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More unintentional Bad!Fic! Wheee!!

My new motto is "I wallow in the muck so you don't have to." And did you see the AWESOME icon lynnenne made for me??? I'm working on a Wee!Spike icon, and my life will be complete. Well, it will be once crazydiamondsue gets here on Thursday.

  • "the scent of new pussy filled the air" Renuzit's second most popular air freshner! (Behind Citrus Delite)

  • "his skeleton closet was full and he wasn't interested in adding more bones" Ba dum bump ching! Paul Lynde pops up: Oh, we'll see about that, ha ha ha!

  • "She marinated in her juices ever since" After being brought up to room temperature, she was ready to be dressed and put in the oven at 375 for 20 minutes a pound. It was going to be a long night.

  • "Remember that frat party when I passed out. I woke up the next morning with an ocean between my legs." One: Buffy likes talking in monotone. Second: did someone drag her to the Santa Monica pier and spread her legs? Oh. "Sea-men" I get it. Ewwww.

  • "Fuck me until I bleed" Which according to the lunar cycle is in 23 days. Go!

  • "he pictured his mulky white excitement running to the corners of her mouth, only seconds away from dripping down her chin. He watched her catch it before it dropped, like a bullfrog catching a fly." That is HAWT!!! Bullfrogs are fucking SEXY. Am I right?

  • "he kissed her heated center like a Pope's ring before pulling back the hood." Checks notes for sexy references... Pope's ring... Check. Hood on pussy... Hmm. Hood on pussy... *flips pages* Wait. Does Buffy have an uncircumcised dick? That TOTALLY changes the story.

  • "She needed a vibrator, a cup of coffee, and the Saturday morning paper. In that order." But what if the paper had an ad for free vibrators, and the first 100 people to show up got free coffee? You'd be pretty pissed that you had been so regimental in your "structured" Saturday, ya fucking Nazi.

  • "the compass of his fingers found her spot." William/Spike is an accomplished cartographer. Now 'True North' has a different meaning for you, huh?

  • "his fingers worked magic inside her, casting a spell of cum." ACCIO ORGASM!

  • "Like a fat man at a buffet, he was filling up on her." I'm thinking Buffy is getting dehydrated at this point.

  • "She came like a high powered showerhead." Now I KNOW she is. shift Buffy so the spray hits my shoulder Ahh. Got that kink out.

  • "his dick seated itself in her audience" She's a little trollop, isn't she? AND WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS MEAN???

  • "They fucked until the sun danced over the horizon." *sounds of tap dancing* JAZZ HANDS!

By the way, all of this is in ONE CHAPTER.

And the last one, and the best IMO:
"It was sweating season." WABBIT SEASON!!


( 65 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 19th, 2004 07:43 am (UTC)
::collapses from laughter::

::reminds self not to read this while at work::

::sneaks another peek::

Bwahahaha!! All of this was in one chapter? Oh dear lord....
Oct. 19th, 2004 08:03 am (UTC)
YES. Which makes it more fun. The whole fic ends with Buffy pissing herself. Because that is HAWT.
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Oct. 19th, 2004 08:05 am (UTC)
God, Sue, it ends with Buffy peeing. Oh! And there's this: "the head of his cock endorsed her cervix several times."

That word. I do not think it means, what you think it means. Inconcievable!!

High powered showerhead? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE???
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Oct. 19th, 2004 08:42 am (UTC)
Mari, I would LOVE to hear how you would explain this post as being work related. Hee hee!!!

Isn't that icon the BEST? I am so happy right now. Tra la la..
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Oct. 19th, 2004 09:40 am (UTC)
"Like a fat man at a buffet"??? They did NOT say that. You're making this up. Please, please tell me you're making this up.

Wow, this has so ruined sex for me...all of a sudden I'll start thinking about heated centers and compass fingers and audiences (I don't know what that means either) and the ensuing laughter will quickly put a stop to all that.

Keep it coming, though. (Ha, did it again with the unintentional quotes!) Because this is a better ab workout than crunches!
Oct. 19th, 2004 09:43 am (UTC)
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS JOSS. I am directly quoting words from this fic. At one point I thought they were really good at parody, but all the weird word misspells (no teh or tot he anywhere) and I've come to the conclusion that Sue came to: this ia 15 year old virigin boy.
Oct. 19th, 2004 11:41 am (UTC)
I refuse to beleive that this is unintentional badfic.

The author has to be doing this on purpose.

This was a wonderful break from my extra tedious work day. Thank you kindly.
Oct. 19th, 2004 11:51 am (UTC)
I swear, Smash, they are serious. They have about 10 fics on AFFN and they all are along the same vein. I stopped a few times and questioned whether or not I was playing into the GREATEST PRANK EVER, but I am afraid that they just suck.
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... - stoney321 - Oct. 19th, 2004 03:02 pm (UTC) - Expand
Make my stamen go berserk! - smashsc - Oct. 19th, 2004 07:22 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Make my stamen go berserk! - stoney321 - Oct. 19th, 2004 09:41 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Make my stamen go berserk! - smashsc - Oct. 20th, 2004 06:06 am (UTC) - Expand
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Oct. 19th, 2004 12:09 pm (UTC)
Wow...they sure know how to make it hot, hot, HOT...fat man, bull frog, pope, the pacific between one's legs...oh baby, I know I'm in the mood...they just cast their spell of Cum all over the place...

Oct. 19th, 2004 01:24 pm (UTC)
Hand to god, I came five times just thinking about bullfrogs and the pope. And here I sit, marinating in my panties.

Accio Clean Knickers!
... - paynbow - Oct. 19th, 2004 03:37 pm (UTC) - Expand
Oct. 19th, 2004 01:20 pm (UTC)
This is so funny. I laughed so hard, I almost peed in my pants.
Oct. 19th, 2004 01:26 pm (UTC)
Was it sexy pee? 'Cause this fic ends with Buffy getting so hot she pisses herself. This author is the QUEEN OF HAWT FIC. That so needs to be an icon. Like, a crown in a frying pan or something.
... - leeannaray - Oct. 20th, 2004 05:17 am (UTC) - Expand
Oct. 19th, 2004 02:44 pm (UTC)
:snorts: I don't know what's funnier...the actual lines in the story or your comments to it! Hee..this was just too damn funny. :grin:

Oct. 19th, 2004 03:00 pm (UTC)
If I were an honest person, I'd say the fic is funnier. But I'm a sneaky, sniveling, poop-head, so THANKS!! (me me me)
Oct. 19th, 2004 02:46 pm (UTC)
*chokes on soda* This author should be shot. My eyes! My eyes! *runs in circles flailing*
Oct. 19th, 2004 03:03 pm (UTC)
*sticks out leg and trips you, then staples fingers to keyboard*

But if we kill them, we only hurt ourselves. Somehow.
Oct. 19th, 2004 02:57 pm (UTC)
Your icon is hilarious, but after seeing it I will never eat anything ever again. Which is just as well, because after reading this post I'm dead anway. So I've been reanimated as a zombie to write this comment to you, and your icon has completely put me off eating brains.
Oct. 19th, 2004 03:05 pm (UTC)
I hear brains are fattening, so it's probably for the best.

I like how the disturbed hamsters are looking up at my crazy soup can. It COULD have said "Cream of Sum Yun Gai" but it didn't. She had to go and write the very redundant phrase of redundancy cream of cum, which is redundant.
Oct. 20th, 2004 12:08 am (UTC)
OMGOMGOMGOMG, I will not laugh, will not laugh...

Bwah hahahahaha!

Fuck, are you trying to kill me? *grins*
Oct. 20th, 2004 05:40 am (UTC)
You have stumbled on the WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION!! Muah ah ah!!!
Oct. 20th, 2004 04:46 am (UTC)

*Wipes sweat off forehead*

Thank god I'm not the only one with an audience in her vagina! Does it say anything about Spike being uncomfortable with Buffy's vag-audience, cause it took my boyfriend at least a week to adjust to all of the 'Ooooh'-ing those guys would do every time the compass of his fingers found my spot.
Oct. 20th, 2004 05:41 am (UTC)
Holy shit, it ook me until JUST NOW to figure out how someone could use "audience" in reference to a vagina. I feel like an idiot.

But then, I didn't write this story, so maybe not SUCH an idiot.
Oct. 20th, 2004 07:02 pm (UTC)
3 things (in list form because I am ex-haus-ted)

1. Funny, you are a funny, funny one.
2. The author? Best. Cannon fodder. Evah!!11!!eleven1!
3. I'm so beyond jealous of your inpending rendez-vous w/ Sue. You all get margaritas and fun. I get more work training! To sell fraggin' small home appliances! This picture, methinks something is wrong with it.
Oct. 20th, 2004 07:32 pm (UTC)
Look at what caza made me!!!
We will raise our glasses in a toast to you, our red hot El Pasonian, VINNIE.

(God, did you read any other of her fics? AWESOME!! In their badness.)
Re: Look at what caza made me!!! - cityphonelines - Oct. 20th, 2004 07:36 pm (UTC) - Expand
Oct. 20th, 2004 10:57 pm (UTC)
Finally got around to reading part two of your commentary... So should not be reading when trying to not wake anyone else up. *snickers*

I'm fairly torn between the marinating and the lunar cycle - and I'm not quite sure why the last hits my funny bone so hard. Of course, that icon is far too funny.
Oct. 20th, 2004 11:02 pm (UTC)
Got a new icon, too! Yay for me!!
Funny bone? Or PUSSY BONE.

Currently I am not marinating. I prefer a dry rub. My god, she's right! ANYTHING can be turned into a sexual metaphor. Especially Pope rings and hoods.
(Deleted comment)
Oct. 21st, 2004 07:35 am (UTC)
I hurt myself so you don't have to. I'm a humanitarian, really.

You should tell your husband to seat his schlong in your audience and see how long it takes him to figure out what the hell you are talking about. Then, with your eyes half-lidded with your lust (or maybe from the overpowering scent of New Pussy, by RenuzitTN, tell him to endorse you.
Jul. 12th, 2005 04:23 pm (UTC)
Oh there's more!!
I've been aware of this author for some time. Unfortunate but true. Anyway, one of the first fics (I forget the title but it's on SR) I read of hers referred to Buffy's pussy as 'meat curtains'. Yes, folks MEAT CURTAINS!!!! I read that four times and then sent it to a friend and asked, 'Is she serious, or am I not getting something?'

Dear readers I ask you this: Would any of you like your girly parts referred to as 'meat curtains'? And beyond that thought, would you EVER in a million years come up with that phrase?!
Jul. 12th, 2005 04:48 pm (UTC)
Well, she sure didn't coin the phrase "meat curtains." 13 year old boys have been using that (along with cum dumpster, hair pie, etc.) for years, what makes it AMAZING is that she (I found out it IS a she and not a 13 year old boy from a foreign country) used it to convey sexiness to her FEMALE AUDIENCE. WOW.

Talk about being stupid.... Ewww. But part of me is so grateful because I have something fun to mock. :-D
Oct. 23rd, 2007 07:35 pm (UTC)
I loved the refrence to harry potter. I almost choked on my drink when I read it.
Oct. 23rd, 2007 08:08 pm (UTC)
Haha, there's a standard "do not consume beverages" while reading the bad!fic posts, just to warn you.
( 65 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

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