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Movies are failing my LIFE lately. So.... Han Solo was a FURRY?? George Lucas, why do you hurt me so?! WHY? I must say, the comments are pretty lulzy:

"His Wife? A Wookiee."
"Wookiee Nookie" (I did it all for the Wookiee [what?] The Wookiee [what?] So you can take that cookie and stick it up your [ass!]...)"

Questions this inevitably raises: is CHEWIE the wife? How did Chewie feel about Leia, then? Were there three-ways off screen? Why do I have to go here, George? Why must you constantly ruin my childhood?! Han Solo, HE SHOT FIRST. Into a Wookiee. (Tension breaker, had to be done.)

Now, though, I'm wanting to re-read the Horse-wife wank and head desk all over again... Another comment of haha but sorrow: "We now need someone to rape a whale to top this crazy." Oh, please. Christmas is coming soon...

~this post is neither paid for nor endorsed by the "Change the meaning of Humpback in Humpback Whale" Constituency

The Internet ruined me, y'all. When you're mentally correcting people's spelling of Wookiee (two ee's, please) you have no hope for ever being considered cool. *loses the game of life* Wait, wait, people nerdier than me. Okay, I'm not at the bottom of the Geek Flow Chart, whew!

Comments

( 34 comments — Leave a comment )
shadowvalkyrie
Nov. 22nd, 2008 06:43 pm (UTC)
YAY, I'm no longer the world's only Han/Chewie shipper!!!

*ducks and runs*
stoney321
Nov. 22nd, 2008 06:44 pm (UTC)
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
shadowvalkyrie
Nov. 22nd, 2008 06:50 pm (UTC)
You need to read this then. I promise it will make everything better... ":-D
stoney321
Nov. 22nd, 2008 07:10 pm (UTC)
I don't know if it's helping! Chewie is so clearly in love with Han there!!

(Sorry, Han/Luke shipper. *G*)
shadowvalkyrie
Nov. 22nd, 2008 07:18 pm (UTC)
Sorry, Han/Luke shipper. *G*

I can ship those two as well... (OTPs don't really exist in my pervy little world. ";-D) Han/Chewie is just far more adorable. All the years of backstory... yum.

Though I think I draw the line at Luke/Yoda.
...
Stop screaming. *passes you the brain bleach*
lynnenne
Nov. 22nd, 2008 06:55 pm (UTC)
Han Solo, HE SHOT FIRST. Into a Wookiee.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
stoney321
Nov. 22nd, 2008 07:09 pm (UTC)
HEEEEE.

Thank you, I'll be here all night!
positivelyb
Nov. 22nd, 2008 07:03 pm (UTC)
Like I needed *more* reasons to hate George Lucas.
stoney321
Nov. 22nd, 2008 07:09 pm (UTC)
I know, right!?? QUIT RUINING THE SOURCE MATERIAL, DUDE!
positivelyb
Nov. 22nd, 2008 07:19 pm (UTC)
And then I went and clicked on that wank about the dude and his horse wife, and I can't stop laughing about how incredibly fucked up that entire thing is. Oh, the horror, the horror. But I did learn a new word that I can't wait to use: twatwaffle. So, uh, thanks for that?
samsom
Nov. 22nd, 2008 07:03 pm (UTC)
I feel like my childhood has just been horribly violated.

What the hell kind of Koolaid was George Lucas drinking?

*scrubs brain with bleach-soaked SOS*
stoney321
Nov. 22nd, 2008 07:10 pm (UTC)
He's just SO WRONG. I think he's really the geekiest of all geek boys ever and to ever be imagined.

Watch him actually BE a furry, and that explains the Ewoks.

:O
samsom
Nov. 22nd, 2008 07:13 pm (UTC)
Watch him actually BE a furry, and that explains the Ewoks.

Who're really just miniature Wookies.

*dawning horror*

Dear God, he is a furry.

*scrubs harder*

shadowvalkyrie
Nov. 22nd, 2008 07:22 pm (UTC)
It may explain the wookies, but I'm not sure anything can explain Leia/Jabba the Hutt... *snickers evilly*

No, you can't have the bleach, I'm still needing it.
shadowvalkyrie
Nov. 22nd, 2008 07:13 pm (UTC)
Watch him actually BE a furry, and that explains the Ewoks.

Gee, thanks, I didn't want to think quite that far... *strikes dinner off schedule*
lettered
Nov. 22nd, 2008 07:22 pm (UTC)
...I basically just read all of this post aloud to my_daroga and Mr. Daroga.

Highlights were Wookiee Nookie and Han shooting first.

*clap clap clap*
stoney321
Nov. 22nd, 2008 07:46 pm (UTC)
Joy, I just don't know somedays.

(Not to mention that this TOTALLY JOSSES my Yoda/Chewie porn that I wrote for you lo these many years ago.
undersea
Nov. 22nd, 2008 07:27 pm (UTC)
I... what? I'm crying right now. WHAT? WHAT?! This is the only word that I can type! WHAAAAAAAT
stoney321
Nov. 22nd, 2008 07:48 pm (UTC)
IT IS ALL SO TERRIBLE AND LOLZY I CAN'T STAND IT AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
secondalto
Nov. 22nd, 2008 07:38 pm (UTC)
*hands over eyes* *fingers in ears*

I'm not reading! I'm not listening! LALALALALALALALALALALALALAL

HAN SHOT FIRST!
stoney321
Nov. 22nd, 2008 07:48 pm (UTC)
HAN SHOT FIRST!! HAN LOVES LEIA AND LUKE!!!

GAAAAAAAAH!
kben
Nov. 22nd, 2008 07:56 pm (UTC)
They just kept it hush hush for Luke's sake. We all know how he overreacts to things.

"I am your father!"
"Nooooooooooooooooooo!"
"And Chewbacca is Han's wife!"
"Nooooooooooooooooooo!"
"Oh, I know, right? I thought there was a proposition against that. Oh, and they totally propositioned Leia for a threeway!"
"Nooooooooooooooooooo!"
"I guess now is a bad time to tell you your mother gave birth to you in a Wal Mart."
"Nooooooooooooooooooo!"

Edited at 2008-11-22 07:58 pm (UTC)
lynnenne
Nov. 22nd, 2008 08:42 pm (UTC)
Can I just butt in to say, that is the most awesome Andrew icon ever! Is is shareable?
kben
Nov. 22nd, 2008 09:11 pm (UTC)
I totally snagged it from an icon post. Just be sure to credit tickingtimeless

Edited at 2008-11-22 09:12 pm (UTC)
maevebran
Nov. 23rd, 2008 02:14 am (UTC)
Hee Hee. The Padme giving birth in a WalMart. How very Novalee Nation.=)
menomegirl
Nov. 22nd, 2008 08:05 pm (UTC)
!!!!! What? !!!!!

My world is all eschewie.

Wookiee Nookie

*snorfles*

jazzqueen
Nov. 22nd, 2008 08:46 pm (UTC)
...

AAAAAHH? D:
a2zmom
Nov. 22nd, 2008 09:11 pm (UTC)
I for one am proud that Lucas supports interspecies love and I am ashamed of all of your smallmindedness. Wookiees need hot loving too.

And we already know that George is in favor of incest - it seems obvious in the first movie that Luke was putting the moves on Leia.
ellid
Nov. 22nd, 2008 09:44 pm (UTC)
Oh Jesus God. You *had* to remind me of the horse-wife business....





*Confession time: there was a web site where a man lauded his "marriage" to his dog, Tippy. I wrote a very snarky post on the Portal of Evil message boards where I said that someone should call the officers from Animal Planet to arrest this SOB.

*Two years later* the zoophile sent me a threatening e-mail. I banned him from e-mailing me and went on with my life....
ninamalfoy
Nov. 22nd, 2008 10:05 pm (UTC)
Hey, found your journal by way of all the Twatlight/Mormon stuff (which is super excellent, by the way, and I adore you lots for wading through the books and analyzing them, really) - and... *brainsplodes*

This ruined my childhood for me.

*cries*

... is there still some of that bleach left? And can I pretty please order a hitman for George Lucas so that there won't be any more, uh, revelations? Like, Leia thinks Jabba the Hutt was better in bed than Han Solo?

*friends you!*
dovil
Nov. 22nd, 2008 10:16 pm (UTC)
I am sitting in an internet cafe CRYING with laughter - CRYING!

Please note that it's Sunday morning and I'm in an internet cafe - thereby outgeeking geeks everywhere.
heatherbird
Nov. 23rd, 2008 05:40 am (UTC)
I haven't trusted George Lucas since The Phantom Menace came out.
tricksterquinn
Nov. 23rd, 2008 06:34 am (UTC)
Oh man, I do not have the conciousness necessary to even START on this one tonight, because (prepare to mock me) I just got home from spending an evening hashing out theories about the political structure of the United Federation of Planets.

I blame Patrick Stewart.
kseenaa
Nov. 23rd, 2008 04:41 pm (UTC)
I actually knew that already... He he he... :-) I didn't know he had been raised by Wookiees though. It does makes sense, since he knows there language so well, don't it? :-)
( 34 comments — Leave a comment )

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Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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