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One: Y'ARR. Two: Check here for some Buffyverse Pirate fics. Three: Here be some pirate fics I've written over the past few years.

Connor and the Pyrate Spoike, a dirty take on Wynken, Blinken, and Nod, y'arrr.
You Had a Charming Air, All Cheap And Debonair, a Pirates of the Carribean gen tale that now be AU, but a story I'd set me heart on for love o' a good fish tale, if I may say so.

Um... If you didn't know already, it's Talk Like A Pirate Day, ye scurvy dogs! I completely forgot until this morn', so this here fic fer the day's celebratin' might be a bit rusty, and I've only written The Office one o'r time, but hopefully ye'll laugh and make a braw sound. :) (Also, this is for southernbangel as she's had a hell of a week. Rated PG for Gen. Unbeta'd)

Title: Darryl Won't Let Us Call The Warehouse 'The Poopdeck'
Author: Stoney
Fandom: The Office (US version)
Warnin' Set durin' the third season, arrr. Towards the end, mates. 'Tis Gen Fic, so no throwing skirts up and over, y'arr.
What This Here Tale Be About: Ye'll have to get me to walk the plank to confess it, says I.




Darryl Won't Let Us Call The Warehouse 'The Poopdeck'



Pam looked up from her game of minesweeper as Dwight walked in. He was wearing an eye patch and a silken blouse. She clapped her hands to her mouth to hide her laugh as he passed in front of her on his way to his desk; he was also wearing leather breeches and knee high boots. Jim walked in shortly after. Pam made frantic hand gestures to get him to stop at her desk.

"Pam Beesley."

"Jim," she leaned up in her seat to whisper,"You know how great it feels to get the best, most perfect present in the world? Especially when you didn't expect it, and it's something you always wanted in the back of your mind?"

Jim gave a quiet little laugh and replied, "No, actually."

"Dwight is dressed like Captain Jack today."

Jim blinked, not quite understanding. "Captain..." He quickly looked over his shoulder and whipped his head back, laughing, "Oh. Oh my god."

Pam was grinning from ear to ear. "He even has a sword!"

"Cutlass, Beesley. It's called a cutlass, and you should really educate yourself on these matters," Jim's face cracked wide with a smile, "because I certainly will."

He popped the last jelly bean in his mouth and pushed off the counter to his desk sending a smile towards Karen who had been watching their exchange. He draped his jacket and messenger bag over his chair and dropped into his seat. "Ahoy, Dread Pirate Dwight. No, that's not going to strike fear into the heart of anyone."

"Jim," Dwight snapped, "today, in honor of Talk Like a Pirate Day, it's Captain Blackheart, which is the character I play in my MMORPG, as Dwight was not a common usage name during the high time of the pirates."

"And it doesn't bother you that it is no longer the time of the pirates, and yet..." Jim shook his head when he noticed the exposed bit of fish-belly white chest peeking from Dwight's ruffled blouse. "Dwight --" he corrected himself, "Captain Blackheart, you are wearing a woman's blouse."

"This is not a woman's blouse. I'd like to see the woman that could pull this off."


[Cut to a shot of Angela tearing apart misprinted quarterly reports with her bare hands.]


Dwight leaned back in his chair, his hands crossed behind his head, a smug grin on his face. Jim looked just over Dwight's shoulder to avoid the thin, reedy patch of chest hair that the silk shirt's deep neckline exposed. "Pirates are alive and well today, Jim."

Jim smiled, tapped a pencil to his chin, shifted in his chair to give a look to the camera, then swiveled back to retort, "Is that right?"

"FACT: Pirates are the cause of more international deaths than --"

"Bear attacks."

"Jim, that is ridiculous. There are more bears on the six main continents than there --"

"Fact: pirates beat bears. Except that's impossible," he thoughtfully rubbed his chin, "because one is a baseball team, and the other is a football team."

Dwight sighed heavily and adjusted his eye patch. Jim smiled to himself and logged onto the "Talk Like A Pirate Day" website for inspiration.


[Theme song]


"Good morning, Michael."

"I do not like green eggs and Pam!"

"Oh. Okay, then."

Michael continued on, his smile getting bigger with every verse. "I would not eat you in a box, I would not eat you with a fox..."

"That's... not--"

"You know, if you let your hair down, maybe let your chest breathe a bit," he gave what he most likely felt was a fatherly smile, "you could be that fox I'd eat."

Pam looked at the camera then back down at her desk to hide her shocked face.

"Jim!"

"Hey, Michael."

Michael tried to engage Jim in a complex handshake, but Jim just shook his head and slipped his hands into his pockets, leaning back in his chair.

"That's the handshake all the 'brothers' do at the basketball court we hang out at. I like to shoot me some hoops with the bruthahs!" He performed a small jump, cocking his hands in a dunking motion. "Swish! Nu'in' but net."

"And they have a special handshake with you?"

"No... maybe one day," He glanced up at the camera, still grinning, "I've always wanted to have a special handshake with someone."

"Good morning, Michael."

"Hey, Dwi- " He hung his head and sighed. "Huuuuuh. Yuck." Dwight tried to follow Michael to his office, but his cutlass was stuck on his office drawer and he fumbled in his chair as Michael slammed the door shut. Dwight composed his face and consulted his To Do List for the morning.


*****


"Dwight, question: who is the better pirate, Jack Bauer or Lieutenant Starbuck?"

Dwight opened his mouth to answer and did a double take. "Trick question. Neither of them are pirates, and one of them is a girl which automatically makes her a wench."

"Okay, but if they were, who would be the best? Oh, or John Locke?"

Dwight blinked, thinking fast. "I--"

"Wrong, the answer is Hiro."

"But he wasn't on your list of choices!"

"Dwight, it's Pirate Day. You think they live by rules?"

Dwight stupidly shook his head back and forth with Jim.

"No, they do not. Come on, Dwight. You want people to think you're a landlubber? Don't be such an addlepate."

Dwight looked on with surprise and Jim snuck a quick grin to the camera.


*****

[Talking Head]

"Stamford was closed down, and Scranton stayed open. I'm still... not sure how that happened. Even with Josh quitting." Karen looked bewildered.

"I mean... he's the top salesman here, and he's wearing a feathered three point hat." She paused a beat. "To work."


*****


Angela sat at the table in front of the vending machines scowling at her co-workers. Dwight approached the drinks machine and quietly rumbled, "Arrr, ye're a fine looking lass. What say that later this fine e'en ye come back to me ship and... shiver me timbers?"

Angela slowly smiled over the rim of her tea cup. "Maybe you could show me your yardarm."

Dwight grinned. Ryan walked past the open doorway with Kelly hot on his heels, "...and this is like, her second or third time in rehab, and you should have seen her mugshot, Ryan, it was awful, her eyes were all blurry and her skin, oh my god, you can shoot me if I ever let my skin go like that, and..."

Angela hissed "Shh!" over her shoulder. "Not now!"

She marched smartly to her cubicle trying to contain her smug grin while Dwight, legs spread apart and fingering the handle to his cutlass, watched her walk away with a satisfied smile. Without looking at the machine, he instinctively hit the button for Sprite. Back at his desk, Dwight took out a cloth and wiped the condensation off the sides. With a Sharpie he crossed out "Sprite" and wrote in "Grog."

Michael stood in his doorway concentrating on some paperwork in his hands. "Dwight, could you come here for a second?"

"What is it, Michael?" Dwight zoomed to his mentor's side. Jim set his pencil down, pushed his chair back from his desk with purpose, with hands in pockets crossed to Dwight's desk, took Dwight's soda can and quickly wrote something on it, then sat back down at his desk. Pam looked up from her computer screen.

"...I just thought that Corporate would like to know how much we could save if we fired--"

Michaels slammed the door for the second time that day. Dwight sat down, grabbed his soda can, and paused.

"Dammit, Jim!" He scribbled over "Nerd Juice" with a red marker.


*****


"...maybe later I can plunder your booty."

"Ryan!"

Toby pinched the bridge of his nose. "Hey, that's not... People are trying to... work and--"

Kelly's giggles were drowned out by the sound of wet slurping. Toby looked up at the camera and blinked a few times, then swung his legs back under his desk and straightened his files.



*****


"Arrr, matey. Here be those TPS Reports, wench."

Angela's nostrils flared as she looked daggers at Kevin. "That is inappropriate work language, Kevin."

"But it be Pirate Talk Day... matey," he struggled to get out.

"When you can master Talk Like An Adult That Can Add Two Numbers And Get It Correct Each And Every Time Day, then you can try other holidays."

Kevin looked at her for a few minutes, mouth working to find the right words. "That would be a terrible holiday. The name would not fit on a T-Shirt. Hey, Oscar. I bet you're looking to plunder some booty later." Kevin dissolved into giggles. Oscar didn't bother looking up. Angela rubbed her temples.


*****

[Talking Head]

"Karen wants me to focus more on work and spend less time tormenting Dwight, as she puts it."

[camera focuses between the window blinds to reveal Dwight demonstrating the proper technique for slicing off a head using Kevin as the subject, then focuses back on Jim.]

Jim grinned. "Yeah. It just needs to be done."


*****


Pam walked back to her desk from the supply closet and deposited a box of pencils on the corner of Jim's desk. Karen looked up from her keyboard and bit her lip, then got back to her task.

"Dwight, catch." Jim lobbed a pencil towards Dwight's face. Dwight reached out for it and missed it by several inches to the left.

"Here, try again." Jim repeated the action, and again, Dwight missed the pencil by several inches. The pencil bounced off his eye patch covering his right eye and glasses.

"Cut it ou--"

Jim tossed another one with the same results.


*****

[Talking Head]

"It is true, unfortunately, that wearing an eye patch has limited my depth perception. If I create a new character in AdventureQuest, I think it will have a wooden leg instead of an eye patch."

Dwight rubbed at lead marks on his cheekbone, the eye patch pushed up into his hair and glasses back in place.


*****

Jim, Karen, and Darryl from the warehouse were sitting in the break room when a loud and anguished yell pierced the air. Dwight stomped in, stamping his feet extra hard as his soft-soled boots didn't make much of an impact on the Berber carpeting.

"Where is it?"

"Where's what?" Jim innocently sipped his drink.

"Where is my computer?"

"Do pirates use computers? I don't --"

"That is company property that you have absconded with--"

"I think the term you're looking for, Captain Blackheart, is 'plundered.' "

Dwight paused for a moment. "Fine. You have plundered my computer, and I demand to know where it is."

"I... don't think it works that way."

Karen rolled her eyes and pushed her chair back. "Alright. I'm going back to work."

"Jim, if you've done anything to my computer, so help me --"

Pam walked in just then. "Hey, Dwight, I think this is for you." She handed him a piece of heavy paper, Neenah Classic Linen in 104gsm weight, to be exact.

Dwight looked at the paper, then looked up at Pam.

"I think they mean it." Smiling, she sat down across from Jim and opened her tupperware container of cubed fruit.


*****


[Talking Head]

"Pam had the brilliant idea--"

"Thank you, Jim."

"-- of hiding Dwight's computer during his 'Tai Chi' break and making a treasure map for him to find it." Jim held up a duplicate copy of the note Pam had delivered. The entire office complex was sketched with foot prints leading towards an X. The location of the X in relation to the office wasn't clear.

"On the back," Jim continued, "are instructions for how many paces he needs to take, based on the sun's given coordinates."

Pam smiled up at Jim, then quickly turned to the camera to reassure, "We just put it behind my desk. But there is a treasure chest filled with gold coins - the chocolate kind - waiting for him."

They both smiled into the camera.


*****

Karen was perched on the edge of Jim's desk, blocking him from Pam's view. "I just don't think this is the way to go about your work day. Have you gotten anything done?"

Jim looked faux-shocked, "Gotten anything done? You mean aside from creating a treasure hunt, which includes a walking of the plank."

[camera cut to the warehouse where Dwight is counting off paces on the loading ramp, then jumping to a red "brake" line on the floor, then continuing his search, the map in hand.]

Karen continued to look sternly at him.

Jim sighed, rubbed his face with both hands, and acquiesced, "Fine. I won't swap out his drink with straight Rum, then."

Meredith prairie-dogged over the corn plant blocking her desk from Jim's.

Karen smiled. "Thank you. You want to go to that new bistro down on Fourth?"

"Ahh, do they have tuna salad?" He chuckled as Karen slapped at his arm playfully.


*****


Dwight strode back into the office, a paper box decorated to look like a wooden chest tucked tightly under one arm, and an unwrapped chocolate coin in the other hand. He popped the chocolate into his mouth, wadded the gold foil in his fist and threw it on the ground behind Pam.

"Very funny. Give me my computer or I will write you up and you will have to sit before the Disciplinary Council, of which I am the Manager--"

"Assistant to the Manager."

Dwight closed his eyes for strength, "...assistant to the manager, and you will have to answer for your actions today."

Pam's eyes were wide. "The whole council?"

Dwight looked smug. "Yes. The whole entire council."

"That's just you on that council, right?"

"Sometimes... Michael sits in."

"Oh, well. In that case, your computer is behind the printer here."

As Dwight stepped towards his computer, the office workers began filing out for the close of the day, blocking him from moving forward.

"Good night, Pam."

"'Night, Toby."

"Good night."

"See you, Phyllis."

Phyllis stifled a laugh as she fumbled with her coat, further blocking Dwight.

"Move, wench!"

"Dwight! You don't speak to a woman like that! Not unless she's dressed like a naughty milk maid, or something sexy like that. Pam, you should dress like that this Halloween. You know, something low cut, maybe a push up bra, let people see what you've got under there, and a short full skirt..."

"No, Michael."

Dwight had finally made his way through the throng and was collecting his keyboard and PC when Michael stopped and noticed what Dwight was doing. He shook his head disgustedly and walked through the door, calling out, "Save that elevator, Stanley my manly!"

Stanley turned to look at the numbers, his coat over one arm and his crosswords in the other. "No." The doors shut just as Michael made it to the elevator.

*****

[Talking Head]

"I finished all of my sales calls by 10 this morning, actually increasing my sales by 20%. After lunch I found a program that I thought Dwight might appreciate, so I installed that on his computer. I mean, why stop at one day?" He smiled, grabbed his messenger bag, and stood to leave.

*****

Dwight had the final cord plugged in, the keyboard arranged at the precise location for optimum wrist comfort, and turned the machine on. It loaded, played the familiar Windows Office chime, then spoke, "Ye be gettin' ready to work, ye scurvy dog!"

"What the..."

"Avast! Ye have a virus on this demon contraption. I be puttin' the Black Mark on it."

Dwight watched in horror as a huge black circle obliterated his desktop, then filled in with a skull and crossbones. A maniacal laugh exploded from his speakers. "It's to Davy Jones' Locker with ye!"

He slapped at the side of the monitor and tapped furiously on his mouse. The computer paused in its laughing to spit out, "Courtesy of Handsome Jim, ya lily livered scallywag!" Dwight banged his fists on his keyboard. "JIM!!"


~End, Y'arr~

Comments

( 57 comments — Leave a comment )
darlas_mom
Sep. 19th, 2007 06:45 pm (UTC)
"Dwight, question: who is the better pirate, Jack Bauer or Lieutenant Starbuck?"

Dwight opened his mouth to answer and did a double take. "Trick question. Neither of them are pirates, and one of them is a girl which automatically makes her a wench."

"Okay, but if they were, who would be the best? Oh, or John Locke?"

Dwight blinked, thinking fast. "I--"

"Wrong, the answer is Hiro."

"But he wasn't on your list of choices!"

"Dwight, it's Pirate Day. You think they live by rules?"

Dwight stupidly shook his head back and forth with Jim.

"No, they do not. Come on, Dwight. You want people to think you're a landlubber? Don't be such an addlepate."


FUNNIEST THING EVER!

I don't watch "The Office," so I missed most of the humor otherwise, but that? That is awesome.

This makes my day feel better. Thank you.
stoney321
Sep. 19th, 2007 07:24 pm (UTC)
<-- Dwight and Angela
Heee, AWESOME!! And you have GOT to watch the show - it's fabulous. Achy in places and freaking funny in others. :D

THANK YOU!
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Sep. 19th, 2007 07:25 pm (UTC)
Oh, so cool to hear about Toby, YAY! Don't you just want to cuddle him? Have you seen the deleted scenes from S3? There's a funny flub between him and Pam...

I'm so happy you laughed, yay! I mean, Y'ARR!
southernbangel
Sep. 19th, 2007 07:16 pm (UTC)
HAHAHAHA. This is so absolutely perfect, I don't even have the words to express how perfect it is! It feels like a missing episode (note to writers: PLEASE DO A PIRATE EP. THANKS.) and the voices are spot-on.

"This is not a woman's blouse. I'd like to see the woman that could pull this off." And with the quick camera cut? GENIUS. Love it.

"FACT: Pirates are the cause of more international deaths than --"

"Bear attacks."

"Jim, that is ridiculous. There are more bears on the six main continents than there --"

"Fact: pirates beat bears. Except that's impossible," he thoughtfully rubbed his chin, "because one is a baseball team, and the other is a football team."


FACT: You are hilarious.

Michael's creepy-and-hilarious interaction with Pam is pitch-perfect, especially Pam's "Oh. Okay, then."

"I've always wanted to have a special handshake with someone." Hahahaha, perfect capture of Michael's desperation.

Dwight, question: who is the better pirate, Jack Bauer or Lieutenant Starbuck?"

Dwight opened his mouth to answer and did a double take. "Trick question. Neither of them are pirates, and one of them is a girl which automatically makes her a wench."

"Okay, but if they were, who would be the best? Oh, or John Locke?"

Dwight blinked, thinking fast. "I--"

"Wrong, the answer is Hiro."

"But he wasn't on your list of choices!"

"Dwight, it's Pirate Day. You think they live by rules?"


This may be the most hilarious dialogue I've ever read. I love snarky!Jim and you nailed him here. (Heh, I'd like to nail Jim Halpert.)

"Dammit, Jim!" He scribbled over "Nerd Juice" with a red marker. HAHAHAHAHA. Classic. And awesome.

The Talking Heads snippets are so true to the characters and I swear, it feels like I'm reading an episode because the characterization is so well done.

I LOVE THIS FIC. And now I must watch more of the S3 DVDs when I get home.
stoney321
Sep. 19th, 2007 07:26 pm (UTC)
OH MY GOODNESS, YAAAAAAAAAY! By which I mean, AVAST, Ye've turned this ol' scabber's heart to mush, you have!

I'm so happy you are laughing and feeling better about life because SOON ENOUGH you will be coming to see ME! (One week and one day, I thank you!!)

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

And yes, I too would like to nail Jim Halpert. Num.
marenfic
Sep. 19th, 2007 07:36 pm (UTC)
<--------- Dwight WISHES he was Pirate Starbuck
AHAHAHA!

First, clearly Starbuck is the better pirate, though I'd worry about her against Locke.

Second, Kevin asking Oscar if he wants to plunder booty is HI-larious, especially because Oscar just ignores him.

Third, poor poor Toby. Hee!

Fourth, the title is awesome. Poopdeck. Ha!

I love you. No, really, I LOVE YOU.
stoney321
Sep. 19th, 2007 08:04 pm (UTC)
AHAHAHAHAHA TO YOUR ICON!!! (And did you know that Starbuck is going to be on the new Bionic Woman show? I saw a promo pic and she's STILL THE HOTTEST.)

What's funny to my nerd brain about poopdeck is that I have it in mind that Daryl knows a poopdeck is the uppermost deck on a ship, and the warehouse is in the basement of their office building. I AM A NERD.

And I am also VERY HAPPY YOU LIKED THIS, YAYAYAYAY!!!! <3 <3 <3

One week and one day until you are in my clutches!!!
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noir7
Sep. 19th, 2007 09:17 pm (UTC)
Brilliant! :D
stoney321
Sep. 19th, 2007 10:09 pm (UTC)
\o/

Thank you!
dovil
Sep. 19th, 2007 11:12 pm (UTC)
This is all just sheer genius - I just watched an entire episode INSIDE MY BRAIN thanks to your story. It was funny, it was imaginative, you nailed those voices to the plank and then made them walk it.

Fantastic! You're a movie actor, a tv writer - when will your talents end?!?
stoney321
Sep. 19th, 2007 11:29 pm (UTC)
I cannot knit! Also, i tend to burn pie crusts, so...

Hahaha, I AM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT!! (Um... the new season starts next week. You want me to keep you updated like I did with the previous seasons?)
semby
Sep. 19th, 2007 11:16 pm (UTC)
Eeeeheeehee. This was so fun. Could not be more fun, in fact. Your Dwight is just perfection. This should be an episode!

And I can't believe it's Talk Like a Pirate Day again already! I feel like we just had one. Where has the year gone? Or is there more than one a year? (secretly, I celebrate it every week...)
stoney321
Sep. 19th, 2007 11:31 pm (UTC)
Oh, thank you! I'm very pleased you liked it, given your involvement in that fandom.

And I know, right? This whole summer has gone by so fast, I can barely keep up. I stared at my calendar for several minutes, trying to get it through my head that it is almost OCTOBER. WHht?!
brunettepet
Sep. 19th, 2007 11:41 pm (UTC)
This had me laughing as much as the show. The pacing and voices were spot on, and the visuals of Dwight in that outfit had me grinning. Your shot of him, eye-patch in his hair, glasses on, disconsolately rubbing at lead marks was priceless.

I loved this bit: "[Cut to a shot of Angela tearing apart misprinted quarterly reports with her bare hands.]" There's always such tamped down rage in her, I could totally see her really going to town on those misprinted quarterly reports.

I would have to quote the entire piece to point out my favorite lines, but I really loved Michael's inappropriate, ham handed flirting with Pam here: "You know, if you let your hair down, maybe let your chest breathe a bit," he gave what he most likely felt was a fatherly smile, "you could be that fox I'd eat." That fatherly smile made me laugh even as my skin was crawling. Great job!
stoney321
Sep. 19th, 2007 11:46 pm (UTC)
*claps hands* YAY!! Oh, man, you've said everything I would ever want to hear, thank you! I have only written once before, and it was a bit of a dud, so I'm just tickled that you felt this matched the show's pacing, etc.

Angela... Oh my goodness, the Christmas Party from S2 where she goes outside, screaming, and throwing glass ornaments against the brick wall? Ahahahah! I think I worked with her at some point... *G*
thebratqueen
Sep. 19th, 2007 11:43 pm (UTC)
1) Awesome fic

2) Gossip Girl is on tonight. YOU KNOW YOU WANNA WATCH IT
stoney321
Sep. 20th, 2007 12:16 am (UTC)
*fist hearts to you*

Dude, I have the DVR set to record every ep. I've heard GREAT THINGS, zomg!!

(And thank you re:1) :D
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entrenous88
Sep. 20th, 2007 12:01 am (UTC)
This is soooooooooooo awesome!!!!

Of course no one has ever had a secret hand-shake with Michael!

Sprite = GROG!!!

"Wrong, the answer is Hiro."
"But he wasn't on your list of choices!"
"Dwight, it's Pirate Day. You think they live by rules?"
Dwight stupidly shook his head back and forth with Jim.

heeeee, and awwww! It's stuff like this on the show that makes me laugh, but also feel for Dwight. He's so constantly bamboozled by Jim and Pam.

It's cute that they got him the chocolate coins, though.

Yay, Stoney, pirate fic *and* awesome Office fic FTW!!! \m/
stoney321
Sep. 20th, 2007 12:18 am (UTC)
*holds hands and jumps in circles!!*

Oh, yay for you laughing! And yeah - S3 left me conflicted with Dwight, he's so clearly set up to be this horrible guy, but I had a lot of sympathy for him. Especially when he (possible spoiler, so I'll be vague) went to a lot of trouble for Angela.

I'm so happy you read!! *SQUISH SQUISH SQUISH* Oh, and if you have the CW channel, at the top of the next hour (8 for me, 9 for you) is a show called "Gossip Girl" that's getting good reviews. Based on a YA novel series about uber-rich NYC teens and their secrets, as narrated by one of them incognito! Boarding school! Teens! NYC!!
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femmenerd
Sep. 20th, 2007 07:06 am (UTC)
ILU!!!!!!!

omg, I need to get some Office icons.
stoney321
Sep. 20th, 2007 12:49 pm (UTC)
ILU TOO!!!!!

Yes you DO!! Go check out scranton_times for linkage, if you don't already have locales in mind. :D
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Sep. 20th, 2007 05:14 pm (UTC)
Thank you! yay for thinking it's funny - WHEW.

And I have to say, through the course of the third season, you really begin to feel badly for Michael and Dwight. You still wouldn't be their friends, but you get why they are the way they are more. They become pathetic, Michael especially.

If you ever find time, I highly recommend it. (But I know you have only so much free time for TV...)
savoytruffle
Sep. 21st, 2007 04:37 am (UTC)
absolutely excellent. just like an episode.
stoney321
Sep. 21st, 2007 12:26 pm (UTC)
BEST thing you could have said to me. <3

*neck smooch*
cordelianne
Sep. 21st, 2007 05:44 am (UTC)
OMG this is so awesome!!! It's absolutely like an episode - I can hear all the characters saying these lines. So funny and perfect!!!

I love this exchange:
"Dwight, question: who is the better pirate, Jack Bauer or Lieutenant Starbuck?"
Dwight opened his mouth to answer and did a double take. "Trick question. Neither of them are pirates, and one of them is a girl which automatically makes her a wench."
"Okay, but if they were, who would be the best? Oh, or John Locke?"
Dwight blinked, thinking fast. "I--"
"Wrong, the answer is Hiro."
"But he wasn't on your list of choices!"
"Dwight, it's Pirate Day. You think they live by rules?"


All the talking heads are awesome as is poor Toby having to overhear Ryan and Kelly. heee to the Kevin and Angela exchange!! This is perfect:
"I finished all of my sales calls by 10 this morning, actually increasing my sales by 20%. After lunch I found a program that I thought Dwight might appreciate, so I installed that on his computer. I mean, why stop at one day?" He smiled, grabbed his messenger bag, and stood to leave.

Love it!!!! :D
stoney321
Sep. 21st, 2007 12:28 pm (UTC)
*bounces and dances*

YAYAYAYAY!! Oh, I'm SO GLAD you think it sounds like them. I've not really written in this fandom before, so that's a big ol' fear. Hahaha - Angela and Kevin (and Oscar, too) always make me laugh.

And TOBY! I loved that line when he speculates that maybe Michael purposely put Ryan back there as punishment for Toby. Heeee!!

<3 <3 <3
crackers4jenn
Sep. 22nd, 2007 10:28 pm (UTC)
Oh, GOD. So hilarious! I was immediately all clappy and happy from the get-go, but this exchange:

"Good morning, Micheal."

"I do not like green eggs and Pam!"

"Oh. Okay, then."


--had me sputtering from the pure GLEE! of it all. Really, I think everything was so spot on perfect and hilarious, which is AWESOME, because even if most times author's get the characters, there's never any real humor in the fics. But this had humor abound!

I think all my favorite parts were the little throwaways: Toby suffering over Kelly and Ryan, and Karen just being Karen. And the visual of Dwight dressed up like a pirate. And GROG! And Angela's "When you can master Talk Like An Adult That Can Add Two Numbers And Get It Correct Each And Every Time Day, then you can try other holidays." line.

Oh, so much love.
stoney321
Sep. 22nd, 2007 10:34 pm (UTC)
I'm sending you a cake made of kittens and STARSHINE!! Oh, thank you!! I have to admit, I love the little moments, too. There are so many on the show that often overshadow the A plots.

Thank you very very much! This was my first ensemble fic in this fandom, so I'm well chuffed.
kyrafic
Sep. 23rd, 2007 01:02 am (UTC)
Heeeeeeeeeee. I love ensemble fic!
stoney321
Sep. 23rd, 2007 01:13 am (UTC)
ME TOO! Thanks very much - and thanks for the heads-up on those misspells. They are repaired! *salutes*
antilamentation
Sep. 23rd, 2007 03:06 am (UTC)
Oh I wish I had words for the brilliance of this. Just. Gah. SO GOOD. I won't even tell you how many times I've re-read it. Which has been a lot.
stoney321
Sep. 23rd, 2007 01:25 pm (UTC)
Wow! Thank you very much. *Beams* (I'm new to these parts, so I appreciate that)
valerie_valerah
Sep. 23rd, 2007 02:13 pm (UTC)
This is perfection, that's what it is. I laughed so hard reading it. This should be an episode :P
stoney321
Sep. 23rd, 2007 03:42 pm (UTC)
*buys you a pony*

I'm so happy you laughed!! Thanks so much.
... - valerie_valerah - Sep. 23rd, 2007 04:16 pm (UTC) - Expand
throwingpens
Sep. 24th, 2007 02:23 am (UTC)
John Locke!
as a philosophy lover, this made me crack up.
Locke and his natural rights...as a pirate...

:)
stoney321
Sep. 24th, 2007 12:44 pm (UTC)
HEEEEEE.

He would be a most conflicted pirate, yes? :D
... - throwingpens - Sep. 24th, 2007 10:19 pm (UTC) - Expand
dragonflyxeyes
Sep. 24th, 2007 08:49 pm (UTC)
Yes!! That is the greatest ending ever! I LOVED IT! =D
stoney321
Sep. 24th, 2007 09:00 pm (UTC)
Yay!! Aw, thanks; I appreciate you letting me know!
soundingsea
Oct. 1st, 2007 02:28 am (UTC)
This? Is awesome. Oh, yes. *snickers*

Classic Dwight & Jim interactions. Priceless!
stoney321
Oct. 1st, 2007 01:22 pm (UTC)
Yay!!! (And that was what was missing from the S4 premiere: more Dwight/Jim interactions!) Thank you so much! I'm pleased you laughed. *fist pump*
flwrpwr_vampyre
Oct. 1st, 2007 08:15 pm (UTC)
"Dwight! You don't speak to a woman like that! Not unless she's dressed like a naughty milk maid, or something sexy like that. Pam, you should dress like that this Halloween. You know, something low cut, maybe a push up bra, let people see what you've got under there, and a short full skirt..."

"No, Michael."


I loved this!

stoney321
Oct. 1st, 2007 08:32 pm (UTC)
Oh, how terrific to hear! Thank you very much!
... - flwrpwr_vampyre - Oct. 2nd, 2007 12:58 am (UTC) - Expand
( 57 comments — Leave a comment )

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Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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