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Girl talk! Like about guns and math!

Can I just put this out here? I loathe "girl-geared" products. Pink tools! Yay, I couldn't even BEGIN to know how to drill a hole without my cutie patootie pink drill! It's pink because I'm a lady, and that's a lady color! Blech. I also loathe the cutification of words, too. I know some of y'all are into it, and that's fine, just know that it makes me crazy. "Prezzie." "Hubby." It's a PRESENT. And that is your HUSBAND. Oh, I'm sorry, that's your mother? Well, she looks like a man. Especially with that full beard. And penis.

I'm losing my mind today, in other words. OH MY GOD. I have rewritten this freaking prologue and Chpt. 1 so many times I just want to spit and stomp on it. BAH. If only my laptop was pink with gamboling kittens on it, it would be so much easier. Sigh. Math is hard. (MY BRAIN IS FRIED. I'm just not going to make sense to the vast majority of you, it can't be helped.)

I had the worst glass of wine on Halloween. Like, pour yourself a glass of rubbing alcohol, top it off with some formaldehyde and cherry juice. I took one sip, ACTUALLY POINTED OFF IN THE DISTANCE SO SOMEONE WOULD LOOK AWAY, and dumped my wine out on the grass, then FAKED LIKE I CHUGGED IT. That happened. In real life. My life is a living sitcom, is what I'm saying. Next up: a very special episode when my daughter gets her period! Or is that when my son brings a homeless man home on Christmas so we all can Learn Something About Compassion? If I was writing that episode, we'd kill him, roll him for whatever change he'd collected, then have a good laugh about how life can be sticky at times. Like our hands.

I got off on a tangent there. I meant to add that I've not been able to drink any wine since. And that makes me sad because I like a glass of vino with dinner. And breakfast, but it's only for the anti-oxidants.

SAVE ME. From myself, true. Nonetheless, I don't wanna look at this same document any more today, BAH.

Oh yeah! I do get to tape another audition tomorrow, and I plan on having Christopher Walken do a schpiel about how the Deer Hunter is actually "hilarious." [It's for an outdoor product store.]

Comments

( 42 comments — Leave a comment )
tabaqui
Nov. 5th, 2009 09:22 pm (UTC)
*dies laughing*

I hated pink for most of my life, and only like it on flowers, really. And weeny baby pigs, but...baby pigs!

Math is fun when it works. I loved Algebra and Geometry in school until my brain forget everything from the first semester and made the second semester impossible. Stupid brain.

Christopher Walken roxors. I want him to be the Archangel Michael on SPN. That would be *so fucking awesome*.

*you know, cut-rate vessel like Lucifer's cut rate vessel...only it's CW, so...score.*

:)
stoney321
Nov. 5th, 2009 09:24 pm (UTC)
I don't really hate the color pink. I mean, I will fucking punch certain shades of green in the crotch, but pink? Eh. I just loathe that it's assigned to things to draw women in. Gah.

PUKE GRREN: I'M GUNNING FOR YOU, BITCH. Lol.
tabaqui
Nov. 5th, 2009 09:32 pm (UTC)
*snerk*
It's usually *way* too bright for me. Bright colors make my brain ache. I like darker, more saturated colors. Of course, the Bebe favors *neon*. Dear gods. Last underwear purchase *had to be* neon.

And yes, pink = girls is annoying. I wanna go back to blue being for girls!!
ozma_katiebell
Nov. 5th, 2009 09:27 pm (UTC)
Want to know why I have pink tools? Because that's the only way to prevent my husband from taking my damn tools and using them for work!
menomegirl
Nov. 5th, 2009 09:34 pm (UTC)
Exactly! Because they'd rather die than touch anything that color.
stoney321
Nov. 5th, 2009 09:35 pm (UTC)
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Okay, YOU ARE EXCUSED. ;)
menomegirl
Nov. 5th, 2009 09:32 pm (UTC)
Why haven't you been able to drink any since? Was it that damn nasty or what?
stoney321
Nov. 5th, 2009 09:35 pm (UTC)
DID YOU NOT READ THE DESCRIPTION!?!? It was HORRID. Blech.
menomegirl
Nov. 5th, 2009 09:47 pm (UTC)
zomg! *pets you*

You know what I had on Halloween? A bottle of Milagro silver select barrel reserve #056.

:)
stoney321
Nov. 5th, 2009 10:15 pm (UTC)
*cries*

*cries some more*

You know that's my favorite, right? CRY.
menomegirl
Nov. 5th, 2009 10:22 pm (UTC)
Yeah I did.

Awwwwwww.

(((hugs)))
entrenous88
Nov. 5th, 2009 09:54 pm (UTC)
I hate "Hubby" too! and "Hub!"

*hates fun*

stoney321
Nov. 5th, 2009 10:15 pm (UTC)
I think I'm going to start referring to the Mister as "The man to whom I am legally and morally bound." Let's bring some formality back, people!
entrenous88
Nov. 5th, 2009 10:18 pm (UTC)
I would appreciate it if you would consider referring to him as "My Vassal, the One Over Whom I Have Dominion In All Matters."

And I bet he would appreciate it too! :D
stoney321
Nov. 5th, 2009 10:19 pm (UTC)
LOLOLOL.

I will have the paperwork drawn up post haste!
entrenous88
Nov. 5th, 2009 10:22 pm (UTC)
YAY!!! I will start preparing the gold-leaf seals!!!
stoney321
Nov. 5th, 2009 10:23 pm (UTC)
HUZZAH!

(Also, is that Brocktoon in your icon?? HEE.)
entrenous88
Nov. 5th, 2009 10:26 pm (UTC)
YES! The Nays have it! He lives. But it shouldn't have been that close!
stoney321
Nov. 5th, 2009 10:29 pm (UTC)
*beats on large specimen glass's walls*
redbrickrose
Nov. 5th, 2009 10:09 pm (UTC)
I quite like pink in general, but I hate how girl things always have to be color coded to make sure that EVERYONE KNOWS they are girl things and therefore not as good as the boy things because men will be emasculated if they touch something that's a girl color. Or whatever.

Totally with you on the cutification of words. I have the same reaction to that that I have to nails on a chalkboard: uncomfortable flinching.

Good luck with the writing! I'm sorry it's so frustrating right now.
stoney321
Nov. 5th, 2009 10:17 pm (UTC)
Right, right, right! I mean, pink is just one of those crayons in a 64 pack, what about the other 63? WHAT ABOUT BURNT SIENNA?!?

Uncomfortable flinching, YES. And now, ha ha, I'm trying to imagine what comfortable flinching would be like? The limbo? :D

I need to just take a walk and move my body around, and then I won't be so AUGH-filled.
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Nov. 5th, 2009 10:19 pm (UTC)
YES YES YES. Freaking burnt orange is my goddamn teams color, and I'm not going to put a pink frickin' bull on my shirt. BAH.

I HATE that if something is pink with marabou fluff on it, PEOPLE WILL BUY IT. I'm looking at you, CLAIRE'S STORE FOR GIRLY SHIT.
anniemare
Nov. 5th, 2009 10:21 pm (UTC)
"Yay, I couldn't even BEGIN to know how to drill a hole without my cutie patootie pink drill! It's pink because I'm a lady, and that's a lady color!"

This made me laugh. It is SO Emily Howard.

"But I'm a LADY!"
stoney321
Nov. 5th, 2009 10:24 pm (UTC)
YAY YOU FOR KNOWING THAT!!
ethrosdemon
Nov. 5th, 2009 10:34 pm (UTC)
Just remember that Heavenly Father is a pervert. I'm sure that will cheer you up.

May I add to this piece of offensive blasphemy that the whole pink craze makes me laugh. Look, it weeds out the people we want to avoid.

Edited at 2009-11-05 10:41 pm (UTC)
stoney321
Nov. 5th, 2009 10:49 pm (UTC)
IT DID. It's like you've looked into my soul and gave it a piece of fudge soaked in wine. Good wine, not the shit I had to sample last week.

You know, you're right. And before Dennis Leary turned into a douchebag, he used to say something that I really liked: I like stupid people because it just makes me look so much smarter. Apply that here, and there you go.
a2zmom
Nov. 5th, 2009 11:12 pm (UTC)
I feel your pain.

Actually, big lie. I feel no pain at all.

I meant to write the other day about your back woods, gap toothed look. You could just put a fake tooth there a la Lauren Hutton. She never felt the need to get it fixed.
stoney321
Nov. 5th, 2009 11:22 pm (UTC)
HAHAHA. But how do you REALLY think I look? LOL! You know, if it wasn't where it is (on the side behind my front two teeth) I could go for the Lauren Hutton look and be fine. But this is something that has made me hate my face for YEARS. I never show teeth when I smile. ANd considering that most commercials want you to be happy and smile...

Eh, I might just get a flipper like those pageant babies. (haha)
dovil
Nov. 5th, 2009 11:26 pm (UTC)
I brought 12 bottles of wine last night - GLUG GLUG GLUG. Why am I so poor, and yet for brief moments of time, so happy?!

The paragraph you wrote on the wine and the homeless guy - funniest thing out and it's why I stalk you - well, that and how fantastic you look in my surveilance pics. Plus I'm mentally unwell and form unhealthy attachments. Or something. HEY, an entire case of wine and beer tonight, woooooh!

In conclusion: If you're going to get your hubby a prezzie make sure it's not pink like a vagina and therefore likely to emasculate him, make sure it's white like his virile man juice. IT'S IN THE BIBLE, PEOPLE!
stoney321
Nov. 5th, 2009 11:46 pm (UTC)
And of course I kept asking myself, What Would An Aussie Do? They would have drunk the crappy wine and porked a Kangaroo, that's what. Am I right? Yeah, I'm right.

Oooh, 12 bottles!? MMMM. I think I'll need to open a bottle tonight, if only to loosen the knot between my shoulders. I've heard that you have to apply that particular medicine internally. Doctor's orders! (No wonder we have such shitty healthcare.)

DON'T FORGET THE FEATHERS AND RHINESTONES! I'm going to get my vagina bedazzled with rhinestones, I think. Dress it up down there a bit.
dovil
Nov. 5th, 2009 11:50 pm (UTC)
For an Aussie to be drinking wine that would have to be a pretty fancy Australian. Possibly Royalty, and by Royalty I mean heamophiliac inbreeds.

2011 I'm coming back to America so book me in with a liquid lunch. Though I'm guessing the original 12 bottles may be gone by then.
stoney321
Nov. 6th, 2009 12:05 am (UTC)
2011? Christ, it's up to me to win the lottery now so we can have our booze fest this coming year, huh?
dovil
Nov. 6th, 2009 12:16 am (UTC)
You put it in your diary to win lotto and I'll put it in mine and between the both of us I'm sure we'll end up with enough loot to catch up for tea and crumpets. Or pizza and beer. Or meths and bin scappings.
toxic_corn
Nov. 6th, 2009 12:20 am (UTC)
THANK YOU. All of my married friends say "hubby" and it's always driven me up the wall. I can see using it behind his back if you're mad at him and he's carrying a little extra weight like, "Chubby Hubby says that I'm gaining weight. Hypocrite, much??" Hubs the Tubs would also work in a pinch.

Sadly the man I'm marrying in July is thin as a rail. *sigh*
stoney321
Nov. 6th, 2009 12:42 am (UTC)
LOL! EVERYONE I know uses that. Everyone. Except for how I'm exaggerating, because I know some straight dudes.


NONETHELESS. I still don't like that word.
maybe1ce
Nov. 6th, 2009 01:42 am (UTC)
I like the idea of pink tools being the "hands off, man-person" sign, but I really prefer having my stuff professionally monogrammed with a neat-o slogan like "IF I AM USING THIS HAMMER, I HAVE A VAGINA" or "ASK ME ABOUT MY MAMMOGRAM!"

Hubby? Blech. Pressie? Doubly so. May I be so old as to add "Preggo?" WTF. You are pregnant. Knocked up. Up the Duff. SAY IT.
underthethrow
Nov. 6th, 2009 03:03 am (UTC)
Hubby is one of my least favorite words in the entire universe
(Deleted comment)
strtmyorange
Nov. 6th, 2009 05:39 pm (UTC)
Pink power tools are yet another way to keep us womens down!! Don't girly-up my tools, just make them with more power! *grunt*

As for "prezzie" and "piccie", that's British slang making its way into American speech. My UK friends have been using those words for ever, regardless of their gender.
kseenaa
Nov. 6th, 2009 06:46 pm (UTC)
The title of this post made me lol since the post on my f-list before this contained a sketch off two naked men and a gun. X-D

Also, I didn't know that hubby was a cutification. :-P I don't know really what else to call my significant other. We have lived together for 6 years, not married. What do you call each other then, eh? Significant other is just to damn long a word to use. :-P And it sounds silly to.

Welcome to the insanity! *jumps off a bridge*

On another note, MTV European Music Awards were awesome last night (my time)!
thefuzzyhat
Nov. 7th, 2009 02:44 am (UTC)
I know right, those tools make me rage. My jig saw is black and orange thank you very much, I would punch anyone who came out with a pink one.

When I hear people refer to their computer as lappy or compy, I have to mentally slap them.

I feel for you about the wine incident. I recently had a wine that was absolutely horrid so I just put that out of my mind and switched to rum...Yarrr. If you would like to recommend some non-traumatizing wines to me, that'd be fine too.



( 42 comments — Leave a comment )

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Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

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