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Letters to entities unlikely to respond

Dear Fashion World,

Fuck you.

Why do you hate women? I don't mean double X's, I mean WOMEN. You know, with hips. And boobs. And waists. You think you're awfully clever with those jersey knit potato sacks with pintucking right at the top of our boobs, don't you? Just because everyone in Hollywood in pregnant doesn't mean we all want to look like WE'RE pregnant, too. And what's with the huge, garish, hideous patterns every where in horrible, bright tones? Not all of us like "embellishments" and halter tops. Not all of us can wear jewel tones, thank you very much.

Stop rewarding girls that look like 12 year old boys in drag and make some ATTRACTIVE and STRUCTURED clothing for women with Marilyn Monroe-frames. Remember her? The woman most men found perfect? With a waist 10 inches smaller than her bust and hips? We exist.

And if one more saleswoman tells me I can just stick a belt around my waist to show that I have one while trying on one of those ballooning sacks, I'm going to jam a pair of low-riding skinny jeans down her throat-hole.

Kiss my round, juicy, size 8 (and NORMAL) ass,
Stoney

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( 49 comments — Leave a comment )
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copykween
Mar. 26th, 2008 07:54 pm (UTC)
**APPLAUSE**

I have a hard enough time finding shirts that nicely fit my boobs and waist! This becomes 1000x harder when the only clothing available looks like it was made at Muu Muus R Us.
stoney321
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:00 pm (UTC)
SER.I.OUS.LY.

Whatever happened to liking the female form? The only nice shirt I can wear that shows that I *do* have a waist and boobs is a fitted button down. Everything has a plunging neckline (I'm not comfortable wearing those) or is skin tight, and even though I'm fit, they STILL show off back fat. Or just all of your bra straps.

*FROWNS*
lumenara
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:00 pm (UTC)
Do they make clothes for ANYONE anymore? Can't find shit to fit me well either, and that's as a short (5'4'', normal) 18-20 (also normal). I know I'm in good company with my measurements, but apparently no one wants to sell what we're buying.
stoney321
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:01 pm (UTC)
And man, I would pay almost ANYTHING for clothes that are stylish and attractive. Was ready to! (Um, the $800, on SALE, Missoni dress that looked pretty was not what I was willing to pay today, however.)

Everything's being made for girls that are 6 feet tall, a size 0 with no curves. Uh...
drusplace
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:08 pm (UTC)
Clothes are definitely made for only one type of woman. I'm tiny everywhere and half the time skirts are falling off of me and pants ALWAYS need to be hemmed. And don't get me started on tops not being made for small chested women.

Definitely the 6 feet tall uncurvy's get all the stylish clothes. The rest of us get zip.
stoney321
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:15 pm (UTC)
Gah, the plight of the petite! The BFF is TEEEEEEEENY. Like, pocket-sized. She's in constant search for clothes, too.

ARGH, stupid fashion world!!
ann1962
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:08 pm (UTC)
Oh I hate those tops! With the horrible polyester patterns too. Evil trinity IMO.

stoney321
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:16 pm (UTC)
THANK YOU. They're like cheap, Pucci knock-offs made out of leisure wear material.

I guess this is why Katherine Hepburn always wore trousers and button downs... (For the most part, me too. But I'd like to branch out every now and then, good hell!)
druffine
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:17 pm (UTC)
I agree and offer assistance for the throat-hole-jamming.

My bf says the same. He calls it the tit-leg-fashion because it shows nothing else. Men don't want tit and legs only. They like the part in the middle (that's called waist) very much.

And pretended pregnancy is not a turn-on at all.
stoney321
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:21 pm (UTC)
I completely agree with your bf! I think that most people who design clothes hate women. Otherwise... it makes no sense!
mere_ubu
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:19 pm (UTC)
I KNOW!! I can only conclude that the people who design clothes for women hate all of us except for the tall mantis ladies. Ptui! I went out looking for t-shirts the other day, which should have been easy, but all I could find were the horrible babydoll smock things. I'm a 40DD, and that is sooo not a good look for me. (It just screams "Put me in a barn and milk me. Moo!") Some of us have waists, people! What's the point of having a rack if you can't find clothes that support your god-given right to wield your boobs as weapons?

In short, I feel your curvy pain and wish you shopping fortitude.

Edited at 2008-03-26 08:19 pm (UTC)
stoney321
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:23 pm (UTC)
YES YES YES. God, those babydoll shirts!! Are we supposed to go back to bike shorts and combat boots and listen to Nirvana, too?

Those tops are doing you no favors. (Me, neither. I'm a 34DD. I look like I'm going to nurse fifteen kids. Bleh.)

And the clothes (for the most part) that *do* show your waist are skin tight knit tops that Pamela Anderson favors. How can I look like a lady *and* semi-sexy? <-- my life's long quest.
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xochitl42
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:35 pm (UTC)
Well, I'm no size 8--but when you've got measurements like this:

46-36-52

clothes shopping=HELL any day of the week.

Saleswoman: "Stick a belt around your waist."

Me: "Really. Allow me to perform some knuckle dentistry on you."

I, too, am very, very tired of being relegated to Hawaiian shirt pup tent fashion. ICK.
stoney321
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:43 pm (UTC)
If I had only been born a good 30 years earlier than I was, I'd be just right. I have a 50s body in a Twiggy world.

Holy god, the BELTS. And most of the shirts I saw today (and I was in Neiman's, Nordstrom's, Missoni as well) have the belts attached. Where do they hit? Right at the bottom crest of my boobs, so it looks like I'm trying to harness them to keep them from flying away.

"Knuckle dentistry." Heee!
southernbangel
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:45 pm (UTC)
My big problem comes in pants and skirts. I'm. . . fluffy, I have a small(ish) waist--the only small thing about me--and my hips/thighs are bigger so getting pants/skirts to fit properly is a bitch. It can fit perfectly in the waist but be horribly tight on hips/thighs. If I fit for my hips/thighs, then the waist is ridiculously loose and I have to get things tailored. It's why A-line skirts are my BFF. I can wear something that actually fits my waist without worrying about fitting my hips/thighs, too.

God, sometimes I hate shopping.
stoney321
Mar. 26th, 2008 09:02 pm (UTC)
Everything is Paris-wear!! I HATE HALTER TOPS, LEE. (How do I wear a bra with a halter top? Strapless bra? Ahahahaha! No.)

Aww, I love it when you wear your skirts. So girly and ladylike and pretty you are.
beer_good_foamy
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:49 pm (UTC)
As a straight man, can I just say "WORD"?
stoney321
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:58 pm (UTC)
SEE?1?!?!

I mean, if I may borrow a bit from Patton Oswald, "I wanna bone a woman. A Nordic goddess with hips and flesh and breasts. I don't wanna fuck a box kite."
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brunettepet
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:57 pm (UTC)
Feh, clothes shopping! This is why my collection of vintage wear still comes in handy. Why, look, this 1960's skirt fits my waist and my hips! Too bad I usually look like I'm headed to a square dance or I'm an extra in "Mad Men."

I'm short and round, so big prints make me look like an accent pillow.
stoney321
Mar. 26th, 2008 08:59 pm (UTC)
Big prints are hard for almost ANYONE to carry off. I'm not much of a print-person, anyway. I'm fairly conservative/tomboyish. But jeez, on occasion I'd like to remind the world there's a woman under there.

(Awww, I love the clothes from Mad Men. Beautiful and classic.)
swmbo
Mar. 26th, 2008 09:15 pm (UTC)
Oh god, Stoney, I haven't been able to buy a shirt in a YEAR. A YEAR.

Every single one is so tight around my breasts (which are just C cups!!) that I blush just looking at it - and then they are too short and fit really *weird* over sides/belly/waist.

It makes me want to spork things.

And don't even get me started on the fact that the last two pairs of jeans I bought - dont fit at all. I can't even explain it. They fit my legs but are so big around my waist that they're falling off and I am in despair.

I have no clothes. I'm just gonna have to go nekkid.
stoney321
Mar. 26th, 2008 09:23 pm (UTC)
OKAY, YES. I want to be lady-like and pretty, not Paris Hilton on my way to the club. Ugh, the weirdness on my waist/sides, gah!!

*sends you a barrel to wear*

Jeans I'm actually finding now, which has happened NEVER. There's a Levi's store here that will custom make to your shape!! (50 bones. Well. Worth. It.) Big Star is another jean I've just found that fits my waist AND thighs. <-- as rare as Haley's Comet.

Let's revolt. I'll get the paint, you get the blank placards.
floweringjudas
Mar. 26th, 2008 09:41 pm (UTC)
God, for serious. Also I would like to say wtf to all pants designs everywhere. I don't know how they manage to simultaneously get a plumber-butt effect AND make me look like I have a penis, that's some real talent.

Also I thought belts were meant to hold pants on. Not compensate for the failings of fashion designers. >:( BAH.
stoney321
Mar. 26th, 2008 10:34 pm (UTC)
Hahahaha, the penis! I have a pair of jeans that I wear to garden/do laundry and they TOTALLY give me a peen when I sit. Nice. Hermaphrodites are HAWT.
julia_here
Mar. 26th, 2008 09:52 pm (UTC)
The hideous glaring not-found-in-nature colors and over-sized border prints and under-bust shirring? As bad as they are in size 8, they are the stuff of cheap science fiction in size 20. I've been looking for a nice dress for three years, and they all, even in my size, have design features which are not only unattractive but also uncomfrotable to wear- cap sleeves with deep armholes, for instance, or bodices which are neither structured enough to provide support nor possible to wear with any bra.

I'm really tired of wearing skirts and tops; my shirts, moreover, are starting to die off, it's been so long since the hem didn't hit somewhere that accented the width of thigh and calf. I'm fifty-five, statuesque, and a knee-length crinoline in giant turquoise, black and white border print is not up to my dignity and presence.

Julia, and don't get me started on shirts with both boob pockets and under-breast gathers, ugh, ugh, ugh


stoney321
Mar. 26th, 2008 10:37 pm (UTC)
Ugh!!! I tried on a lacy-knit top that looked pretty on the hangar, but turned out do have been designed to have dolman sleeves that weren't there, so the arm holes hung down to my WAIST.

I was, however, able to find nice (and LONG) crisp oxford-style shirts at Banana Republic for a ridiculously low price, so I grabbed three. Because, as we both know, the chance of that happening again is close to nil.

Oh, ACK to the bad hem lengths!!! I have muscular calves from running, and it's just horrible when a skirt hits the widest place there. And I don't *do* above the knee hems any more.
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soundingsea
Mar. 26th, 2008 09:53 pm (UTC)
Amen to that. I'm large, yes, but there's a waist in there, which most clothes these days seem to forget. WTF, fashion world? WTF?

I just want a well-proportioned shirt that doesn't show cleavage (I work with techie guys), doesn't have buttons gaping open over my they-don't-sell-this-cup-size-at-Target rack, and doesn't show every lump and bump. Apparently this product doesn't exist.
stoney321
Mar. 26th, 2008 10:40 pm (UTC)
OH YEAH! The gaping hole because buttons are put in the worst place on shirts!

And yeah - I don't want a deep plunging neckline, I don't want spaghetti straps (but you can wear a cute sweater, you're told. I don't *want* to wear a sweater.)

It kills me when the designers on "Project Runway" say things like, "uh oh, I've got a model with curves." Which means she has a bloated starving person belly. *eye roll*
a2zmom
Mar. 26th, 2008 10:52 pm (UTC)
I haven't gone clothes shopping recently but I saw a spread in the local newspaper about spring fashion and I nearly choked.The clothes made the models look pregnant and were so unflattering, it was unbelievable.
stoney321
Mar. 26th, 2008 11:05 pm (UTC)
The look is CLEARLY bright maternity. The colors look like the ones you never use in a 64 pack of crayolas.

That really really bright yellow color that just about everyone looks terrible in was EVERYWHERE.
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