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Okay. So... a year? Two years ago I made a post about a neighbor and her husband that were on that sex therapy show on Showtime. Like... Here's how we do such and such, here's night-vision of us in bed, help us be better! Because if *I* went on a reality TV show, that's the one I'd pick. In the way that means OH HELL NO. I mean, I watched (natch. Don't act like you wouldn't) and it made me SO UNCOMFORTABLE. They were basically having sex on camera. Their PARENTS could have seen that!! *feels shame for them*

*note for those playing the home game, they lived next door to my former friend who freaked out, cheated on her husband, dated that lawyer that was skeezy with tasseled loafers and a Grimace body and offered me 'shrooms the first time we met. Classy.

So. It turns out that crazy wife of the sex show fame also freaked out, started selling my friend (the cheater) DRUGS (like, IN THE HOUSE. WITH THE KIDS ON A PLAYDATE RIGHT THERE!!!), tried to buy 100 THOUSAND DOLLARS worth of merchandise at Nordstroms on a credit card (dude. That's a lot of freaking shoes. I'm just saying. I don't think I could find $100K worth of clothing/sundries in a department store), and then when her card was declined, TOOK IT ANYWAY, had the police chase her home, and then she was thrown in jail while her husband was on a business trip. She got cheater friend to bail her out, freaked out on her husband when he got home, called the police on a "domestic abuse" charge, and she is now cooling her heels in a psychiatric hospital in Colorado, and they are officially divorced.

?!?!?!

Why yes I did run into the husband at the gym, why do you ask? He's all beefy (gross) and 'roided out, but he's a nice guy.

Whoever thought that moving the the 'burbs meant a slow-paced life, there's your rebuttal.

Comments

( 60 comments — Leave a comment )
slasheuse
Jul. 14th, 2008 11:30 pm (UTC)
Desperate Housewives! Or sort of.
stoney321
Jul. 14th, 2008 11:32 pm (UTC)
I guess!! Just... good lord. I thought I was moving to a sleepy, quiet town. (Um, evidently there's no such thing. I should remember my Southern Gothic, huh?)

HI SOPHIE! *squish*
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dovil
Jul. 14th, 2008 11:30 pm (UTC)
Tasseled loafers?
stoney321
Jul. 14th, 2008 11:34 pm (UTC)
A shoe that I'm terribly prejudiced against because it makes me think of schiester lawyers listening to Jimmy Buffet, checking out women just barely legal.

..that's a lot of thought into those shoes, huh?
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sweetumms33
Jul. 14th, 2008 11:41 pm (UTC)
Um....wow. Just seriously wow. You should be taping this stuff and making your own reality show!
stoney321
Jul. 14th, 2008 11:45 pm (UTC)
I MEAN, SERIOUSLY. A fortune lies in waiting, amirite?

Also, your icon is a thing of beauty. Oh, Molly, I heart you.
soberloki
Jul. 14th, 2008 11:41 pm (UTC)
Holy crap. All I can do is agree with your tags. Because, DUDE... that's some screwy business, right there.
stoney321
Jul. 14th, 2008 11:46 pm (UTC)
GAH! Man, I am so happy to be living drama free, then I hear this and I could fall upon the neck of my husband, weeping with gratitude that we are NORMAL.
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kita0610
Jul. 14th, 2008 11:46 pm (UTC)
Dude. My neighbors in the burbs back in NY used to get into knock down fights- literally. He would toss her down two flights of stairs. We'd count the thuds. She threw him through a wall once. Not ours, thankfully. In the end, he embezzled half a million dollars and got arrested by the FBI and she was arrested as an accomplice and they lost custody of their adoptive daughter.

Our other neighbors across the way? Devout Catholics. Until he came home and found her going down on the priest. Who he then shot in the leg.

Suburbia ain't got nothing on city folk.
stoney321
Jul. 14th, 2008 11:57 pm (UTC)
I JUST WHOOPED at the Catholic wife blowing the priest. how Thorn Birds, but tackier and with less cattle.

Then you have the country tales. Like the guy that shot off another guy's arm for talking to his woman. Then they all went on Jerry Springer to talk it out.

It didn't go well.
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dlgood
Jul. 14th, 2008 11:50 pm (UTC)
I live in a much considerably more lamer suburb.
stoney321
Jul. 14th, 2008 11:58 pm (UTC)
Are there homes available? Sheesh!
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brunettepet
Jul. 15th, 2008 12:02 am (UTC)
OMG! Our neighbors are so boring! Not that I'd want to see any of them on Showtime talking about their sex lives. The wife (ex) sounds capital C Crazy Cakes.
stoney321
Jul. 15th, 2008 12:27 am (UTC)
She is SO crazy. And I honestly just listened to the show, I couldn't bear to watch. It's just so... sleazy, you know?
jenncho
Jul. 15th, 2008 12:08 am (UTC)
100 THOUSAND DOLLARS worth of merchandise

Holy crap! And for some reason I read that with the voice of the wedding dress store owner in Runaway Bride in my head.

But its a THOUSAND dollars!
stoney321
Jul. 15th, 2008 12:27 am (UTC)
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
lynnenne
Jul. 15th, 2008 12:14 am (UTC)
Sheeesh! You could write a book, but no one would believe it.

HI STONEY HI!!
stoney321
Jul. 15th, 2008 12:28 am (UTC)
I could make a soap opera, but I'd have to use horses. Wait...

HI BABY!!! *hugs you gently*
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nwhepcat
Jul. 15th, 2008 01:40 am (UTC)
That is an awesome story. If I saw it on TV I'd think it was bullshit!

::boggles::
stoney321
Jul. 15th, 2008 01:45 pm (UTC)
If I hadn't heard it from the husband, I wouldn't have believed it myself!

Crazy people!
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Jul. 15th, 2008 01:45 pm (UTC)
You hit the nail on the head: pathetic and CRAZY.
sweptawaybayou
Jul. 15th, 2008 02:15 am (UTC)
Sheesh!!

wtf, people? wtf?
stoney321
Jul. 15th, 2008 01:46 pm (UTC)
Did it make you look in the mirror and think, at least I'm not trying to steal $300 jeans and high heels and going mental? Because I sure did. :)
demonqueen666
Jul. 15th, 2008 02:35 am (UTC)
Wow. The most exciting weirdness we ever get in our suburb is the screwy family with the two fucked up sons that I never ever wanted to babysit because, seriously, those kids were emotionally disturbed. They gravitated between hitting each other with sticks and screaming crying tantrums (and I know that's par for the course with a lot of male toddlers, but on a seriously constant BAD level). I just found out recently from my mom that they've apparantly been divorced FOR YEARS but just never told anyone about it...they kept living together because they couldn't afford to move away from each other. They HAD A DAUGHTER during the time they were divorced. (I mean, I don't care one way or another for whether or not kids are legitimate, that's not what freaks me out. But when you've decided to divorce someone, but then keep sleeping with them and have another kid together, all of this while STILL being divorced...really, is it just me, or is that kind of effed up?) Just recently they moved out of the neighborhood, or rather, my parents thought they had moved out but come to find out that the bank foreclosed the house because I guess they couldn't pay for it anymore, and they didn't bother fighting it. They just...let them take the house. And left, one supposes.

Still. That all rather pales in comparison to your hijink-laden tale.

Edited at 2008-07-15 02:35 am (UTC)
stoney321
Jul. 15th, 2008 01:47 pm (UTC)
Yeeeeeesh. That there was a saaaaaaaad house, that was. Damn.
redbrickrose
Jul. 15th, 2008 05:26 am (UTC)
That is insanity. But least it's hilarious insanity?
stoney321
Jul. 15th, 2008 01:47 pm (UTC)
I'm leaning that way, myself.
bitchygrrl
Jul. 15th, 2008 12:46 pm (UTC)
Oh wow that's some serious whatthefuckery. Though I could see spending a 100 grand at Nordstroms *visions of 3000 handbags and thousand dollar shoes dance in her head*
stoney321
Jul. 15th, 2008 01:49 pm (UTC)
Keep in mind that she CARRIED IT OUT OF THE STORE, I guess hidden in other bags, or something. Or they didn't have many people manning the cameras, I don't know.

That's frickin' brazen, that is.
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drusplace
Jul. 15th, 2008 12:59 pm (UTC)
I don't even know where to start commenting...Other than the fact that I could TOTALLY spend that much money in a department store. I won't. But I could.
stoney321
Jul. 15th, 2008 01:50 pm (UTC)
I don't know... well, I'm not much for jewelry or handbags, though. If it was just clothes, that's a LOT of freaking clothes, designer or not.
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(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Jul. 15th, 2008 01:53 pm (UTC)
Hahahaa - but I don't WANT my neighborhood to be siphoning off your neighborhood's drama! :D

See, you asked the SAME QUESTION I DID! How the hell did she carry that much stuff? I mean, I *shop* at Nordstroms, and even if you got one of each thing in your size (one assumes she was stealing for herself) that's a lot of merch!

Oh my god, I love the Soup. (I have a total crush on Joel McHale, the host.) But yeah - the reality clip show portion makes me boggle and feel sad at the same time.

(Oooh, you know what you need to do to rid yourself of that feeling? Watch the last five minute - ONLY the last 5 minutes - of Animal Cops. You see all the good random people not seeking publicity can do. *hugs*)
moosesal
Jul. 15th, 2008 01:27 pm (UTC)
*dies laughing* I remember watching that show just because your neighbors were going to be on it. Oh god. WTF? I just... $100k? That is a whole lot of shoes.
stoney321
Jul. 15th, 2008 01:54 pm (UTC)
That's what I'm saying: how the hell did she carry that many shoes out?? Even if they were Manolos, averaging $600 a pair, that's... *calculates* too many to carry!! :D

Dude. Train. Wreck.

Also, I just noticed your icon. AHAHAHA!!
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mere_ubu
Jul. 15th, 2008 02:03 pm (UTC)
HAHAHAHAA! No. Wow, I'm going to quit complaining about the shirtless septuagenarian next door. For today, anyway.

*worried* Do y'all filter your water? 'Cause I'm thinking that maybe there's something in it that should be kept away from developing nervous systems. Jeepers.
stoney321
Jul. 16th, 2008 09:05 pm (UTC)
Hahahaha, 70+ man boobs would bother me, too.

I *do* drink filtered water. Clearly I need to!
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brutti_ma_buoni
Jul. 15th, 2008 06:09 pm (UTC)
You know, you just confirmed all my prejudices about people who want TV shows to fix their lives, especially sex lives. Not that they're all plotting a $100-grand shoe raid (though that would be worth watching), but that sex isn't really the biggest problem they have.

World! See my problems! In gruesome detail! Now...uh...fix me in 6.5 minutes (tops)? Not a sound plan.

My suburb is glad it's more boring than your suburb, btw. Though we do have vicious parking disagreements sometimes...
stoney321
Jul. 16th, 2008 09:05 pm (UTC)
I cannot IMAGINE wanting to go on national television and air my laundry. Not even for Oprah, y'all, not even for Oprah. So tawdry and shameful.
kseenaa
Jul. 15th, 2008 06:46 pm (UTC)
Geez..... Desperate Housewifes got nothing...
stoney321
Jul. 16th, 2008 09:06 pm (UTC)
I know, right? Good hell!
marenfic
Jul. 17th, 2008 04:25 pm (UTC)
Hello Bipolar Type I. I'm just sayin.
( 60 comments — Leave a comment )

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