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oh, hey. This person is an idiot.

I just read a fic - the Hansons of "Mmm,Bop!" fame and I don't want to hear it. It was RESEARCH, so back off, man, I'm a scientist.

Anyhoo. It was, as could only be expected, terrible. Incest: It's More Important Than Babies. So I got the distinct impression that the person who wrote the story was... young. Inexperienced. Now, that's not to say there are some spry youngins out there that can't turn a phrase, but you know what I mean.

So I'm now looking for an icon for this type of situation. Anyone remember the giant turtle in The Neverending Story that keeps sneezing as Atrayu (where's the Atrayu fic? DON'T YOU JUDGE ME.) climbs up his shell, and responds "We're... allergic... to youth!" I think that would make a super fantastic icon, personally.

Also, if anyone could send a hard shot straight to my babymaker, I'd appreciate that. Also, chips. And cheese. And a coke. And chocolate. Then hit my belleh again, then my head so I PASS OUT. Feh.

Comments

( 43 comments — Leave a comment )
marenfic
Dec. 4th, 2007 08:24 pm (UTC)
Just complying with your request. . .

(Today is the last day of classes- why am I so fucking ready to bite someone's head off- anyone, I don't care. STRESS)
stoney321
Dec. 4th, 2007 08:32 pm (UTC)
You are ready to hurt because they are awful, spoiled, rotten, lazy students, that's why. BASTARDS. :D

I hate my uterus today. WHERE IS THE QUESADILLA DELIVERY OUTIFT?!
marenfic
Dec. 4th, 2007 09:10 pm (UTC)
I have individually called out 5 different people on the last two days of classes to put their fucking phones away. I said the fuck with my eyes and tone of voice rather than the actual word, but I'm pretty sure they could read between the lines.

Hmmm, sorry. I'm so beyond irritated. I will take it to my own journal.
stoney321
Dec. 4th, 2007 09:17 pm (UTC)
Girl, I love me a good rant, so BRING IT.

Also, I just found out that my ex-friend that cheated on her husband, lied to me, etc. JUST GOT MARRIED. UH....
southernbangel
Dec. 4th, 2007 09:19 pm (UTC)
WHAT?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?

I've got five months on the marriage.
stoney321
Dec. 4th, 2007 09:22 pm (UTC)
I. KNOW.

LEE. Good god. Oh! OH!! And the kids WEREN'T THERE.
southernbangel
Dec. 4th, 2007 09:27 pm (UTC)
Okay, we've suspected that right now, she gives fuck all for her kids, right? IT IS NOW FACT. (So it has been for a while but SHEESH. Way to make the kids feel like they're part of the new family.)
dancetomato
Dec. 5th, 2007 12:13 am (UTC)
When my father got remarried, my sisters and I weren't invited because, and I quote, "If we invite 30 people, we have to invite 300 people." Because, you know, people were going to get all enraged and offended and say, "What? You invited your daughters to the wedding and you didn't invite us???"

The punch line is that I know people who were invited. Just not us.

For the record, my stepmother was a very nice person who did not deserve to be married to that man.
stoney321
Dec. 5th, 2007 01:58 am (UTC)
Ahahahahahaha.

Exchange your dad with my mom and we're a match.

Good god, the shitty parents of the world. Thank goodness we're so awesome, right? :)
dancetomato
Dec. 4th, 2007 09:27 pm (UTC)
Interrupts to say:

MARRIED?? Buhzah?
stoney321
Dec. 4th, 2007 10:02 pm (UTC)
YEAH. I ended the friendship a few weeks back after hearing all manner of things. Just... good LORD.
marenfic
Dec. 4th, 2007 09:34 pm (UTC)
Nice. Selfish fucking asshole. Is this to the gross guy who likes bed time with the kids?

I'm sure that'll last.

(Poor babies. I'm so sorry for them.)
stoney321
Dec. 4th, 2007 10:03 pm (UTC)
I KNOW. Feh, Maren, FEH.

(Also I will have wonderful stories to share with you upon our next talk. I'm saving them because they're just TOO good.)
entrenous88
Dec. 4th, 2007 08:55 pm (UTC)
why am I so fucking ready to bite someone's head off- anyone, I don't care.
Because you are a smelly pirate hooker?

*runs*
marenfic
Dec. 4th, 2007 09:11 pm (UTC)
Num num num.

Nous-head is a nummy snack. I feel much better ;)
entrenous88
Dec. 4th, 2007 08:52 pm (UTC)
*makes you nachos and drives over the border to get you the coke with real sugar*

You know, there is actually some really good Hanson RPS out there. Sorry you ran into one of the bad ones!

Poor teenies. They try! And everyone has to have a first fic. Still, I hope most people's first fics don't include things like one guy wrapping his legs around the other guy's waste -- or other stuff like that there.
southernbangel
Dec. 4th, 2007 08:56 pm (UTC)
one guy wrapping his legs around the other guy's waste

Nothing hotter than seeing one guy hump trash.
entrenous88
Dec. 4th, 2007 08:57 pm (UTC)
Or feces!!!

*fans self*
southernbangel
Dec. 4th, 2007 09:11 pm (UTC)
I tell you, nothing gets me hotter than reading about a guy getting busy with poo. HOT.
stoney321
Dec. 4th, 2007 09:19 pm (UTC)
*cries - exactly what I want, zomg!!*

Oh, I should have mentioned that Bandom isn't my fandom, so anytime I read outside of a fandom of mine, it's for a bad!fic hunt. :D

His waste!! Oh, that's a favorite. Or tickling his prostrate! (Or there prostrate while their lieing prostate.)
entrenous88
Dec. 4th, 2007 11:32 pm (UTC)
Awwww, poor Stoney! *strokes your hair*

Hanson is sort of its own odd little fandom, not part of the larger Bandom stuff. There used to be an adult-fan Hanson comm, and the fic there was pretty good. Angsty! But good.

But I totally hear you -- badfic is always the easiest thing to find.
southernbangel
Dec. 4th, 2007 08:55 pm (UTC)
I was just in the bathroom on our floor and bitching to myself about how much I would like my uterus to just *die* and leave me alone when this youngish-sounding voices pipes up with, "Oh, don't fret! I look at my period as a reminder that it's God's way of preparing my body for children! *giggles*"

Uh. . . What. the. fuck. Nevermind that I didn't know someone was in the stall next to me. WHO SAYS THAT TO A STRANGER? A STRANGER WHO, MIGHT I ADD, IS CURRENTLY PEEING? I wanted to punch her in the vagina and say that it was God's way, through me, of stretching her vagina in order to give birth.

I see you that coke and chocolate and raise you a hot fudge sundae.

entrenous88
Dec. 4th, 2007 08:59 pm (UTC)
Oh noes. Maybe it's God's way of preparing her body for aliens to burst out of her guts. D:
southernbangel
Dec. 4th, 2007 09:04 pm (UTC)
God's probably *pissed* at her because it's unnatural to be that happy about your period. HE WANTS US TO SUFFER, YO. THAT'S WHY WE BLEED.
stoney321
Dec. 4th, 2007 09:21 pm (UTC)
I hope you slapped that woman across the face. With a Bible. (Okay, read your second paragraph and AHAHAHAHAHAHA. That's way better.)

Also, I have a CRAMPS CURE. Progesterone cream, rubbed into the skin over the ovaries. Cramps gone in SECONDS, no lie.

OMG SONIC HAS A COFFEE SMOOTHIE WITH HAZLENUT AND CARAMEL SAUCE I WANT THAT.
dancetomato
Dec. 4th, 2007 09:30 pm (UTC)
I wanted to punch her in the vagina

I'd pay good money to see you do this. Yis.
dancetomato
Dec. 4th, 2007 09:32 pm (UTC)
I would not have any idea what you are talking about. I certainly was never a member of a Hanson cest community. Not me. Nuh uh.

p.s. It was entrenous88's fault! She beguiled me and I read. (/shout out to Genesis 3:13)
stoney321
Dec. 4th, 2007 10:02 pm (UTC)
(Okay, please note that I like good fanfic. I was on a search for BAD fanfic. Lines like "give me our cock, pound me" were found.)

Quick! Quick! What OT scripture identifies the first food fight?!
dancetomato
Dec. 4th, 2007 10:09 pm (UTC)
What OT scripture identifies the first food fight?!

What? I was dead at the time! I was on the moon...with Steve!

I have super thoughtful, hermeneutical answers to this question, but methinks it's a trick question. And you can't expect me to pull scripture citations out of my rear end! I'm an Episcopalian, not a Baptist.
stoney321
Dec. 4th, 2007 10:21 pm (UTC)
Zachariah 5:1!!!

*waits, gleefully*
dancetomato
Dec. 5th, 2007 12:08 am (UTC)
Okay, so this is why it matters what translation you read. I pulled out my New Revised Standard Version (the translation by the National Council of Churches, which seems to be a running theme)which says:

Zechariah 5:1 - "Again I looked up and saw a flying scroll." Which has nothing to do with food.

So I pulled out my King James Version and got the joke:
Zechariah 5:1 - "Then I turned and lifted up mine eyes, and looked, and behold a flying roll."

It's like translating a joke from Japanese into English and getting a crazy punch line.

Incidentally, I then looked it up in the Revised Standard Version (the precursor to the NRSV) (So I have a lot of Bibles, SHUT UP) which says
Zechariah 5:1 - "Again I lifted my eyes and saw, and behold, a flying scroll!" I love when the put exclamation points in scripture, seeing as ancient Hebrew doesn't have punctuation. It's like the translator was having a really great day and said, "Behold!!!eleventy1!"

And then I got all involved in looking at Ezekiel 2:9 which this passage is referencing which says,
Ez 2:9 - "I looked, and a hand written scroll was in it." Which may not seem that interesting, until you see Ez. 3:1 in which Zeke is told to eat the scroll, which Zeke does (because frankly Ezekiel is kind of a freak and I so want whatever drugs he was on) and, it tastes, and I quote, "as sweet as honey." But in the KJV it's "roll" so Zeke is told to eat a roll and it goes into his bowels.
Ez. 3:3 (KJV) - "And he said unto me, Son of man, cause thy belly to eat, and fill thy bowels with this roll that I give thee. Then did I eat it, and it was in my mouth as honey for sweetness." So food! Also I picture him having teeth in his belly button so that his belly can eat.

Also, this last sentence sounds like something from a bad fanfic written by a non-native writer of English. EG, "Taylor did give me his roll, and it was in my mouth as honey for sweetness." *goes to hell, directly to hell, do not pass Go, do not use biblical quotations for bad Hanson (cest) fic.*

Here endeth the lesson.
stoney321
Dec. 5th, 2007 01:59 am (UTC)
Oh my goodness, the bad fanfic you can write based on David and Bathsheba!


...oh and I've come to the conclusion that the BoM is really just crappy AU fanfic of the Bible. *G*
dancetomato
Dec. 5th, 2007 03:28 am (UTC)
Here is the fanfic I would like:

1 Samuel 20: the relationship between David and Jonathan, son of King Saul.

v. 35-42, especially vs. 41: "As soon as the boy had gone, David rose from beside the stone heap and prostrated himself with his face to the ground. He bowed three times, and [David and Jonathan] kissed each other, and wept with each other; David wept the more."

Earlier in the chapter they profess their love for one another.
menomegirl
Dec. 4th, 2007 10:05 pm (UTC)
*pauses in the middle of admiration for a Riley/Spike fic*

*picks my jaw up off the floor*

You were reading Mmm Bop Hanson fic? Sweet Jesus, my world is all askew.

\o/

Also? Atrayu was hot! (What? I have a type. Long-haired brunnettes who look like they're possibly gay. It's a thing).

*grins*

stoney321
Dec. 4th, 2007 10:54 pm (UTC)
I STUMBLED ACROSS IT (in my search for bad!fic, you see.) <--is redeemed Y/N?

And yeah - Atrayu was TOTALLY hot, I loved that movie for HIM. :D
menomegirl
Dec. 4th, 2007 11:29 pm (UTC)
Bad!fic! research! YAY!

Yes you are redeemed.

Andddddddddddddddd I used my awful icon-making skills to make you this Morla/Youth icon.

*smooches*
stoney321
Dec. 5th, 2007 01:58 am (UTC)
HEEEEEE!! And how awesome are you for knowing it's MORLA? Truly you are the key master.
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Dec. 4th, 2007 11:19 pm (UTC)
How often can I rub that stuff on for benefit?

Also: how's Otis' dong?
darlas_mom
Dec. 5th, 2007 12:08 am (UTC)
Have a present?

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
stoney321
Dec. 5th, 2007 01:56 am (UTC)
PERFECTION!!!!!

Ay yi yi, muchas gracias!!
cityphonelines
Dec. 5th, 2007 03:00 am (UTC)
*judges you*
*judges you with nachos*
floweringjudas
Dec. 5th, 2007 04:49 am (UTC)
I want to know how eljay made every female on my flist Start (see the capitalisation? whoa, subtle) at the same time this month. FREAKY. o.o

*sends you chips and cheese, drizzled with chocolate*
*and a deep-fried latte*
*...and mozzarella sticks, omfg*
*and and and a STEAK*
stoney321
Dec. 5th, 2007 03:48 pm (UTC)
I WILL TAKE THAT FOOD, ZOMG.

Dude, my vah jay jay is no mystery, because it's a total pussy. Anyone starts TALKING about their period and I start. It's very inconvenient.
( 43 comments — Leave a comment )

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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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