?

Log in

Previous Entry | Next Entry

(Thank you to everyone who wished the Mister and I a happy anniversary. It was!) Now: What's a better cure for the "it's frickin' freezing out there, Mr. Bigglesworth" blues than some EYE POPPINGLY BAD bad!fic? (And yes, they're just steadily going downhill every time. I can't remember how many times I LMAONAISE'd.

For the newly initiated: no drinks. No bosses. No children. No brains. (You'll thank me later.)


Okay, forget anime, furry fics are the new home of crap. (I mean, duh, right?)

"Everywhere he looked muscles bulged out. His pecs, straining for space on his chest, looked like inch and a half like minicocks"
And awAAAaaaaAAAAY we go! Okay, I'm concerned first and foremost about the smallness and shape of the normally wide (and flat) pectoral muscles. Perhaps they meant nipples? Which, still. Minicocks? Also: I call abuse on overusing the word "like."

"the fur under his pits even more matted and damp with sweat"
Matted, sweaty pit fur. I don't know about y'all, but I am HOT. Or possibly naseous.

"consuming his CockOil"
Personally, I find CanolaOil leaves a better after-taste, such as Wesson. (It has such Wessonality!) But when I'm frying up chicken, peanut oil is- What? They don't mean cook oil? COCK. Cock oil. All one word like that?

...

I see.

"ass working like some diabolical mouth"
I actually approve of the use of "diabolical" here. The rest... not so much.

"his foreskin suddenly doubled in size and struck like a snake."
I hate it when that happens. Steve Irwin, you left us too soon. "Crickey, mate, look at this byooo'y!" *grabs it by the tail and flings it far, far away* "You're far safer dealing with crocodiles and western diamondback rattlesnakes than trouser snakes when eet flayres up like that."


In the "I Hate People" Category
"Both kids were aged four and five. However, even at this young age they were very sexually active."

Dear Author:

Please talk to a therapist. S/He'll have a "bad touch" doll. It's okay to show them where it hurts. It is not okay to then "become sexually active" with said doll, no matter how much you may "love" teddy bears and baby dolls.

Ick,
Stoney





I think HorseFucker (excuse me: HorseGentleCaresser) is writing fanfic. Please set aside all bags of oats. This is a loving yiff tale (look it up) about a fur-lover being done by... a unicorn. But not in the traditional sense. (Traditional being a female virgin, and the uni-corn coming into hymenal play.) Why it needed to be a unicorn is between the author and their Lord.

  • he wasn't nobody's bitch (the grammar! It's giving me hives)
  • yummy, yummy, yummy I've got dick in my tummy (one: I apologize for the ear worm. two: If the dick is in your "tummy" *points to the base of your ribcage* YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.)
  • the unicorn goes back to his delight, kneading the man's genitals still, in his one paw (one: his "delight?" Did the Snow Queen show up with snacks? two: PAW. On an equine. Alrighty then.)
  • he'd never known a bisexual equine could have such an experience (SO SAY WE ALL.)






Well, it's getting close to voting time, so let's delve into the Presidential Porn. How about the second hottest imaginable* President/Vice President slash butt play story ever? That's right, Clinton/Gore. The title is even HILARIOUSLY CLEVER: Clinton Gored Gore. Oh my goodness, what wit! Now on to the butt sex.

"Bill again gave his thick shaft a hood squeeze" which really, is a far cry from a trunk tug.

"His hand then slid inside the fly, and started squeezing Bill's lube-drooling dick" How many times must it be said? DROOLING IS NOT A SEXY WORD.

" 'Hey, Al, how about a good, hot, ' 69 ' on the floor? ' Hearing that, Al had to laugh, 'What, I have to fuckin' asked?' " That last one is almost Cajun in brilliance. Will/did. Awesome. Also, the thought of those two boning hot, amirite?

  • Clinton was a real ass hound, and he noisily slurped away at Al Gore's beefy, hairy ass
  • beefy nuts
  • fat country-boy cock (and here I thought urban boys had the thick dicks, go figure!)
  • Presidential pud


Kids: every time you suck Al Gore's beefy nuts, or pull a Presidential pud, a polar bear dies. An Inconvenient Truth, but truth nonetheless. (Did you see what I did there? Didja? *kills self*)

*the hottest Pres/VP couple ever was clearly Taft/Sherman. I mean, that Walrus-'stache on Taft? It wasn't a soup strainer, if you catch my drift.


The Purple Prose Olympics
*announcer whispering into microphone* We have a new contestant from the country of Nifty.org. Let's watch!

"the slick dick slides through him like agony-laced despair"

And from our judges: 8.4, 8.2, 8.6, oooh, good showing! We'll come back to the other contestants after a word from the small, but shockingly awful fandom, The DaVinci Code!(for audience members that have yet to see/read the fantastically awful Dan Brown book, here's a summary.)


It's Albino/Priest fluffy BDSM fic time! You can lovingly and tenderly cut off someone's blood supply, y'all. I think of that and I think rainbows and kittens and ice cream sammiches. *draws hearts in the blood*
  • "could it be his beloved father-figure-of-a-dingy-Spanish-arroz con pollo-priest?" (One: rice with chicken? I am very, very confused. And hungry. Two: He's a priest; he IS a Father. Three: why is he dingy? You're the albino with the barbed wire around your leg, Bleedy McHemoglobin)
  • "Nay! He mustn't be nekkid" (I shit you not, this is how it was written.)
  • "a chortle filled the blood-stricken air" (Why does the air have an immune system? Personally, I'd be interested in some grief-stricken air. Or woe-filled wind. Or a frustrated fart.)
  • "members of the Vatican rarely use the bathroom. This is a known fact." (In the interest of science, I checked this fact. I did not find anything supporting this - let's face it - theory on Papal poops. I did, however, find this groan worthy joke.)



You know what's hot in that "dear god, no it isn't. At all. NO." way? Mouth and Stefi from Goonies doing each other, with Mikey and Andi having amazing first time sex in a cavern next to them. (And now I'm singing "Oh my darlin' Clementine" now.) Wait, no, just thought of something worse than this: Chunk/Sloth fisting/baby play. Why does my brain work this way?!?!

Stef / Mouth:
  • her pussy was rattier than she would have liked (SO SAY WE ALL. And does anyone like any degree of poon rattiness?)
  • the cool interior of the cave had forced her nipples into icy stumps, which had both good and bad aspects (Nope. I've read this over and over, and cannot find ANY GOOD IN ICY COLD NIPPLE STUMPS. Stumps = one of the most unsexy words ever. Stump. Kids these days!)
  • Mouth panted anxiously, quickly ramming his cock into her with enthusiastic force. "Ungh, it's great!" (Hey now, Mouth. Tony the Tiger fic is coming. Don't steal his thunder. Also, shocking that you, a 12 year old, can bone like a pro.)


Andi / Mikey:
  • "That's her thing!" he thought excitedly as it trailed scented oil up his leg. (one: Dimes to donuts it's a vanilla scented Renuzit oil. Renuzit, Uuuuuuse it! two: fingers trail. Pussies do not act the same. three: if you can't call it by its name, you shouldn't be allowed near one.)
  • Mickey's eager shaft brushed her maiden's mark. (Why is a teen girl carrying alcohol? Oh, that's Maker's Mark. Clearly I'm in need of a drink. Or fourteen.)
  • stiff meat plowed through broken womb (*checks broken record* Nope, still playing. "If it's in the WOMB, you've GONE TOO FAR." )
  • his lover's wet gratitude (AHAHAHAHA!!! That's a hell of a euphemism for a girl climaxing. Wow.)
  • her red flower sucked gently on Mikey's prick


Oh, that's a bad break for the Goonies, dropping the purple prose at the very end. That's going to cost them. Judges?

7.3, 7.8, 7.1

Ooooh,bad luck for the Goonies, and they were giving a terrific performance up until that last slip. The judges were hoping they'd make "his man seed/staff" stick the landing. Tough break. They're going to finish their run, though, like the champions they are:

[he sneaked] her damp panties into his back picket (what's a fence got to do with any of this? Although... gives a new meaning to "white washing" badumbumCHING! I'll be here all week.)</i>





USE YOUR WORDS. But like... better than shown here. Please.
  • Perhaps I should seek council elsewhere. (we all like looking for committees, am I right?)
  • "Oh God! Eat Me!" She bellowed. (one: this isn't Mary Magdalene porn, sadly. Yes, I went there. two: Bellowed? That makes me think of a deep, loud voice. Uh... not sexy on a nymphette. "What a lovely, deep, masculine voice you have there, Jane. Goodness, it rivals my own!" "Why, thank you, Roger.")
  • "Jane doesn't want Tarzan's jungle juice inside her to make a baby." (one: this isn't Tarzan/Jane porn. Sadly?) At 18 years of age, she had a maturity and a joie de vivre that easily eclipsed her two older sisters. (two: boys are fucking dumb. Present company aside.)
  • [she] sucked my cock with an expertise that is acquired only from first hand knowledge, no pun intended. (one: you intended it, coy mother fucker. two: it's a BLOW job, not a HAND job, so it isn't a pun. Tchuh.)
  • I took a shower, shaved for the second time that day, took some Beano for gas (WHAT?!?! When did flatulence become an important part of story telling? Pardon, flatulence CONTROL?)
  • "Here it comes." I bellowed. (one: the period belies your bellowing, Sir. BELIES. two: I love the idea of saying "Here it comes" when climaxing. But say it like Chris Farley in "Tommy Boy:" Here comes the Meat Wagon! Whee OOO Whee OOO! *chuffs stogie* Oh. My. God." I'm cracking myself up, regardless.)






No, that isn't the sound of a howling wind at your eaves. It's the sound of your childhood being blown mercilessly away.

The header for the Winnie the Pooh SNUFF fic I read:
I'm really not as looney as you might think after reading this. but again, maybe I am, how would you know?


We know, because we HAVE EYES. And you put this on the internet. Where others with eyes can see.

"But Owl did not need a bell-rope, I said, because he can fly through the wood at night in the dark and watch as the lovers suck cock in the park."

No. NO HE CAN NOT, you foul besom!

I do love you bear, Christopher Robin said rubbing Pooh's rod.

She... she means his fishingpole, yes? *cries* I don't want to hear the voices, Mommy. Side note, I'm actually surprised I've not come across any Roo/Tigger porn. I mean, think of the Tigger song: "the tops are made outta rubber, the bottoms are made out of spring!" See, this is the problem. I'm as broken inside as these people. Oh, wait, no I'm not:

What would you do if your name was Pooh
And -- without a doubt, giving a shout --
Something kept going in and out?


Well. A: I would tell a Trusted Adult or Parent. B: I would not work through my inner turmoil through A. A. Milne's gentle tale of a Pooh bear and his friend. Sesame Street, on the other hand... *hand to the side of my mouth* Fuck-o-rama.


Oh, say. There's one last piece of innocence you don't need:

Hagrid drank all of Harry's cum, and we he [sic] stopped he asked Harry "Harry....fuck me. Take my wife virginity.....PLEASE!

Drank? That is not the "Dew" I'm looking to down, if you know what I mean. Also, there was not a question there to be asked. (Quibble, I know.) I do appreciate the plaintive tone, something we rarely saw in the lovable giant. Also not seen in him: Harry Potter's cock.






It amazes me, the sheer volume of Wil Wheaton porn that's out there, and NONE of it involves him and River Phoenix. Just a side note. Anyway, Star Wars guys love writing about Ensign Crusher's cock. One Trekker (Trekkies are wanna bes) wrote a Peter Stu fic about meeting Wil on set, which puts Wil at 16. Also, it's important to note that the protagonist was "invited" into Wil's trailer, and Wil is wearing red bikini britches. Of course he is. He also has a horrible rash all down his backside to his ankles. Mmmmm, sores. What's that? Time to put on ointment? But what about our intrepid adventurer? Ah, ah, ah, Wil is the most coy 16 year old boy you'll ever meet. Let's watch!

"I never was very good at putting this stuff on. Would you be willing to give me a hand?" Would I!!! (Wil clearly learned from the James Marsters' Guide To Picking Up Fans.)

He simply lifted his but in the air and waved it like he just don't care and held it there. (The and and or fell to the floor, however, in an unnoticed clatter.)


But since fans don't limit Mr. Wheaton to RPS, let's check out a threesome non con! After being kidnapped, then finger-banged by a Ferengi (don't think Armin don't think Armin):


"They'll never accept me at the Academy if they found out about this!" (Seems a "don't ask don't tell" philosophy could work. For the author.)


"ENOUGH" shouted Tau " I can no longer hold back the ancient calling of Pan Far........ Ensign Wesley Crusher.....prepare to be fucked" the lustfilled Vulcan concluded.

A. Vulcans. Look them up. They are unemotional. See: my mood theme for further instruction.
B. This also makes me think of Dumbledore's vision to astral Harry Potter (while having tea with Christopher Walken, natch) after killing the cannibal vampires of Mars: Harry, you must rock the fuck out. I like it.




But I believe we had a Tony the Tiger/twink fic to talk about. Let's. First off, the author has some BREATHTAKING racism/stupidity to get out of the way, first.

He led me to his car. He had a brand-new Dodge Durango 4x4, Forest Green, gold rims, reg deflectors, light covers, rear spoiler; you'd swear a black guy owned this thing. Then again, tigers do come from Africa.


WRONG. What's awesome is my BFF has a coffee mug that says "Tigers do not come from Africa. They come from India." Best coffee mug ever, y/y? Prescient, at least. Next, remember playing M*A*S*H? You'd write down all the different cars you could have, their colors, plus who you'd marry, how many babies, and "Mansion, Apartment, Shack, or House?" I bet if you could go back in time and see the selections for your car, you'd have something as lame as a Dodge. It's a FANTASY. Why not a Lotus? Range Rover? Or a personal helicopter? He chose a frickin' Dodge? Hahaha.

OH! And the way it's laid out is SO SEXY, zomg:

Inside, the rear seats had been removed, and the entire space filled with a bed. Above, he had three dome lights with a red glow that kept the light inside dark, but allowed one to see about. I discovered the windows weren't tinted, but rather painted to block any visual flow.

Anyone remember the "Pussy Wagon" from Kill Bill? How apropos to have that in this little tale. (I'll give a few of you a minute for that, and by the way, Mr. Pun-that-wasn't, THAT is how you pun. BOOYAH.)

So, it's important to note that Tony the Tiger is wearing a Speedo. Of course he is. And that's where he keeps his car keys. Comfy! Speedo: this hammock isn't just for bananas anymore!






Lastly, it's Zac Effron (of High School Musical fame) having his First Ever Gay Sex. But he doesn't know he's going to have sex, after all, he only JUST THE NIGHT BEFORE realized he was gay. And then he goes to work. Who's there watching him practice for High School Musical 3? Why, Tom Welling, of course! WB =/= Disney, folks. Does it even matter? No, it does not. Moving on.

"Zac kept knowing an extremely beautiful man standing and watching the set" I would like to state for the record that it - logistically - is not possible to "stop" knowing. (Again, I'll give you a second on that one, if you need it.)

  • allowing Zac's 7 1/2 inch cock to spring up and slap his stomach (is he curled up like a snail? Also, why the half? No rounding up? huh.)
  • (note: it's Zac's very first time ever having sex of any kind. And he's a teen boy.) "after about an hour of fast paced fucking, he was ready to cum."
  • [Zac and Tom] laid quietly for hours talking and then fell asleep (those boys! You know how they are! Also, I'm surprised they didn't utilize all of that chit-chat time for spoon feeding each other ice cream and braiding each other's hair while listening to Sarah MacLachlan, or Tori Amos. You know, like a couple of guys.)
  • Zac dreamt about what all adventures he and Tom could have together.


Now, personally, I love that last one. I can just see little Mr. Swoop Bangs, his chin propped up on fists, and a little dream bubble coming up over his head as a pop song from The Monkees plays in the background. Visions of:

  • Zac and Tom racing around the world in a balloon for a million dollars! A man in a top hat and handlebar mustache (Michael Rosembaum) tries to thwart them at every turn, but he fails and cries out in frustration, "Nuts!" as our heroes race away in yet another Amazing Dirigible.
  • Tom wrote a negative and slightly nasty letter to his boss at the WB, and he and Zac have to find a way to sneak into the studio and get it before the Big Boss shows up in the morning! Also, they have to do something wacky to get around the security system! They'll wear black cat suits, and Zac will reference Tom Cruise in Mission: Impossible.
  • Someone switches their baby, and they have to race to get the right baby back before anyone notices! It's funny because boys don't notice things like the right baby, haha.
  • Zac could plan a picnic, and it could RAIN, you guys! That would spoil everything! But Tom, kind Tom would wipe away rain from Zac's face and tell him, "Silly boots! It's you I care about, not some picnic! It was never about the picnic. It was about you and me! Don't you know that by now?" And the audience can "aww!" as they embrace and toss off one more sassy one-liner: "You're standing in the fried chicken." "You have to ruin everything, don't you?" *closing credits*
  • Tom starts hanging around with older actors from his job, and they pressure him to smoke a marijuana cigarette. Zac is afraid for him, and they have a Very Special Discussion. (And secretly, Zac shows him that smoking from paper isn't as good as from a bong.)
  • Maybe they painted the inside of their house, but it kept going wrong, ha ha, like the ladder kept wobbling, or Tom would put down a brush, and Zac would pick it up, and Tom wouldn't be able to figure out where that darned brush went!! And eventually a paint bucket toppled over and went all over Tom's face, and Zac made an "oopsie!" face which made Tom smile, because he loves him so much. And they're wearing painting coveralls splashed in color that isn't being painted. Also, a hip new indie track plays while a montage of paint-prep shows on screen.
  • Zac and Tom go on vacation to Hawaii with Zac's family. Zac starts talking big about how great a water-skier he is, and is challenged by the local stud. In black motorcycle boots and powder-blue shorts, he jumps a shark in an underwater cave while Tom looks on, both afraid... and proud.
  • Zac starts selling Countess Calvet makeup to his fellow classmates at Eastland, and Tom (who attends nearby Bates academy) is shocked to learn how much money it all costs. ...and how grownup Zac looks. (A bit like a painted-up whore.) They talk about accepting yourself for who you are and liking what you see with help from Mrs. Garrett's famous chocolate chip cookies.
  • One of them gets amnesia, and only the other's gentle love can bring back all of those memories! (clip show!)


There should totally be a show like that. Wait a minute... (I could seriously do that all day long. But then I'd get nothing done.) And now I leave you with a very humorous monkey fluids comic.


Comments

( 50 comments — Leave a comment )
beer_good_foamy
Jan. 22nd, 2008 03:54 pm (UTC)
one: I apologize for the ear worm

Too late. *wince*
stoney321
Jan. 22nd, 2008 04:07 pm (UTC)
But I apologized! <-- logic of four year olds. :)
southernbangel
Jan. 22nd, 2008 04:05 pm (UTC)
Winnie the Pooh snuff fic? *weeps for lost childhood* DAMN YOU, FIC WRITERS. DAMN YOU!!

This: yummy, yummy, yummy I've got dick in my tummy is now in my head for life.
stoney321
Jan. 22nd, 2008 04:07 pm (UTC)
FALYF! *complicated gang signs*

I'm emailing you now! GO YOU! <-- inside reference
... - southernbangel - Jan. 22nd, 2008 04:25 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Jan. 22nd, 2008 04:37 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - southernbangel - Jan. 22nd, 2008 04:52 pm (UTC) - Expand
entrenous88
Jan. 22nd, 2008 04:41 pm (UTC)
"his foreskin suddenly doubled in size and struck like a snake."

*shrieks and runs like hell*

This is particularly vivid because I watched the HP:CoS film this weekend. D: D: D:
stoney321
Jan. 22nd, 2008 04:46 pm (UTC)
Giggity gah gah GLECH! J, I don't know WHAT is wrong with kids today, but the "new black" is COCK-VORE. Being eaten by a cock.

I just-

What on earth did their parents do to them? *weeps for humanity*
... - entrenous88 - Jan. 22nd, 2008 04:57 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - southernbangel - Jan. 22nd, 2008 04:53 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - entrenous88 - Jan. 22nd, 2008 04:56 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - southernbangel - Jan. 22nd, 2008 05:14 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - marenfic - Jan. 22nd, 2008 09:06 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - entrenous88 - Jan. 22nd, 2008 09:11 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - a2zmom - Jan. 23rd, 2008 01:06 pm (UTC) - Expand
redbrickrose
Jan. 22nd, 2008 05:04 pm (UTC)
I found Winnie the Pooh slash once because my friends bet me that I couldn't. They should know by now not to bet against me when it comes to fanfiction.

I did not find that Winnie the Pooh slash. Ouch. These are horrifying. I think my favorite is "Members of the vatican rarely use the bathroom. This is a known fact." It's not anywhere near as horrifying as some of the others, but just for pure wtf-ery. As always, thank you for sharing! *g*
stoney321
Jan. 23rd, 2008 02:43 pm (UTC)
I've found just about every kind of childhood memory out there (Except Mon-chi-chi or Shirt Tales BDSM breathplay/snuff fic, truth be told) but what was disturbing about this particular Winnie the Pooh fic was how you could see the "author" really thought they were creating Art. Also, it was crappy. (And sad. They clearly were abused as a kid.)

However, I think it's safe to say that I'll be conducting a COMPLETELY SCIENTIFIC STUDY on Vatican potties. To say that it's in the public's best interest is an understatement. :D
ely_jan
Jan. 22nd, 2008 05:05 pm (UTC)
I spammed and horrified a group chat the other night with the wonders of Clinton's Democratic dick and Gore's sweaty ass-trench...they did not appreciate. (what do I know, my vagina's a liberal independent)

BUT YOU.

You steep in the tangy essense of cock oil and painted boy-whores and enlightenen us with sips of the heady brew.

For one, I thank you. (because it doesn't make me feel like such a freak omg did you see the Wonderwoman/invisible jet one?)
stoney321
Jan. 23rd, 2008 02:44 pm (UTC)
(I did see that one! That's that dude that loves to "waterboard" chicks while eating out other superhero women. Uh... he's beyond special. o_0)

And: YOU'RE WELCOME. *buffs nails*
wolfshark
Jan. 22nd, 2008 05:32 pm (UTC)
*weeps with laughter*

Oh, thank you! I needed this today!
stoney321
Jan. 23rd, 2008 02:45 pm (UTC)
YOU ARE WELCOME, MADAM.

*salutes*
undersea
Jan. 22nd, 2008 06:05 pm (UTC)
i wish you had a television show where you went through these every week. i would be a most dedicated viewer. i don't know how you manage to drag yourself through all of this crap, but i commend you for it anyway. :D
stoney321
Jan. 23rd, 2008 02:46 pm (UTC)
I wish I had a television show, too! Then I could have a trailer and have fanboys come put ointment on my sores, too.

...wait. No, I take it back. *g*
spuffyduds
Jan. 22nd, 2008 06:05 pm (UTC)
These all hurt. In the good way. Thank you.
stoney321
Jan. 23rd, 2008 02:46 pm (UTC)
*tips hat* And a good day to you, Madam!

*beams*
soberloki
Jan. 22nd, 2008 07:11 pm (UTC)
OK... the whole post is terrifying and hilarious, but the section on Zac/Tom KILLED ME.

Your evil genius, let it rise up and rule us all. Heh.
stoney321
Jan. 23rd, 2008 02:47 pm (UTC)
My evil genius: like Cthulhu, but without tentacles and mindless murder.

...so, more like those snot monsters in Battleship Earth? :D
lynnenne
Jan. 22nd, 2008 07:14 pm (UTC)
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. And yet, "Presidential pud." Bwahahahahaha!
stoney321
Jan. 23rd, 2008 02:48 pm (UTC)
Can we agree that "pud" is... not a good work for a dick? Because I think of a stub, which makes me think of a wee tiny thumb, or something, and that's not working for me.

Presidential or not.
xochitl42
Jan. 22nd, 2008 08:18 pm (UTC)
Firstly--thank you for your encouragement in the midst of my wedding angstnesses. :) [[[hugs]]]

Secondly, I'd like you to please explain to me just what cognitory distractivities you use to insure I forget that reading these posts at work is hazardous to my continued employ.

I had to go into he handicapped bathroom and scream. With laughter or anguish is yet to be determined. Now I must go boil myself...
stoney321
Jan. 23rd, 2008 02:49 pm (UTC)
IT IS NO PROBLEM! *hugs you back*

Answer: brain waves. I'm up to fourteen pounds of fish oil a day - my brain is PULSING with power, now.

Don't forget those tricky undersides! :D
abusing_sarcasm
Jan. 22nd, 2008 09:00 pm (UTC)
If I NEVER hear about Al Gore's beefy nuts again, it will be too soon... Or something.

Actually, it's too late. I have to stab myself in both eye sockets, regardless.

*stabs*
stoney321
Jan. 23rd, 2008 02:50 pm (UTC)
BEEFY!! Not a word I like associated with my VP's genitalia, and I'm thinking I'm not alone on that one. Blech.

(But how will you see Rupert in HBP if you do that, silly boots!?)
marenfic
Jan. 22nd, 2008 09:13 pm (UTC)
huh huh huh

marenfic
Jan. 22nd, 2008 09:26 pm (UTC)
(I want to fangirl your Zak/Tom hijinks! but all I can think of at the moment is the German Asperger's scientist and his sex noises)
... - stoney321 - Jan. 23rd, 2008 02:51 pm (UTC) - Expand
a2zmom
Jan. 23rd, 2008 04:00 am (UTC)
A. A. Milne is going to rise up out of his grave and haunt certain people until they die. At least, I'm hoping that's what happens.

I now have a scary mental picture of a hairy chest with tiny little pennii attached and waving all over. Sort of like Medusa. And trust me, if I saw that, I would turn to stone. (Or just pray that I would.)


"his foreskin suddenly doubled in size and struck like a snake."


One more reason why everyone should convert to Judaism.

a2zmom
Jan. 23rd, 2008 04:02 am (UTC)
PS - did the CD I sent you work? We realized after that the burner was randomly wonky. We actually replaced it today.
... - stoney321 - Jan. 23rd, 2008 02:57 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - a2zmom - Jan. 23rd, 2008 05:57 pm (UTC) - Expand
dovil
Jan. 23rd, 2008 06:40 am (UTC)
This...this has just been a hugely intense emotional journey - from laughing and cackling away, to flailing back from my computer and snaping my spine in fear. There's a fine line between wanting to thank someone for providing the bad!fic and the step too far where you just want to medicate them. Silly boots indeed.
stoney321
Jan. 23rd, 2008 02:59 pm (UTC)
Ack, the only one that made me really sad for the author (and not in that, "aww, they think they can write" way) was that Pooh Bear one. Y HALO THAR PSYCHOSIS.

But I really like it when people write very masculine guys (like Superman) being all dreamy-eyed, eating ice cream and braiding hair and dreaming with their lover. Mmmm, men. Such a mystery...
beadattitude
Jan. 24th, 2008 04:52 pm (UTC)
You're the albino with the barbed wire around your leg, Bleedy McHemoglobin)

Okay, here's where I broke and laughed my helpless Muppet-laugh that scares the cats.

::takes big deep breath and goes back for more::

HEY YOU CUTIE!!! ::smoochifies you: See, I'm scared to buy a Wii, because I think I'll play Guitar Hero all day, and um, I really don't have the figure right now for spandex. And NO, I'm not *planning* on dressing up like Steve Tyler, I just like scarves, okay? Geez.
stoney321
Jan. 24th, 2008 05:47 pm (UTC)
I'd love to play GH on a Wii - the songs are different! But mostly I want a Wii so I can play tennis - zomg, SO ADDICTIVE AND FUN. Let me just say that if I get DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) for our Xbox the real world may never see me again.
lettered
Jan. 24th, 2008 07:14 pm (UTC)
ILU Stoney.
stoney321
Jan. 24th, 2008 07:27 pm (UTC)
ILU2JOY.
... - lettered - Jan. 24th, 2008 07:50 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Jan. 24th, 2008 08:37 pm (UTC) - Expand
lyta_earthstar
Feb. 3rd, 2008 02:51 pm (UTC)
'don't think Armin don't think Armin' Thank you for that!
Dodge Durango 4x4? My god why wasn't it at least the Viper? Oh no wait you couldn't fit a bed in the back of that! There are no 4x4 that are sexy... none!
Thanks for making my boring day not so boring!
( 50 comments — Leave a comment )

Tags

Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

April 2017
S M T W T F S
      1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
30      
Powered by LiveJournal.com