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So I went to the Asian market with my friend, so she could translate for me. I scored some delicacies, of which I am most pleased (I finally found those fish flakes to season rice with! Num.) And we got a durian (Matong.) Which is known as the smelliest fruit known to man. Let me attempt to define the scent for you: If you have, say, a baby of the age of 9 months, who really really likes spinach, and they get an intestinal disorder, causing them to go through a lot of diapers. Then, after, oh... three days of dirty spinach-poo diapers you put that out in the hot sun and throw on top of it some over-ripe strawberries, just growing fuzz.

There. That's the smell.

So you break open this spiny pod the size of a bowling ball, and the insides look like intestines. "But it's delicious!" I'm told. "It's so creamy and custard like!" they say. I exhale sharply through my nose to get the said spin-poo-berry stink from my sinuses and take a mouthful. It is definitely creamy textured. Very cold custard-ish. And I can taste the spin-poo-berry. But then... it goes away. And it tastes like smoky cheese - very smooth and aromatic, and sweet at the end.

I ate a bunch. My buddy was shocked - and pleased - that I liked it. (She leaned against my counter, smiling, waiting for me to make an EWWWWW face.) I wrapped up the pod covering and the seeds in three plastic bags to throw away. The remainder of the custard-intestine is in a plastic container, wrapped twice in Saran. The smell is barely noticeable that way. My kitchen, however, smells of summertime in the toddler pen on fruit cup day. >.<

In conclusion, this picture is maybe one of the funniest things I have seen in a loooooong time.

Apparently, the owner made a bunch of these posters and put them up all over Baltimore recently. *g* (I kind of think the dog looks a little evil, though. Like Evil Bert.)


( 37 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 30th, 2007 07:00 pm (UTC)
That poster is hysterical.

Durian is banned in at least one country (I forget which) for the crime of smelling like old shoes covered in vomit. Eat a durian, go to jail.
Oct. 30th, 2007 07:08 pm (UTC)
I mean, LOOK at that MOTHERFUCKIN DOG! Ahahahaha.

My house STILL smells. I've got all the windows open and two scented candles... (But it tastes good!)
Oct. 30th, 2007 07:03 pm (UTC)

What possessed people back in the day to even try such a fruit? I would think that at first sniff it would get tossed away. Why would you taste something that smelled so awful?

It does sound intriguing, though. I might have to try just to satisfy my curiosity. If it stanks up my building I can always blame it on the family down the hall, they have small children.
Oct. 30th, 2007 07:09 pm (UTC)
See, I asked the same thing! Who on earth would see that, smell it, and decide to eat it? My friend's reply: "Asians. We eat anything." :D

Maybe open the fruit outside and throw it away in a dumpster. I wouldn't even bring it inside, to be honest. To call it pungent is an understatement.
Oct. 30th, 2007 07:03 pm (UTC)
That poster is completely made of win. I should post a picture of myself around town.


Have a look at this beautiful motherfucking woman. She was last seen being awesome--as she always is--in her apartment, writing porn and not eating Halloween candy reserved for tomorrow. She is the most goddamn awesome woman in this godforsaken town and knows how to fuck.


I've always wanted to try durian because I have also heard it is delicious, if you can get past the smell. However, since I live in this godforsaken town, we don't have delicacies like that. (I don't think.)

So, to sum up, I am awesome.
Oct. 30th, 2007 07:10 pm (UTC)
Yes you are awesome! You need to come back for a visit soon and we'll go down to the market and get one.

And hahahahaha - YOU SHOULD MAKE THAT POSTER!! I love it!
Oct. 30th, 2007 07:17 pm (UTC)
I love the taste of chicken AND fish. Does that make me bisexual?
I was going to bring up the possibility of coming for a visit sometime after the first of the year in the next email. Perhaps sometime late January to early February?

I need to figure out Photoshop so I can make a kickass manip for the poster. Perhaps a picture of me climbing the Eiffel Tower? <--- I don't know why the Eiffel Tower.
Oct. 30th, 2007 07:24 pm (UTC)
Re: I love the taste of chicken AND fish. Does that make me bisexual?
I like the Eiffel Tower! It's all cock-like. Guys dig that. Maybe custard could be squirting out of the top of the building, something like that. Find a picture where you look all rapturous and virginal, but slutty and whoreish. And you're holding a Bible. Find that.

Sho' nuff! Girl, you have an open invite to come anytime, you know how we do it! *gang signs*
Oct. 30th, 2007 07:30 pm (UTC)
It's kinda like this face.
Hmmm, I have a picture from when I was confirmed and there is joy and rapture on my face because I've accepted Christ into my life, much like the face I make when I accept a penis into my vagina. That could work.
Oct. 31st, 2007 01:45 am (UTC)
I may have to make that poster for you because it is Perfect. You'd meet just the right kind of guy that way ;)
Oct. 31st, 2007 02:29 am (UTC)
You mean a poster like this??

(Hahaha, totally not working on the fic I'm supposed to be writing. Obviously.)
Oct. 30th, 2007 07:06 pm (UTC)
Which Asian market did you got to? The one over in Richardson?
Oct. 30th, 2007 07:11 pm (UTC)
Naw, we didn't go to Little Chinatown this time - there's an Asian Market (the name) up on Legacy in Plano. It's not quite as big as the one on Spring Valley, but they had a terrific assortment.

(Apparently there's a Little Hong Kong in Mesquite?! Who knew!)
Oct. 30th, 2007 07:16 pm (UTC)

Well. There is the most AWESOMENEST Chinese food over off of Greenville near the Supermarket in Richardson. I can't remember the name of it though, since its been a few years, but I would recognize it on sight!

I still dream of it! Heh. Its totally going to be the first place I hit up when I move back to Dallas permanently.
Oct. 30th, 2007 07:26 pm (UTC)
Oh my goodness, there's like, dozens of great Chinese restaurants right in there. And on Walnut Hill and FOrest Lane, where they cross Plano Rd? That's the location for the best Vietnamese food. Any place in there is top notch. (Korean food is on Harry Hines.)

There's now a Little India off 75 and... Arapaho? And now up in Plano are all sorts of new markets/eateries. One thing is true about Dallas: we like to eat, and there's just about every type of food!
Oct. 30th, 2007 07:31 pm (UTC)
Dude, we have to hit some of these places when I next visit, a'ight?
Oct. 30th, 2007 07:37 pm (UTC)
We will have to get together and compare notes sometime. There is a *great* deep-dish pizza place with AWESOME sangria over off of Knox-Henderson, too.

I <3 food. :)
Oct. 30th, 2007 07:11 pm (UTC)
Ou! I've heard of durian before on a show! You're a brave one for trying it.
Oct. 30th, 2007 07:12 pm (UTC)
I may have been brave for trying it, but I was STOOPID for opening it in my house. Geh.

*fans harder*
Oct. 30th, 2007 07:19 pm (UTC)
Yikes! Bust out the industrial fans!
Oct. 30th, 2007 07:27 pm (UTC)
Done! I've got Febreeze and Lysol at the ready, too. :D
Oct. 30th, 2007 07:16 pm (UTC)
I need to make posters like that... Sadly, my kickass coat doesn't have a name.
Oct. 30th, 2007 08:09 pm (UTC)
Oh, you have to make up a name!! Hahahaha, what a funny idea!
Oct. 30th, 2007 07:24 pm (UTC)
The poster is funny but there's something about the placement of his eyes that makes he think he is evil too.

That's a right stonkin' smell you described. I'm not sure I'd be brave enough to taste something that smelled so bad.
Oct. 30th, 2007 08:10 pm (UTC)
Yeah! The dog totally has evil eyebrows...

I feel the need to state that it tasted really good, it just smelled like ass.

Oct. 30th, 2007 07:30 pm (UTC)
I love the Asian market. There are always so many new and culinarily intriguing things to smell and try. Thanks for the olofactory description of durian. It's kept frozen at the market, and I've handled it several times. My husband just gives me a look, and I have to remind him "You remember your first reaction to kim chi, don't you? It smelled like rotting garbage and no way were you ever going to want to have jars of it in the refrigerator?" Now I make three or four batches of the stuff a year! We're both totally addicted to it.

That poster is hilarious! I want to see that dog in action being awesome.
Oct. 30th, 2007 09:10 pm (UTC)
Oh my GOD I love kim chi!! My old roommate made some with carrots that was the best I'd ever had. MmmmMMmmm.

(I'm about to get the girls to try a bit here in a second...) I do recommend it, I have to say.

(I want to see him, too! Like, does the dog wear a cape? *g*)
Oct. 30th, 2007 07:31 pm (UTC)
My daughter and I went to a local Asian food store, and it smelled so bad that I didn't want to eat anything from it. Finally, I figured that since we were only there for Japanese candy, it'd be fine. Eventually, we wandered through the produce aisle, to discover a huge open cooler of durian. Ah. That's what the stink was.

I'd have to be freakin' starving to eat something that smelled that way.
Oct. 30th, 2007 09:08 pm (UTC)
And my Asian friends can't understand why we'd eat Bleu cheese... :D

(I'm about to make the girls try it. *rubs hands evilly*)
Oct. 30th, 2007 08:14 pm (UTC)
That poster is awesome. I think I'll pass, however, on the stinky fruit. Kudos to you for trying it though.
Oct. 30th, 2007 09:08 pm (UTC)
Isn't it funny? That dog cracks me up.

And I'm about to force my girls to have a try. Muah ah ah.
Oct. 30th, 2007 08:20 pm (UTC)
It's the hornish ears and eyes that say "I'm planning something"

Also, you now have spin-poo-berry breath.
Oct. 30th, 2007 09:07 pm (UTC)
Yep!! That's it!

And haha, nuh uh, because I just ate a block of chocolate and gargled. :D
Oct. 30th, 2007 08:57 pm (UTC)
I want to go to the awesome Asian market with yooooouuuuuuu!

<3 <3 <3
Oct. 30th, 2007 09:05 pm (UTC)
ZOmg, the dried leaves and fruits and seasonings and herbs and fish buns and little jelly treats, zomg, they had these weetiny yin/yang shaped (like, one of the halves) containers with apple jelly pudding in them! And they were very Hello Kitty looking packages. And weetiny soda pop bottles - like, the amount in a shot glass! EEEE!

All the tofu!! Mmmm, I have tofu and coconut milk and some chile paste and sundries to make a delicious tofu/milk soup. MMMMMMMMM!
(Deleted comment)
Oct. 31st, 2007 05:06 pm (UTC)
I remember seeing a story about someone putting up MISSING: PET DOLPHIN posters in some neighborhood in Seattle. That made me laugh, too.

Mr. Darcy agrees that dog is evil. It's a Husky, therefore the Enemy.
( 37 comments — Leave a comment )


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