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YOU READ THAT CORRECTLY. So I'm killing time while helping a family member and ethrosdemon sent me this video. (SERIOUSLY. GO WATCH IT. Men Figure Skating RAP.)

And naturally I began imagining the Wu Tang Clan with they 40s and they Desert Es watchin this mofo up in hurr when them Slingblade Bay City Balla Bitchez come up thu club and they's like, "Pshht, Lysacek ain't got no game, Plushenko be tha one leavin with dat Big G, foo!"

And RZA be all pullin out his 9, sayin shit like, "This is MEN'S Figga Skatin, SON. Betta reckanize, mothafucka! Lysacek'll toe pick yo ASS, bitch."

And they be all gettin up in they faces, lickin' they lips like they LL or suh'n and Ghostface Killa points at them punk ass fools with his chin, all, "Whatchu gone do? Huh? I show you what a triple lutz is, motha fucka! Bes' protect yo NECK!"

Method Man popped up behind his boys, punchin he-self in tha head. "Right, right? Rightright?" Them other boys start to back they asses down. "I can do this all day, mother fucka!" Method Man jus kept on hittin heself like he crazy, "Plushenko is a mother fucka, he be all wobbly and shit pullin in them bitch scores, you bes' get yo head right!"

The GZA made a face and waved his hand at them kids. "Tchuh, y'all bes' sit yoselves down and learn from the motha fuckin master. It ain't all about fuckin triples and quads, bitch ass butt bitch, it's about puttin on a mothafuckin show. Boy's got some crazy mad skillz. He's mothafuckin Michael on Ice."

They all took a moment of silence for the King of mothafuckin pop, then the RZA starts beat boxing a smoov groove and Ghostface came in on top of that shit:

"Figga what? Figga-figga figga-figga please!
Evan's floatin' on the ice with the greatest of ease
Takin out bitchez, takin' out ho's
bringin' perfect scores everywhere that he goes.
Y'all say he be frontin some say he's a bitch
I fuckin' breakin' yo face with a little TOE PICK."


Fuckin' ice skatin' all up in this bitch. (Zambonies? How do they work? <-- MIRACLES, THAT'S HOW.)

[....

All I can say in my own defense is that I unleashed this on you and not the Twilight/Juggalo parody that I've been writing since last night. YOU'RE WELCOME. (Um, it's Breaking Dawn, totally mocking the "Miracles" video because OH MY GOD that is still making me laugh whenever I hear "fuckin magnets, how do they work?") OH AND HOW GHOSTS AND UFOS ARE MIRACLES. LOL x forever.]

Comments

( 38 comments — Leave a comment )
a_mistletoe
Apr. 28th, 2010 07:47 pm (UTC)
Yo mutha!! I wonder what kita would make of it? I think she likes the sparklier one though.
stoney321
Apr. 28th, 2010 07:57 pm (UTC)
Confession: I don't give a rat's fart about men's figure skating WHICH IS SACRILEGE, I KNOW. I do know that Kita is just going to tell me to drink more, though.
... - a_mistletoe - Apr. 28th, 2010 08:14 pm (UTC) - Expand
stephanierb
Apr. 28th, 2010 07:53 pm (UTC)

Ahahaha. That video was awesome. The bit about Plushenko's hair had me in stitches.

stoney321
Apr. 28th, 2010 07:57 pm (UTC)
The crazy thing about the vid? IT'S NOT IRONIC. LOL.
brunettepet
Apr. 28th, 2010 08:09 pm (UTC)
I can't believe that vid is a serious tribute! I need a 40 now.

Wu Tang self medicatin' wit copious amounts of chronic and 40s, arguin' over figga skatin' makes perfect sense.
stoney321
Apr. 28th, 2010 08:29 pm (UTC)
Oh, it's serious. SERIOUSLY HILARIOUS. If ever there was something that deserved a hip hop tribute, it's mens figure skating. Or knitting.
... - brunettepet - Apr. 28th, 2010 08:40 pm (UTC) - Expand
pluckygirl
Apr. 28th, 2010 08:20 pm (UTC)
You should watch this... it's teh funny
stoney321
Apr. 28th, 2010 08:32 pm (UTC)
Re: You should watch this... it's teh funny
Pssht, I posted a link to that months ago! :D It's hilarious.
essene
Apr. 28th, 2010 08:40 pm (UTC)
*snerk* You is one crazy ass bitch, yo.
stoney321
Apr. 28th, 2010 08:50 pm (UTC)
Nickel, please. ;)
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Apr. 28th, 2010 09:26 pm (UTC)
IT WILL NEVER STOP BEING FUNNY
fuckin rainbows and shit! motherfuckin scientists tell me shit and getting me pissed...

Fizzy pop = MIRACLE
Doorbell ringing = MIRACLE
Shoes = MIRACLE

Magic all up in this shit. Cellphones: HOW DO THEY WORK?
(Deleted comment)
... - stoney321 - Apr. 28th, 2010 10:25 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
... - stoney321 - Apr. 28th, 2010 10:50 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: DO YOU NOTICE AND RECOGNIZE MIRACLES - stoney321 - Apr. 28th, 2010 09:31 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
Re: DO YOU NOTICE AND RECOGNIZE MIRACLES - stoney321 - Apr. 28th, 2010 10:27 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
MAGIC ALL UP IN THIS BITCH - stoney321 - Apr. 28th, 2010 10:51 pm (UTC) - Expand
elizardbits
Apr. 28th, 2010 09:33 pm (UTC)
the Twilight/Juggalo parody that I've been writing since last night.

OH GOD WHAT

*grabby hands*

haha Kassie sent me that video yesterday as well, the evil spammer. I lol'd.
stoney321
Apr. 28th, 2010 10:24 pm (UTC)
I JUST CAN'T STOP SEEING MIRACLES EVERYWHERE, LIZ.

I mean, internets: how do they work? Not to mention sparkle vampire babies that are eaten out of their mothers, MAGIC ALL UP IN THIS BITCH.

I think I'll have something lulzy to post tomorrow.

She just sent me a link to Jonnny Weir calling him a SLORE. (Slut + Whore.) Oh my god, they are MY FAVORITE.
... - elizardbits - Apr. 28th, 2010 11:28 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Apr. 28th, 2010 11:37 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - elizardbits - Apr. 28th, 2010 11:41 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Apr. 28th, 2010 11:56 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - elizardbits - Apr. 29th, 2010 12:06 am (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Apr. 29th, 2010 12:28 am (UTC) - Expand
... - elizardbits - Apr. 29th, 2010 01:14 am (UTC) - Expand
... - denelian - Apr. 30th, 2010 07:00 am (UTC) - Expand
... - ethrosdemon - Apr. 28th, 2010 11:31 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - elizardbits - Apr. 28th, 2010 11:42 pm (UTC) - Expand
mosrael
Apr. 28th, 2010 10:27 pm (UTC)
Oh man, you might get a kick out of this: A Scientist's Rebuttal to ICP
stoney321
Apr. 28th, 2010 10:32 pm (UTC)
AHAHAHAHA, I JUST OPENED THAT LINK! You know what that means? Muthafuckin MIRACLE.
gabzilla
Apr. 28th, 2010 10:47 pm (UTC)
LOLZ

stoney321
Apr. 28th, 2010 10:52 pm (UTC)
Your icon says it all.

HOW DOES KERMIT DO SHIT? MIRACLE.
chrryblssmninja
Apr. 29th, 2010 06:11 am (UTC)
 
stoney321
Apr. 29th, 2010 12:50 pm (UTC)
Appropriate icon is appropriate!
oatmellow
Apr. 29th, 2010 04:45 pm (UTC)
LMMFAO = MIRACLE

denelian
Apr. 30th, 2010 06:58 am (UTC)
as a person who is mostly just a reader here for the lols [all of them. well, and also because i am gleaning ideas for how to help my nephew from stuff you post about your son. in a NOT-creepy-stalker-way, i hope - i only stalk your jokes]

i must say - i would LOVE to read that parody :) ICP drives me INSANE [oh dear fraking gods... wait, i can cuss here - HOLY FUCK is a much better analysis of how much i hate them] and the Sparkle!Pire franchise... that's what drew me here originally - someone who knew i hated Twilight sent me a link :)
( 38 comments — Leave a comment )

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Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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