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Nov. 5th, 2004

In the words of Al Pacino, I try to leave it, but it keeps pulling me back in!!

I was afraid my bad!fic writer had gotten beyond craptacular and was just merely bad.  Silly me.  New chapter went up today, and Lord, Lord.  Most is just head-scratching, but there was one special moment that was turned into the icon you see on your screen.  Feel free to take, have, credit, share, eat...

"He continued to kill her with snaillike [sic] slowness while his eyes remained opened.  He turned them over and entered her." So, am I to understand that Spike can pop out his eyeballs and STILL do it?  He's a machine.  Go, Spikey!  And as to Buffy, we all knew she liked a little monster in her man, but Jesus.

 

"Elizabeth felt the overwhelming need to mate." She ripped his head off, the violence of the action dumping adrenaline into his system enabling him to continue pumping his ejaculate into her..  This completes the deadly dance of Mother Nature's tango.

 

"They were swamped in each other and soaking wet." Which explains the aligator snapping vagina, bullfrog tongue, but NOT the catfish gigging.  I swear, next chapter by her will have "Their act of love-making resembled a beaver-kabob."

 

"He entered her slowly... coating himself with her she-juice."  Mary jumped on Joseph.  And coated his with her she-juice.  She-juice????  My GOD!!  That is hawter than math!!  Hotter than Cream of Cum soup with those yummy oyster crackers.

 

This is what I do when I'm not copying Berlioz or Mozart onto disks.  Truly a Jill-of-all-Tastes, and not necessarily of the good.  But look!  You're poking me with sticks!  And so?  I dance.

*does rainbow-hands while curtains close*

Psst: burning a CD right now, will have 2 tomorrow to send out!

Comments

( 36 comments — Leave a comment )
ropo
Nov. 4th, 2004 10:39 pm (UTC)
She-juice!!!
stoney321
Nov. 4th, 2004 10:44 pm (UTC)
Love your brick wall.

Seriously!! 12 year old boy from the Netherlands. HAS to be. Right??
inlovewithnight
Nov. 4th, 2004 10:41 pm (UTC)
"She-juice"?
"Swamped in each other"?
I honestly can never, ever have sex after reading these similes. You have ruined the act of sex for me, badfic writer. I will remain a virgin until death. I'm going to have to become a nun...is not being Catholic a problem for that? They take converts, yes?
stoney321
Nov. 4th, 2004 10:48 pm (UTC)
Let's just say that this person is insane. And not the funny "mumble to themselves and collect cans" kind of insane. Now, when two (or three or nine) people love each other (or are drunk enough to not care), they do things to each other that feel very good. Some are better at it than others. In fact, you'll probably only meet one or two people that are great at it...

But anyway. They do things that feel good, and there can be moisture at times, but coming from a Creole background on my mother's side, I can swear on a stack of Buffy DVDs that SWAMP is inappropriate. And "she-juice" is just one of the funniest things I have ever heard.

Now go pop that cherry!
likeadeuce
Nov. 5th, 2004 12:19 am (UTC)
WHAT is he turning over??
I've taught college freshmen. I do not cringe in the face of poor syntax and imprecise grammar but. Wha-wha-huh???
stoney321
Nov. 5th, 2004 05:38 am (UTC)
Re: WHAT is he turning over??
It's not the misuse of grammar so much as the AWFULNESS of the writing. All over. Word choice, simile and metaphor use... THis is the girl who described an orgasm as the muscles snapping at his dick like a pissed off aligator.

It's so bad it's brill.
paynbow
Nov. 5th, 2004 05:42 pm (UTC)
Re: WHAT is he turning over??
It's so bad that it's hard to duplicate! You just can't get the same level of crappyness...
meli1_77
Nov. 5th, 2004 01:52 am (UTC)
Have you read the bad!fic writer's newest story?
stoney321
Nov. 5th, 2004 05:39 am (UTC)
The cabdriver one? It's just bad. It doesn't suck spectacularly. Now, her "blood play" fics are ASTOUNDING. If you can stomach it, and I am not joking.

Just, WOW.
mirasol
Nov. 5th, 2004 03:22 am (UTC)
I swear, next chapter by her will have "Their act of love-making resembled a beaver-kabob."
The terrifying thing is that you're so right - I can just imagine that phrase.
This is why I don't read (much) het. You're so good to us.
stoney321
Nov. 5th, 2004 05:40 am (UTC)
I suffer, so you don't have to!TM

I'm like the Jesus of LJ. And now I can feel the flames licking at my feet. :-)
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Nov. 5th, 2004 06:55 am (UTC)
Re: Messiah of Mis-Use
I got a swamp boat of love for that... I'm going to drag out my coon-ass cookbooks and share my love of tree-rat with the world! (Kidding about eating it, not kidding about the cook book - who DOESN'T want to know how to boil the fur off 100 squirrels at a time for stew making?)

Is Poon-Aid similar in taste to Kool-TangTM?

I wonder if I'm tired because I stayed up until 1 AM making the She-Juice icon... You can't tell in the icon, but it says 100% She-Juice! at the bottom. It's for those health-conscious moms out there.
(Deleted comment)
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Nov. 5th, 2004 01:29 pm (UTC)
That is what I am here for!! BTW, if you email me your mailing address, I should be able to mail out your CD tomorrow afternoon.

morrisona [at] sbcglobal [dot] net
marlo
Nov. 5th, 2004 08:44 am (UTC)
OMG ICON LOVE!!!
stoney321
Nov. 5th, 2004 01:29 pm (UTC)
take if you want. save for when you need to recycle. or go drink some yummy juice!
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Nov. 5th, 2004 01:31 pm (UTC)
Aw, just stick with apple or grape flavor.

*meep* I kinda feel bad... Not enough to not post the icon again. :-)
vincitveritas
Nov. 5th, 2004 11:44 am (UTC)
OMG there are no words. Other than the ones I just typed.

Heh, she-juice.
stoney321
Nov. 5th, 2004 01:31 pm (UTC)
I want to climb on top of your icon and do naughty things to it.
spikefan
Nov. 5th, 2004 01:03 pm (UTC)
Dave caught me cackling last night and I finally had to explain what was so funny. I went in search of the "pissed-off alligator" simile (which I had missed earlier) and ended up reading more tidbits of extra!bad!fic to him, including the inspiration for "cream of cum" soup. I was laughing so hard, I could hardly get the words out. (I think he was laughing, too, but I couldn't hear him over my own howls of glee.) I was still having intermittent hiccups and laughing fits when we went to bed. Dave finally had to beg me to settle down. Thank you for the perfect ending to a delightful birthday.
stoney321
Nov. 5th, 2004 01:32 pm (UTC)
Hee hee! Sucked the man in... Trust me, my husband is glad he travels as much as he does. It keeps him from hearing me cackling like a loon.
beadattitude
Nov. 5th, 2004 01:24 pm (UTC)
Cream of cum. And to think I was planning on soup for dinner tonight.

::shakes fist:: Curse you Red Baron!
stoney321
Nov. 5th, 2004 01:33 pm (UTC)
Oh, man, I know. I just got back from the grocery store, and I have expect to find Cream of Cum in the Campbell's soup aisle.
beadattitude
Nov. 5th, 2004 01:41 pm (UTC)
Yeah. Never going to be the same.

I have to find you this fic I judged once. One of the lines that sticks in my head was, "His screams were like a little drop of heaven in her teacup."

Yeah. Like that.
paynbow
Nov. 5th, 2004 05:38 pm (UTC)
"He continued to kill her with snaillike [sic] slowness while his eyes remained opened. He turned them over and entered her."

Wow...and s isn't anywhere near l...my favourite part is how much of a weiner William is. "We need to talk about how I had sex with you because I fantisized about raping your friend." "No, I want to fuck." "Ok." Also, snails? Fekkin HOT!

"God, Elizabeth...you really can touch me...

Wow! She used her ability to touch!

William rested the head of his cock at her entrance, teasing her like a sticky tongue.

How would one hypothetically tease a sticky tongue?...

pumping his warm milk into her

It's not Cold Dead Seed(TM), but it'll do *g*

Yeah, she's not quite as horrific as she used to be, but gotta represent She-juice!

btw, I keep meaning to tell you how awesome your CD's are! I loved the Fred one you made!

stoney321
Nov. 5th, 2004 06:08 pm (UTC)
I HAVE MISSED YOU!!! I was on the phone with Sue earlier and I asked if she knew where you were, there was Hank discussion, and then a general malaise fell over us with longing for our Paynbow.

I'm having to work at the bad, which makes me sad. I want her to suck stupendously again! (a chorus of men clap behind me)
paynbow
Nov. 5th, 2004 06:16 pm (UTC)
*waves* I missed you too
Awww! I'm so glad you missed me! I feel all warm 'n fuzzy! (And it's not a beaver-kabob...)

Partially I was a-writin my freakin essay...it was due today, and not on Wednesday as I had originally thought...so I made it better then the crap I churned out at the last minute *g*

I've also been moping about the election. Mope, mope, mope. Stupid Bush :p

And I just posted more Hank! Hooray for chapter 6! MJ and I have also been brainstorming more Angel Season 6, but he made it clear that he wants me to finish Hank first...then he tried to weasle plot Hank developments out of me *g*

I am so sad that our writer hasn't stayed true to her craptacular roots! I miss some of the older similies! Of course, the clamping vagina and she juice will stay with me...by which I mean it will cause me to spontaniously need to change panties!
paynbow
Nov. 5th, 2004 06:17 pm (UTC)
Re: *waves* I missed you too
ok...part of that should read "Hank plot developments" not the mish mash that's there...
cityphonelines
Nov. 5th, 2004 07:40 pm (UTC)
How did I miss this?

So, um, he turned his eyes over and entered her?
:: no longer has words to express feelings toward this author::
Maybe I'll try dance.
violethamster
Nov. 6th, 2004 05:22 pm (UTC)
Mmmmm. Makes me feel like a nummy dinner of juice and soup, while taking a romantic boat trip through the Everglades.

I'd recommend that Elizabeth use a pantyliner, but I'm sure she's got her panties stuffed with reeds and lilypads already.

*pokes you with sticks*
jstabe
Nov. 16th, 2004 08:20 pm (UTC)
I don't even know where to begin. I truly thought you were making this up until I followed the link to the story. Now I'm laughing so hard I have tears in my eyes and I can't see to type!

Please, please-if I wrote fic like this someone would stop me right? Cuz that would be the humane thing to do.

BTW-I love your commentary and your sense of humor. Mind if I friend you?
stoney321
Nov. 16th, 2004 08:33 pm (UTC)
Let's see... compliments, hot Spike icon, appreciation of the craptastic... mind? Hell, I'd be hurt if you didn't!

Welcome aboard, matey!

(And dude, you can't make that stuff up. It's... perfection in shit form.)
jstabe
Nov. 16th, 2004 08:35 pm (UTC)
*runs off to friend you*

Thanks!
( 36 comments — Leave a comment )

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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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