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Today was Fair Day.  Do you know that the Texas State Fair is the biggest in the world?  Do you know that if it crawls upon the earth, a carnie will kill it, batter it, fry it in oil and serve it on a stick?  Do you know that arms and legs are collected at ATMs to thoroughly entertain your family?  Sweet Mary.  I took my three year old along with my friend and her two kids.  I alone plunked down 40 bones for food and rides.  BTW: my tickets and parking were free.  !!!  Expensive, but a blast.  Emily is a DAREDEVIL.  You know the spinning cups ride?  Spins in a circle and then goes up and down in a bigger circle?  She went on that with me and screamed "WEEEEEEEE!!!!!" the whole time.  Her four year old friend cried and said "Make it stop!"  God, I hate it when kids are scared.  I spent a good five minutes asking, "are you sure?  Honey, are you SURE you want to ride a big kid ride?"  "Uh huh."

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOBBBBBBBBBB!!  Boo.  We stuck to the "General Lee" cars being chased by the "Sherriff" cars.  You know the ride?  Affixed to a bar, goes in a circle?  Kids can push a button to make the "eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh" noise that makes mommy want to wet her pants a little?  Rode that gem three times.

Also, I HATE it when parents force their kids (I'm talking 2 and 3) to ride a ride when you KNOW they are terrified.  Saw that three times, and almost snatched the kids away from the parents.  I get when you have an older kid who is trying to get attention and really wants to do something, but that is pretty rare.  QUIT MAKING YOUR KIDS DO SHIT THAT SCARES THEM!!  Once I saw one of the carnies tell them to take their kids away, they were scared, and said it in an indignant tone.  Oooh!  Schooled by a carnie!  Ouch.

The carnies on the rides were as nice as could be.  I think it's interesting that our society, which is so image focused, has created a niche for ugly people.  Is that mean?  When someone has two eyes and you don't know which one to focus on?  And there are literally four teeth in their head?  And the kids hang back, afraid to be touched?  But they are kind and thoughtful, and seem genuinely surprised to hear, "thank you!  Have a good day!"  And look how I pay them back.

The best part of the fair for me is the livestock.  Is that country?  Well, screw you.  I love seeing the lambs (ooh!  We got there in time for shearing: 3 year olds LOVE that.), and the swine (1200 pound pig won the blue ribbon!  Jesus, that's a lot of bacon.  Mmm.  Bacon.).  We went to the horse pavillion and saw all the Appaloosas and Paints and Quarter horses...  Sorry, Adis723 , but I love horses.  I am calmed by their furry noses and their whickering to each other.  Emily got really quiet and asked for their names.  She was rewarded with fat, furry noses snuffling her hand.  The mounted policemen were exercising their horses, so that was fun to watch them bow, cut, and canter.  Fun and, more importantly, FREE.

The best part of being in crowds (info on me: I HATE crowds.  More than 15 and I'm a wallflower) is sitting on a bench and watching the people.  By the livestock pavillions, there are old cowboys and their wives who look at the animals and talk to them quietly.  They size up their flesh, nod hellos to the 4-H'ers who raised them, and I saw one old man (in his best pressed Wranglers and shiny boots) pat a young girl on the back by the Sale Pavillion.  She was crying over selling her Limousin Heifer that she raised from a calf.  He didn't look at her, just looked at the clear sky and said, "yup."  It actually made her feel better, and deep down I know why.

Head over to the opposite side of the fair and you hit the Midway.  Talk about opposite...  Vietnamese gangsters and their girlfriends stealing secret gropes as they play basketball for a prize, loud high school kids from a hick town overcompensating for their lack of urban cool, groups of four and five teenaged girls who got waaaay too dressed up in their hopes to score a new boyfriend, an elderly black couple dressed to the nines, and the husband easily winning a prize for his "bride."  I loved watching that particular couple.  Still shamelessly flirting with each other after being together most of their lives.  When he handed the huge stuffed snake (??) to her, she looked around as if to say, "what?  You didn't think he could do it?  Pfft."  And him strutting off as if he had only swatted a fly.

Later, we saw them again as we listened to a Japanese drumming group.  The drummers had dramatic poses and had timed strokes and made the most amazing music.  The couple from before came up near us and started dancing next to the kids.  Emily really had her groove on, by the way.  The music wasn't African, but the older couple managed to turn it into African sounding simply by hanging over at the waist and flinging their arms about.  They looked so amazing dancing and moving their bodies. Fucking awesome.  Oh!  I was good: only ate a Fletcher's corney dog, and not a whole one.  Em split it with me.

Forgot that tonight was the *** Elementary school night at McDonald's, so we show up, me with a paper to read while the kids play, and EVERYONE in the entire city is there.  Okay, that's an exaggeration, but there were a lot of kids there.  And only the noisy ones were allowed in, apparently.  We were there for an hour.  An hour of SCREAMING children.  (For those on my flist without kids, is this good birth control?)  Come home, they are STILL wound up.  If there are spelling errors, it's because I'm pausing and yelling up to them "GET YOUR TEETH BRUSHED!   NOW, YOUNG MAN!  DO IT!!!!!!!"  Every now and then my monitor hums.  From the yelling.  I'm a good mom.  :-)

I need to have a pad and paper with me when I am in the car.  Why is it that I am doing one thing, and my brain hops to another thing?  Write a letter, think about Wee!Spike.  Write Wee!Spike, remember all of the school notes I need to sign.  Visit teacher, start telling her about Wee!Spike.  Not good.  So, I'm halfway through some more Wee!Spike, in case you couldn't tell.  But I'll post it with a warning for those on my flist with smarter sensibilities.  *crickets*  Yeah, that's what I thought.  Pervs.

 Last thought, because I am a spazz.  I have always thought that carnies are America's gypsies.  They roam from fair to fair, bringing their dunk the ball, crazy ladder, and squirt gun games to take people's money.  I love to watch them, especially on a day like today when the fair is quiet (weekday).  They have a comraderie between them that is fun to see.  And today, tell me if this has happened to you, I saw one that looked handsome.  Wow!  Got a little closer, and he smiled, had two teeth, and his skin looked like old leather.  That had been left under a rotting log.  Ever been sucker punched like that?  Thought someone looked good and then got close?  Sorta like a Monet.   I think they interpret squints as "come hither."  More like "go thither."  My new glasses come in tomorrow.



( 34 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
Oct. 14th, 2004 06:56 pm (UTC)
Gah. The two year old boy that was in our group was CLAWING at anyone to get out of there. Turns out he is afraid of cats. We're heading back with the older 2 on Monday, so hopefully we'll see the hilarity.

Did you know the Fletcher stand (across from Big Tex) makes $1 million during the fair? NET??? Astounding.

Last week... (But are you jonesing to go?)
Oct. 14th, 2004 06:23 pm (UTC)
For your last scenario only a Lyle Lovett quote will do:
"She's hot to go she's ready
She's hot to go right now
She's hot to go
You've got to know
That stop-and-do-it gal

Now I crept up from behind her
She looked so fine to me
But when I stepped around her man
My eyes could plainly see

She was ugly from the front
She was ugly from the front
She was ugly from the front
And I said ugly-ugly-ugly-ugly-ugly

Well I could handle it behind her
And I like it on the side
But don't make me look around her man 'cause she's"

An old friend and I used to refer to people as Lyle's when we went out as code for this phenomenon. We were cruel.
Oct. 14th, 2004 06:57 pm (UTC)
Re: Lyle
Tee hee! Not cruel. Funny. Definite two bagger. Both on me. I hate being suckered in... Har!
Oct. 14th, 2004 06:28 pm (UTC)
You make me want to go hang out with livestock.
Oct. 14th, 2004 07:03 pm (UTC)
Wanna know what you make me wanna do? Eat fried cheesecake. Okay, they REALLY have that at the fair. Along with fried Oreos and fried Snickers. Swear to god, someone left a toddler behind and there was a suspiciously large "meat" on a stick later...

Carnies. *shakes fist*
(Deleted comment)
Oct. 14th, 2004 07:05 pm (UTC)
Oh, man, if you were there, we would have written pages about it.

"Mustache Rides" Will that never be NOT funny??

(He don't bring me no nothin'...)
Oct. 14th, 2004 07:01 pm (UTC)
Equinophobia, all the kewl kids are doin' it.
Screaming children is mediocre birth control. Seeing the parents' lack of discipline toward said children and realizing that's why they are heathens and that your potential offspring could matriculate with similars? Now that's birth control.

Vietnamese gangsters and 1200 porker? That's just entertainment, dammit!
Oct. 14th, 2004 07:07 pm (UTC)
Equinophobia, the more "ridiculous" of phobias.
Dear God, the whole time there was fantastic. Eye candy at every turn.

Nothing angers me more than lazy parenting.
*yells at kids from computer desk* "Y'all shaddup and go to sleep!" Seriously. It bugs me when people just let their kids run all over them
*yells* "I'm serious! Fine. Do what you want and be tired tomorrow. See if I care."
Oct. 14th, 2004 07:37 pm (UTC)
oh fairs. i remember when those were fun. no wait, i don't. i was always that kid that was forced onto rides while dad said "oh you'll be fine, it'll be fun." then i cried more during the ride. and after the ride when dad would yell at me for being scared and crying. ah childhood. you learn so many things about people during that time.

add me to the "country" list, because, dude, the livestock section kicks ass. sheep! horsies! piggies! really huge bunnies! they may stink, but they're cooler than most people.

hearing masses of screaming children will always work for me. no babies. i made this decision while working at a toy store. in the mall. ugh.
Oct. 14th, 2004 08:39 pm (UTC)
I would have punched your dad and stolen you away if I saw that. Then broken your legs and sold you to gypsies. They can make more money off the sympathy if you're wonky, you know.

But I would have gotten you away from the mean man making you ride the dragon roller coaster! Wait. Seriously, you're a pussy.

Hee hee!
just call me scaredy mcparanoid - vincitveritas - Oct. 14th, 2004 08:46 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: just call me scaredy mcparanoid - stoney321 - Oct. 14th, 2004 09:55 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: just call me scaredy mcparanoid - vincitveritas - Oct. 15th, 2004 10:05 am (UTC) - Expand
Oct. 14th, 2004 09:20 pm (UTC)
The Minnesota State Fair pretty much kicks ass too! My pics from it are here: http://www.dreamflyte.com/gallery/msf2004 for this year, and here: http://www.dreamflyte.com/gallery/SF2003 for last year. There be animal pics in there!
Does your fair have deep-fried pickles? They are soooooo good!
Oct. 14th, 2004 09:31 pm (UTC)
Oh, honey, this is the South! Not only do we have deep-fried pickles, some people make deep fried pickled EGGS. And you can get gator on a stick. Talk about a heart attack...

I saw your pics! I love the fair. Animals! All of the chicks, roosters, turkeys, bunnies, goats... It's so fun.

Minnesota is such a pretty state. If that winter wasn't so long... (Our winter is about 2 months, tops. Maybe we get snow once. Sad, huh?)
Oct. 14th, 2004 09:49 pm (UTC)
You don't happen to live anywhere near Snyder, TX do you?

We've got gator on a stick at our fair too! Heck, we've got just about anything you can imagine on a stick and then some... The deep-fried twinkies just disturb me way too much to try them.
Oct. 14th, 2004 09:54 pm (UTC)
Snyder... That's out near San Angelo, right? Nope, I'm here in Big D, little a, double L-a-s. In fact, the house we just sold and moved from was six minutes from the fair grounds. I'm talking wife swaping. I mean, I'm talking the Big State Fair.

If it crawls, it will be deep fried and put on a stick, hallelujah and amen.

(Oh, the twinkies make my unborn great-grandchildren's teeth hurt.)
... - hellziggy - Oct. 14th, 2004 10:02 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - elcazavampiros - Oct. 15th, 2004 07:21 am (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Oct. 15th, 2004 07:23 am (UTC) - Expand
Oct. 15th, 2004 03:12 am (UTC)
She was crying over selling her Limousin Heifer that she raised from a calf. He didn't look at her, just looked at the clear sky and said, "yup." It actually made her feel better, and deep down I know why.
I loved this, Stoney! I love how you write. Maybe we should go into partnership – we just need to get rid of these damn kids…

Ever been sucker punched like that? Thought someone looked good and then got close? - lol! Yes – me! It’s called aging. I look in the mirror and forget I’m not 20 anymore but …

Oct. 15th, 2004 05:46 am (UTC)
Thanks, Sangue. Those 4-H'ers break my heart. I try to not be at that end when they are selling their pets. The 17 year old boys who try to hide the tears when they sell their steers for meat is the worst. Had to make a second trip to the petting area with the bunnies and chicks to get that out of my head...

God, I stepped out of the shower and caught myself in the mirror and just stood still with my mouth open. I still remember my body from 23...
... - sangueuk - Oct. 15th, 2004 06:51 am (UTC) - Expand
Oct. 15th, 2004 07:23 am (UTC)
Once I saw one of the carnies tell them to take their kids away, they were scared, and said it in an indignant tone. Oooh! Schooled by a carnie! Ouch.

That should be the litmus test on parenting. If carnies have to give you parenting tips, it's time for sterilization.
Oct. 15th, 2004 07:26 am (UTC)
And thanks for being the ONLY one to pick up on that. Fucking CARNIES are telling you to fix something? Wow. Way to go, Mom and Pop.
Oct. 15th, 2004 08:40 am (UTC)
OK, so last night as I was falling asleep, I had one of those random disconnected thoughts which was "gee, I should go to the state fair of Texas." seriously. then I dreamed I was trapped somewhere in "western Oklahoma" in my old law school library, with my sister, and we couldn't even get to the car to drive to Sue & Eddie's. plus, I think aliens were invading? gonna go watch some Wes-intensive "Angel" now and ignore my thesis-related responsibilities by writing fanfic. sound good?
Oct. 15th, 2004 10:12 am (UTC)
I fully support that plan of yours, albeit in spirit, and not financially. Not much help, am I? New fic!! Yay! (Weslah? Purdy please?)
Oct. 15th, 2004 09:17 am (UTC)
America's Gypsies
So what do you call the folks who do the RenFaire circuits?
Oct. 15th, 2004 10:20 am (UTC)
Re: America's Gypsies
Modern day court jesters, but less funny.

Oh! Fast Food Knights.

Drove past Bar of Soap yesterday and gave you a mental shout out. Bleach rocked, yeah? From what you remember? *eg*
Re: America's Gypsies - solipsiae - Oct. 15th, 2004 11:08 am (UTC) - Expand
( 34 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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