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But I'll try. Except for how I'm currently writing Sacha Baron Cohen/Will Ferrell fic, because come on. In the words of a Hungarian Tourist with an incorrect translation guide, "My nipples explode with delight!" [/random Monty Python reference]

moosesal tagged me for a 10 things meme, which I will lovingly jam under a cut, because YOU PEOPLE MATTER. And I don't want you getting carpal tunnel from all the scrolling, omg.

Each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things/habits/little-known facts about yourself. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 10 weird habits/things/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names. No tag-backs. (I don't want to pressure anyone. Consider yourself tagged by me if you want to do this!)

  1. I have a chihuahua head. And by that I don't mean an actual canine head, but a weetiny head. I have to buy hats in the kids' section. I'm incredibly self-conscious about how out of proportion my head is to my body, which is silly, but there it is.
  2. I have to have a minimum of 10 minutes all by myself every morning, or my entire day is shot. Like, seriously. It's my buffer between the dream-state and responsibility of being a mom/wife/etc.
  3. I don't want to relive my teen years (the go -back and do it all over again thing) but I definitely want to re-do certain things and, if left to my thoughts long enough, can get emo about wanting to go back. Things I want to relive: that first real kiss - Oh, MICHAEL LEE, that feeling you only have as a teenager that you are feeling something so intensely that it's only YOU that has felt that way before, the first time I realized I had my own taste in music apart from my parents/siblings. (Like, I was listening to U2 on my MP3 player this morning and remembered how cool I felt when I was 12 because I knew it was good music and I liked it. Hee!)
  4. I get melancholy sometimes thinking about how I'll never have a first kiss again. (I... have a thing for first kisses. *g*)
  5. I forget sometimes that I have an actual mother in the world. (Which is fine.)
  6. Sometimes I ache so much for a mother that I feel like I'm drowning in need and it scares me because I don't like to "need" anyone or thing. (Wanting is something different.)
  7. I will go WEEKS without looking at myself in a mirror. (Like, my body. I'll look at my teeth when I brush them.) I do not like looking at myself, which probably says LOADS about me. :)
  8. I really, honestly believe that I could survive in the wild if given only a ball of twine and a pocket knife. (I use to do it for two weeks every summer.) And I watch that show Man vs. Wild and scoff at how he's obviously making some things more "dangerous" than they really are, while secretly comparing myself to Bear Grylls and wishing I could have a Bionic Woman-type spin off and he and I could meet up in the Australian Outback for a 2 hour special and go off in the brush and make survivor/end of days babies because have you SEEN HIM? Hahaha.
  9. I can tie every single knot in the Boy Scout Handbook with one hand. Truly. (what if you're hanging by one hand and someone throws you a rope? How would you tie the knot to safety? EXACTLY.)
  10. I actually get very hurt when I realize there are people out in Binary Code Land (aka the internet) that honestly believe I am a mean person, because I'm not. But then I realize they like shit I think is ridiculous and I remember their opinion doesn't matter much and I go back to my crayon drawings and sipping my juice box. *swings feet and waits for recess*


In addition to this Will/Sacha fic I'm writing, I'm wanting to create this whole 80s 'verse with the Coreys and Rob Lowe and Jason Bateman from his teen years and Ricky Schroeder and Elizabeth Shue and Molly Ringwald and I realize this means I'm trying to relive my youth and I should just turn off the Go Gos and Cure music and MOVE FORWARD. Hahahahaha. I get to meet with the pool designer later today and find out if my idea is doable. *bites nails* Today is a GOOD DAY! There should be cookies. Anyone have cookies? Oooh, or brownies! Brownies! Brownies are good, too.


( 41 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 5th, 2007 03:40 pm (UTC)
I didn't even have to look at your name to know whose post this was. The title gave it away IMMEDIATELY. *g*

It kills me that you avoid looking at yourself in the mirror. If I looked like you, I would gaze adoringly on my reflection every day! Seriously, you are one of the most beautiful women I have ever met. No lie.

Jun. 5th, 2007 03:43 pm (UTC)
I've never met you, but from your pictures I'd have to agree with lynnenne.

But we all have our reasons for what we can and cannot accept about ourselves.
Jun. 5th, 2007 03:45 pm (UTC)
D'aww, thanks. I didn't mean to fish, honest. I'm healthy, I don't have teeth growing out of my nose, so I shouldn't complain. And yet...

Jun. 5th, 2007 03:55 pm (UTC)
No, I know you weren't fishing. But I have noticed your photo, I can't lie.
Jun. 5th, 2007 03:44 pm (UTC)
HAHAHAHAHAHA. As Winter told me yesterday, she can't even LOOK at Will without thinking of me. MY PLAN IS WORKING.

Oh, LYNNE. *sends you monthly check* I really really REALLY don't like to look at myself. (Unless I'm making goofy faces.) I'll put it this way: my mother really did a number on me. I can't see myself without an exaggeration of flaws, so. *shrugs* (I'm working on it.)
Jun. 5th, 2007 03:53 pm (UTC)
Your mother was, and is, a stupidhead. You are PERFECT, and never let anyone tell you otherwise! *nods*
Jun. 5th, 2007 03:41 pm (UTC)
That is an interesting and informative list of things about you.

But I came over to give you this: a "To the Point" (NPR) program about Mitt Romney etc.
Jun. 5th, 2007 03:44 pm (UTC)
Ooooh, link! *ZOOM!*

(Thank you!)
Jun. 5th, 2007 03:54 pm (UTC)
Let me know what you think; it's an interesting discussion I think you'll have some quibbles with.
Jun. 5th, 2007 04:15 pm (UTC)
I've got cupcakes, does that work?

You have intrigued me with your SBC/Will ship. I may have to investigate this more.

I completely understand the first kiss thing. I think the best kiss of my life was my first kiss which is both really sweet and really, really pathetic.

And I think you're lovely looking and not mean at all and I'm glad you and the fam had fun in NYC last week.
Jun. 5th, 2007 04:20 pm (UTC)

(Oh my gosh, C, it's like the world knew it could never give me JackDav and Will for real, so it's giving me Sacha in his place, and I am OKAY WITH THAT. ...maybe moreso. OH MY GOD DUN HAYT ME RU.)

<3 <3 <3 How was YOUR vacation? Just back, right? All rested and recharged? *twirls your hair*
Jun. 5th, 2007 08:06 pm (UTC)
HEE! The world works in mysterious and bizarre ways, my dear. I've learned not to fight it except for continuing to pray that Chris Martin will be sucked into a black hole. And Sacha is all kinds of hot. My "not traditionally hot" celeb crush of the moment is Seth Rogen but I totally get the SBC love.

*snuggles you* My vacation was amazing. I love Florida. I don't know why I always go on about loving seasons. Give me warm weather all the time. I am very rested and recharged. People keep running into my office with all these minor problems and I'm still smiling.
Jun. 5th, 2007 04:20 pm (UTC)
1. I don't think you're a mean person.
2. U2 rules. You should write a Bono story.
3. Please share the Will/Sacha story (I can't believe I'm saying this)as I would really like to read it.
4. Ooo...knots...

Jun. 5th, 2007 04:21 pm (UTC)
1. AWWW! *bites lip* Thanks.
2. THEY DO. (Unfortunately, Bono was RUINED for me in an RPG I used to play in, so I don't know about that ever happening. However, I cannot stop obsessing about The Police - esp. as I have FRONT ROW SEATS when they come soon - so there may be Sting/Stewart fic. Hee!)
3. I plan on it!
4. *eyebrow waggle*
Jun. 5th, 2007 09:52 pm (UTC)
Front row?!?!?!?!?

It's been years since I've been front row (okay, two, but still). As I've never even seen the Police, I can say that I am quite jeolous.

Bummer on the Bono. I'd like to see someone else's take on that particular fantasy.


Jun. 5th, 2007 04:55 pm (UTC)
#8 - Bear is HAWT! You totally need to land that spinoff. And apocolypse babies. Yis

#10 - People always tend to think I'm MEAN too, but I'm really not. Which has nothing to do with the reasons ppl think YOU are mean (because I'd ignore those idiots). I guess I have a bad internet "tone" lol.
Jun. 5th, 2007 05:46 pm (UTC)
8. Isn't he? He's from Eton, too! And Cambridge! And a mid-level Royal family and he's athletic and owns an ISLAND. <3
10. They think I'm mean because I laugh at really over the top prose, and the funny thing is, I've NEVER gotten any of the bad!fic from my flist/friendsof. It's always from weird Anime or really old BtVS stuff, but apparently that's just horrid. *eyeroll* (I've not noticed a nasty/bad tone from you, so whatever, people!)
Jun. 5th, 2007 05:57 pm (UTC)
(I've not noticed a nasty/bad tone from you, so whatever, people!)

It's because we're both OMG so horrible together we can't recognize our mean-ness!
Jun. 5th, 2007 06:00 pm (UTC)
Anyone have cookies?

No, but my hovercraft is full of eels!
Jun. 5th, 2007 06:04 pm (UTC)
I'm still searching for some.

*pantomimes buying a box of matches then striking one*

We go back to my place for *strike* hanky panky?
Jun. 5th, 2007 07:42 pm (UTC)
I love the smell of struck matches!
What's that all about?
Jun. 5th, 2007 07:45 pm (UTC)
I do, too!! LOVE that smell. My husband hates it, which is mind boggling to me.
Jun. 5th, 2007 06:51 pm (UTC)
*snugs with you*

We will have brownies and watch St. Elmo's Fire and forget about moms and looks and head size (have you noticed my head is too *large*? Like, turtlenecks were a problem when I was a toddler), and then go swimming in the pool!
Jun. 5th, 2007 07:09 pm (UTC)
*hopeful look so you'll play with my hair*

I did NOT notice that about your head, and that's something I usually DO notice. (People on TV have large heads - I actually lost an audition because of my wee head!O_O) And I've got some popcorn waiting and loads of soda for our movie watching.

*cannonballs* (The pool man hurt his leg so we're meeting tomorrow. o_0)
Jun. 5th, 2007 07:21 pm (UTC)
*strokes your hair and pets yer cute hed*

Ha! Well, I guess my head is in proportion to my body. It is not the right size to ever shave off all my hair and have it look cute like Sinead O'Connor or Natalie Portman's. :(

Eeek! I hope he did not hurt his leg in pool-related building!

I vote for salsa fresca popcorn and so many different kinds of soda that our heads spin!!!

Jun. 5th, 2007 07:26 pm (UTC)

How great would it be to be pretty while bald? Natalie and Sinead TEWTALLY have that category locked up. I LONGED to be Sinead when she first hit the scene in the late 80s here. (And how is it possible for her to have such beautiful eyes? STUNNING. Even though she's... tetched.)

I don't know, but I know it wasn't bad enough that he couldn't reschedule for tomorrow! I will get details! :D

Soda like Cherry Coke Zero and peach Fresca and maybe a raspberry Gingerale!! MMMMMM.
Jun. 5th, 2007 10:11 pm (UTC)
SBC/WF!!! *swoons* More than my nipples are exploding with delight. You are made of awesome!

I have to buy hats in the kids' section.
Me too! I actually found a hat the other day that fit well--my 5 year old nephew's baseball hat. *facepalm* Granted he has a large head. The last hat I bought was a girl's large, so I'm not a complete pinhead.
Jun. 5th, 2007 10:28 pm (UTC)
No, no, it is THEY who are made of awesome. Tall, sexy, swarthy, funny awesome. MMMMMMMMMM.

Okay, so I'm not the only one who can't wear (properly) adult hats?! I find the ones that fit my 10 year old daughter fit me perfectly. I think I may be a complete pinhead... Let's see: you and Essene come dance on my head. *badumbumching!*
Jun. 5th, 2007 10:36 pm (UTC)
Are you kidding me? You are so hot I would totally tap you, in that I would run behind you and tap you on the shoulder and go, hey lady, you're like, totally hot. And you'd punch me in the nose and scream for the police. So many dates end that way. *sigh*

And yes, I can relate with the wringing of hands because omg there's no dialogue, or understanding and you just want to sit people down and really nut things out and get rid of these silly misunderstandings - but you need to shake it off because a) you can't have a reasonable conversation with unreasonable people, and b) some people have huge big chips on their shoulders and want to be able to blame their lives on others and roll around in their own negativity. Best to shake your head slowly and sigh and just turn around and ignore them.

Plus they smell funny.

So in conclusion you're good looking and nice. Beeyotch.
Jun. 5th, 2007 10:45 pm (UTC)
I'm going to warn you: I've been watching nothing but Little Britain for the past two hours and I cannot shake Vicky Pollard's voice.

You are WELL out of order calling me a bitch and nice, I've got fourteen ASBOS for trafficking and shoplifting, except I wasn't shoplifting, except I was, but I wasn't, except I was and anyway I couldn't have been because my friend Shondelle was well freaked on acid at the time, except it wasn't acid it was some milk that had gone bad.

I'm sorry, you were saying? :D

I've shaken it off - I just came across a random post in someone's journal (that I've NEVER interacted with) and it was from the perspective of the person knowing me, and yet? Just weird. (I think you're right: I completely got a whiff of hot plastic and fish scales from their journal.)

Jun. 6th, 2007 12:28 am (UTC)
A couple of my workmates are HUGE fans of Little Britain - in fact if they do any more impersonations they will be bothered when I throw my coffee at them. No, your face doesn't look bothered, just horribly scouldered. Yeaaah, maybe not.

Yeah, don't worry about it, I've come across someone slagging me off before and it was someone I've never interacted with. It's because person x, y, and z have basically said that we're nasty, nasty human beings - not that they would stoop to actually discussing anything, I mean why do that we you can make unsubstantiated character assasinations? :) But like I said, I finally figured out some people just go around life with giant chips on their shoulders and complexes looking for other people to blame for their lot, or something, I don't know. All I know is that I wouldn't want to be standing next to them at a party.
Jun. 6th, 2007 12:34 am (UTC)
See, that's it right there: they would be DREADFUL at a party, probably knit booties for their cats and talk about all of their aches and pains and the beautiful bodice ripper they picked up at the market and how Mr. Tuppins the cat was the only one that could ever love them.

And then I'd inch away slowly and go find you so we could do body shots off hot sailors. :D

(I'm so sorry your workmates are pestering you! Maybe you could make a blow dart tube out of old manilla files and shoot paper clips at them everytime they fake type and say "Computer Says No.")
Jun. 6th, 2007 01:10 am (UTC)
They would bring pictures of their cats wearing the knitted booties and there would be different kinds for different days and seasons. Then they would complain about loud youth music. They would be 25 and I would despair.

It would be AWFUL. We'd have to fake our own deaths and people would be standing their looking awkward with you face first down in the punch bowl and me drapped over a lamp with my feet in a bucket of water. And then we'd have to roll our way quietly out of the door to freedom. AWFUL!

I should have known that 'computer says no' came off from that show - yes, that gets brought out every five seconds as well as 'but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no'. Sometimes I sit in my office with the door shut and have a little cry. Hahaha.

Jun. 6th, 2007 01:14 am (UTC)
AHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh my god, you are going to HATE this fic I'm about to post in the morning. It's Vicky and Lauren, her counterpoint on the Catherine Tate show. Uh... you might want to skip it. :D

Don't forget the cat photos that would be on display! They would be those "conscious" photo shoots. You know, where they get a picture of you looking into the camera, then up in the corner there's a superimposed shot of you looking off in the distance? EXCEPT THEY WOULD BE CATS.
Jun. 6th, 2007 01:36 am (UTC)
I have no idea why because all my friends LOVE the show to bits but it's just never done it for me. Maybe I need to knit some cat booties and just give up on life?

Hahahaha about the cat photos! They'd be using bits of string dangling dead mice about the place trying to get Mr Tiddles attention just to get the perfect shot for their baby cat album. And then they'd dress him in baby clothes and crone softly to him as he attempts to shred their arms up and struggle to escape.

See, now does that make you feel any better? It would be nice to like everyone and have hugs all round, but does it really matter if the most boring people on the planet who can suck the fun away from a mile away get all humpfy pants about you? You're better looking, smarter, more popular and funnier than they could ever be. They suck, you win, the end! \o/
Jun. 6th, 2007 01:43 am (UTC)
Well, it took me a bit to love the show, too. It took me seeing Giles (as the Prime Minister) snogging his male black assistant after turning down the advances (and making you think he was very straight) of his male secretary. I have a thing for ridiculous sketch comedy shows, and they really push it - they have these two guys that dress up as a Victorian woman and her "baby" which is the other guy in a nappy. It's so ridiculous and I love it.

But then, I like spicy foods, so what do I know?!?!

PEOPLE WHO DRESS CATS. I'm officially saying for posterity that I'm better than those people. O_O I'll add your name to the list. (UNless they're dressing their cat up like a pirate. That is cuter than you and I combined. Ahahahahaha.)
Jun. 6th, 2007 10:01 am (UTC)
I think the people in my office killed any possibility of enjoying the show - though on the other hand I feel like I've never missed an episode, haha! I have no idea why I don't find it funny though, it should be right up my alley, or backside if you will, but no, leaves me dead, like I am inside.

You like spicy food? Freak! I like boiled cabbage served on a boiled plate and eaten with boiled cultery like god himself intended. And then I boil myself to rid of the sin that's held in my dirty sinful body, again like god intended. God sure likes a good boiling. And the smell of singed cooking flesh.

I used to dress cats, but I was 8 and spaced out on pain killers and angel dust, so I was pretty much out of my head.

Can't you fix the broken people and make them less annoying? Huh?
Jun. 5th, 2007 10:51 pm (UTC)
1. You and DT! I've never seen her in a hat and probably never will.
10. I wouldn't love you as much if you weren't mean. Stay mean. mean = honest.

::watches you write Will/Sacha with fascination::
Jun. 5th, 2007 10:53 pm (UTC)
1. Heeeee! She just commented, saying as much!
10. Awwwww. SMOOCH!

(And seriously - the hot is just writing itself. Except for how I took a few hours' break to overdose on Little Britain and the Catherine Tate Show and now I'm writing chav-fic. What?!)
Jun. 6th, 2007 01:26 am (UTC)
Knots? It's like you are the female batman! With your awesome powers of knottery, you could protect from all manner of evil doers.

And better a small head then a huge one. My husband's family had humongous heads, thank goodness he did not pass that trait to my children. My s-i-l was very unhappy at the large bowling balls she gave birth to. And one of my nephews is all head. At the age of 9, he was already wearing an adult extra-large in the hat department. I don't know how his neck keeps that huge scary thing upright.
Jun. 6th, 2007 01:35 am (UTC)
See, that's a good point. All of my babies had lovely little heads, and as I had hard and fast labor (natural with the last one) that's a GOOD THING they inherited my wee head. (Their heads seen normal sized now...)

I could be the Knotter! Knottage? Knot Maker! *bowlines us all to FREEDOM* Heeee!
( 41 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

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