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Letters to entities unlikely to respond

Dear Fashion World,

Fuck you.

Why do you hate women? I don't mean double X's, I mean WOMEN. You know, with hips. And boobs. And waists. You think you're awfully clever with those jersey knit potato sacks with pintucking right at the top of our boobs, don't you? Just because everyone in Hollywood in pregnant doesn't mean we all want to look like WE'RE pregnant, too. And what's with the huge, garish, hideous patterns every where in horrible, bright tones? Not all of us like "embellishments" and halter tops. Not all of us can wear jewel tones, thank you very much.

Stop rewarding girls that look like 12 year old boys in drag and make some ATTRACTIVE and STRUCTURED clothing for women with Marilyn Monroe-frames. Remember her? The woman most men found perfect? With a waist 10 inches smaller than her bust and hips? We exist.

And if one more saleswoman tells me I can just stick a belt around my waist to show that I have one while trying on one of those ballooning sacks, I'm going to jam a pair of low-riding skinny jeans down her throat-hole.

Kiss my round, juicy, size 8 (and NORMAL) ass,
Stoney

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( 49 comments — Leave a comment )
copykween
Mar. 26th, 2008 07:54 pm (UTC)
**APPLAUSE**

I have a hard enough time finding shirts that nicely fit my boobs and waist! This becomes 1000x harder when the only clothing available looks like it was made at Muu Muus R Us.
stoney321
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:00 pm (UTC)
SER.I.OUS.LY.

Whatever happened to liking the female form? The only nice shirt I can wear that shows that I *do* have a waist and boobs is a fitted button down. Everything has a plunging neckline (I'm not comfortable wearing those) or is skin tight, and even though I'm fit, they STILL show off back fat. Or just all of your bra straps.

*FROWNS*
lumenara
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:00 pm (UTC)
Do they make clothes for ANYONE anymore? Can't find shit to fit me well either, and that's as a short (5'4'', normal) 18-20 (also normal). I know I'm in good company with my measurements, but apparently no one wants to sell what we're buying.
stoney321
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:01 pm (UTC)
And man, I would pay almost ANYTHING for clothes that are stylish and attractive. Was ready to! (Um, the $800, on SALE, Missoni dress that looked pretty was not what I was willing to pay today, however.)

Everything's being made for girls that are 6 feet tall, a size 0 with no curves. Uh...
drusplace
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:08 pm (UTC)
Clothes are definitely made for only one type of woman. I'm tiny everywhere and half the time skirts are falling off of me and pants ALWAYS need to be hemmed. And don't get me started on tops not being made for small chested women.

Definitely the 6 feet tall uncurvy's get all the stylish clothes. The rest of us get zip.
stoney321
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:15 pm (UTC)
Gah, the plight of the petite! The BFF is TEEEEEEEENY. Like, pocket-sized. She's in constant search for clothes, too.

ARGH, stupid fashion world!!
ann1962
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:08 pm (UTC)
Oh I hate those tops! With the horrible polyester patterns too. Evil trinity IMO.

stoney321
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:16 pm (UTC)
THANK YOU. They're like cheap, Pucci knock-offs made out of leisure wear material.

I guess this is why Katherine Hepburn always wore trousers and button downs... (For the most part, me too. But I'd like to branch out every now and then, good hell!)
druffine
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:17 pm (UTC)
I agree and offer assistance for the throat-hole-jamming.

My bf says the same. He calls it the tit-leg-fashion because it shows nothing else. Men don't want tit and legs only. They like the part in the middle (that's called waist) very much.

And pretended pregnancy is not a turn-on at all.
stoney321
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:21 pm (UTC)
I completely agree with your bf! I think that most people who design clothes hate women. Otherwise... it makes no sense!
mere_ubu
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:19 pm (UTC)
I KNOW!! I can only conclude that the people who design clothes for women hate all of us except for the tall mantis ladies. Ptui! I went out looking for t-shirts the other day, which should have been easy, but all I could find were the horrible babydoll smock things. I'm a 40DD, and that is sooo not a good look for me. (It just screams "Put me in a barn and milk me. Moo!") Some of us have waists, people! What's the point of having a rack if you can't find clothes that support your god-given right to wield your boobs as weapons?

In short, I feel your curvy pain and wish you shopping fortitude.

Edited at 2008-03-26 08:19 pm (UTC)
stoney321
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:23 pm (UTC)
YES YES YES. God, those babydoll shirts!! Are we supposed to go back to bike shorts and combat boots and listen to Nirvana, too?

Those tops are doing you no favors. (Me, neither. I'm a 34DD. I look like I'm going to nurse fifteen kids. Bleh.)

And the clothes (for the most part) that *do* show your waist are skin tight knit tops that Pamela Anderson favors. How can I look like a lady *and* semi-sexy? <-- my life's long quest.
mere_ubu
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:46 pm (UTC)
*lol* No! Not the bike shorts! *shudder*

You're totally right--any time I find something that actually fits, my excitement is immediately counteracted by the realization that the tight knit top is not going to get me the kind of attention I would welcome. Grrr.

Pee Ess completely unrelated to this thread: You've broken my husband. Last week at lunch, he kept giggling, and I was like, "What's up with that?" And he says, wait for it. . ."Butt cunt. Huh-huh-huh." That phrase has triggered The Butthead Within, and I don't know if he'll ever recover. :O
stoney321
Mar. 26th, 2008 09:03 pm (UTC)
Hahahaha.

I mean, oh my god, I am SO SORRY. *snerk* :D
mere_ubu
Mar. 26th, 2008 09:11 pm (UTC)
He was still laughing at bedtime, and I was like, "Dude, 'butt cunt' does not cross the threshold of this bedroom. Go back out there. Walk it off!"

He must never, never discover www.starma.com. I think his eighth-grade brain would get stuck in some sort of feedback loop and put him in a permanent fugue state.
xochitl42
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:35 pm (UTC)
Well, I'm no size 8--but when you've got measurements like this:

46-36-52

clothes shopping=HELL any day of the week.

Saleswoman: "Stick a belt around your waist."

Me: "Really. Allow me to perform some knuckle dentistry on you."

I, too, am very, very tired of being relegated to Hawaiian shirt pup tent fashion. ICK.
stoney321
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:43 pm (UTC)
If I had only been born a good 30 years earlier than I was, I'd be just right. I have a 50s body in a Twiggy world.

Holy god, the BELTS. And most of the shirts I saw today (and I was in Neiman's, Nordstrom's, Missoni as well) have the belts attached. Where do they hit? Right at the bottom crest of my boobs, so it looks like I'm trying to harness them to keep them from flying away.

"Knuckle dentistry." Heee!
southernbangel
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:45 pm (UTC)
My big problem comes in pants and skirts. I'm. . . fluffy, I have a small(ish) waist--the only small thing about me--and my hips/thighs are bigger so getting pants/skirts to fit properly is a bitch. It can fit perfectly in the waist but be horribly tight on hips/thighs. If I fit for my hips/thighs, then the waist is ridiculously loose and I have to get things tailored. It's why A-line skirts are my BFF. I can wear something that actually fits my waist without worrying about fitting my hips/thighs, too.

God, sometimes I hate shopping.
stoney321
Mar. 26th, 2008 09:02 pm (UTC)
Everything is Paris-wear!! I HATE HALTER TOPS, LEE. (How do I wear a bra with a halter top? Strapless bra? Ahahahaha! No.)

Aww, I love it when you wear your skirts. So girly and ladylike and pretty you are.
beer_good_foamy
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:49 pm (UTC)
As a straight man, can I just say "WORD"?
stoney321
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:58 pm (UTC)
SEE?1?!?!

I mean, if I may borrow a bit from Patton Oswald, "I wanna bone a woman. A Nordic goddess with hips and flesh and breasts. I don't wanna fuck a box kite."
beer_good_foamy
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:58 pm (UTC)
(Referring, of course, to preferring women who look like healthy women. Not that I need to squeeze myself into women's clothes or anything. Well, not often at any rate.)
stoney321
Mar. 26th, 2008 09:01 pm (UTC)
Hahahahaha! (I can imagine an A-line on the bias gown looking faaaaabulous on you, though.)

And yes: healthy, attractive, holdable women = greatness.
Lara Flynn Boyle bony women = yuck.
brunettepet
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:57 pm (UTC)
Feh, clothes shopping! This is why my collection of vintage wear still comes in handy. Why, look, this 1960's skirt fits my waist and my hips! Too bad I usually look like I'm headed to a square dance or I'm an extra in "Mad Men."

I'm short and round, so big prints make me look like an accent pillow.
stoney321
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:59 pm (UTC)
Big prints are hard for almost ANYONE to carry off. I'm not much of a print-person, anyway. I'm fairly conservative/tomboyish. But jeez, on occasion I'd like to remind the world there's a woman under there.

(Awww, I love the clothes from Mad Men. Beautiful and classic.)
swmbo
Mar. 26th, 2008 09:15 pm (UTC)
Oh god, Stoney, I haven't been able to buy a shirt in a YEAR. A YEAR.

Every single one is so tight around my breasts (which are just C cups!!) that I blush just looking at it - and then they are too short and fit really *weird* over sides/belly/waist.

It makes me want to spork things.

And don't even get me started on the fact that the last two pairs of jeans I bought - dont fit at all. I can't even explain it. They fit my legs but are so big around my waist that they're falling off and I am in despair.

I have no clothes. I'm just gonna have to go nekkid.
stoney321
Mar. 26th, 2008 09:23 pm (UTC)
OKAY, YES. I want to be lady-like and pretty, not Paris Hilton on my way to the club. Ugh, the weirdness on my waist/sides, gah!!

*sends you a barrel to wear*

Jeans I'm actually finding now, which has happened NEVER. There's a Levi's store here that will custom make to your shape!! (50 bones. Well. Worth. It.) Big Star is another jean I've just found that fits my waist AND thighs. <-- as rare as Haley's Comet.

Let's revolt. I'll get the paint, you get the blank placards.
floweringjudas
Mar. 26th, 2008 09:41 pm (UTC)
God, for serious. Also I would like to say wtf to all pants designs everywhere. I don't know how they manage to simultaneously get a plumber-butt effect AND make me look like I have a penis, that's some real talent.

Also I thought belts were meant to hold pants on. Not compensate for the failings of fashion designers. >:( BAH.
stoney321
Mar. 26th, 2008 10:34 pm (UTC)
Hahahaha, the penis! I have a pair of jeans that I wear to garden/do laundry and they TOTALLY give me a peen when I sit. Nice. Hermaphrodites are HAWT.
julia_here
Mar. 26th, 2008 09:52 pm (UTC)
The hideous glaring not-found-in-nature colors and over-sized border prints and under-bust shirring? As bad as they are in size 8, they are the stuff of cheap science fiction in size 20. I've been looking for a nice dress for three years, and they all, even in my size, have design features which are not only unattractive but also uncomfrotable to wear- cap sleeves with deep armholes, for instance, or bodices which are neither structured enough to provide support nor possible to wear with any bra.

I'm really tired of wearing skirts and tops; my shirts, moreover, are starting to die off, it's been so long since the hem didn't hit somewhere that accented the width of thigh and calf. I'm fifty-five, statuesque, and a knee-length crinoline in giant turquoise, black and white border print is not up to my dignity and presence.

Julia, and don't get me started on shirts with both boob pockets and under-breast gathers, ugh, ugh, ugh


stoney321
Mar. 26th, 2008 10:37 pm (UTC)
Ugh!!! I tried on a lacy-knit top that looked pretty on the hangar, but turned out do have been designed to have dolman sleeves that weren't there, so the arm holes hung down to my WAIST.

I was, however, able to find nice (and LONG) crisp oxford-style shirts at Banana Republic for a ridiculously low price, so I grabbed three. Because, as we both know, the chance of that happening again is close to nil.

Oh, ACK to the bad hem lengths!!! I have muscular calves from running, and it's just horrible when a skirt hits the widest place there. And I don't *do* above the knee hems any more.
julia_here
Mar. 26th, 2008 10:48 pm (UTC)
I keep hearing the voices of small town gossips saying "mutton dressed as lamb" but even without my superego in Enna Jetticks and print dresses hemmed ten inches from the floor, I'm not bloody likely to wear an above-the-knee skirt which looks as if it were part of the costuming for a square-dance version of The Mikado.

Julia, and god, I hate to sew, not to mention the necessity of travelling a hundred miles to the nearest dependable fabric store
stoney321
Mar. 26th, 2008 11:03 pm (UTC)
Hahaha, I always ask if I look like twenty pounds of mud in a 10 pound sack. :D
lumenara
Mar. 27th, 2008 08:14 pm (UTC)
OMG, I hate cap sleeves SO MUCH.

Have you found Shapely Prose yet? I've just come across it, and I know she has links to a lot of clothing stores for larger sizes, though I haven't gotten to tracking them down yet.
soundingsea
Mar. 26th, 2008 09:53 pm (UTC)
Amen to that. I'm large, yes, but there's a waist in there, which most clothes these days seem to forget. WTF, fashion world? WTF?

I just want a well-proportioned shirt that doesn't show cleavage (I work with techie guys), doesn't have buttons gaping open over my they-don't-sell-this-cup-size-at-Target rack, and doesn't show every lump and bump. Apparently this product doesn't exist.
stoney321
Mar. 26th, 2008 10:40 pm (UTC)
OH YEAH! The gaping hole because buttons are put in the worst place on shirts!

And yeah - I don't want a deep plunging neckline, I don't want spaghetti straps (but you can wear a cute sweater, you're told. I don't *want* to wear a sweater.)

It kills me when the designers on "Project Runway" say things like, "uh oh, I've got a model with curves." Which means she has a bloated starving person belly. *eye roll*
a2zmom
Mar. 26th, 2008 10:52 pm (UTC)
I haven't gone clothes shopping recently but I saw a spread in the local newspaper about spring fashion and I nearly choked.The clothes made the models look pregnant and were so unflattering, it was unbelievable.
stoney321
Mar. 26th, 2008 11:05 pm (UTC)
The look is CLEARLY bright maternity. The colors look like the ones you never use in a 64 pack of crayolas.

That really really bright yellow color that just about everyone looks terrible in was EVERYWHERE.
irishrose1
Mar. 27th, 2008 12:07 am (UTC)
:vigorously applauds:

Yes, yes, yes, and I think I just had an orgasm.

I probably would if I ever found a pair of jeans that fit. Or a shirt that accentuated my lovely breasts and still fit my waist.

Once upon a time I found some nice shirts at Old Navy that were button down, but they were tapered in at the waist, so it was perfect. Unfortunately, they were made mostly of spandex, and the DH was being wonderfully helpful one day and washed them all in warm water. :weeps gently:

But pants and jeans are the bane of my existence! Sure all the magazines will tell you to simply purchase nice jeans and have them tailored. Mmmhmmm...no problem, let me spend 100 dollars on a pair of jeans that fit only my hips. Spend another 60 dollars to have them tailored. Then the next time I'm trapesing around in my fashionable boots, I trip on the curb and rip a sizable gash in the knee.

No thank you.

And yes, there are some that are designed just for womanly curves, however, I have a strict rule about paying more than 200 dollars for anything made of denim.

Dresses, well, the only thing that comes close is what I call a coat dress. But even those don't work well because a chesty woman tends to create large gaps when wearing them. Bice show for the guy's. Not so much for the priest during communion. *g*
dovil
Mar. 27th, 2008 12:08 am (UTC)
I think the Fashion Industry, the one that basically all the other shops that we got to rip off (they're too scared to go it alone because copying what's 'in' is guaranteed sales), are so insulated, and constantly surrounded by 5'10 anorexics, that they actually do think that they do design for women, because their grasp on what is 'normal' has become so twisted.

They design for walking coat hangers, not for the typical average person you'd bump on the street who don't get to hang out with these elite crowds. And the funny thing is if designers out there did perhaps lose the respect of their peers, but designed flattering clothing for us norms, I think they'd end up making money hand over fist.

I hold up a lighter for your entire post. \o/
entrenous88
Mar. 27th, 2008 12:10 am (UTC)
I'm sure you have already thought of this, but vintage, vintage, vintage! You'll find awesome and flattering styles, and I bet the pickings in your area are simply fantastic.
fiveandfour
Mar. 27th, 2008 12:23 am (UTC)
Long comment ahead...
My body is about 50-60 years out of style (I would've rocked the 1940s, I'm telling you!) so it hasn't been easy buying clothes for myself since about age 12. Socks are about the only articles that can be counted on when it comes to sizing and fitting.

I was really disturbed last week when shopping for a basic t-shirt for my daughter as Easter basket fodder - I found something at Ruehl (the dark lighting, loud music and lounge chairs made me feel, oh, a gazillion years old because WTF is up with *that* all of the sudden? What's so wrong with being able to see the clothes and talk to your shopping buddies?) and couldn't believe the sizing. She is a tall and thin 11 year-old and I had to buy an adult size medium to fit her. Back when I was an adult size medium, I was far, faaarrrr larger than she is now.

I keep hearing so much about how sizes have been adjusted upwards (today's size 12 was yesterday's size 10, or so they say), but apparently this manufacturer didn't get the memo on that scenario. It was seriously disturbing to me because I had to wonder at the lengths some adult people would go through to be able to wear that size, not realizing that it's actually made for a thin pre-pubescent.

On another tangent, I was thinking last week-end about the scarcity of clothing options there are for working out for people above about a size 10. No wonder so few people want to do it - how frustrating to finally get motivated to do it and then discover there are no cute, comfortable and reasonably sized & priced clothes for it! $40 for a skin tight halter-y type shirt with a built in bra that's worthless for my size, magnifies every single fat cell that resides in my mid-section, and which I'm supposed to wear in public? Do not want. Those people at the gym are just going to have to live with seeing me in my bleach spotted t-shirts and 5 year-old shorts. If only I had any ambition in that direction, I'm certain I could make a killing designing and selling clothes for the over-size-12 crowd (i.e. nearly everyone).
samsom
Mar. 27th, 2008 12:27 am (UTC)
Oh my god, do I feel your pain.

I have yet to find a button down shirt where the buttons didn't gape at my boobs - 36DD here. Or 'short' jeans that didn't have 3 or more excess inches of fabric at the bottom. Or a cute shirt that didn't have a gaping front for which I'd have to buy something to wear underneath. Layers are not my friend, especially in the summer. My boobs need containment, and I hate that I have to settle for something shapeless and the size of a barn because the alternative is to be 37 and dress like a 16 year old tart.

Feh.
jennem
Mar. 27th, 2008 01:31 am (UTC)
What really drives me crazy is shirt sizes.

They are NEVER long enough.

Pants come in short, regular, and long. Why don't shirts, damnit!

I have shorty mcshort legs, and the longest torso known to mankind. Why no, I would not like to be showing MAH BELLY in the workplace.

[kicks fashion industry]

And, don't even get me STARTED on labels like "petites," "misses," etc.


Edited at 2008-03-27 01:31 am (UTC)
soundingsea
Mar. 27th, 2008 02:20 am (UTC)
I often layer a thin, long tank-top under a too-short shirt that's otherwise suitable for work. It makes it looks like I'm wearing a belt of a contrasting color, but at least it covers MAH BELLY.
jennem
Mar. 27th, 2008 02:21 am (UTC)
Yeah, I do that, too.

But, my tanks end up getting really stretched out for some reason. Especially the white ones. Its really weird.
midnightsjane
Mar. 27th, 2008 04:37 am (UTC)
There's nothing I can add that hasn't already been said here. No wonder I hate shopping for clothes. It's pretty sad that every single woman who's replied here has a similar tale to tell; obviously the fashion world doesn't give a flying fuck about what real women want to wear.
So, I wear jeans and tee shirts almost exclusively. Shopping gives me hives.
maybe1ce
Mar. 27th, 2008 03:00 pm (UTC)
I am still baffled as to exactly who it is that can wear the clothes they are selling. I mean, at 5'8" and 105 lbs, I guess I qualify as one of those tall, skinny box kite women....and, you know what? I had to buy my last pair of pants IN THE FLIPPIN CHILDREN'S DEPARTMENT. Which means that I am being constantly sodomized by textiles because, being a 40 year old mother of 3, I do have an ass and poochy belly skin, and size 16 slim boys khakis do not take this in to account, for some reason.

Vintage is the key, my friends. I have some fabulous 50's pencil skirts that fit me like a dream....and they all say size 8 and 10 on the label. So, how come I had to have a size 0 skirt TAKEN IN last month? Insane.

So, the next great mystery? Who the hell actually does fit in the clothes in stores? 'Cause, I know my sistaz with abundant lady bodies can't find clothes, and I know my fellow minus-sized wimmin are also contemplating nudism. (Not advisable in Minnesota, by the way) Help!
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( 49 comments — Leave a comment )

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