under a full moon and you won't have cancer!
No, dork! I'm greenly jealous over your visitational rights of Sue and Caza!
:: is seethingish ::
Sep. 21st, 2004 02:37 pm (UTC)
Re: Hop on one leg under a full moon and you won't have cancer!
*hides Sue and Caza behind her*

Oh, heh heh, I was just joking. Ha ha.

*waves hand, a la Obi-Wan*
You don't need to have visitors. These aren't the LJ friends you were looking for...
Sep. 21st, 2004 02:46 pm (UTC)
Re: Hop on one leg under a full moon and you won't have cancer!
What? We're visiting who? I had no idea!!! Then again Sue doesn't ever tell me what's going on.
Sep. 21st, 2004 02:51 pm (UTC)
Oh, Caza...
You and Sue are coming to Dallas to hang out with me and Mr. Stoney and go to the state fair and drink of the margaritas. Your sheets will be turned down, mints will be on the pillows, and the beer fridge stocked. Yes, I said beer fridge. This is happening sometime in October.
Sep. 21st, 2004 02:51 pm (UTC)
I've never seen Star Wars
Therefore your petty attempts at mind control will not work, (plus, I only sorta get the joke).
:: knows you're lying ::
:: tries to put out the fire ::
Sep. 21st, 2004 02:55 pm (UTC)
Re: I've never seen Star Wars
I see your Jabba (I hear his laughing with your last post) and I raise you a Jedi. Trust me. At least two geeks in this world are laughing, and one of them is me.

Doesn't anyone want to laugh about bad Buffy moments???

*helps you put out fire, not sure why there is a fire*
Sep. 21st, 2004 03:39 pm (UTC)
Re: I've never seen Star Wars
There's a fire, because I'm a dork and you're a liar.

As far as the Buffy stuff goes (now that my jealousy has minutely subsided)
5. I liked the Angel/Buffy kiss, forced or not it was anti-Spuffy and that gives me a happy.
5. I didn't really watch the Dawn kissage ep. Didn't keep my interest.
4. I agree and I have a ricer, they're useless.
3. Dawn. I have no words for Dawn until S7.
2. Riley's bad hair cut was a plot device, he cut the bad skater hair and was suddenly hot and authorative. It was necessary.
1. The shuffle-stumble was one thing, but the zombie talk, that was the real badness.
Sep. 21st, 2004 04:11 pm (UTC)
Re: I've never seen Star Wars
Angel kissing anyone BUT Eve is always of the good. And i get the necessity of "farm fed Iowa boy" look, but it's just so fugly.

Zombie/Cyborg Walsh! Ha ha ha. Try putting THAT on your resume!
Sep. 21st, 2004 09:18 pm (UTC)
Re: I've never seen Star Wars
i'm laughing. hahahahaha! it was a very star wars day.
Sep. 21st, 2004 03:00 pm (UTC)
1. Yes, that was probably one of the lowest points in her career.
2. Yes, what's up with that?
3. Ewww. Dawn's screaching!!*!*!*!
4. Who has a ricer?
5. Ewww. Dawn kissing.

Sep. 21st, 2004 03:01 pm (UTC)
For that I throw in a set of quesadillas and breakfast on a tray.
Sep. 21st, 2004 03:21 pm (UTC)

crazydiamondsue never brings me breakfast on a tray.

*mouth waters in anticipation*
(Deleted comment)
Sep. 21st, 2004 04:12 pm (UTC)
I bet it seems like FOREVER until that green light and the ding. Don't fry bacon topless. Hee hee OUCH! Hee hee GAH!
(Deleted comment)
Sep. 21st, 2004 04:16 pm (UTC)
Gardening IS funny. It should have its own reality show.
Ah God, there is not much better than listening to some cotton farmer from Bonham, Texas tell me about his "sahl." And some shitkicker trying to correct this sweet little man's English by calling it "dirt." And him saying, "Nawsir. Dirt's what them shoes bring inya house. Sahl is what the rest of us grow yer food in." Then the slow chew on his Copehnagen... Hee hee!!

COBEER!!!! As American as clogged arteries...
(Deleted comment)
Sep. 21st, 2004 05:25 pm (UTC)
Hey Mari!!

Tchotchkes (chach keys) are another way of saying Knick Knacks, or Useless Crap You Bought To Put On A Shelf And Collect Dust On.

I'm still looking for the fungicide to take out Bushies. I'll keep you posted....
Sep. 21st, 2004 05:23 pm (UTC)
Okay, the only thing I can identify with is the worst thing that the Earth can produce. I find it ironic then that he seems so bent on destroying the Earth.
Sep. 21st, 2004 05:29 pm (UTC)
Yes, as it is the Mother. Maybe he wants us all to be irradiated and returned to a goo state to rejoin Mother.

(BTW: a lot of the folks on my Flist are into the show Buffy The Vampire Slayer. 'Cause it's funny and smart and all that stuff. I've even convinced my husband to watch it.... That's what the list is about. Don't run away!!!)
Sep. 22nd, 2004 07:31 am (UTC)
No worries, it takes much more than that to run me off. My girlfriend silver_sihde is into Buffy as well and has vowed to have me watch it someday.
Sep. 21st, 2004 09:03 pm (UTC)
buffy badness
6. I prefer to view this kiss as the necessary setup for Spike's "saying hello with your lips" line.
5. OK, I'm fond o' Dawn. Not ridiculously or anything, and that's not a great up. But I don't mind Dawn kissing. She's just not allowed to have sex.
4. I have Buffy blindness. I got it from Spike. Everything the girl does, I love.
3. See 5.
2. I also happen to have Riley blindness. But, OK, that hair was pretty stupid.
1. So we had a latenight makeup class at my friend's house, and after it was over, we started watching some S4. The prof had car trouble and came back in and saw Lindsey Crouse on the screen. He was like, "I know her! I had dinner with her when she was married to David Mamet!" I was trying to tell him about how she came back as a zombie, but he wasn't having any of it.
Sep. 21st, 2004 10:11 pm (UTC)
Re: buffy badness
After clarifying the "saying hello with your lips" line, I can overlook a lot of my "Whu huh whu?" factor.

I am uncomfortable watching kids kiss on screen, so it bugged me watching Dawn fish lip that boy.

And I just remembered something else that bugged me: the stupid "neckerchiefs" they threw around SMG's neck in Season 1. Who wore those?

Love the story about her being married to David Mamet. I had no idea! Hee hee! Zombie cyborgs!
Sep. 21st, 2004 10:23 pm (UTC)
Re: buffy badness
I think I should have said that the prof and his wife had dinner with Crouse & Mamet when they were married. what I wrote sounded wrong! I first saw LC in "House of Games" and thought she was awful, but then I saw her in something else and she was good and then I realized that Mamet's idea of acting resides in Bizarro World, so when an actor gives a bad performance in a Mamet movie, it is a good performance. Or something like that. Short version, Mamet is a great writer who can't direct for shit, but thinks he can.
Sep. 21st, 2004 10:29 pm (UTC)
Discussions on a writer..
Too true about Mamet. Theater is a tough one for me since I studied it, performed it for several years, and saw LOTS of bad plays, directors, and actors. It's tough to translate a play to screen, and vice versa. Not without a fantastic director, that is...

Next time you are watching Rear Window (in my all time top 10 list, BTW) notice how Hitchcock starts the movie. It's a play! The whole stage is set up like a play, the direction and action is executed like a play...

Wait. Crouse: bad as zombie. Sorry. Got a little off topic there. I could talk movies all night, believe me. "Glitter nail polish. Looks like town to me." Now ask me how that movie is on surface a Right-Wing propaganda film, but on the next layer is a left-wing movie. The secret hidden layer.
Sep. 21st, 2004 10:36 pm (UTC)
right wing left wing shuffle
um, which movie is secretly left wing? House of Games, Rear Window, or the one about the glitter nail polish? (Sorry but for all the useless crap I know I am terrible at quotes w/o context).

also -- Mariska Hargitay? I'm now seriously disturbed. I first encountered MH when she was crybaby Cynthia on "ER." For some reason that I no longer remember, I started calling her "Farm Girl," and got everybody that I knew doing it. so when we would have that watercooler talk about "ER" that we did back in the day when anybody gave a shit about "ER," we would write emails called "The Farm Girl Report." (This was long before I knew Sue & Caza, so don't hold them responsible).
Sep. 21st, 2004 10:39 pm (UTC)
Re: right wing left wing shuffle
1. I remember her from ER, and she bugged the shit out of me. I confused you with my RL friend Chrissy who has a non-sexual crush on her, and loves Homicide as well.

2. The left wing (or is it right wing?) movie is Silence of the Lambs, and glitter nail polish is Jodie Foster's line in the beginning that makes me laugh, even though I shouldn't laugh.

3. I think "The Farm Girl Report" is hee-larious.
Sep. 21st, 2004 09:23 pm (UTC)
bush supporters? BLECH!
And the booth across from me had the most horrible display of Tchochkes ever!, et cetera.

i have a very morbid fascination with things like that. i look at them and wonder who the hell would buy that shit.

Lots of fat bellies straining at the buttons on their American Flag shirts.

i love the post-9/11 fashion trends. everybody's so uber-american.
Sep. 21st, 2004 10:13 pm (UTC)
Re: bush supporters? BLECH!
The people who buy that shit are the dopes buying the "season/holiday" flags for their houses. The ones who buy "The Lord's Hands in Prayer" fountains for their backyards. With "Footprints" engraved on the side.

Such fun people watching!
( 33 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

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