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Tears of a Clown

Kock: the first slash [rightonicons]
In Sparkle-News, I made up a drinking game. Now, this is the kind of game that will get you seriously hammered, if not dead from alcohol poisoning. Smeyers: She really, really needs a Thesaurus, stat.


Every time you read the words:

  • GHOSTED
  • BEAUTY/IFUL
  • OBSESSED/IVE
  • CHAGRIN
  • UGH
  • RAINBOW SPARKLES
  • DAZZLE/LING
  • PERFECT/TION/LY


you take a drink. Call the hospital and set up a donor liver before starting, because GOOD LORD, Perfect will raise your blood alcohol to death levels.





You'll notice that I've included the leaked book, Midnight Sun, and keep in mind it's only a handful of chapters, so the count tally for the possibly finished version will be way, WAY higher. And talk about laziness... It's Twilight, all the same dialogue, but from a different POV. And oh! I forgot all the stalker moments! i started counting every time Edward was really creepy/stalkerish (he even refers to himself as a stalker. UM, WHAT.)

Total count for the 12 chapters? 15. And that's a conservative number, because I counted all the stuff that happened IN ONE NIGHT as one. Dude, he reminds himself to buy OIL so he can make it so her bedroom window won't squeak. You know, because he doesn't want to WAKE HER UP while he's watching her. THAT IS FREAKY, SMEYERS.

Someone needs to record how many times Bella's heart stops beating/she stops breathing due to the nearness and perfectness of Edward. That's a double digit, for sure.

Okay, back to photoshopping "Jacob's" head on Professor Lupin. Hahahaha.

Comments

( 64 comments — Leave a comment )
menomegirl
Aug. 28th, 2008 02:34 pm (UTC)
She actually uses the words "rainbow sparkles" together in a sentence?
stoney321
Aug. 28th, 2008 02:54 pm (UTC)
YES. Literally "rainbow sparkles." It's like the universe knew I needed a laugh.
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elisi
Aug. 28th, 2008 03:18 pm (UTC)
Just to make sure that I fulfill my spamming quota today...

I adore this quote - the movie might actually almost be worth watching:

“When you read the book,” says Pattinson, ... “it’s like, ‘Edward Cullen was so beautiful I creamed myself.’ I mean, every line is liked that. He’s the most ridiculous person who’s so amazing at everything. I think a lot of actors tried to play that aspect. I just couldn’t do that. And the more I read the script, the more I hated this guy, so that’s how I played him, as a manic-depressive who hates himself. Plus, he’s a 108 year-old virgin so he’s obviously got some issues there.”
stoney321
Aug. 28th, 2008 03:25 pm (UTC)
Isn't that hilarious? I love the contempt he has for the character he'll be in bed with for the next year or two. Bwah!
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enigmaticblues
Aug. 28th, 2008 03:23 pm (UTC)
BWAHAHAHA! *cannot stop laughing at "rainbow sparkles*

Honestly, those are words that belong together only in "My Little Pony" fanfic (I'm sure such a thing exists). Or meant in an incredibly ironic way.
stoney321
Aug. 28th, 2008 03:26 pm (UTC)
RAINBOW SPARKLES!! Can you believe it?!


(And I'm honestly surprised at how few times "chagrin" popped up. I really thought it would be more. It FELT like more.)
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redbrickrose
Aug. 28th, 2008 03:59 pm (UTC)
Wait. What's Midnight Sun? There's going to be a book from Edward's POV? That's . . . alarming.
stoney321
Aug. 28th, 2008 04:57 pm (UTC)
That's the one from his POV!!! IT'S FUCKING CREEPY.
moosesal
Aug. 28th, 2008 04:11 pm (UTC)
I think what I love about the chart is how you can see that in Breaking Dawn the numbers for perfect/ly and beauty/ful went up while others went down. Clearly she got lazy because I'm sure she could have had more dazzling in place of beautiful. I mean, come on. Dazzle us with your terrible prose, Ms. Meyers.
stoney321
Aug. 28th, 2008 04:59 pm (UTC)
I actually surprised "obsess/ive" didn't go down in the 2nd book, given that Edward is gone for 70% of it.

DAZZLE ME WITH YOUR ACUMEN, AGENT STARLING.
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anelith
Aug. 28th, 2008 04:17 pm (UTC)
I don't see how anyone over the age of 10 could write the words "rainbow sparkles" together with a straight face. Intentionally.

Does she seriously intend to publish this "Midnight Sun" book? Which is all the same dialogue? God, what a lazy way to rake in the money. I am ashamed of all the readers out there who will fork over their bucks for the rehash.
stoney321
Aug. 28th, 2008 05:00 pm (UTC)
Rainbow sparkles, I swear to the god of your choice.

It's irritating beyond belief, isn't it? The money she's made over this!!
kseenaa
Aug. 28th, 2008 06:23 pm (UTC)
I am slowly backing away from this fic more and more the more I read about it... And I will drag my best friend with me... :-P
stoney321
Aug. 29th, 2008 12:40 am (UTC)
A wise decision!
seraphcelene
Aug. 28th, 2008 06:27 pm (UTC)
Dude, I submit that dazzle/d, grimace/d, and smirk/ed should be included. I really, really, really wish that you'd come up with this game before I read this. If I had waited one day, just one little ole day!! I could have passed out in alcoholic bliss 1/4 of the way through the book and been spared the horror.

Oh, the horror! It haz rainbow sparkles.
stoney321
Aug. 28th, 2008 06:46 pm (UTC)
Dazzle is there, but I didn't think of grimace! Clearly there will have to be special additions of this game. :D
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maevebran
Aug. 28th, 2008 08:40 pm (UTC)
What age are these books aimed at? 5 year olds? I have a friend who says her five year old niece's favorite colors are pink, purple, and sparkle. But a grown woman writing about rainbow sparkles to a crowd older than that Oh My Dear and Fluffy Lord!

I think I shall stay far away from these books and movies. At least I can take comfort in the fact that Hollywood bought such stupidity they may actually consider my writing as it is ten times better.=)
stoney321
Aug. 29th, 2008 12:40 am (UTC)
Isn't that shameful???
bienegold
Aug. 29th, 2008 11:28 pm (UTC)
Don't forget "murmur"!
stoney321
Aug. 30th, 2008 02:26 am (UTC)
I guess that one didn't hit me like "ugh" and the rest. I wanted to smack a person everytime I read ugh or a variant of perfect.
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flamesword
Feb. 7th, 2009 09:55 am (UTC)
I don't even remember where I was linked from, but I found your rundown of the LDS subtext in Twilight really interesting. I'm reading your above-linked fic at the moment, and I guess I will comment here as I don't have an IJ account.

I have to say - I know very little about Mormonism in general and their missionaries in particular, but having been raised by ultra-fundamentalist Christians, there's an awful lot that sounds very familiar. :/ And I'm loving the story - I have two chapters to go, but I need sleep so I will come back later. (I got distracted for a long time with some of the meta links... )
stoney321
Feb. 7th, 2009 03:14 pm (UTC)
fundamentalists of all stripes tend to be cousins in their behaviors and strictness, right?

I'm so happy to know someone else is reading that fic, how cool! (I think anonymous comments are turned on at my IJ, so you can comment there if it's easier than hunting me back down on LJ. I'm interested in your thoughts!
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miss_guided1986
Feb. 14th, 2009 07:36 am (UTC)
Okay, you only have a few chapters of the leaked book and "chagrin" shows up 8 times already. I read older novels that use it maybe once. And that was when words like "chagrin" were used. Bloody hell, someone smack this woman.
mistvieh
Jun. 5th, 2009 07:22 pm (UTC)
Little help. :-)
'Placate' and 'petulant' are two more for your list. :-)
stoney321
Jun. 5th, 2009 08:08 pm (UTC)
Re: Little help. :-)
now I'll have to call the printers to make more cards! Shouldn't have laminated so many... ;)
quixotic_otaku
Jun. 20th, 2009 12:31 am (UTC)
I have read/listened to these books and watched the 1st movie countless times. They are so entertaining, and awesomely bad. I think I'll try counting stalker/ing and the amount of times characters roll their eyes or how many times Bella sighs.
(Anonymous)
Jul. 22nd, 2009 06:28 am (UTC)
Don't forget to add incredulous(ly) to your list!
christiespace
Jul. 28th, 2009 04:44 am (UTC)
I have pimped your game in ontd_twatlight. Hope you don't mind.
stoney321
Jul. 28th, 2009 02:08 pm (UTC)
Oh, nope, don't mind. The companion posts to this (the LDS Sparkledammerung) have had over 34,000 hits, so I'm immune to any wank at this point and I cackle with delight over the joint mocking. :)

(And thanks for liking it enough to rec, btw!)
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pink_angel37
Aug. 18th, 2009 01:37 am (UTC)
The chagrin thing really got to me while reading the books. Even more so than the words perfect and beautiful.

I haven't read Midnight Sun, but I totally want to now. Edward sounds freaking creepy (like he wasn't already...).
stoney321
Aug. 18th, 2009 01:55 am (UTC)
Oh my god, how irritating was "chagrin????" Gah.
amycat1959
Dec. 23rd, 2009 11:33 pm (UTC)
I got here via a link in a comment on a review of the Twilight board-game (found for me by my partner who's a wargame nerd: http://www.boardgamegeek.com/thread/473133 ). If I had to pick a Twiltard-game to play, this sounds much better than the official boardgame!
sinesofinsanity.dreamwidth.org
Jan. 7th, 2010 04:47 pm (UTC)
OMG SO AWESOME!!!!!

We tried to do a drinking game for the New Moon movie but included an "Ow" clause. That is, anytime something is sufficiently awkward, painful, or creepy you can call "Ow" and drink. We forgot about the rest of the rules after about 15 minutes.
stoney321
Jan. 7th, 2010 05:34 pm (UTC)
That's hilarious!
tiny_sunny_elf
Apr. 22nd, 2010 10:07 pm (UTC)
What about the way Edward SMOLDERS at Bella? Like, every thirty pages or something. That was my personal favourite...
Jonathon Riddle
Sep. 20th, 2011 08:14 pm (UTC)
Sparkle Bingo Card
Here are few other considerations for often repeated words and literary devices SMeyer uses in the Twilight book series. I'm currently using the audio-book version as the platform of a drinking game. Besides using "perfect/ly" and "beautiful/ly", I've also added the following:

"eye/s"

"mumbled"

Any time a sentence begins with an adverb.

Drink in good health!
stoney321
Sep. 20th, 2011 09:56 pm (UTC)
Re: Sparkle Bingo Card
*salutes* I always drink to health! Or the day. Or the phone ringing. Or the...

LOL.
( 64 comments — Leave a comment )

Tags

Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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