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Note to self:

do NOT read textsfromlastnight.com when both drinking and when putting a slice of pizza in your mouth. It hurts, and not in that fun way. Things like

(917): yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.

and

(717): You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.

and

(609): You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
(1-609): Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.

[ETA] (720): o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket

LOLOLOL!!!! Omg, check out the "Best Night Ever" tab. Solid freaking gold.



How am I supposed to not read that stuff? HOW? Oh man, sometimes they hit on some GOLD. Wow. Nothing is every between just two people any more, never forget that, yo.

This post brought to you by my waiting for children to go to bed so I can watch Cannibal Holocaust and by a bottle of a lovely Tuscan Red. :)

Comments

( 35 comments — Leave a comment )
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stoney321
Jul. 8th, 2009 01:12 am (UTC)
Isn't that hilarious? I marvel every morning. (I have this on my google reader.)
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fabrisse
Jul. 8th, 2009 01:12 am (UTC)
Deary, deary me. *G*
stoney321
Jul. 8th, 2009 01:21 am (UTC)
I just... I will NEVER tire of listening to people say foolish things. Never.
dovil
Jul. 8th, 2009 01:21 am (UTC)
I would like to thank you and the opportunity of discovering of why New Jersey is the brunt of all jokes - the truth makes it that much funnier.

I WANT PIZZA AND WINE! Move over!
stoney321
Jul. 8th, 2009 01:22 am (UTC)
LOL.

I just pulled pizza #2 out of the oven! It has mushrooms and pepperoni and basil from the garden. (Oregano and tomatoes, too.)

I had a dream the other night where you and I went on an extravagant trek across the globe for three weeks. We enjoyed ourselves, it that tells you anything. I have crazy wanderlust!!!)
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gabzilla
Jul. 8th, 2009 01:25 am (UTC)
(402): apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"

Ok, I lost it right there.. This is a horribly wonderful find, thanks.
stoney321
Jul. 8th, 2009 01:31 am (UTC)
You bet. Oh man, I almost C&P'd that in the original post, too! :D
demonqueen666
Jul. 8th, 2009 01:40 am (UTC)
(313): I wish costco sold astroglide.
(248): i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.


Hahaha!! My god, some of these are almost like inadvertant POETRY. (The "Edward Cullen of sluts" one is made of inappropriate win, seriously.)
stoney321
Jul. 8th, 2009 01:43 am (UTC)
I just added an ETA to the post, too.

Warning: you might spend HOURS reading these and laughing your ass off.

your icon made me laugh so hard that I had to put down my wine glass. WELL PLAYED, MADAM.
... - demonqueen666 - Jul. 8th, 2009 01:47 am (UTC) - Expand
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roonilwazlib6
Jul. 8th, 2009 01:52 am (UTC)
I love that website. That and fmylife.com. They make me feel better about myself, haha.
stoney321
Jul. 8th, 2009 01:56 am (UTC)
Whenever you're feeling down about yourself, I find those sites to be FABULOUS esteem builders. :D
bitchygrrl
Jul. 8th, 2009 01:55 am (UTC)
I love that site, and I follow them on twitter. TFLN brings the LOLZ
stoney321
Jul. 8th, 2009 01:56 am (UTC)
I don't have the patience for Twitter - I'm just going old school with the F5, yo. (Lol.)
adnault
Jul. 8th, 2009 02:08 am (UTC)
That website is equal parts horrifying that people are actually that grotesque and absolutely hysterical that people are that grotesque
stoney321
Jul. 8th, 2009 02:13 am (UTC)
EXACTLY. That's what makes me love it so
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semby
Jul. 8th, 2009 02:25 am (UTC)
Oh my God, thank you for introducing me to my newest addiction!
mpoetess
Jul. 8th, 2009 03:10 am (UTC)
I had to stop at page 13 because I was laughing so hard I gave myself a crying headache.
redbrickrose
Jul. 8th, 2009 03:15 am (UTC)
Texts from last night is NON STOP HILARITY. I love it.
fiveandfour
Jul. 8th, 2009 03:37 am (UTC)
I'm particularly fond of this metaphor: (949) it was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time. That's like something out of Wodehouse.

This site reminds me of a little binder of drunken snippets I used to collect for a group of friends. It was called "Shut Up, Stupid!" It may not have made as much sense out of context - not to mention sober - but it sure made us laugh.
chrryblssmninja
Jul. 8th, 2009 05:57 am (UTC)
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
XD
raineishida
Jul. 8th, 2009 09:33 am (UTC)
This one amuses me more than it should.

(240): Banned from zoo.
(301): Again?


Thanks for sharing these with us, Stoney. <3
fiveandfour
Jul. 8th, 2009 03:28 pm (UTC)
I love this one, too. There's a whole story there behind those 4 words and it's amusing to imagine what it could be.
ethrosdemon
Jul. 8th, 2009 05:00 pm (UTC)
(843): the red head has a bf
(1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score


Thank you for bringing this website into my life
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( 35 comments — Leave a comment )

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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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