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(I know he's crazy, but I still love Tom Cruise. It's inexplicable. Actually, no... that explains it. *G*)

I got an OUTSTANDING comment (that was promptly deleted because that person is a chicken, evidently. Note to anyone reading this: stand by your words. Or get new words.) that explained that they were an expert on all things Mormon by virtue of living in Utah (you see how they're not actually LDS, yes?) and that got me to laughing thinking of a convo I had with marenfic a while ago about people who become experts on [_insert subject here_] by virtue of knowing someone that has said experience. (my icon is from said convo, incidentally. I don't ACTUALLY think I'm Nabakov. I'm Proust. Ahahaha. Ahem.)

Anyhoodle.... that led to a list of all of the qualifications we didn't know we had! Think of how much better your resume could be! She's Juan Valdez because she drinks coffee, and I've read "A Brief History In Time" so clearly I should be designing nuclear power plants, because they're both complex. Or that means I should be a professor at Cambridge. Or working at CERN.

Also, I've eaten Russian delicacies before, so I should be sent to the front lines to mediate with Putin. I laughed at the "I was Rasputin's lover!" episode on Angel, so that furthers my Russian training, because I know who that is. Come on, Gov'ment. I'm ready to serve.

I've touched Bono's hand, so I am the Son of God. Or the cure for AIDS. Or I can sing emphatically, I'm still working on that one. (He's an enigma, what can I say?)

Let's see... I've hiked to the top of a few 11,000+ ft mountains, so I'm going to lead expeditions up Everest, PLUS I've read Krakauer's books on his expeditions, so really, it's like I have a Ph.D in Upward Mobility.

And just three days ago I had fajita nachos. Hola. I am the new ambassador to every Spanish-speaking country in the world. I bring to them the beauty of our culture and the desire for pico de gallo.

So what are YOUR qualifications that you didn't know you had? (OH, CRAP! I forgot: my father in law worked at NASA for the past 35+ years, so CLEARLY I'm an astronaut.) Please tell me in comments of your majesty!!

I've been meaning to post a bunch of recs, so I'll do that now before I forget again. Multi-fandom, including one that might surprise you sparkle related!


Twilight-RPF shut it. It's CEDRIC.
The author of "Growing Up Cullen" wrote a smoking hot PWP about the actors Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. balcarin's It's Just a Chemical Reaction. My notes on it read: 'um... guh.' The way she writes his voice makes me squirmy in a good way. Yow. Proper British boys talking dirty? Yes, please. there is a phrase she uses twice that bugs me, but it was written quickly, and it's a tiiiiny quibble. Don't let that stop you from reading it.



The Breakfast Club
The Princess and the Basket Case from an old Yuletide Treasure year, written by Yahtzee. It's Allison/Claire (kiss) during the scene where Claire puts makeup on Allison. Funny and very sweet.



Blades of Glory John Heder's character, Jimmy
Five Very Important Life Lessons, also from Yuletide's past. Very very funny and surprisingly poignant. "Thank god for snowbanks - mother nature's airbag, that's what the nuns at the orphanage had always called them." Hahaha.



Chronicles of Narnia
Lucy and the Looking Glass again, from an older Yuletide year. Lucy/Prince Caspian. Beautiful, beautiful language, and a surprisingly affective story within a story.



30 Rock
Jury Duty, gen. Oh man. SO. DAMN. FUNNY. I cannot stress how much I loved this, how funny and true-voice'd I found it. "There's always time for pants. You make time." HAHAHA. If you read only one, pick this one.



Bible (not like that)
Three Tales of Documents found in Ancient Persia, linked from the Purim gift exchange. Very tongue in cheek (and clever) dialogue-driven short story about how the bible was probably written. No, it's funny. it's just... hard to summarize. If you enjoy history and how that changes through the filter of time, you'll like this. “I don’t know what high mules you’ve been riding, but we’re not historians, we’re just two guys who had their balls cut off, and now we’re assigned to write in King’s diary every day. Oh, and also, the fucking guy’s Jewish." Ha ha ha ha. I loved this.



Jossverse - Lynnevitational Recs I still have a few more to read, I'm very behind, but these were the ones that I've really enjoyed.

Five Time the World Makes Sense To Angel (not),landrews, who was a new writer for me. It did take me a bit to find the flavor of this, but once I did, I very much enjoyed it. Very moody, great Angel characterization, heartbreaking in places, and wonderfully so.

Through a Glass Darkly, a2zmom Set in S2, and while it's a WiP, this alone is satisfying. Buffy and Cordelia shine in this one and are FUNNY.

Testament, by beer_good_foamy This is an utterly fantastic Faith story, post NFA. It's sad, but then, it's post-NFA so what do you expect? Wonderful - he writes Faith marvelously.



...I feel like there should be more. I need to go back to my del.icio.us page and check my tags. Here's a jumping off point, though. And hey, while I'm reccing, I may as well rec myself (again) but dammit, it's a great story and it's not going to rec itself. Except for how it is right now.

And It Came To Pass, MormonsExposed Calender fic. <-- that's a new made up fandom for those that blanch when you see "orginal fiction." Hahaha. The story of Elder Austin Young going on his mission and falling in love with his missionary companion. Religious overtones, coming out of the closet, and first time tropes all here. All chapters are linked, because that bugs me when they're not in a fic. I'm just really proud of this story, that's why I keep harping on about it. :)


In conclusion: FRIDAY!!!! I have a bottle of wine, crusty bread, good fruits and cheese in my future this evening with the Mr. when he finally gets back from his trip. Life's mighty fine.

Comments

( 52 comments — Leave a comment )
brunettepet
Sep. 12th, 2008 02:43 pm (UTC)
I've read Austen and Dickens, so I should be an English professor.

I've been to Europe, so obviously I should be an ambassador to somewhere, too. Wait, I made frijoles a la charra ayer, so I am the new ambassador to every Spanish-speaking country in the world. We should have a Flay style smack down. Fajita eating contest?

We're so qualified, we should be a candidate for Vice President!

stoney321
Sep. 12th, 2008 02:53 pm (UTC)
Not just a professor, you should be the LEADING EXPERT on 18th/early 19th century writers!

HAHAHAHA - i was hoping someone would make the Palin-leap. :D
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drusplace
Sep. 12th, 2008 02:44 pm (UTC)
"people who become experts on [_insert subject here_] by virtue of knowing someone that has said experience"

So I'm currently drinking tea, eating a doughnut, reading the newspaper and typing this response. So that means I should be able to be a representative to China, a famous baker, a newspaper editor for a major daily AND be able to build my own computer? COOL! *runs off to pad her resume*

And may I add that your Friday Night sounds wonderful? Have a great evening with Mr. Stoney.
stoney321
Sep. 12th, 2008 02:54 pm (UTC)
Pad that resume like a flat-chested girl on her Sweet Sixteen!

I'm very much looking forward to tonight. Rain's a'comin so it should be a lovely movie at home night. YAY!
maybe1ce
Sep. 12th, 2008 03:11 pm (UTC)
I read your LJ, therefore, I am you.

stoney321
Sep. 12th, 2008 03:29 pm (UTC)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

Well, I am the Walrus, koo koo gajoob. :D
timeofchange
Sep. 12th, 2008 03:11 pm (UTC)
Hmmm, I do have extensive experience in many areas:

I've eaten at a number of Indian restaurants both in the US and in England. Plus, I often shop at the local Indian grocer. And I have watched more than a few Indian movies. I should totally be the US ambassador to India.

I could go mano a mono with you in terms of eating cuisines from Spanish-speaking countries, but I'll let you have that one.

I once took a drug that had side-effects, and I got a "B" in organic chemistry, plus I know how to spell "regulatory." I am more than qualified to head the FDA, as I am sure you agree.

I could go on, but I am also modest to a fault!

stoney321
Sep. 12th, 2008 03:31 pm (UTC)
You should be the SENIOR INDIAN CORRESPONDENT for CNN and the like, too!

Ahahahaha - you should TOTALLY run the FDA with those qualification! Hell, you're qualified to run FEMA.... (badumbumching!)
... - timeofchange - Sep. 12th, 2008 07:27 pm (UTC) - Expand
secondalto
Sep. 12th, 2008 03:56 pm (UTC)
I'm pregnant therefore I should be an obstetrician, or I'm a woman so therefore I'm qualified to be a gynecologist.

I envy you your crusty bread and wine. I love me a good loaf of crusty bread, yum.
stoney321
Sep. 12th, 2008 04:11 pm (UTC)
You should just go right ahead and get yourself some stirrups. I'm just saying.

I think I'd like to give the "man cannot live on bread alone" statement a challenge. I loooooove bread. ;)
a2zmom
Sep. 12th, 2008 03:57 pm (UTC)
I can't wait to read your 30 rock rec. (It's blocked at work so I'll read it later.)

And thanks for reccing me sweetums. Next chapter hopefully this weeked. I'm rewriting it. Yet again. (damn that beta o mine. Just because she's right.)

And talents I never realized I possesed.

My sister's ex had perfect pitch. And played the oboe. So, first chair at the philharmonic, here I come.

I watched Shogun. Plus I can count to two in Japanese. And I have seen the Japanese art exhibit at the Met. I'm thinking Japanese scholar. Or samurai.
stoney321
Sep. 12th, 2008 04:13 pm (UTC)
It's REALLY funny - I've got a few more 30 Rocks to read, so hopefully I'll have more to rec!

And you bet - I'm looking forward to your next installment!

You are TOTALLY an expert on the samurai, and arigato on reminding me of Shogun. I think you should go get your diaper now. I'll be ringside, cheering you on! :D
a2zmom
Sep. 12th, 2008 04:07 pm (UTC)
Oh also, because I have seen every epiosde of Buffy, read the comics and partcipated in many discussions, I am a superhero! Or, possibly qualified to bed vampires.
stoney321
Sep. 12th, 2008 04:14 pm (UTC)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
julia_here
Sep. 12th, 2008 04:14 pm (UTC)
I've written Environmental Impact Reviews Responses and Scp[ing documents and therefore shuld be head of EPA, obviously.


Julia, possibly, this is more than the current one has done
stoney321
Sep. 12th, 2008 04:19 pm (UTC)
Every time I see "EPA" I immediately think of Ghostbusters. "Shut these off. Shut these all off." "Yes, it's true. This man has no penis."
abusing_sarcasm
Sep. 12th, 2008 06:03 pm (UTC)
I write fanfiction, so clearly I am qualified to be a very famous and highly paid novelist with movie deals and an inflated sense of self.

Oh, fuck... Stephanie Meyer beat me to the punch there. Damn her hide! *shakes fist at the heavens*
stoney321
Sep. 12th, 2008 06:47 pm (UTC)
*starts a slow clap*

WELL PLAYED, MADAM. Well played.
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tidbit2008
Sep. 12th, 2008 06:48 pm (UTC)
I got an A in highschool Physics so I should be working for NASA too. Or something like that.

And just wait! I got an A is Anatomy & Physiology too and successfully made a huge mess of dissecting a fetal pig so that makes me a world class surgeon.

I have made several thousands of purchases from Wal-Mart so clearly I'm ready to step up and take over as head of Marketing.

My grandfather is a retired Water Patrolman so I think I'm ready to start directing search and rescue missions for lost boaters/divers/swimmers.

And my uncle has a Doctorate in Education so I'm totally qualified to take over the Federal Dept of Education.

What the hell am I doing in college, again? o_0 LOL
stoney321
Sep. 13th, 2008 03:04 am (UTC)
You and I, heading up NASA, designing out of foil and empty milk cartons the next space shuttle. SOUNDS GOOD TO ME!

YOU, my friend, YOU should be RUNNING that school with all of those qualifications!!!!
... - tidbit2008 - Sep. 16th, 2008 04:33 am (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Sep. 13th, 2008 03:03 am (UTC)
At the VERY least! I think you should have a loftier title, such as "GRand Dame of All Travels That Involve Delicious Foods and Interesting Tales." It'll be a long card for your door, but it's worth it.

SLEEPING IN. Oh my goodness, 7am is going to make me feel LAZY. (I bet I get over that quickly. Haha!)
moosesal
Sep. 12th, 2008 07:08 pm (UTC)
I've lived in Amsterdam, so I'm an expert on marijuana, prostitution, and all things LGBT. Oh wait ... we're supposed to be sarcastic, right? ;-)

What does it mean that there's a Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head on my desk right now?

Oooh - Buddy's vet explained in detail his knee surgery. I could totally be a veterinary orthopedic surgeon now.

And I've been dealing with my crazy mother for years. I could be a shrink. Or an assassin. *cough*
stoney321
Sep. 13th, 2008 03:01 am (UTC)
AHAHAHAHAHAHA. I like you being an assassin: think of the hot pants you'd get to wear! I VOTE THAT ONE.
fabrisse
Sep. 12th, 2008 09:19 pm (UTC)
I can pronounce the words on a Vietnamese menu correctly, and I went to nursery school in Saigon (44 years ago). Clearly, I should be leading the team allowing us to regularize our diplomatic relations with Viet Nam AND be the ambassador.

Or I could be the Ambassador to the UN or NATO since I did really well with Model UN and Model NATO in High School. (Sadly, I think I may actually be more qualified than some of the Bush appointees. *sobs*)

Lastly, I answered a question correctly at the National Gallery last weekend ("Do you know where the restroom is?"), so I'm clearly destined to be the next Curator.

Ooo. Moosesal, I have a crazy mother too. Let me know how your career with Murder, Inc. goes. *G*
stoney321
Sep. 13th, 2008 03:00 am (UTC)
....it seems that you have THE SAME AMOUNT of Vietnam war experience that Mr. McCain does. (Heeeee.)

Curator! I bet that give you a car for that job, too.
... - fabrisse - Sep. 13th, 2008 03:48 am (UTC) - Expand
lycomingst
Sep. 12th, 2008 09:19 pm (UTC)
I've ridden in a car, a train, a plane and a bus. I could be Secretary of Transportation.

Also, I have a cat. I know why cats do things.
stoney321
Sep. 13th, 2008 02:59 am (UTC)
Oooooh. The second thing is CLEARLY the most important part of your comment. You better use that knowledge for good, and not evil!! ;)
ethrosdemon
Sep. 12th, 2008 10:03 pm (UTC)
I don't know how I went SO LONG w/out you on my fl? I'm sad about that.

My mom's a doctor so I should be a chief of cardiology at Seder Sinai!
stoney321
Sep. 13th, 2008 02:59 am (UTC)
I don't know either! I was all dorky and not wanting to pester you... Ahahaha. NERD ALERT.

Oooh, I would totally hire you to operate on my mother. Find out once and for all if she HAS a heart. (Badumbumching!)
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... - stoney321 - Sep. 13th, 2008 02:28 pm (UTC) - Expand
dragonflylady77
Sep. 12th, 2008 10:33 pm (UTC)
My mum and my stepmum are nurses, my dad and my sister are doctors and my brother is a physio. What does that make me, I wonder.

I watch Top Chef and Jamie Oliver and Hell's Kitchen, ergo, I must be a chef too!

I watch Bones and CSI. I could totally be a forensic investigator.

Bread.. I could live on (real, not like in NZ) bread..
stoney321
Sep. 13th, 2008 02:58 am (UTC)
I think you and I should get a grant that allows us to test - once and for all - if we can live on bread or not. THE DEFINITIVE ANSWER!
... - dragonflylady77 - Sep. 13th, 2008 08:53 am (UTC) - Expand
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... - dragonflylady77 - Sep. 14th, 2008 12:58 am (UTC) - Expand
kseenaa
Sep. 12th, 2008 10:41 pm (UTC)
Breakfast Club, eh? That was a long time ago I saw that movie. :-) I do so very much love it though. Must go check that one out.
stoney321
Sep. 13th, 2008 02:57 am (UTC)
I know - I need to get that movie on DVD. It's a sweet, short fic. Hope you like it!
chrisleeoctaves
Sep. 13th, 2008 02:07 am (UTC)
I've had a lot of sex.
I must be a hooker.
stoney321
Sep. 13th, 2008 02:56 am (UTC)
...

I will never, ever NOT love you.
ellid
Sep. 13th, 2008 03:09 am (UTC)
I've seen David, so I am now a sculptor! Or sculptress! Or have some Sculpy!

*shudders*
stoney321
Sep. 13th, 2008 03:20 am (UTC)
PFFT, Michelangelo WISHES he were you, know what I'm sayin?
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Sep. 13th, 2008 03:22 am (UTC)
Please tell me you did the gasp/cough before you said how your glitter nail polish looks like town to me?

PUT THE FUCKING LOTION IN THE BASKET. In which lotion is a peen, and the basket is your lady box. <-- A HOPE CHEST PEOPLE. God. Everyone is so dirty around here.

...that cat was the best fuck I ever had. (I KNOW YOU GET IT. <3)
deevalish
Sep. 13th, 2008 06:28 am (UTC)
My dad was a general contractor, so that makes me more than qualified to tear down and rebuild a house from scratch! Wiring, plumbing sheet rocking, bring it!

And, and I'm a first gen Chinese American who has never been to mainland China. Clearly, I. Am. An. Expert. On all things Chinese. Never mind that I only speak with the command level of a 7 year old. Or so I'm told. Pish posh.

Hahaha.
shadowvalkyrie
Sep. 14th, 2008 08:02 am (UTC)
I can speak English with a German accent - I should be governor of California!
( 52 comments — Leave a comment )

Tags

Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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