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Not really here...

But OH MY GOD, I have to record my hate for Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End.
The "love story?" Hated.
The WEDDING during a life or death battle that was supposed to be light hearted and romantic? HAY=TED. Hated.
Keira Knightly's Jaw that threatened to break off at any given moment and devour everyone in sight? Hated.
The awesome and angry Chinese women in the beginning of the Singapore scenes that were abruptly killed and not given their due? Hated. (Really - why couldn't they have had a bad ass fight scene?)
The LAME ASS PIRATE KING moment? Oh my god, my eyes rolled so hard I thought they fell out. HATED.
MY BELOVED JAMES BEING KILLED WHILE SNIVELLING?!?!? Oh my - I will never forgive Ted-n-Terry for taking away Norrington's spine. And you know... NORRINGTON. (Why couldn't Norrington been Darth Vader and Beckett have been the Emperor Palpatine and then thrown Beckett overboard into an energy shaft and putting balance to the force? But you know... piratical?)
The ridiculous "everything is blowing up around him as he walks down the stairs but magically has no shrapnel ripping his coat/face/flesh Beckett death scene? Okay, that was a neat stunt, but WHAT ON EARTH.

Things that were good: Jack Sparrow. Jack Sparrow's parents, ha. Anytime Jack Sparrow was on screen. The British Navy men who surreptitiously became pirates, ahahaha. That was funny. The visuals of the boats.

Three hours. THREE HOURS! And the "big epic ship battle" with an entire flotilla that... SAT THERE. And let two ships duke it out? Lame. LAME, I SAY, AND I'm ROOTING FOR THE PIRATES!

No one had any sort of real character development, aside from maybe Will Turner. Everyone just was who they started out being, which doesn't make for dramatic storytelling, imo. AND KIERA KNIGHTLY BUGGED ME TO NO END. Sorry, Keira lovers. Can't stand the bony twig at all. GAH.

... I knew the spoiler years ago when we were at Disney World and I skimmed through a PotC book on the shelf. I had hoped it wouldn't be final. GAH. Oh, Commodore! What a horrible way to go, I'm sorry, but he was trembling with FEAR, and that is NOT the Commodore from PotC1, you'll never convince me. *cries* I almost want my money back. :( (Except that him kissing Keira was FUCKING HOT because the man looks like an amazing kisser, and NORRINGTON! *cries* NOT ONE SCENE WITH JAMES AND JACK!! *stomps foot*

And a balm for those that read that and are angry with me for hating the movie: South Park dubbed over Harry Potter! Ahahahaha, Draco is Cartman! Hermione is Kyle! Colin Creevy and Neville are Butters!! Snape is Mr. Garrison!! Bwah hahaha. Oh, these cracked me up. (And how about the La Resistance Medley? And a final clip to remember me by... Mr. Mackey teaching the kids alternatives to swear words. Ahahahaha. <3)

Now I finish laundering, packing, and organizing the family for our 6am flight tomorrow. Ack. Happy Weekend, everyone! <3



( 41 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 26th, 2007 03:45 pm (UTC)
I heard Elizabeth goes all William Wallace at one point. So does she end her speech with:

"They may take our lives, but they'll never take... OUR FREEDOM!"
May. 26th, 2007 04:13 pm (UTC)
Ahahahaha! She does! But unfortunately there's no disembowling scene.

There is an awkward "is Will eating her out??" moment, but no, he's just rubbing his hard-won face stubble on her knee. o_0

Elizabeth is all rude and stuff to Norrington! SHE IS THE CAUSE OF HIS DEATH. Boo, and a HISS!
May. 26th, 2007 04:23 pm (UTC)
I think Disney has finally moved on from that innocent Cinderella age into its awkward, angry-at-the-world teen years. Like a fourteen-year-old writing her first "dark!fic" to prove how hardc0re she is:

- gratuitous slaughterings
- cutting out of hearts
- implied oral sex
- almost tentacle rape
- something gross with a toe... or something

I don't know about you, but I can't wait when Disney finally reaches menopause.
May. 26th, 2007 04:31 pm (UTC)

Oh, RU. Most apt description EVER. Don't forget the movie opening with a small boy (with cleverly disguised braces) being HUNG. The toe was such a minor scene - i saw someone had posted about being disturbed by that. (I was more disturbed by the awesome Angry Chinese women killed before their Anger was Sated. They had this camera moment of "Oh, now it's OWN Mother Fucker!" and then.. blip! They're gone. Bah.

Chow Yun Fat didn't get his due, either. *shakes fists*

I'm looking forward to the Golden Years of Disney where there's jello and that nice boy from down the street comes and brings them the paper.
May. 26th, 2007 04:41 pm (UTC)
Chow Yun Fat didn't get his due, either. *shakes fists*

Boo. If I were the writer, I'd at least have one pleasant little scene where he lets loose with the bullets in a major way -- berserker style a la John Woo's The Killer. Only, you know, more piratey.
May. 26th, 2007 04:06 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I hated the last one, too. I'm gonna wait until this one comes out on DVD, and fast-forward through all the parts where Jack Sparrow is not on screen.
May. 26th, 2007 04:13 pm (UTC)
Those will be all the good scenes you watch, then. (Really, he's very funny in this one. It's all by HIMSELF, but that's because the other characters had their souls removed.)
May. 26th, 2007 07:16 pm (UTC)
I liked that movie (and cried a lot over Will) but really, I just wanted to say that I love your icon. And now I want Spike/Jack fic. I think it's vaguely possible.
May. 26th, 2007 04:34 pm (UTC)
Oh, I'm sorry you didn't like it! *hugs* I don't think he was snivelling, I thought he was really brave. Have a good vacation. *hugs MORE* Where are you off to?
May. 26th, 2007 04:37 pm (UTC)
He was WHIMPERING! Lip wobble and all! Oh, JAMES. *clings to his dead body* :(((

Hello, my Sophie!! We are all off to NYC in the wee hours for a week of intellectual and cultural pursuits! Or possibly loads of yelling and bickering as we make our way on the subways. :D
May. 26th, 2007 04:41 pm (UTC)
Well, dude, he had been RUN THROUGH! I still think he was really brave. ...and, okay, that is the best heroic!redemption!death ever, and compared to Weatherby or Davy Jones, I know which scene I'D rather get, etc.

Hello!! Ooh, lovely. Where're you staying? Not trying to stalk you, just envious & intrigued.
May. 26th, 2007 05:23 pm (UTC)
Yes, but JAMES WOULD NOT BE RUN THROUGH, not by a half-assed pirate, you know? BAH. I'm just very disappointed in the schlock, I'm afraid.

We're staying near Chelsea by where Mr. S is working so the kids and I can flit about the city while he works and have dinner/lunch with him.
May. 26th, 2007 05:28 pm (UTC)
May. 26th, 2007 05:49 pm (UTC)
I MEAN WHAT, LAURA. HE WAS COMMISSIONED ON A PIRATE SHIP TO WORK WITH THE IMMORTAL PIRATE DAVY JONES. NO. Commodore James "The Scourge" Norrington would not suffer that position, I AM SORRY.
May. 26th, 2007 05:56 pm (UTC)

Though the beginning was pretty badass, have to admit. *listening to "Hoist the Colours" on a loop*

And that kiss. I need an icon of that.
May. 26th, 2007 06:03 pm (UTC)
YES! The kiss, ungh, did he not look like he had the BEST MOUTH EVER?

Ted and Terry get a fie from me, as well. BOOOO.

(Yes, the intro was awesome and dark and lovely what with the legs kicking, and what about Tia Dalma (sp)? She's all huge and wonderful then... WHAT?! She made a water funnel that I expected the Sea Witch to come laughing out of and sing "Poor Unfortunate Souls?" A POX AND FIE ON THEM.
May. 26th, 2007 06:14 pm (UTC)
YES. And he, like, hesitated that LITTLE BIT that made me wibble because ohgod THAT WAS THE MAN who asked her to marry him at the fortress, for like THAT ONE SECOND. And then she was all WHOREBITCH at him with the I WILL NOT FORGIVE YOU EVEN THOUGH UH I LIED TO YOU REPEATEDLY FOR I AM A STRONG BLACK WOMAN. I HATE that they made him want her forgiveness, HATE IT. Also yes, best mouth ever. Also best voice ever. Gngh.

Also WHAT THE JESUS SHIT WAS WITH TIA DALMA THE FIFTY FOOT WOMAN. WHY DID HER CLOTHES EXPAND WITH HER. I PROTEST THE LACK OF BOOBAGE. That was obvious Drunken 2 AM Idea The Day Before A Scene Was Due. "Hey, uh, so. Written ourselves into ANOTHER corner, guys. How do we get out of this one?" "I KNOW. I KNOW. Let's make her REALLY TALL!"

And srsly, she's god of the WHOLE SEA and she makes a little bitty whirlpool while the rest of the EIC Armada is chilling like a league away? COME ON. MAKE IT RAIN FISH ON THEM.
May. 26th, 2007 06:23 pm (UTC)
And what the hell with an ENTIRE FLOTILLA against what... 9 ships!? AND THEY TURN AROUND. (Mr. S and I oooohed when the Spanish Galleon opened up its KABILLION gun ports and was all "eat lead, pirates" and yet because of what... Will's love for Elizabeth or because they got MARRIED IN THE LAMEST INTERRUPTION OF A FIGHT SCENE EVER they defeated the friggin' ARMADA. OF A KABILLION SHIPS.

Tia Dalma should have MechaDalma'd them boats, yo! All scooping up pirates and soldiers and biting heads off then using them like deadly spitballs to puncture holes in the sides of the boats! THEN REACHING OUT, SCOOPING OUT DAVY JONES AND TAKING HIM BACK WITH HER. WHY NOT, PEOPLE?!?
May. 26th, 2007 06:32 pm (UTC)
OH MY GOD I KNOW. Like. WHY would the Armada have run. WHY. ...okay possibly because they knew the power of the Dutchman already and saw that it had turned against them BUT STILL. THEY COULD'VE WIPED OUT THE PIRATES EASILY BEFORE BEING WIPED OUT BY THE DUTCHMAN. BAD WRITING, BAD WRITING.

There should've been more Tia Dalma in that fight. Definitely. Also Beckett should've got cut up by all the FLYING SHARDS OF WOOD AND METAL. THE HELL WAS THAT? OTHER THAN THE MOST EXPENSIVE SHARK-JUMP OF ALL TIME?
May. 26th, 2007 05:39 pm (UTC)
Well thank you for the warning. No pirates for me, I expect.

Have a safe, fun trip. Where are you heading exactly? (I'm so NYC centric, I see Chelsea and I think 23rd street.)
May. 26th, 2007 05:47 pm (UTC)
I think we're staying on 23rd, actually! Mr. S is working on a project in the Financial Distrcit, although he's staying just outside that area for the roomy hotel. We're joining him, and the kids and I are taking in Points Educational during the day and sightseeing with Dad at night. *g*

And yeah - honestly, if you're a huge fan of the first and skeptical of the second, the third might make you miserable.
May. 26th, 2007 05:41 pm (UTC)
Ooh, Jamie-love.

I feel your pain. Ranted about much of the same immediately after seeing it.

And he was in Asia hunting when the whole abolishments of trial and rights happened. Because you betcha James Norrington wouldn't stand for that.

JAMES NORRINGTON LIVES! (join the club. It's free, and you get a kickass snarky James to go with it)
May. 26th, 2007 05:50 pm (UTC)
*sobs for The Commodore*

I read your rant after watching the movie yesterday and yep - BAH and HUMBUG to the mistreatment of Norrington's honor and character.

Oh, RIGHT! The abolishment! NO.
May. 26th, 2007 05:42 pm (UTC)
Sorry you didn't like the movie. I think if I hadn't gone in with insanely low expectations I wouldn't have liked it as much as I did. I am pissed that they killed Norrington but I'm okay with how he died.

Have fun on your trip. It's hot and muggy in the city but we're supposed to have decent weather this week.
May. 26th, 2007 05:51 pm (UTC)
*cries about the movie* I had hoped to be entertained by the spectacle, at least, but couldn't manage that. :(

Oooh, what does hot mean to you? *rethinks packed clothing* Like, upper 80s, 90s? Or warmer?
May. 26th, 2007 06:08 pm (UTC)
:( It's okay. I'm the girl who can't get excited about Book 7 and fully expects to hate everything about it while her friends are bursting with excitement.

Well it's in the 80s right now and will stay in the mid 80s for the next few days. By the end of the week it will be upper 70s which is comfortable for me, not hot. We're also supposed to get some rain which is pissing me off because I had a kayaking trip planned tomorrow and they're predicting thunder storms tomorrow, Monday and later in the week.
May. 26th, 2007 06:11 pm (UTC)
Thunderstorms tomorrow? No!!! Bah, those are the two days (Sunday and Monday) that Mr. S is going to play around with us. Better pack some raincoats, then! Thanks for the head's up!
May. 26th, 2007 06:21 pm (UTC)
Davy Jones: Well, Admiral. Are you afraid to die?
Norringon: [stabs DJ]
DJ: I would take that as a 'no', then. Will you serve on my crew?
N: I'd rather die!
DJ: [stands] It's a little late for that, Admiral.

[end scene]

When Will takes over, and people quit being covered in barnacles, you see one person fade from creature into Norrington in a sailor's uniform, learning humility. Will raises his eyebrow, but picks his FATHER as the helmsman.

...... how's that?
May. 26th, 2007 06:26 pm (UTC)
THANK YOU. I mean...

Bootstrap was a bit of a-- well, if there were a pile of shiny diamonds in a hat, he'd be the pebble covered in mud. AND HE'S THE HELMSMAN. Proving once again that Will Turner Is Not The Smart One. But he's good with a sword...?

Norrington quipped! He baited others and shucked and jived with a smart mouth and the goods to back up his mouth! And he lip trembled and was killed by the muddy pebble? No, sir. O_O
May. 26th, 2007 11:20 pm (UTC)
Eh.... Bootstrap might be a great helmsman for a ferry..... ::grin::

It doesn't help that a muddy pebble doesn't fear the pain of the gemcutter's blade....
May. 26th, 2007 06:59 pm (UTC)
Okay. Buzzuh? They kill Norrington? WTF, people. WTF?
May. 26th, 2007 08:33 pm (UTC)
I personally didn't think he was snivelling at all; I think he was being defiant. I mean, he's dying, and he uses his LAST GASP to shish-kabob the crazy squidface man. BIG DAMN HERO. *wibble*

I actually liked the movie, but I'm kind of a sucker for popcorn-muncher blockbuster action. And, don't get me wrong, because I am very sad he died, but at least he went out IMHO in a way that was true to the noble spirit of his character. Chooses the right side, kisses the girl (HOT, YUSS), and dies defending her and what he believes in. (Plus...uh, bring on the ressurrection fic? It's CANON, bitches :P)

Though I will agree that it kind of ticked me off how LITTLE screentime he got overall, and especially that Elizabeth was the only main player he got to interact with. What, they threw in a pseudo-kiss fake-out between Will and Jack (it was THERE!!) but they couldn't manage to even have Jack and James in ONE scene together?? COME ON.
May. 26th, 2007 08:55 pm (UTC)
I can understand your anger.

You know why I came back from the first viewing all weepy and gut-punched. Will doesn't deserve to be cursed like that, being able to see his true love one day every ten years, and be immortal and watch her and his child grow old and die before him.

Of course, now Will is going to have to go pick up Norrington to take him to the next world. Think of the possibilities there...
May. 26th, 2007 11:56 pm (UTC)
I enjoyed the movie up until the frickin bizarro "i can only see you once every ten years!" ending. Lol, but it wasnt as good as the second, and especially the first one. Captain Jack was the saving grace, thank God, lol. I was sad for Norrington too.. he came so far, just to die like that. Not cool. I just kinda left with a "Meh" feeling. I'll probably pretend the movie never happened, lol.

May. 27th, 2007 01:00 am (UTC)
Loved the Harry Potter South Park...I giggled like a little girl!
May. 27th, 2007 05:13 am (UTC)
Sometimes I think I'm broken and should have to turn in my fangirl badge. POTC does not interest me. I mean, I saw the first two, but that was via rental. I've no interest in seeing numero three. Also *ducks* I don't get Harry Potter. I mean, I tried to watch those movies too, but there is no love there.

But South Park? Great big honking love for it. So, thank you times infinity for the links :-)
May. 28th, 2007 01:53 am (UTC)
Here, for when you get home! Good things have come out of "AWE." http://monkeycrackmary.livejournal.com/777985.html#cutid1 <---Fucking AWESOME post-"AWE" Sparrington FTW!
Jun. 3rd, 2007 02:37 am (UTC)

THANK YOU!!!! Oooh, she's a terrific writer, THANKS!
May. 30th, 2007 09:18 pm (UTC)
I thought it was awful, too. But for a few different reasons; I can't hate Keira Knightly, much to my own shame. I should! P&P sucked ass! But I'm a bony twig, and she is, and I like her for talking about the photoshop work that's done on her for magazine covers and posters to give her boobs, and how it's stupid (though I'd love her if she just said NO), and I've always loved POINTY JAWS (favorite womens? Jodie Foster, Agent Scully, et al.) and...

I liked the second one. There was Keira Knightly. AS A PIRATE. KISSING/KILLING JACK. Was I the only person in a better mood watching 2 than 3? Or even 1, for that matter, because 2 was my favorite.

Anyway. 3 was dumb. They all were. But Jack is never dumb. Jack rules. Johnny delivers. It's weird, considering where he came from. But I will love him forever. You fall for Edward Scissorhands, you fall for life.

I want porny Jack/Elizabeth which examines her ambiguous nature and the difference between Elizabeth/Jack and Elizabeth/Will (who I can't stand). Yes, I am tame and uninteresting.
Jun. 3rd, 2007 02:35 am (UTC)
I don't have a thing against bony twigs - I just don't like HER. And while I'm a BIG FAN of Agent SCully, her jaw bone didn't spawn a whole website devoted to the chance it could break off and devour people, ahahaha.

I think you're in good company with the Jack/Elizabeth (and also Elizabeth/Will) love. There's LOADS of fic in the PotC fandom filling that niche!
Jun. 3rd, 2007 04:28 pm (UTC)
I used to dislike her. Then I discovered that my hormones wouldn't allow it. Though I hate her facial expressions.

Mostly I dig her torso.

I know there's loads of fic. I just haven't gone about sifting through to find the good stuff; there are so many POTC fangirls.
( 41 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

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