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Bah.

True Blood on HBO: hate. Hate hate hate hate.

The books are not intelligent, they don't do something new with the English language, they aren't multi-layered thinkers. They are, however, fun. They are funny. And most of all, and this is the important part, they are SOUTHERN. They don't insult the south, they don't say that all southerners are sweaty dumb asses looking to fuck and fight. And when the characters in the book are sweaty dumb asses looking to fuck and fight, it's funny, because these books aren't about that, except for how they are.

Got that? Yeah. Neither did Alan Ball.

What I loved about the books (and again, they are utter fluff, but FUN fluff) was the main character, Sookie Stackhouse. She's southern, polite, sweet, more than a little sassy, religious, kind, tender, and very very VERY lonely. She has no friends, she has no confidants. She has co-workers who are friendly with her, but this Tara character... I wanna smack that girl upside the head.

Jason trying to connect with Sookie at the funeral? NO. SOOKIE is lonely, SOOKIE realizes she has no family left and SHE makes the attempt and her brother HITS HER. Hello! Sookie Stackhouse would never say "fuck" at a funeral, and certainly not her Gran's. Sookie is a virgin because she can't go on dates because she can hear her date's thoughts. SHE IS LONELY. She is also a good, southern, religious girl who,in a fit of depression, gets swept off her feet by Bill, who is kind and gentle with her, and they have sex, and it's a big deal. Because she's a virgin. She doesn't know if she'll be any good, if she has any skills, if Worldly Bill will think she's a bore, you know: normal first-time stuff.

(And it's surprisingly hot in the book, too. Like, squirmy hot. Even though it's mainstream writing so, you know, not hot like WE know hot. *G*)

Where the hell was THAT? That would have been interesting, especially in light of all the sex-capades Ball insists on putting Jason through. It's a BIG DEAL that Sookie is in her 20s and never has had sex.


  • I don't want to see Sam and Tara get it on anymore, and I bet Charlain Harris is so sad she turned these books over to Alan Ball.

  • I don't want to see Anna Paquin do weird things with her legs and shoulders: shy legs (knock-kneed) and "hey look at m'titties!" shoulders. That's not acting, darling.

  • I do NOT want to see Anna Paquin's boobs again, because I felt weird because she was a child actor, and just... GAH. (They are nice breasts. Just- I don't want to see that.)

  • I do not want to see Tara's mama. Or Tara. Or Mrs. Fortenbery's imagined drama with Tara. Or Jason Stackhouse having pathetic sex with anyone on the show at all.



I do like the gay cook (his name escapes me) who wasn't a presence in the book like he is here, but the actor is funny and makes great choices with his body language.

The one thing I thought was nice? Bill waking up from a bad dream and being frustrated with the light preventing him from helping. Even though in the book, vampires naturally sleep when there's sun, which was a nice addition to the genre. (Like, you cannot wake them up because it's instinct.) Yeah, yeah, book adaptions aren't the same as the book by nature, I get that, but Alan Ball doesn't get what the damn books are about, so this may as well be a completely different show with different names, as far as I'm concerned.

In conclusion: hate this show. Hate the lack of direction. hate the racial and regional stereotypes. The only true southern thing in the whole show is the theme song. Don't tell me that I just need another episode, or anything like that. There's far better TV out there (Mad Men, for example) that show the seamy side of life and do a better job of actually making you care about the characters.

And that nightgown! Good godamighty, how is a cocktail waitress that works in a bar off the main track in a one-light town supposed to afford a romantic nightgown like that? And like a virgin that has never really kissed anyone is going to be all "I'm gonna run across a field and fuck because I didn't cry about finding my granny bloody and dead in the house!" Why wasn't she upset about her freaking GRANDMOTHER being murdered??! When I read that part of the books, I actually was quite sad. Anna Paquin couldn't do more than eat a damn pie as a way to show her utter sorrow at being alone in the world? (sans her bro, who is a douche)

And LASTLY: that was the worst-looking excuse for a pecan pie I've ever seen, and THAT, ladies and gents, was the straw on this camel's back.

Harrumph. Crappy, silly, unfocused show. DONE.

Yes, I'm in a bad mood. Partly because of bad TV and partly because of something someone said to me recently that STILL has me rankled. I'm lacing up my shoes for a 15 miler today, and my hope is that will pound the ugly out of me, because I do NOT like being in a bad mood. BAH.

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Comments

( 46 comments — Leave a comment )
moosesal
Oct. 13th, 2008 01:50 pm (UTC)
that was the worst-looking excuse for a pecan pie I've ever seen, and THAT, ladies and gents, was the straw on this camel's back.

LOL. I adore you. I don't watch the show, but a show set in the south with a bad-looking pecan pie? Unless it's a joke about a character who clearly cannot cook/bake, then why? Why?
stoney321
Oct. 13th, 2008 01:54 pm (UTC)
Have I mentioned that I make a blue-ribbon winning pecan pie?
Oh my god, it looked like someone poured butterscotch pudding into an unbaked pie crust and laid pecans on top. And they made her eat each bite, a sloooooow closeup on the fork as it carefully scooped a nut, put it in her mouth, on and on. Sal, I'm not joking, 5 minutes of that. Instead of, you know, actual story.

Oh my god, they had people bringing several tuna casseroles to her house when her mama died. Where were the funeral potatoes?? And the camera FOLLOWS THE TUNA CASSEROLE IN. It's like someone gave a high school kid a camera and told them to be "subversive."

BAH. Crappy, dumb show.

Edited at 2008-10-13 01:54 pm (UTC)
moosesal
Oct. 13th, 2008 02:05 pm (UTC)
Re: Have I mentioned that I make a blue-ribbon winning pecan pie?
*shudder* I'm not a big pecan pie fan, myself, but I can eat it. That? I would not have touched. Ick.
stoney321
Oct. 13th, 2008 02:08 pm (UTC)
It was horrible!! The whole show is like his personal hate letter to the world.

And a half-assed one, at that.
mecurtin
Oct. 13th, 2008 02:08 pm (UTC)
Re: Have I mentioned that I make a blue-ribbon winning pecan pie?
If you point me to your pecan pie recipe, my husband (who grew up in the Atlanta area) will be forever grateful. There are only a few things he gets homesick for, but *REAL* pecan pie is one.
stoney321
Oct. 13th, 2008 02:11 pm (UTC)
Re: Have I mentioned that I make a blue-ribbon winning pecan pie?
It was given to me by the Texas State Fair champion, and I promised to not print it in public forums.

(But. Give me a bit, and I'll email it to your LJ account. I need to get my walk in, and I'll be back in a bit with it, honest engine.)
harmonyfb
Oct. 13th, 2008 02:23 pm (UTC)
Re: Have I mentioned that I make a blue-ribbon winning pecan pie?
::cough:: Pie?

I use a totally boring right-off-the-label pecan pie recipe (but ask me sometime and I'll find Mom's recipe for fudge pie, or my super-secret blue-ribbon recipe for 'transparent pie'.)
stoney321
Oct. 13th, 2008 02:27 pm (UTC)
Oooh, fudge pie!!! YES PLEASE.

(I'll remember to ask, you betcha!)
mecurtin
Oct. 13th, 2008 02:36 pm (UTC)
Re: Have I mentioned that I make a blue-ribbon winning pecan pie?
NOM NOM NOM NOM!!! I thank you, my husband thanks you, our Thanksgiving guests will thank you!
fiveandfour
Oct. 14th, 2008 02:42 am (UTC)
Re: Have I mentioned that I make a blue-ribbon winning pecan pie?
Your comment reminded me of my dad: he was forever getting on my mom to find a vinegar pie recipe that was just like his mom made when he was a kid. My mom tried and tried, but they never did find *the one*. I'm somewhat of the opinion that even if my mom had used the exact same recipe he still would've been dissatisfied; even though my mom was a fantastic cook it wouldn't have been his mom making it, you know? Funny how that happens with food sometimes.
xochitl42
Oct. 13th, 2008 02:39 pm (UTC)
Re: Have I mentioned that I make a blue-ribbon winning pecan pie?
Oh my god, it looked like someone poured butterscotch pudding into an unbaked pie crust and laid pecans on top.

I'm going to vomit.

No, wait.

...

...

Done vomiting. WHO is this Alan Ball dude? I'll Google in a moment, but it's more of a rhetorical who-does-he-think-he-is sorta statement.

No wonder you want to dropkick this show into the Fort Stockton sewers. Ech!

Also: Please to be sharing your pecan pie recipe. Please? --Ah, wait, just read further. Please to not be sharing in public. :) One more thing--recommendations for chocolate chip cookie recipes will be much appreciated.
stoney321
Oct. 13th, 2008 04:46 pm (UTC)
HEEE!! Emailing you both!

And the pie thing: imagine someone serving you a chimichanga.... with ketchup on it.

That's the level of revulsion I have for this pie. (Incidentally, I've had someone do that, and I wanted to smack them for desecrating one of my most favorite foods.)
turnonmyheels
Oct. 13th, 2008 02:08 pm (UTC)
::hugs::

I haven't watched it yet. I may have to just to see this pecan pie.
stoney321
Oct. 13th, 2008 02:09 pm (UTC)
Just... it's unappetizing. And the camera wants you to see her lovingly spoon each and every bite into her mouth. Because that's how she deals with her grandma dying: eating a shitty pie that doesn't look like it was baked. (The crust looks like it's still frozen! GROSS.)
turnonmyheels
Oct. 13th, 2008 02:10 pm (UTC)
I was very upset last week when granma was murdered, she's one of the of the few characters I liked.
stoney321
Oct. 13th, 2008 02:12 pm (UTC)
I was reading the book on a plane trip, and got really choked up at this moment. She's very sweet and likable in the story, and had a bigger presence.
harmonyfb
Oct. 13th, 2008 02:24 pm (UTC)
Yeah...the character in the show seemed more like she was on her way to dementia - kind of unfocused and dithery. The Gran in the books was much more snappy and on-the-ball.
stoney321
Oct. 13th, 2008 02:28 pm (UTC)
Oh man, NAIL ON THE HEAD.
lostakasha
Oct. 13th, 2008 02:24 pm (UTC)
Well, our free HBO-On Demand crapped out just in time for us to miss episodes 3-4 (because we are cheap Yankees, dammit!) and from the sound of it we dodged a bag of bullets.

The pecan pie sounds like my mother's, whose filling is better suited for tile grout than human consumption. (Let's not forget the pecan-shaped rubble on the top. I don't know much, but I know pecans aren't supposed to bend.)

Thanks for the rec on the books -- can't wait to hit the library! They sound like just the thing for times like these.

And! OH HAI!!! *hugs*
stoney321
Oct. 13th, 2008 02:28 pm (UTC)
HI ANNIE!!

The books are absolutely fantastic escapist fluff, which I have no problem with. It's not like that's all you read, so who cares? Every now and then you want some damn french fries, you know? :D
elizaria
Oct. 13th, 2008 02:43 pm (UTC)
Word. Cause even though I might be Swedish and have no real idea about the South at all - even I can see teh huge glaring differences between the funny books and that show which I've ended up hating even more for each episode. I was so hoping it'd improve after seeing ep 1 because I thought maybe I just didn't like the actress as Sookie etc -- and instead it's going down the drain completely.

*sadface*
stoney321
Oct. 13th, 2008 04:36 pm (UTC)
I kept hoping it would improve, too, esp. since I had people saying, nono, it gets GREAT after 5! Um, no it's not.

I do NOT like Anna Paquin as Sookie at all. Blech.
fiveandfour
Oct. 13th, 2008 02:52 pm (UTC)
At first I didn't watch because we forgot to set it up to record the episodes. Then I started seeing comments from people who had read the books and decided I just couldn't do it - I like the books and don't want to start seeing them in a negative way. Like you said, they are fluffy fun, but there's also stuff going on there with southern culture and characterization and metaphors on racism, etc. so the series comes across as a touch more than just cotton candy. There's enough of the right kind of things going on to make you want to read on; it doesn't sound like that's the case with the series.

The only people I've heard that have liked the series never read the books, for whatever that's worth.

And good luck with today's 15 miles.
stoney321
Oct. 13th, 2008 04:38 pm (UTC)
Yes yes yes!!! The people that I'm seeing that really like the show don't know the books, that's it! And yes to the first bit, too, that there's a little more commentary on being Southern etc., and I LIKE that. Meh.

And thank you! I actually bailed out at 13.5 miles, but it got hoooot and I was sweating, so... I'll make up for it later.
zyrya
Oct. 13th, 2008 03:07 pm (UTC)
Was someone mean to you, lovey?

*strokes your hair*

I'll get my rolling pin.
stoney321
Oct. 13th, 2008 04:39 pm (UTC)
*leans* Yeah. And the worst was they thought they WEREN'T being mean. :(

Oooh, rolling pin! And when you're done with it, I'll thank you properly with desserts!
brunettepet
Oct. 13th, 2008 03:18 pm (UTC)
I gave up after the third episode. I was made uncomfortable with the gratuitous sex (never thought I'd write that!) and horrible accents. There was no chemistry between the leads and Anna Paquin just made me uncomfortable. Now I'm going to have to watch this last episode just to see ...the worst-looking excuse for a pecan pie I've ever seen. How could they screw that up????

I'll have to give the books a try.
stoney321
Oct. 13th, 2008 04:40 pm (UTC)
Good lord, am I right there with you on the gratuitous sex! The lack of chemistry... I think the guy playing Bill is alright, but Paquin is just wooden. She's got the serious dead eye working.

I liked the books - great escapist material, you know?
wicked_charie
Oct. 14th, 2008 05:57 pm (UTC)
I haven't seen any of it. My HBO on Demand ended when my son switched our cable all around. But I may just have to get it for the gratuitous sex. I am such a slut. Bring out the popcorn! There's gratuitous sex on TV!
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Oct. 13th, 2008 04:41 pm (UTC)
Maybe it's better in bigger chunks? I don't know. Just... maybe fold some laundry or something while you're watching it so you don't feel like the time was wasted.

I listened to some Ludacris on my headset while walking, and that helped a lot. (Get on the floor and throw some 'bows!)
dampersnspoons
Oct. 13th, 2008 04:18 pm (UTC)
My icon is a real vampire
HAHAHA! Oh, the pecan pie hate! I turned to Chris and said, "Those yankees have never seen pecan pie. What the shit is that? Chocolate pudding pie with pecans on it? YUCK!

And why wasn't she more disturbed while they were dealing with Granny's body? "Could you NOT apologize to me right now?" *cocky head* Uh...

And Sam is part werewolf or something with his creepy seeing-eye dog.

And Lafayette needs his own spin-off show because he is the only thing I like, the only NATURAL actor on the show, aside from that one construction dude with the soul-patch who does a bang-up Louisiana cajun accent.

I said the same thing last night. "I'm so unimpressed with this show, I'm so OFFENDED by this show (because seriously? You expect me to buy this crap?) that I don't think I can watch it any more."

And as for bad mood for the bad thing someone said, I just want to tell you more things I don't like about you if you have time. I know you didn't ask? But I can totally deconstruct you in like, five minutes if you want.

Good news? Project Runway finale this Wednesday. I want to punch Killian in her bratty face. And to think, I liked her at first! What a trickster-bitch.

Edited at 2008-10-13 04:18 pm (UTC)
stoney321
Oct. 13th, 2008 04:43 pm (UTC)
Re: My icon is a real vampire
I LOVE THAT YOU NOTICED THAT PIE. It totally looked like pudding with pecans on top. ICK.

How the HELL was she not sad about her damn grandma?? Just wooden, wooden, wooden. The actors playing Bill and Sam have range, but Paquin is dead-eyed.

LAFAYETTE. I like him.

HAHAHAHAHA yes please give me unsolicited things you hate about me, that would be SUPER DUPER. I feel like watching "It's Always Sunny" and listening to them bitch and be mean. ILUBETH
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Oct. 13th, 2008 04:45 pm (UTC)
hahahahahaha, we are the opposite ends of the scale on this one, but hey - we're a part of the same scale? *trying* :D

I love Lafayette, too, he's very funny. I want him to have his own show. :(

And I loooooooove your icon!! Jewess Jeans! Uptight and outta sight!
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Oct. 13th, 2008 07:37 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I give it two thumbs down. It's a hot mess, and not in the fun way. (Well, a little. But a VERY little. And I know from hot messes! *G*)
dlgood
Oct. 13th, 2008 09:32 pm (UTC)
Yes, I'm in a bad mood. Partly because of bad TV and partly because of something someone said to me recently that STILL has me rankled.


What did they say? Did they tell you that the Cowboys are clearly on the slide to tarnation? Or did they tell you that the new season of Friday Night Lights is just wrong, wrong, wrong.
stoney321
Oct. 13th, 2008 10:17 pm (UTC)
*thwacks you*

Dude, yesterday's game left me just sick to my stomach. I don't know WHAT what going on with Romo, but he just sucked balls. The whole offensive line was just off something terrible.

I haven't seen any of the FNL season yet, and you're making me think that maybe I shouldn't? Eeesh.
dlgood
Oct. 13th, 2008 10:21 pm (UTC)
I don't know about early. He broke a finger on the last drive, though. There was no real mystery with my Redskins losing. They were really precise in their wins - today they came out and got sloppy with a bunch of fumbles and mental errors. We just have to refocus and I think we'll still be okay.

As to FNL, it's implausibility. Characters who should have been upperclassmen in the first season are still in HS. (Lilah Riggins) Implausible career-related moves for other characters. The acting and scenes aren't bad. And some of the big themes (boosters vs. academics, school budget stuff) -- that's fine. Just some sloppy storytelling.
chosen0112
Oct. 13th, 2008 11:10 pm (UTC)
I have been debating whether to even bother watching episode 5, and now I'm thinkin' no. I've just been so dissapointed with how they adapted the books. At least the books were enjoyable and had a bit of plot and emotion to them. The show is just: Vampires! Lame Drama! Sex at odd times! There's no feeling at all.
On a different note, I love Pecan pie. Mmm.
stoney321
Oct. 14th, 2008 12:14 pm (UTC)
Eh, my recommendation is just to stick with the books. THey're a hell of a lot more fun (and funny, too.)

Pecan pie is my favorite of all pies!!!
southernbangel
Oct. 14th, 2008 12:03 am (UTC)
Okay, #1. STUPID YANKS* MESSING WITH OUR PECAN PIE. *Apologies to the Northerners who do know how to make pecan pie. All two of you.

#2. Ahahahha, Sookie sounds JUST LIKE ME. Except for the whole virgin thing. But other than that, yeeeeeeeah.

ILUSTONEY. Only a few more weeks until I get to hug your neck!
stoney321
Oct. 14th, 2008 12:15 pm (UTC)
1. LEE IT WAS DISGUSTING. I will make a pecan pie when you come. (Oooh, or 'nana pudding? You pick!)

2. Sookie is a virgin in #1. Then she ho's it up just like you. HAHAHAHAHA. YAY TO SEE ME SOON, WHEEEEEE!!

<3 <3 <3
shipperx
Oct. 14th, 2008 02:08 am (UTC)
And LASTLY: that was the worst-looking excuse for a pecan pie I've ever seen, and THAT, ladies and gents, was the straw on this camel's back.


Okay. Haven't watched since the second episode, but if this is true, then it's not worth the effort to catch up. Bad pecan pie is a deal breaker.

Edited at 2008-10-14 02:09 am (UTC)
stoney321
Oct. 14th, 2008 12:15 pm (UTC)
Isn't it though? It's like going on a date with a hot guy and they chew with their mouth open or fart at the table.

*bangs fists together, rips them apart*
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Oct. 14th, 2008 12:16 pm (UTC)
Mmmm, chicken nuggets!

Yeah, this one... It is not of the good. At all. Bad, bad, bad.
kseenaa
Oct. 14th, 2008 02:34 pm (UTC)
Haven't seen the show, haven't read the books. (Hey, I am swedish... ;-) ) But that was quite interesting. Your angry-posts are usually interesting. :-)
( 46 comments — Leave a comment )

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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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