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YOU READ THAT CORRECTLY. So I'm killing time while helping a family member and ethrosdemon sent me this video. (SERIOUSLY. GO WATCH IT. Men Figure Skating RAP.)

And naturally I began imagining the Wu Tang Clan with they 40s and they Desert Es watchin this mofo up in hurr when them Slingblade Bay City Balla Bitchez come up thu club and they's like, "Pshht, Lysacek ain't got no game, Plushenko be tha one leavin with dat Big G, foo!"

And RZA be all pullin out his 9, sayin shit like, "This is MEN'S Figga Skatin, SON. Betta reckanize, mothafucka! Lysacek'll toe pick yo ASS, bitch."

And they be all gettin up in they faces, lickin' they lips like they LL or suh'n and Ghostface Killa points at them punk ass fools with his chin, all, "Whatchu gone do? Huh? I show you what a triple lutz is, motha fucka! Bes' protect yo NECK!"

Method Man popped up behind his boys, punchin he-self in tha head. "Right, right? Rightright?" Them other boys start to back they asses down. "I can do this all day, mother fucka!" Method Man jus kept on hittin heself like he crazy, "Plushenko is a mother fucka, he be all wobbly and shit pullin in them bitch scores, you bes' get yo head right!"

The GZA made a face and waved his hand at them kids. "Tchuh, y'all bes' sit yoselves down and learn from the motha fuckin master. It ain't all about fuckin triples and quads, bitch ass butt bitch, it's about puttin on a mothafuckin show. Boy's got some crazy mad skillz. He's mothafuckin Michael on Ice."

They all took a moment of silence for the King of mothafuckin pop, then the RZA starts beat boxing a smoov groove and Ghostface came in on top of that shit:

"Figga what? Figga-figga figga-figga please!
Evan's floatin' on the ice with the greatest of ease
Takin out bitchez, takin' out ho's
bringin' perfect scores everywhere that he goes.
Y'all say he be frontin some say he's a bitch
I fuckin' breakin' yo face with a little TOE PICK."


Fuckin' ice skatin' all up in this bitch. (Zambonies? How do they work? <-- MIRACLES, THAT'S HOW.)

[....

All I can say in my own defense is that I unleashed this on you and not the Twilight/Juggalo parody that I've been writing since last night. YOU'RE WELCOME. (Um, it's Breaking Dawn, totally mocking the "Miracles" video because OH MY GOD that is still making me laugh whenever I hear "fuckin magnets, how do they work?") OH AND HOW GHOSTS AND UFOS ARE MIRACLES. LOL x forever.]

Comments

( 38 comments — Leave a comment )
a_mistletoe
Apr. 28th, 2010 07:47 pm (UTC)
Yo mutha!! I wonder what kita would make of it? I think she likes the sparklier one though.
stoney321
Apr. 28th, 2010 07:57 pm (UTC)
Confession: I don't give a rat's fart about men's figure skating WHICH IS SACRILEGE, I KNOW. I do know that Kita is just going to tell me to drink more, though.
a_mistletoe
Apr. 28th, 2010 08:14 pm (UTC)
Oh prancing pansies men on ice leaves me cold too. I'll join you in the drinking to forget though.
stephanierb
Apr. 28th, 2010 07:53 pm (UTC)

Ahahaha. That video was awesome. The bit about Plushenko's hair had me in stitches.

stoney321
Apr. 28th, 2010 07:57 pm (UTC)
The crazy thing about the vid? IT'S NOT IRONIC. LOL.
brunettepet
Apr. 28th, 2010 08:09 pm (UTC)
I can't believe that vid is a serious tribute! I need a 40 now.

Wu Tang self medicatin' wit copious amounts of chronic and 40s, arguin' over figga skatin' makes perfect sense.
stoney321
Apr. 28th, 2010 08:29 pm (UTC)
Oh, it's serious. SERIOUSLY HILARIOUS. If ever there was something that deserved a hip hop tribute, it's mens figure skating. Or knitting.
brunettepet
Apr. 28th, 2010 08:40 pm (UTC)
I think mimes deserve a serious hip hop tribute. Get right on that, would you?
pluckygirl
Apr. 28th, 2010 08:20 pm (UTC)
You should watch this... it's teh funny
stoney321
Apr. 28th, 2010 08:32 pm (UTC)
Re: You should watch this... it's teh funny
Pssht, I posted a link to that months ago! :D It's hilarious.
essene
Apr. 28th, 2010 08:40 pm (UTC)
*snerk* You is one crazy ass bitch, yo.
stoney321
Apr. 28th, 2010 08:50 pm (UTC)
Nickel, please. ;)
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Apr. 28th, 2010 09:26 pm (UTC)
IT WILL NEVER STOP BEING FUNNY
fuckin rainbows and shit! motherfuckin scientists tell me shit and getting me pissed...

Fizzy pop = MIRACLE
Doorbell ringing = MIRACLE
Shoes = MIRACLE

Magic all up in this shit. Cellphones: HOW DO THEY WORK?
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Apr. 28th, 2010 10:25 pm (UTC)
2 + 2 = 4 = math
1 + 1 = ME AND YOU = MIRACLE.
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Apr. 28th, 2010 10:50 pm (UTC)
SORRY I AIN'T HIGH SO I CAN'T BE LOOKIN IN THA SKY AT SOME MOTHERFUCKIN MIRACLES.

...but I bet I would like for my eyelids to be shocked. Not my eyes, my eyeLIDS.
stoney321
Apr. 28th, 2010 09:31 pm (UTC)
Re: DO YOU NOTICE AND RECOGNIZE MIRACLES
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Apr. 28th, 2010 10:27 pm (UTC)
Re: DO YOU NOTICE AND RECOGNIZE MIRACLES
I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS.

That last one had me LOL'ing so fucking hard yesterday.

I think it's the feet in the air + the floating pyramid.

EVERYTHING YOU BELIEVED IN AS KIDS = MIRACLES
(the Boogie man, burping made holes in your stomach, you could marry your dad, doodle bugs are your friends, Uncle Creepy REALLY HAD MY NOSE = mother fucking miracles)
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Apr. 28th, 2010 10:51 pm (UTC)
MAGIC ALL UP IN THIS BITCH
Omg, LOLOLOLOL at you correcting a FAIL-LOL pic of and ICP song, but that is what makes it a motherfuckin miracle: YOU CAN'T HOLD THAT SHIT BUT YOU CAN FEEL IT. Bah-leedat!

WITCHES LIVE IN PONDS THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T BATHE = MIRACLE.
HOW DO THERMOSES KNOW IF IT'S HOT OR COLD = MIRACLE
elizardbits
Apr. 28th, 2010 09:33 pm (UTC)
the Twilight/Juggalo parody that I've been writing since last night.

OH GOD WHAT

*grabby hands*

haha Kassie sent me that video yesterday as well, the evil spammer. I lol'd.
stoney321
Apr. 28th, 2010 10:24 pm (UTC)
I JUST CAN'T STOP SEEING MIRACLES EVERYWHERE, LIZ.

I mean, internets: how do they work? Not to mention sparkle vampire babies that are eaten out of their mothers, MAGIC ALL UP IN THIS BITCH.

I think I'll have something lulzy to post tomorrow.

She just sent me a link to Jonnny Weir calling him a SLORE. (Slut + Whore.) Oh my god, they are MY FAVORITE.
elizardbits
Apr. 28th, 2010 11:28 pm (UTC)
JUGGALOS WILL NEVER STOP BEING FUNNY. NEVER.

They actually found a director for Breaking Dawn FYI. We will soon see the vampiric nomsarean section ON THE BIG (PRESUMABLY SPARKLY) SCREEN.

Edited at 2010-04-28 11:29 pm (UTC)
stoney321
Apr. 28th, 2010 11:37 pm (UTC)
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Except for OH SHIT, now I have to eat my computer like I publicly stated. GOD DAMNIT. (You have to know I'll be first in line to watch, gleefully writing down all of the shenanigans.)
elizardbits
Apr. 28th, 2010 11:41 pm (UTC)
As I was just flailing about elsewhere, my boss invested so heavily and so successfully in the entire Twilight franchise, that despite the horrifying economic downturn I still got a shockingly, unexpectedly huge xmas bonus last year. A BONUS OF TAINTED, FILTHY MONEY.

I feel like I should've spent most of it on drugs.
stoney321
Apr. 28th, 2010 11:56 pm (UTC)
OH MY GOD. You have to do salvia, that's the Mormon drug of choice. IT'S FITTING.

...and it's sparklePEEN. *cry* Oh my god. The whole franchise is just... GOD DAMN YOU SMEYERS.
elizardbits
Apr. 29th, 2010 12:06 am (UTC)
this is just to say
i have eaten
the uterus
that was filled
with freakish vampire fetus

and which
you were probably
not expecting
to have creepy fucking psychic powers

forgive me
this series is so stupid
i want to slaughter all of humanity
a lot

Edited at 2010-04-29 12:12 am (UTC)
stoney321
Apr. 29th, 2010 12:28 am (UTC)
I've started a slow clap. I expect it to reach you and knock you off your feet in 14.8 hours.
elizardbits
Apr. 29th, 2010 01:14 am (UTC)
OH MY GOD GLEE HAS MADE ME ANGRY
denelian
Apr. 30th, 2010 07:00 am (UTC)
apropros of nuthin' - the guy's name is "Condon" - except i first read it as "Condom" and thought "yeah - *I* would want to wear a condom while filming that freaking nomsarean scene...



sorry...................
ethrosdemon
Apr. 28th, 2010 11:31 pm (UTC)
Shut it, you slore.
elizardbits
Apr. 28th, 2010 11:42 pm (UTC)
*cuts you*
mosrael
Apr. 28th, 2010 10:27 pm (UTC)
Oh man, you might get a kick out of this: A Scientist's Rebuttal to ICP
stoney321
Apr. 28th, 2010 10:32 pm (UTC)
AHAHAHAHA, I JUST OPENED THAT LINK! You know what that means? Muthafuckin MIRACLE.
gabzilla
Apr. 28th, 2010 10:47 pm (UTC)
LOLZ

stoney321
Apr. 28th, 2010 10:52 pm (UTC)
Your icon says it all.

HOW DOES KERMIT DO SHIT? MIRACLE.
chrryblssmninja
Apr. 29th, 2010 06:11 am (UTC)
 
stoney321
Apr. 29th, 2010 12:50 pm (UTC)
Appropriate icon is appropriate!
oatmellow
Apr. 29th, 2010 04:45 pm (UTC)
LMMFAO = MIRACLE

denelian
Apr. 30th, 2010 06:58 am (UTC)
as a person who is mostly just a reader here for the lols [all of them. well, and also because i am gleaning ideas for how to help my nephew from stuff you post about your son. in a NOT-creepy-stalker-way, i hope - i only stalk your jokes]

i must say - i would LOVE to read that parody :) ICP drives me INSANE [oh dear fraking gods... wait, i can cuss here - HOLY FUCK is a much better analysis of how much i hate them] and the Sparkle!Pire franchise... that's what drew me here originally - someone who knew i hated Twilight sent me a link :)
( 38 comments — Leave a comment )

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