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Wait, whut?

I have comments that I still need to respond to, I know, but I just realized something based on this icon. *points*

I will not read the Twilight books. Understand that. Well, maybe to mock them. (Um, I went to college with plenty of Stephanie Meyers types up in Utah and don't care to fall back into that Mormon woman 1950s bullshit.)

...is Edward gay? I mean, is the Mary Sue ultimately a "f*g hag" but TURNS HER GAY BFF INTO HER LOVAH? (Um, and also sounds a lot like many LDS girls who had effeminate husbands and never realized they married a gay man that was afraid to come out in that culture.)

Wow. My son wants to read them. *head desk* (And I would be perfectly fine if he was gay. I just don't want him to be stupid, that's all. Hahaha. Ahem.)

[ETA] WHAT? (from Cleolinda's summation) "Vampires tend to bring their strengths from life into The Beyond" THIS IS MORMON DOGMA. (You bring your personality into the next life. And have babies there, too. Just like vampires? WHUT.)

[ETA muthaeffin 2] OH MY GOD, there are Native American Indians who are the darkness to their whiteness?!?!?!?!?! GUYS. GUYS. You are shitting me. She is rewriting the Book of Mormon with love stories and supernatural attributes, HO LEE SHEEP DUNG. (Nephites = Vampires, Lamanites = Werewolves) Good hell.

[ETA frakkin 3] That's it. I'm reading them. The MSTKing (from an LDS perspective) will follow. Guys, she's fanficcing the Book of Mormon!! (Which is funny because the Book of Mormon is Bible fanfic, haha. so... this is a remix? We need new words to describe this!!!)

Comments

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samsom
Aug. 5th, 2008 07:51 pm (UTC)
When I read that S Meyer was Mormon, everything I'd heard about Twilight and Bella and Edward made perfect sense.

I just can't believe this is The Next Big Thing. *sigh*
stoney321
Aug. 5th, 2008 08:04 pm (UTC)
Yeah - I knew that before I heard anyone talk about the books, so as I learned the plot/characters, I just rolled my eyes. OF COURSE. Gag.
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shipperx
Aug. 5th, 2008 08:03 pm (UTC)
I think cleolinda(?) has read them and has done some reasonably complete (and rather funny) summaries of them. I gather that Edward is a tad effeminate (non-threatening sexuality, check) but that he's also a bit of a douchebag.
stoney321
Aug. 5th, 2008 08:05 pm (UTC)
I'm just now finding thsoe, thanks!

Yeah, I heard he's douchey, but then, so is almost EVERY SINGLE GUY in the state of Utah. A bunch of puffed up poppinjays, sure of their superiority. No thanks.

BTW, your icon is PRICELESS. And true.
tabaqui
Aug. 5th, 2008 08:08 pm (UTC)
I read the summaries somewhere online... Dear gods. The most ridiculous Mary-sue-licious, bad!fic shite i have *ever* read. And also, ideas and even plot points that seem lifted right out of stuff i've read before, like Anne Rice and Tanith Lee.

The Monstrous wants to read them, as her cousin has and liked them. I said she could *borrow* the first book from her cousin, as i'm not paying money for it. I hope she hates it, heh.

stoney321
Aug. 5th, 2008 08:11 pm (UTC)
God, I know! They're HORRID. The ideas, the plot lines, the freaking execution of said plot lines...

They honestly read like supernatural versions of the "faith building novels" I had to read growing up Mormon. Ick.

Yeah, no money in my house will be spent on these, that's for sure.
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sdwolfpup
Aug. 5th, 2008 08:13 pm (UTC)
STONEY. I KNOW THEY'RE AWFUL BUT I CAN'T STOP READING THEM. Seriously, the plot is atrocious, the characters are all reprehensible, the writing is ridiculous. And yet. My mother keeps loaning them to me and I keep reading them. They are like CRACK.

However, I really wouldn't want any teenage girls, especially, to read them, and think that these are relationships people should want.
stoney321
Aug. 5th, 2008 08:17 pm (UTC)
One of my closest girlfriends is reading them, too, shocked that she is reading them, and thinks they're crack. Is it like a box of mediocre chocolates that you keep eating even though you know they're not good? *holds you*

Your last line: YES. I do NOT want my daughters reading them. And, hey. I don't want my SON to read them and think it's okay to treat girls that way. Seriously, they sound exactly like life in Utah, I'm not even exaggerating.
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bitchygrrl
Aug. 5th, 2008 08:16 pm (UTC)
Oh she's Mormon that explains a lot. I've read the books but I'm in it for the *LOLZ*.
stoney321
Aug. 5th, 2008 08:18 pm (UTC)
I may have to read them and explain all the dogma in it. Humorously, of course.

JESUS. They can't be what I'm reading they are. OH MY GOD.
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elfgirl
Aug. 5th, 2008 08:20 pm (UTC)
*SNERK*

Sparkles: Just for the Speshul Vampires
stoney321
Aug. 5th, 2008 08:25 pm (UTC)
He freaking SPARKLES. I mean... that's in the bad!fic crap I read to make us all laugh and this woman is getting PAID. Wow.
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thebratqueen
Aug. 5th, 2008 08:25 pm (UTC)
I've been dying to know your Twilight thoughts given your history with mindcandy teenage novels and SMeyer's religion.
stoney321
Aug. 5th, 2008 08:26 pm (UTC)
I'M JUST GOING TO HAVE TO READ THEM NOW. I mean... I have to!

Wooooooooooooooooooow. It's-

WOW. See ETA 2. *pounds head*
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ann1962
Aug. 5th, 2008 08:33 pm (UTC)
Is this icon available for swiping? Because it is absolutely awesome.

stoney321
Aug. 5th, 2008 08:37 pm (UTC)
I have no idea who made it. Go for it! If i do find out who, I'll post so we all can credit them. Isn't is AWESOME?!
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moosesal
Aug. 5th, 2008 08:34 pm (UTC)
Do you watch Project Runway? One of the guys this season is a gay guy from Salt Lake. He mentions his Mormon family and basically wanting to get out of Utah. I thought of you. *mwah*

I had wondered about these books because recently I've seen some fic for the fandom showing up on rareslash (I think) and didn't know what it was about.

Now I know I can skip that stuff. *shudder*
stoney321
Aug. 5th, 2008 08:39 pm (UTC)
SAL. Yes. I do listen to him go on and on about being gay in Utah and how hard it is in SLC, and I'm laughing because NO IT'S NOT. There's a HUGE and supportive gay community in SLC. Try being gay in PROVO where the real church is. Or any of those small towns. Jeez, SLC is practically cosmopolitan in comparison.

I'm going to read them, I've decided. And then post about how it's Mormon dogma and give examples. :D
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a2zmom
Aug. 5th, 2008 08:35 pm (UTC)
You know this is the first time I've wanted to read them, now that I know that Edward is a spechul Mormon vampire. But I think I will continue to resist.
stoney321
Aug. 5th, 2008 08:39 pm (UTC)
I think I'll read them for all of us and mock explain all the LDS crap in there so we can all laugh laugh. HEEEE!
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julia_here
Aug. 5th, 2008 08:54 pm (UTC)
She is rewriting the Book of Mormon with love stories and supernatural attributes, HO LEE SHEEP DUNG.

And to put the chicken manure frosting atop, she set it in freaking Forks, WA, which is a scary redneck zone of stupid. Sure, it's the cloudiest/rainiest town in the contiguous US; Astoria, OR has more days of fog, as well as a large enough population that one could hide a band of vampires. Also it has tourist infrastructure to handle the Twitourists, who are running out the pop machines at the Forks minimart.

Julia, does the woman know about Google?
captainofidiots
Aug. 5th, 2008 09:08 pm (UTC)
I had to comment this...

She set it in Forks, WA?! Hahahahahahaha! That's awesome.

*lives in the wonderful Spokane, WA*
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solipsiae
Aug. 5th, 2008 08:57 pm (UTC)
I think you pretty much HAVE to read the books so you can write a really quick translation guide for the MILLIONS OF PEOPLE who have read these books.

I feel victim, myself. I'm ashamed, and was the ENTIRE time. ohnotheydidnt just would not shut up about them so at an airport, to kill some time, I read them and then I got hooked just so I could see what would happen and NOW MORE THAN EVER it is crucial you tear off the cloak so these undeservedly popular books can be a delivery system for MORMONISM UNCOVERED.
solipsiae
Aug. 5th, 2008 08:58 pm (UTC)
Also, I knew she was Mormon and read the rest of the books (2 & 3) with that in the back of my head. Her insistence on "joining the family" (by becoming a vampire), the no sex before marriage (yawn).. but if there's more, I want to know about it!
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fujinsama
Aug. 5th, 2008 08:59 pm (UTC)
I read some summeries of the books out of curiosity, because I hadn't heard of them until now and wanted to see what all the hype was about. Dear GODS, must EVERY female that writes about vampires be batshit insane? No, I take that back. As crazy as Anne Rice is, she looks like the very soul of rationality compared to this woman.

I kinda want to believe the books were written for the lulz. I really do. But even IRL trolls don't put that much effort into trolling.
stoney321
Aug. 5th, 2008 09:20 pm (UTC)
Yeah, Rice ain't got nothing on this chick, which... WOW. Because Anne Rice is a bowl of crazy flakes.

Nooooo, I don't think they're for the LULZ. (I really think she doesn't realize what she's doing with her religion in this book, but I'll read them all to find out.)

Good hell.
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copykween
Aug. 5th, 2008 09:20 pm (UTC)
When I first heard about this series, it was all good press. Then I read the author was a Mormon and I though, "Wow, you go, modern Morman woman!"

Then I started reading the summaries....

Now I fear for the mass of teens/young women who will read this shit and think it's acceptable and OMG!Romantic! Good Hell.
stoney321
Aug. 5th, 2008 09:21 pm (UTC)
She's "modern" in the sense that she has a job. Other than that, girls worth = recognition from a male
being stupid, klutzy, etc.

Puuuuuuuure Utah LDS. Ick.
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mireille719
Aug. 5th, 2008 09:24 pm (UTC)
I've read them (didn't pay for most of them, but I read them), and this does not surprise me, as they pinged me very much as "vampires and werewolves plus really really conservative values + really really icky views about women and sex."

I would *love* to see your take on these books and the Mormon viewpoint in them.

(Also, Edward is not canonically gay. OTOH, Edward became a vampire at the age of 17; vampires are capable in and apparently interested in having sex; in 90 years, he has never had an orgasm even one time. Edward has some issues.)
stoney321
Aug. 5th, 2008 09:28 pm (UTC)
I didn't think he was canonically gay - Meyers is LDS, after all and that would be a No No. BUT. There is a large percentage (say, 10 - 12 percent, just like everywhere, hah!) of gay men that force themselves to live straight lives because of the culture of the Mormon Church.

The whole sparkle/graceful thing strikes me as someone who most likely fell in love with a closeted homosexual, but due to her religion, didn't understand why that special someone was different from the typical hunter-misogynist guy that predominates the Utah/LDS landscape.

I'm all over these books, now that I know what Meyers is trying to do. WOW. That's some Mary Sueing, amirite?
my_daroga
Aug. 5th, 2008 09:28 pm (UTC)
I've been reading them for the lulz, and the WTF, and the... Just... the fans, dear god! I really, really hope you read them and dissect.

It's totally abusive, and marriage=vampirism apparently, and it's just got endless amounts of head scratching.

BTW, this is what the library is for.
stoney321
Aug. 5th, 2008 09:30 pm (UTC)
HEEEEEEE. Library = you don't have to feel guilty for spending money.

I'll add an ETA so people know that I AM going to read these and blow them out of the water. Holy crap, it's astounding to me!!!
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fiveandfour
Aug. 5th, 2008 09:40 pm (UTC)
I somehow managed to completely missed the "cultural significance" of these books; I read an article over the week-end that told me how popular these books are and I figured I was just waaaay out of it (that is: old). Now I kind of understand how I missed them ~ they aren't my thing and so would have been off my radar until the hype reached the kind of critical mass I'm seeing now.

In re: your son - I had to laugh at myself over the week-end over something similar. I picked up a book my daughter bought to do a little skimmage, see what she's into now, and after getting over the fact that the font was green I realized it's one of those Christy Miller books which look to be Christian propaganda in fiction form. I kind of panicked for a moment, fearing the brainwashing, then laughed at myself. If she were reading a book on demons or vampires I wouldn't bat an eye, but since she was reading something Christian I had a freak out. Clearly, I'm the anti-Mom. But I guess if we're giving her the freedom to read whatever she wants (with very few limits, something I truly appreciated growing up) I have to let her read the Christian stuff along with everything else.
undersea
Aug. 5th, 2008 09:46 pm (UTC)
Sorry to butt in on your comment, but Christy Miller books! Oh, I remember those! *facepalm*
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undersea
Aug. 5th, 2008 09:46 pm (UTC)
I'm really glad that you're going to read them, actually. I haven't read them (just everyone's crazy summaries), but I'm excited to hear about it from your point of view and with all of the LDS information.
stoney321
Aug. 5th, 2008 09:57 pm (UTC)
Boy, Cleolinda's summaries are making me want to read them, too. But then, I'm sure they're not as entertaining as her posts...
domenowtrent
Aug. 5th, 2008 09:46 pm (UTC)
I started reading them because my aunt went to Young Womens with the author, lmao. Friday night I left a party with booze and cigarettes to stand in line for an hour to pick up my copy of Breaking Dawn. The entire population of the readers consists of Beehives and Young Women Leaders, freckled with your occasional goth-wannabe. No men at all. My excuse was that I brought my friend's thirteen-year-old sister.

The entire thing is like a very long, badly played out fan fiction. MC is VERY Mary Sue, but it's oddly addicting. Points of concern with the book do not lie with the plot or characters, but with the fact that the author is very LDS, and so is her fan base, and several times the MC tries to get in Edward's pants, and he tells her no. That does not happen in real life. V. bad message to send out. Also, there is a whole chapter devouted to their honeymoon in Breaking Dawn. I felt it was borderline risque and after SEEING the age of her fan base, I'm a bit upset. My sister is 16, very LDS, likes these books, and she would not be comfortable reading Breaking Dawn.
stoney321
Aug. 5th, 2008 10:00 pm (UTC)
HAHAHAHA they were Mia Maids, huh? I STILL never got my necklace for doing all the crappy requirements in my book. Bah.

Hahaha to your description of the line. I weep for the poor little Beehives.

It's freaking modernized AU fanfiction of a lot of the BoM, I'm telling you!! I love how Bella's always trying to get her freak on, and Edward turns her down because they have to wait! Just like an honorable Priesthood Holder...

And yeah, I'm fine with perversions, but given our backgrounds, I still can't help but cringe for devout Mormons exposed to things out of the norm. It's so shocking for them!
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fireflykiwi
Aug. 5th, 2008 10:08 pm (UTC)
It's funny...I actually tried to read Twilight...I sat down and read it all in almost one night. I stopped for some reason 80 pages or so before the end and put it down to do something. The other day I tried to pick it up again to finish and couldn't bring myself to do so. And I probably won't read the other 4 books either.

I'd rather go back and read L.J Smith's The Vampire Diaries...
fireflykiwi
Aug. 5th, 2008 10:17 pm (UTC)
Oh and did i mention... (didn't check previous comments about this) that they've turned the first book into a movie-due out in December of this year.
stoney321
Aug. 6th, 2008 12:45 am (UTC)
Probably reading the backs of your shampoo bottles would be a better use of your time than reading the last 80 pages...

And yes ma'am! I did know about the movie, and my icon is the actor playing Edward. (Cedric Diggory in the HP movies.)
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luvxander
Aug. 5th, 2008 10:25 pm (UTC)
I've read them all. I loved them all. I even stood in line at my job with my pre-purchase voucher this past Friday night to get my copy of Breaking Dawn (the fourth, and final, book in the series).

I guess this puts me in the minority? I actually just read them for the entertainment value. They are no better, or worse, than a lot of fanfic I've read.
stoney321
Aug. 6th, 2008 12:46 am (UTC)
You know, aside from the people saying ick here, it seems like EVERYONE I KNOW loves those books. All of my son's teachers in middle school love them, which is where he got the idea to read them.

But you're right with this: they're no better or worse than a lot of fanfic out there. THAT'S WHAT FREAKS ME OUT. SHe's making TONS of money. !!!
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altyronsmaker
Aug. 5th, 2008 11:12 pm (UTC)
You know what scares me? Well, I'll tell ya in a bit, but I've not read the Twilight series. ALL, literally ALL of my girls at the high school loved them. So did one of the english teachers (she's a few years younger than I am). I've checked them out in the book stores, read a few pages from the shelves, and decided right on the spot that no way in hell was I going to read these. Also? Sparkly, stoney skin? ummmm, no. just. no. Bella???? Gah. the horrificness of that being the heroine's name is just...it cannot be measured with existing technology.

Now, for what scares me:
I've bought a few books recently (about 12) and read most of them over the summer, but holy crapcakes. Fanfic authors, the ones I tend to read, anyway, are much better at the craft of writing than most of the novelists I've read this summer. *shakes head* Fic writers are better at it. I mean, GARBAGE is what a lot of the mainstream trades are printing and I just....no. I can't take it.
stoney321
Aug. 6th, 2008 12:47 am (UTC)
Oh I know about all the girls in school (including teachers!) I mentioned above that my son got the idea to read them from one of his teachers, and he's seen almost all of them with the book.

I'm blown away by the sheer SIZE of these books - didn't her editors insist that she pare that crap down?? Then again, no one could get Anne Rice to edit in the end...
darkhavens
Aug. 5th, 2008 11:50 pm (UTC)
literati made me read the end of the final book. Just the last line was enough for me to write off the entire series. Brace yourself:

And then we continued blissfully into this small but perfect piece of our forever.

*gags*
stoney321
Aug. 6th, 2008 12:48 am (UTC)
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Oh, I am now looking forward to a good MSTKing of these!
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kita0610
Aug. 5th, 2008 11:58 pm (UTC)
So...wait. On top of everything else, the Mary Sue is Mormon?
stoney321
Aug. 6th, 2008 12:43 am (UTC)
...


HOW HAVE WE NOT TALKED ABOUT THIS?! Oh my God, Kita. YES. The whole thing smacks me of all the Mormon "literature" I read growing up. Cheesy and horrible. (The author is a devout Mormon. and from what I've read, it's all a subtle missionary effort on her part.)
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( 140 comments — Leave a comment )

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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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