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So, on a scale of 1 to 10, one being cussing in church and ten being having sex with a nun while sacrament is being passed and trying to high-five the priest as you climax... how blasphemous is a missionary using the sacred anointing oil for blessings as lube on his companion?

I'm thinking about 8 - 8.7.

It's a good thing I don't believe in hell. I'd have a box seat by now. \o/

[ETA] After hearing scratching at the door, I LITERALLY just hollered out, "Who let the dog out?" and my children answered back, "Who? Who who who." And now I want to burn my house down.

Comments

( 47 comments — Leave a comment )
harmonyfb
Jun. 10th, 2008 02:26 am (UTC)
Wait, wait, wait. Is this a fictional account, a third-party story, or something you were personally involved in? Details, please.

(Enquiring minds want to know...)
stoney321
Jun. 10th, 2008 02:29 am (UTC)
HAHAHAHAHA. No, this did not happen to me.and I will not cop to ever imagining it while lusting over a certain missionary

I just wrote that in this saga of a missionary coming out of the closet on his mission, you see. :D
justhuman
Jun. 10th, 2008 03:05 am (UTC)
I think location is important here - for instance was it the back of the temple with one of those cots intended to ... bring new families closer? If so, 9.5 unless the family is watching.

If it's just in the ally behind the sleazy apartment building where the 20th Baptist lady just slammed the door in their face, 8

*waits eagerly to read the more detailed account*
stoney321
Jun. 10th, 2008 03:29 am (UTC)
Hahaha, okay, and this is a true story. A missionary in my home congregation got busted DURING SERVICE for boning the stake president's (like an arch-diocese) daughter IN the baptismal font. AWESOME.

And this fictitious oil account happens in their apartment, and they just prayed for spiritual enlightenment. CHICKY BOW.
dovil
Jun. 10th, 2008 02:29 am (UTC)
Personally I just see that as being environmentally concious and finding muliple uses for things - how can that possibly be wrong? A hard shafting and a blessing on the side - AMEN!
stoney321
Jun. 10th, 2008 02:30 am (UTC)
See? That's the right way to think. Renew, Re-use, and recycle, am I right? AHAHAHAHA.

There's a reason I heart you. (You have yet to earn the spleen. I'm just saying... You could put forth a little effort.)
dovil
Jun. 10th, 2008 02:34 am (UTC)
I really hate to think about the logistics of the recycle bit. Next person in line: "Erm, you know what, I'm going to pass on being blessed by God today".

Do I at least get a slither of your liver - because you know I'll just take it from you next time I see you any way.

*undos top shirt button, cries*
stoney321
Jun. 10th, 2008 02:37 am (UTC)
I'm going to bring along a zipper and liquid stitches to make it easier on you to harvest my organs. I don't want to end up with extra charges for all the bloody mess, you know.

And all of this talk of organs makes me want to bang a nun on a piano. I don't like to analyze myself too much, I'd rather go with the flow. *Edelweisses*
dovil
Jun. 10th, 2008 03:09 am (UTC)
I just realised that we both referenced nuns in posts we made mere seconds apart. Surely Satan is among us. The little scamp. *scritches him under chin*
showmewrtr
Jun. 10th, 2008 02:41 am (UTC)
LOL @ your ETA.

And I hope that's a pretty big handbasket. I suspect it'll be standing room only. *wink*
stoney321
Jun. 10th, 2008 02:46 am (UTC)
Hahahahaha. That's a song I could go the rest of my life without ever hearing again.

And I'll be sure to bring snacks - we'll all get hungry on the trip. :D
southernbangel
Jun. 10th, 2008 03:07 am (UTC)
THIS FIC WILL WIN AT LIFE.

stoney321
Jun. 10th, 2008 03:30 am (UTC)
HAHAHAHAHA. PWN.

Come see me. I am completely surrounded by a lack of Lee.
sunnyd_lite
Jun. 10th, 2008 03:10 am (UTC)
Hmm anointing oil is to symbolize communion and joining isn't it?

But I'm thinking that your scoring's pretty close You made me THINK about it! *grin*
stoney321
Jun. 10th, 2008 03:30 am (UTC)
Almost - it's slightly different in mormon theology, but that's not important right now. THE SEX IS IMPORTANT. Wheee! :D
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Jun. 10th, 2008 03:31 am (UTC)
I never said I was right...

;)
(Deleted comment)
(Deleted comment)
menomegirl
Jun. 10th, 2008 04:06 am (UTC)
Personally, I'd give it a 5.

That's nowhere near as bad as using rosary beads for a purpose they were not intended in a confessional.

Um..yeah, that's all I got.

azryal
Jun. 10th, 2008 12:36 pm (UTC)
I was so very impressed with the original post
and then I read yours.

...

*bow*

*scrape*

Mae
ely_jan
Jun. 10th, 2008 04:30 am (UTC)
...
...

You draw me deeper and deeper into your web.

don't stop
stoney321
Jun. 11th, 2008 03:33 pm (UTC)
*SPINS STICKY WEB*
fiveandfour
Jun. 10th, 2008 05:12 am (UTC)
I'd take that down to a 6.8-7.0. Because it's awfully thoughtful to be using lube, so there's gotta be some give back on the points on that alone. (Besides, I'm thinking *someone* is going to be referencing God real soon in that scenario; that can't be all bad, right?)
stoney321
Jun. 11th, 2008 03:34 pm (UTC)
I like that there are bonus points for consideration, excellent. And ahahahahaha! Does... "gosh" count as referencing god? HEE!
kseenaa
Jun. 10th, 2008 06:54 am (UTC)
Kinky priest/missionary.... I like already. ;-D
stoney321
Jun. 11th, 2008 03:34 pm (UTC)
Hooray! It'll be posted...soonish. :)
beadattitude
Jun. 10th, 2008 07:26 am (UTC)
You have your chirens beautifully trained.

Um, you should also use the companion's ties to tie each other up?
stoney321
Jun. 11th, 2008 03:36 pm (UTC)
They were severely beaten for the ear worm, I'll have you know. Then they gathered with a red-headed orphan and sang songs in 4/4 time, it was WEIRD, Suzi.

THERE WILL BE TIE PLAY. Because who doesn't love a tie?
beadattitude
Jun. 11th, 2008 05:16 pm (UTC)
I dooo love ties. And seriously? The other night I was affectionately contemplating sending Stephen Colbert one of my father's, as a South Carolina boy that's done good. (I was very tired, but I don't even have the excuse of maudlin drunkery)

Also? You know what's a bad song to have earwormed around children and running errands in town? "Dick in a Box."
violethamster
Jun. 10th, 2008 10:53 am (UTC)
Never, never work for a religious organization. It has so ruined that for me.
stoney321
Jun. 11th, 2008 03:36 pm (UTC)
What if I work for one in order to take it down from the inside? I bet you could support me on that one. :D
azryal
Jun. 10th, 2008 12:38 pm (UTC)
Best.
You're the best.

Mae

ps...well, you were the best. I'm afraid that Denita pushed you down (!) to a close second.

M
stoney321
Jun. 11th, 2008 03:36 pm (UTC)
Ahahahahahaha, I gladly concede firsts!
drusplace
Jun. 10th, 2008 01:27 pm (UTC)
BEST. LJ. POST. EVER!!!!
stoney321
Jun. 11th, 2008 03:37 pm (UTC)
*awaits my cash prize*

Hee!
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Jun. 11th, 2008 03:38 pm (UTC)
I see it more as me giving you tools to make it through your day, Anne. TOOLS.

Hahahaha. Those rascally kids with their sarcasm!! *shakes fist*
brunettepet
Jun. 10th, 2008 05:40 pm (UTC)
Oh, Stoney, how you make me laugh!

Now I have that damn song stuck in my head...
stoney321
Jun. 11th, 2008 03:38 pm (UTC)
*fist pump!*

Oh my god, it took me until TODAY to get that damn earworm out of my head.
nihano1
Jun. 10th, 2008 06:51 pm (UTC)
What would be my score if I said that I find this kinda hot?

Is this a story you're writing, is it m/f or m/m, when will you post it?
Not that I'm interested or anything...



::Is also going to hell::
stoney321
Jun. 11th, 2008 03:39 pm (UTC)
Your score is FIRST PLACE, that's what!

And this is m/m, and I hope to begin posting soon. I want to have it all written, first. (No WiPs here!)
entrenous88
Jun. 10th, 2008 08:27 pm (UTC)
Hahahaha, your kids are The Next Generation Baha Men!
stoney321
Jun. 11th, 2008 03:40 pm (UTC)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *collapses in a heap*

I was shooting for Hanson 2.0! :D
botias
Jun. 12th, 2008 03:01 am (UTC)
Bwah! :D:D:D
supremegoddess1
Jun. 13th, 2008 01:55 am (UTC)
uh....context on that first bet, pretty pretty please??????
stoney321
Jun. 13th, 2008 02:45 am (UTC)
....the missionary part? Because that's a story I'm currently writing. :D
( 47 comments — Leave a comment )

Tags

Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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