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My girl (or 15 year old boy from Sweden) is back with a new chapter of our favorite story. But someone left them a review asking if they were going for the laugh. (What if they aren't?? I don't think they are...) My well of material might dry up! Unlike the "cat between Buffy's legs" which never dries up. Buffy is one wet ho-bag. I kid you not, that is in there. Here we go:


  • "The wine from the erotic kiss stained his shirt, and his cock stained his pants." Not using a beta is fun.

  • "They kissed like it was the end of the world" Where fire balls crashed down onto them and they stopped to scream and then stare blankly, for they knew the WORLD WAS ENDING.

  • "Uhnnnnnn, uhnnnnnn, uhnnnnnn, uhnnnnnn" uhnnnnnn-funny, uhnnnnnn-sexy, uhnnnnnn-natural, uhnnnnnn-believable

  • "Think of me as your human vibrator." Buffy searches fruitlessly for the OFF button to shut his fucking yap, as he was KILLING the mood.

  • "Her pussy looked like hot buttered bread" But it smelled like sourdough! Ba dum bum ching!

  • "If it was possible, he wanted to fit his entire head inside her." No, it isn't. A thousand times no.

  • "She tasted of possibility. He was possible he was going to be fucking her well. He was possible he was going to be making her come." I am possible that a negative magnet and a possible magnet will be attracted to each other. But me climbing into my own womb is not positive.

  • "My sex scent lives in your pores" Eww, is THAT what that is? Honey, go grab a spraycan of New Pussy TM and knock that stink out.

  • "My cock drips its way home" Gretel: Hansel! Get that thing back in your pants! Stick with the bread. The hot buttered bread, like my pussy.

  • okay, they wrote meat curtains. 'Nuff said.

  • My cock will wound your cervix." That is HOT. Internal bleeding (non-menstrual, we'll get to THAT later) is sooo sexy.

  • "William had ruptured her cum bank." Time to make a deposit! You know, interest rates are at an all time low, so I would recommend that he looks into some T-Bills. And be sure to get free checking!



And my personal favorite (it's what has kept me up at this very small hour):

He wanted to be the only man tasting her WOMB WORLD.

That brings a whole new meaning to Tilt-A-Whirl for me. Good night! Don't forget to tip your waiter!

Comments

( 46 comments — Leave a comment )
reremouse
Oct. 21st, 2004 12:55 am (UTC)
Meat curtains?!

Wow. The bad. It makes my eyes bleed.

But the funny, it makes me laugh. It makes me laugh a lot.
stoney321
Oct. 21st, 2004 05:31 am (UTC)
Oh, yeah. Meat curtains was what sent our "you're shittin' me, right?" reviewer over the edge. Not the 9 chapters filled with "New Scent Pussy."

I find people to be interesting.
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Oct. 21st, 2004 07:16 am (UTC)
DUDE!!! You're right! And this was just posted yesterday... When you get here we'll call Team America: World Police and have the person blown to bits.

(I'm thinking this writer has never read anything that wasn't hastily scribbled onto a bathroom wall, however... Otherwise, goodness would eventually rub off.)

Wanna go to Womb WorldTM when you get here? I have a season pass...
leeannaray
Oct. 21st, 2004 02:19 am (UTC)
Yay, more middle of the night silent laughing, for me.

WTF are meat curtains? Or do I not wanna know?
stoney321
Oct. 21st, 2004 05:34 am (UTC)
Uhhhhh...

*looks at you expectantly*

You there yet? Hanging down pieces of flesh? *points to crotch*

It's TERRIBLE. And why I think this is written by a 15 year old vrigin boy. From Sweden.
meli1_77
Oct. 21st, 2004 03:00 am (UTC)
What about when she drifted in a cock dream?
stoney321
Oct. 21st, 2004 05:35 am (UTC)
*sings*
bright colored condoms and sleepy cock dreams,
these are a few of my favorite things...
spikesbint
Oct. 21st, 2004 03:08 am (UTC)
omg thats fucking hilarious, I might have missed other posts if this is more than a one parter, thanks for the laugh and that is a real story out there or a piss take?

Angela
stoney321
Oct. 21st, 2004 05:37 am (UTC)
ANGELA!!! There you are. There are 2 previous posts in my LJ. GOLD. This fic on AFFN (the link is four posts back on my calendar) is comic GOLD. And completely serious. Which is why I mock.

And my icon is from the earlier posts.
spikesbint
Oct. 21st, 2004 07:37 am (UTC)
i went and looked it up on affn and realised I had read other stuff by this person, but thanks for that its great. I liked her/his other cunning titles like "cheating on riley" and there was this one called "cock calling" something or other. This person is coming genius without knowing it!

had computer probs thats why I have been a bit AWOL :)

Angela
vic_amy_z
Oct. 21st, 2004 03:19 am (UTC)
Thanks to this, I *am* going to have to go back and read the rest of this damn fic...

And then bleach my eyes, brain... hell - all my internal organs! Oh the humanity.
stoney321
Oct. 21st, 2004 05:47 am (UTC)
Just admit it. These snippets have gotten you so hot, that you need to endorse your cervix. Again and again and again...
vic_amy_z
Oct. 21st, 2004 06:29 am (UTC)
Ah, you got me. I think I have some kind of endorsement stamp around here somewhere... [searches madly]
sangueuk
Oct. 21st, 2004 03:40 am (UTC)
:::dabs tears of mirth:::

thank you, Stoney! Cheered me up when I needed it!I'm going to put a link to this on my lj.
stoney321
Oct. 21st, 2004 05:48 am (UTC)
God, Sangue, anytime I think I'm a bad writer I now have this yardstick by which I can measure myself.

Now get out here to Texas and taste my womb world. (WTF??)
sangueuk
Oct. 21st, 2004 03:11 pm (UTC)
:::attempts crappy texan accent:::
Wha, Stoney - I barely know you and you are offering me a taste o' yo womb! :::flutters fan:::
chantal87
Oct. 21st, 2004 03:50 am (UTC)
Williams' all about the dirty talkin'
"The thickness of my tongue, the dampness of my mouth, the wetness on my lips, the heat in my hands, and the power of my cock will have no limits and no boundaries. Do you hear me Elizabeth?"

Man-o-man. I wanna do him so bad.

I don't want this fic to end. If it does that means I'll have to read even more bad fic to find one that is horrible enough to stick with. Too bad I don't have the power of William/Spikes cock. I would be like a super hero or something.
stoney321
Oct. 21st, 2004 05:51 am (UTC)
thick tongues are hot? Didn't know...
Super hero!! RIght! And Elizabeth/Buffy is like the boy half of the Wonder Twins who can take form of water. Except in her case, her power is to CONSTANTLY UNLOAD RIVERS OF 'COME.' I swear, the girl must own stock in GatoradeTM to keep herself hydrated.

And the Mickey Roarke/ 9 1/2 Weeks imagery is just classy.
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Oct. 21st, 2004 07:18 am (UTC)
WHO ARE THESE WEIRDOES REVIEWING HER???

Dear lord, have you read the "bloodplay" fics? They aren't what you think...
*whimper*
(Deleted comment)
(Deleted comment)
vampkiss
Oct. 21st, 2004 07:18 am (UTC)
:snickers: Womb World.

stoney321
Oct. 21st, 2004 07:24 am (UTC)
do0D. I feel a new icon coming on....

How does anyone think "my cock drips its way home" is sexy? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN, MANDI?????
vampkiss
Oct. 21st, 2004 07:26 am (UTC)
my cock drips its way home

That just sounds...icky. Then again, "Her pussy looked like hot buttered bread"...so maybe it's some kind of glaze for the bread? (ewwww...)
stoney321
Oct. 21st, 2004 07:31 am (UTC)
Okay, even I didn't go there, and I'm a perv.

*looks at you with newfound respect*

Tee Hee!
inlovewithnight
Oct. 21st, 2004 08:00 am (UTC)
Ah, it's a beautiful thing. Shouldn't've read it during class, though. Almost had some 'splaining to do. ;)
paynbow
Oct. 21st, 2004 10:04 am (UTC)
Everytime I snicker (or just plain burst out laughing) my room mate gives me an odd look, when i tell her I found a worse story then "Buffy and Spike are angels" she rolls her eyes...and then I turn back to Womb World...

So...his cock stained his pants, then...someone let go a little early...

And, dude, I had toast for breakfast...now I can't stop thinking about how sexy it was...

Can I take a shot at the feedback?:

"ur a gr8 riter! plz rite mr! Spuffy 4eva!"

"ur gonna rite mr, rite? this is sooooo hot!"
stoney321
Oct. 21st, 2004 03:52 pm (UTC)
I say we spam that author with thousands of reviews, all misspelled and spazzy like that.
paynbow
Oct. 21st, 2004 05:26 pm (UTC)
Yes! Then she/he will keep writing adn I can learn more things! Oodles of abuses of the English language that I never knew were possible!...
lynnenne
Oct. 21st, 2004 02:17 pm (UTC)
BWAHAHAHAHAAHA...

*breathes*

HAHAHAHAHAHA!
stoney321
Oct. 21st, 2004 03:47 pm (UTC)
*hands you your oxygen mask, instructs you on the straps*

More later. I have found more, repeat, I have found more.
amontillado
Oct. 21st, 2004 03:39 pm (UTC)

"Her pussy looked like hot buttered bread" But it smelled like sourdough! Ba dum bum ching!

Holy shit, I actually fell out of my chair I laughed so hard at that!

I'm thinking about making up some 'Womb World' T-shirts, any takers?

Oh, and 'Meat Curtains'is solid proof that our favorite author in the world is without a doubt a 13 year old virgin boy.
stoney321
Oct. 21st, 2004 08:36 pm (UTC)
Don't forget from Sweden. 13 year old virgin from Sweden. Although, if you go so SpuffyRealm, you'll see they claim to be a female. Sheyah.
cicer
Oct. 21st, 2004 04:13 pm (UTC)
*laughs*

*cries*

If it was possible, he wanted to fit his entire head inside her

Please let this be a joke. I don't think I can live in a world where someone honestly thinks this is hot. *whimpers and curls in a corner*

Gretel: Hansel! Get that thing back in your pants! Stick with the bread. The hot buttered bread, like my pussy.

There are no words to describe how hard that made me laugh. No. Words.

He wanted to be the only man tasting her WOMB WORLD.

*chokes* God! That sounds like a bad theme park! Why?! Just...why?!

*weeps from badfic*
stoney321
Oct. 21st, 2004 05:17 pm (UTC)
Dusty723 commented that this person is completely serious. And has gotten many reviews on SpikeRealm indicating that others feel our pain, yet she doesn't understand.

Yes, it's a she. I am possible.
violethamster
Oct. 21st, 2004 04:13 pm (UTC)
Thank you for reading this fic so I don't have to.

I know a guy who's in a local band called "Beef Curtains". So possibly this fic is written by a middle-aged businessman.

You rock harder than all the rides at Womb World.

Your Wee!Spike icon also rocks. While it dances.
stoney321
Oct. 21st, 2004 05:18 pm (UTC)
If I could only figure out how to animate the Wee!Spike to do the Thriller dance, my life will be complete.

According to Dusty723's comment, this is a girl who has Xposted to SpikeRealm and is indeed a female. If you can trust what you read.
synalott
Oct. 21st, 2004 05:18 pm (UTC)
Cannot. Stop. Laughing.

I work at a bank and now I keep giggling to myself at work thinking about "endorsing her cervix" and "ruptured her cum bank"?!

The mind boggles. I will never look at hot buttered bread the same way again.
stoney321
Oct. 21st, 2004 05:22 pm (UTC)
hot buttered bread is HOT. Warm and yeasty.
Feel free to roam through the last few entries in my LJ for more on this particular fic.

I delight in its awfulness.

*does the Numfar Dance of Joy*
spikefan
Oct. 22nd, 2004 02:21 pm (UTC)
*howling, rolling, kicking* Oh, God. One of these days I'm going to seriously injure myself laughing. Thank you for turning my crappy day around.

"William had ruptured her cum bank."

*cackling*

Yikes, now I need hip-waders. Do you suppose the Cum Bank has ATMs?

I swear, the girl must own stock in Gatorade to keep herself hydrated.

*more cackling* I was wondering about that too. She must have it delivered, otherwise, I can't figure out how else she'd have time to mop up and leave the house on a Gatorade-and-Astroglide run.

He was possible he was going to be fucking her well.

*dumbfounded* Huh?? Is it possible they used translation software? With the additional "hott porn" vocabulary module? I still can't believe someone isn't pulling our collective leg with this fic. Really.
spikefan
Oct. 22nd, 2004 02:47 pm (UTC)
It has rained upon my hot pulsing flood of a parade...
Aw, I just read her reviews and replies. I'm feeling kind of sheepish because I was about to romp all over her review page too. It looks as if she's taking the reviews very seriously and is trying to be gracious in her responses, thanking people for their constructive crticism. I'll be sorry if she packs up her bag of crazy metaphors and goes home.
my_daroga
Dec. 18th, 2006 11:42 pm (UTC)
I don't know why I'm spending my day going through your bad!fic posts, but this one just killed me.
stoney321
Dec. 18th, 2006 11:48 pm (UTC)
Hee!! I haven't read this one in a long time. MAN, could this girl work the metaphor? Or rather, isn't she lacking in restraint? And dictionaries? And brains?

:D
my_daroga
Dec. 18th, 2006 11:52 pm (UTC)
It's just amazing, especially knowing that it's all crammed in one fic. I could never write this way IF I TRIED.
( 46 comments — Leave a comment )

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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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