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Wee!Spike, The Musical!

I cannot take the stress of Election Day anymore, so I came up with a way to make us all feel happy!

Inspired by dovil, dedicated to her and (Of course) to: crazydiamondsue...

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, the rights to the song lyrics, or much else in this world. but I do own my imagination....
My apologies to the song writers of Grease
For clarification, S: Spike, A: Angel (duh)

Lubed! The Musical!
Our story begins on a moonlit beach, our two lovers holding each other, wishing it wasn't over...

S: Angel, this summer has been a dream. I don't want it to end!
A: Spikey, I'll never forget you, or the time we've had.
[Music swells as our lovers kiss, thinking it is the last time]

CUT TO: ENTRANCE TO SUN-HELL HIGH (a night school)
Angel and the T-Birds (demons with bird heads, and the token Fyarl demon) are lounging, waiting for school to start, and talking about the hot females of the Sisterhood of Jhe, who happen to have pink skin and are referred to as the Pink Ladies, by the way, when said group of chicks show up, Spikey in tow.

A: Spikey!
S: Angel?? ANGEL!!

They run at each other, clasp one another, until Angel hears sniggering behind him. And when you've heard a Fyarl demon snigger, you can safely die because you have heard everything.

T-Bird: Yo! Angelus! You doing that chick out here where we can all watch?
A: (adjusts his collar and goes back to game face) Yeah, I thought I'd bang his sweet ass right here for all to see.
S: (with tears coursing down his face) Angel! How could you? I thought we MEANT something to each other!
A: What can I say? I was born bad, baby.
S: (wails) That's MY line! (runs away, sobbing)

[SPLIT SCREEN, SPIKE AND PINK LADIES - SOOTHING HIM- ON LEFT, ANGEL AND T-BIRDS HIGH FIVING ON RIGHT]
PL: Spike? Can you tell us what happened?
[MUSIC TO SUMMER LOVING BEGINS TO PLAY, AND SPIKE IS A SOPRANO]
S: Summer lovin', happened so fast...
A: That's because he jumped up my ass...
S: Met a vamp - cute as can be
A: Met a vamp - my love makes him wee
Together: Summer days burning my face, so I (oh!) waited for summer nights...
All: Oh, well a, well a, well a OOH!
PL: Tell me more, Tell me more: did he have a tight hole?
TB: Tell me more, Tell me more: did he suck your thick pole?

S and A: Uh huh! Uh huh! Uh huh! Uh huh!

A: Got love from me, it made him wee-ee.
S: He walked by me, I felt so free-hee-hee.
A: I took his life, he drank my blood.
S: He was gay, dick sucking is good!
S and A: Summer sun, ended our fun, but OH! all the hot summer.... niiiiii-hights!!
ALL: Tell me more! Tell. Me. More!!!!

[LATER THAT DAY, SPIKE AND ANGEL ARE ALONE OUTSIDE SCHOOL]
A: Spike! Spikey! Come here. I want to apologize for embarrasing you like that.
S: (pouts and turns his back to him, although he is smiling) You really hurt my feelings. Didn't our summer mean anything to you?
A: I sang about it, didn't I? Did rainbow hands in 4/4 time and everything.
S: You did? Oh, ANGEL!!
A: Come here, my Little Precious Flower of an Albino Vamp!
Spike throws himself into Angel's arms and they kiss passionately. As Angel tongues his lover, he notices that Spike is beginning to shrink in his arms again. Spike looks up to his lover, bats his eyes a bit, and with an endearing gaze from his lover Angel, Spike zooms to a 5 inch stature with a *POP!*

[MUSIC TO SANDRA DEE SWELLS IN THE BACKGROUND]
S: (sings in his high, clear soprano)
Look at me, I'm Spike that's Wee!
Lousy with my Cold, Dead SeedTM!
I may be dead, but not as much as Fred! Hey, look! I'm Spike that's Wee!

Watch it! Hey! I'm a vamp and gay! I was SIRED that way.
Won't come until Angel's gotten his fill! Because, I'm Spike that's Wee!

I drink
(A: no!)
I swear (A: gasp!)
I DO white my hair (A: Huh!).
I've always got a cigarette (A: cough, cough, cough).
Get your filthy paws on my silky drawers.
Did you pull that crap with Buffy?

N'gelus, N'gelus! Come fuck me!
Get that pelvis where I can see!
You're getting hot
You can do me a lot!
Hey! Fongool! I'm Spike that's Wee!

Angel picks up his Liliputian love machine and carries him in his pocket to auto shop. The T-Birds are hanging out, not doing anything, and complaining about their lack of scoring.

A: You guys gotta get one of these. (A pulls out Wee!Spike and shows him to everyone in the room. They all ooh and aww Angel's little fuck-bucket.)

TB1: I wish I had a Wee!Spike to have sex with. (dejected, he plops head in hand)
TB2: Me too. (kicks a pebble on the floor)

[MUSIC TO GREASED LIGHTENING BEGINS WHEN ANGEL SPEAKS]

A: Why, this vamp is shrunkomatic! He's a sex addict! And a touch pragmatic! (S: it's true.)
Why, he's Wee Spikey!!
All: Go go go, go go go go go go go go!
[A: passes his wee lover to screw all of the T-Birds, who are dancing with glee]

A: We'll get my Wee Spike in you, hell, this guy has got a prostate or three
TB1: Keep talking, whoa, keep talking!
A: He'll ride your knob just like a champ, that's why I love my Spikey that's Wee!
TB2: I'll fuck you honey, I'll kill to fuck you honey! (snaps neck of auto shop teacher as proof)
A:
When he gets you on all fours,
Your cock will weep, yeah it will pour,
For Wee Spikey!

ALL: Go go go, go go go go go go go go!

A (and All): (Spike has changes into a body suit covered in tassles, and is shaking it for all it's worth)
Go Wee Spikey, your dick is like a fucking machine
Wee Spikey! GO Wee Spikey!
Go Wee Spikey, Your body is so tiny and wee!
Wee Spikey! Go Wee Spikey!
Your dick's supreme! you make me cream! Oh Wee Spikey!

Eveyone now sated, Angel takes his lover to the park, where Spike climbs up onto Angel's shoulder and nuzzles him affectionately.
S: Say we'll be together forever. I'll make love to you right now if we can always be just as we are - right now.
A: I'll love you forever, baby.

Spike scoots down to the back of Angel's leather pants and slides himself down between the cool vamp-flesh and silky boxers, looking for his prize. A twig snaps in the distance, and Angel jumps up, unaware that Spike has slid down to his prize and is hanging on to the sphincter ring of safety. Not seeing anything, Angel sits back down, lodging Wee Spike in the deepest part of his descending colon.

A: Spike? Schmoopy dumpling? Itty bitty fuckinator? Where'd you go? Baby? Honey buns?

Stranger: Way to talk to yourself, LOSER! (Laughing as he walks off stage)

(Angel buries his face in his hands, thinking his love has deserted him.)

[MUSIC TO SANDY'S SONG BEGINS TO PLAY]
A: Stranded at the swingset, branded a fool...
What will the demons say Monday at school?

Spikey, can't you see? I'm in misery...
I sat down, you're not around, there's nothing left for me.
Wee!Spike's gone, I'm all alone, I sit
(S:UNF!) and wonder why-y-y oh, why.
You left me, ooh, Spikey...


[SPOKEN]
Spikey, darlin', you hurt me real bad, you know it's true.
But baby, you gotta believe me when I say, I can't cum without you.

[SINGS]
Wee!Spike's gone, I'm all alone, I sit (S: HEY!!) and wonder why-y-y oh, why.
You left me, Oh Spikey...


[ANGEL BEGINS TO CRY LIKE A SLAPPED CHILD, WHILE SPIKE - WHO HAS HEARD THE HEARTFELT PLEA FOR HIS LOVE, CLASPS HIS HANDS TO HIS TEENY LITTLE BOOBIES AND SINGS TO HOPLESSLY DEVOTED TO YOU]
S: (while leaning forlorn against the final curve in the colon before it merges into the rectum)
My head is saying, "Spike forget him," my heart is saying, "don't let go."
hold on to the end, that's what I intend to do
I'm hopelessly embedded in you...

But now there's nowhere to hide, since you pushed me deep inside
UHG! There's something on my head, hopelessly embedded in you...
hopelessly embedded in you, hopelessly embedded in youuuu!

Angel hears the final high note coming from the region of his tushee.

A: Spike? Fuck-knuckle? You in there? Is that my conscience?
Angel pulls his pants down, leans over the picnic table and twists so he can see his bum. Meanwhile, Spike has been able to work his way to the light and has popped his head out.
S: Oi! Sizzle tits! I've been here all along! And I love you too!!

[MUSIC TO YOU'RE THE ONE THAT I WANT PLAYS]
A: You're the one in my butt! (S: I'm the one in your butt) Ooh, ooh, UNF! Spikey,
You're the one in my butt! (S: I'm the one in your butt) Ooh, ooh, UNF! Spikey
You're the one in my butt! (S: I'm the one in your butt) Ooh, ooh, UNF! Spikey
You make me cum, (S: I make you cum) It's lots of fun! (S: Oh, yes indeed!)


A: I got chills! They're multiplying, 'cause we know that math is Hawt!
On your love, I'm relyin', it's VAMPIFYIN'!

S: (in his high and clear soprano)
You better not squat! 'Cause I'd fall out man! And my hands are holding you!
You better clench up, need to understand, to your love-hole I am true-ooooo


Both: You're the one in my butt! (S: I'm the one in your butt) Ooh, ooh, UNF! Spikey,
You're the one in my butt! (S: I'm the one in your butt) Ooh, ooh, UNF! Spikey
You're the one in my butt! (S: I'm the one in your butt) Ooh, ooh, UNF! Spikey
You make me cum, (S: I make you cum) It's lots of fun! (S: Oh, yes indeed!)



The T-Birds show up with pieces of the Pink Ladies stuck in their jowls, horns, protrusions.
TB1: Aww, you two are really together now!
TB2: *Burp*

Angel takes a pinch between his cheeks (yep, THOSE cheeks) and sloooowly pulls little pygmy Spike out, shakes as the chills run up his naked backside, and then beams at his fetoidal love bunny in the palm of his hand.

A: Spikey?? (He noticed that Spike removed his sequined and tasseled body suit and is naked)
S: Tell me about it, stud.

All: Wow! We really are ready to take over the world now!
Angel and Spike are nuzzling and cooing to each other, while the demons barrel roll off in the distance.

[MUSIC TO WE GO TOGETHER PLAYS]
Both:
We go together like stick your crunchy bleachy head up into my poop chute
You make me co-ome like, shoowop, showalla walla, yippity boom-de-boom
Cream, cream, squirtity-squirt ski plop, that's the way it should be-eee
Ooh, God....SPLAT!
We're for each other like stick me in your poofty ass, my big Irish lovah
Just like my brother, but not as hot and sexy as the story by FitbitcaBear
Cream, cream, squirtity-squirt ski plop, that's the way it should be-eee
Ooh, Unf....SPLAT!


[MUSIC PLAYS TO FADE WHILE OUR LOVERS CLIMB INTO THE DESOTO WITH THE BLACKED OUT WINDOWS AND DRIVE OUT INTO THE SUN...]

Thanks for reading all of this! Aaaand Goodnight!

Comments

( 78 comments — Leave a comment )
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violethamster
Nov. 2nd, 2004 12:42 pm (UTC)
Woman, you are a genius. If there were a Nobel Prize for funniest gay porn Grease parody featuring miniaturized BtVS/AtS characters - well, there just should be, dammit! The world has its priorities so messed up!
stoney321
Nov. 2nd, 2004 12:47 pm (UTC)
This is what happens when I can't sleep because I'm worried about the election. Oh, and I take a lot of drugs.
mirasol
Nov. 2nd, 2004 12:45 pm (UTC)
OMFG!
Speechless!
stoney321
Nov. 2nd, 2004 12:48 pm (UTC)
Like how I worked your story in? It was a PERFECT fit!

I need sleep. And 10Q, BTW
mirasol
Nov. 2nd, 2004 12:51 pm (UTC)
Actually not so speechless, but you broke my keyboard.

I will not drink my diet pepsi with ice and lemon when I read anything by you. Seriously, I've just had to change the keyboard because the other one is amazingly sticky and yuck.

Post a warning next time, please. Something along the lines of "don't drink or I won't be responsible for what happens next"

This is the funniest thing I've read today, probably this year. And I got a name-check. Yay!

*snogs you furiously, so long as Mr Stoney and crazydiamondsue don't mind*
stoney321
Nov. 2nd, 2004 12:57 pm (UTC)
with an icon like that (points to your icon) you can do anything to me.

Thanks for the complement, BTW, and as to the disclaimer, I thought it was understood that Wee!Spike was tasteless, meaning no food or drink is possible to be consumed during the reading.

There is a black cat on my arms, so I am having a hard time typing...
(Deleted comment)
leeannaray
Nov. 2nd, 2004 01:09 pm (UTC)
You are sick, twisted, and deeply funny woman. I bow in awe.
stoney321
Nov. 2nd, 2004 01:10 pm (UTC)
Thanks, but get up of the floor. You don't know what's been there...
paynbow
Nov. 2nd, 2004 01:18 pm (UTC)
That'll learn me to never eat while reading your lj again...I nearly choked! This is awesome! Short of copy and pasting the whole damn musical extravaganza into the comment box, I've chosen a "few" choice moments the required the "I'm choking" 911 call...

Angel and the T-Birds (demons with bird heads, and the token Fyarl demon

A: What can I say? I was born bad, baby.
S: (wails) That's MY line! (runs away, sobbing)


A: Met a vamp - my love makes him wee

Is it bad that I was also thinking about teh sexy pee?

PL: Tell me more, Tell me more: did he have a tight hole?
TB: Tell me more, Tell me more: did he suck your thick pole?


Your gift for rhyme...epic. It makes me egress...

Look at me, I'm Spike that's Wee!
Lousy with my Cold, Dead SeedTM!
I may be dead, but not as much as Fred! Hey, look! I'm Spike that's Wee!


*snatffle* Heh...Fred that's dead...cold, dead, seed...that's it! The Atlantic has arrived between my legs 9it was a long trip...)
stoney321
Nov. 2nd, 2004 01:43 pm (UTC)
the WHOLE Atlantic? Jesus.. Jesus Christ. (you know to automatically say that like Mr. Slave, right?)

The "Tell me more" bit was what got the ball rolling. Dovil MST'd a bad Liam/William fic (they are in prison) and after Liam pops his cherry, all the inmates pop their heads in and ask "how was he? Was he tight?" yadda yadda.

And then I couldn't sleep with the thoughts of "Met a vamp- my love makes him wee..."

10Q.... Got more Hank for me to read?
... - paynbow - Nov. 2nd, 2004 01:49 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Nov. 2nd, 2004 02:06 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - paynbow - Nov. 2nd, 2004 02:17 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Nov. 2nd, 2004 01:44 pm (UTC)
*hugs you back*

My goal is to ensure that you NEVER watch Grease the same way again...
(Deleted comment)
cityphonelines
Nov. 2nd, 2004 01:26 pm (UTC)
Fuck-Knuckle
I will never watch Grease the same way. This is better, they should show this repeatedly on VH1.

You? Parody queen. You need a Burger King Crown.
stoney321
Nov. 2nd, 2004 01:47 pm (UTC)
Re: Fuck-Knuckle
QUEEEEEEEEEEENNN!! Bow before me.

OH. PARODY queen. I see. That probably gets me 5 dollars off a quickie lube *snerk* or something, yeah?

I want you to NEVER hear the songs properly again!!
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Nov. 2nd, 2004 01:49 pm (UTC)
Re: You're the one in my butt!
I am willing to call whoever wants me to sing the songs here.

Sue, I was jittery with the snark and the fun on the phone. I feel like I ate three bowls of Cap'n Crunch and a pot of coffee and haven't slept in three days... I NEED HELP!!

Poop Chute!!! Fyarl Demons!! I believe this is what all good musicals strive for, yes?
yin_again
Nov. 2nd, 2004 03:17 pm (UTC)
Itty bitty fuckinator

You had me at "Itty bitty fuckinator".

::is dead::
stoney321
Nov. 2nd, 2004 03:21 pm (UTC)
*performs mouth to mouth while hooking up jumper cables to your nipples*

Don't you go dying on me!

I take it that you haven't read the previous Wee!Spike tales, or you would have a supply of jars of Osiris laying around...

Hee! I'm going coo-coo today!!!!
lynnenne
Nov. 2nd, 2004 08:20 pm (UTC)
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

This is one of the funniest parodies I have ever read. You should write for The Daily Show. ::runs off to pimp::
stoney321
Nov. 2nd, 2004 08:25 pm (UTC)
Wow. That's some high praise, ma'am.

I need SOMETHING to take my mind off the flashing re and blue states...

I'm hopelessly embedded in youuuuu.
/endorsed
vincitveritas
Nov. 2nd, 2004 08:31 pm (UTC)
Lubed is the word...
Dude! That was great. I love Grease. It was even better with Wolf Blitzer and Larry King babbling in the background.
stoney321
Nov. 2nd, 2004 08:38 pm (UTC)
Re: Lubed is the word...
BTW, I LOVE your icon.

And hey!! YOU'RE the one in my butt. Ooh, ooh, ooh.

Glad I could take your mind off the MIND NUMBING NEWS OF THE ELECTION. SHeesh.

/lubed
Re: Lubed is the word... - vincitveritas - Nov. 2nd, 2004 08:52 pm (UTC) - Expand
likeadeuce
Nov. 2nd, 2004 10:07 pm (UTC)
dude, you're on crack. and I mean this in the best possible way.

seriously -- I hate "Grease," and I'm no fan of Spangel, but this provides much needed laughs :)
stoney321
Nov. 3rd, 2004 05:29 am (UTC)
"I'm no fan of Spangel"

NOW who's on crack?? Next, you're gonna tel me Wee!Spike wouldn't REALLY have said the word "embedded" because, let's face it, Jimmy has a limited vocabulary...

(You know this is a whole series, right?)
elcazavampiros
Nov. 2nd, 2004 10:49 pm (UTC)
A little late commenting.

Damn you for putting those songs in my head. I've been trying to get them out for hours.

Very, very funny.
stoney321
Nov. 3rd, 2004 05:30 am (UTC)
<--- You made this for me!!
I am CONSTANTLY screwing with your brain and the trapped voices, aren't I?
*rubs hands evilly* Mwuah ah ah!!!! My plan is almost complete!

(Thanks!)
ex_dovil323
Nov. 2nd, 2004 11:36 pm (UTC)
You are scarily brilliant. You broke my brain and half my ribs from laughing so much. I watched that movie so many bloody times when I was a kid and I could picture all the songs perfectly. Dear god, that was... Bwah! You made me speechless.
stoney321
Nov. 3rd, 2004 05:31 am (UTC)
You mean you didn't rip your clothes off and shag the computer from the hotness of it all?

DAMN!!! I knew I should have added a parody version of "Hand Jive..."

You KNOW where I would have gone with that, right?

10Q
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Nov. 3rd, 2004 10:13 am (UTC)
Hee! Glad you liked it. I've been singing the "Why-y-y- oh why..." bit with John Travolta as Angel in my head for about 36 hours. Glad to share the insanity!

Today I've decided to immerse myself in CD making and avoid all news. Almost done composing the first....
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( 78 comments — Leave a comment )

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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

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