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Guys, seriously. Seriously. Fer serios.

I know this isn't popular, and I'm sure to make some eyes roll (at the very least) but I really need to get this off my chest:

I believe without a doubt that the devil played that fiddle better than Johnny, who, let's face it, relied on corny phrases and yee-haw chords to win a contest that was clearly rigged from the start.

Let the defriending begin.

(I MEAN COME ON, IT MADE AN EVIL HISS AND FIRE FLEW FROM HIS FINGERTIPS AS HE RESINED UP HIS BOW. He hadn't even started playing that golden fiddle yet and fire was all shooting out in anticipation of some Lucifer hoe-down. And I'm sorry, but chickens in the bread pans picking out dough is disgusting. Hadn't Granny heard of salmonella? RIGGED CONTEST.)

Last, the most ridiculous question I've seen today: "What can I do with leftover wine?" LOL!! OMG, there's no such thing as leftover wine, whaaaaaat?

this post brought to you by the general feeling that a little levity would do some good, zomg

Comments

( 75 comments — Leave a comment )
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dampersnspoons
May. 10th, 2010 06:53 pm (UTC)
Fire on the mountain, run boys, run! *Squeedledeedledeedle-deedledeedle-deedledee*
The Devil's in the House of the Rising Sun *Squeedledee-squeedledee-deedledeedee!*
Chicken in the bread pan pickin' at dough
Granny does your dog bite? No child, no!

*squeedle-deedle-deedledeedle Squeedle-deedle-etcX10*
stoney321
May. 10th, 2010 06:57 pm (UTC)
SEE WHAT I MEAN? That can't compare to the avant guarde stringin' Old Scratch laid down.

*dances a jig* You meeeeeeeeeeet another and PBBLT! you were gone.
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
May. 10th, 2010 06:58 pm (UTC)
SEE THIS. THIS IS WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. JOHNNY IS BALLS ON THE FIDDLE. BAAAAAAAAAALLS!
turnonmyheels
May. 10th, 2010 06:58 pm (UTC)
Anything that sounds something like

dun dun dundedun duhdundundun doodoodooodoodoodoodoodoodoodoodoododooododoodo

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv boht both both SWWWWIIIIIIIII



Sounds so much better than askin' anybody's Granny *anything* that it's pointless to compare.

Something tells me that after the Devil heard Johnny's song, he didn't bow his head because he'd been beat, but because he realized Johnny didn't have any soul to steal.
stoney321
May. 10th, 2010 06:59 pm (UTC)
OH SNAP!!!!!!! BEST COMEBACK EVER IN THE HISTORY OF SPEAKING, B.
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menomegirl
May. 10th, 2010 07:07 pm (UTC)
Hahahahahaha.

I ♥ you
stoney321
May. 10th, 2010 07:13 pm (UTC)
*jumps up on that hickory stump to show you what I got!*
... - luvxander - May. 10th, 2010 07:39 pm (UTC) - Expand
minim_calibre
May. 10th, 2010 07:15 pm (UTC)
I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH THIS STATEMENT AND HAVE FOR OVER 20 YEARS.
stoney321
May. 10th, 2010 07:23 pm (UTC)
THIS IS WHY YOU ARE SO SMART.
minstrel666
May. 10th, 2010 07:24 pm (UTC)
So... the devil is Nigel Kennedy?
stoney321
May. 10th, 2010 07:52 pm (UTC)
I... huh?
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mumsisdaughter
May. 10th, 2010 07:29 pm (UTC)
Danse Macabre ftw! Anyway, I've got no idea what the contest was, rigged or not. Some sort of America's Got Talent? Simon Cowell involved? I think I've neglected to leave any left-over wine.

What I meant to say is I love the 'quixotic hamster in a helmet'.

Levity is good. I want enough to help me float away.
stoney321
May. 10th, 2010 07:52 pm (UTC)
The Devil Went Down To Georgia, that iconic country song!
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(Deleted comment)
stoney321
May. 10th, 2010 07:53 pm (UTC)
NO finesse, NO artistry, just some jangly chord sawing!
huzzlewhat
May. 10th, 2010 07:37 pm (UTC)
I believe without a doubt that the devil played that fiddle better than Johnny, who, let's face it, relied on corny phrases and yee-haw chords to win a contest that was clearly rigged from the start.

Oh, I agree. A thousand times agree. I don't remember the first time I heard that song, but I do remember being so surprised at how it ended. I honestly expected Johnny to get dragged down to hell, because it was so clear to me that the devil won the contest. :-)

"What can I do with leftover wine?"

These words make no sense to me.
stoney321
May. 10th, 2010 07:53 pm (UTC)
LEFTOVER WINE. WHAT IS THAT? Is that like imaginary numbers or something!?
... - nwhepcat - May. 10th, 2010 11:20 pm (UTC) - Expand
soberloki
May. 10th, 2010 07:37 pm (UTC)
LMFAO... you rock, bay-buh.
stoney321
May. 10th, 2010 07:54 pm (UTC)
But we both know the Devil would kick the PANTS off me in a fiddlin' contest. But then, WOULD I EVEN BE WEARING PANTS?
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estrella30
May. 10th, 2010 07:38 pm (UTC)
HAHA, my sister in law gave me some kind of fancy ass wine stopper for mothers day yesterday and she says "it's so, you know, it'll look PRETTY when you save the leftover wine!" and without even thinking about it I said "Oh, sure, I usually have at least a LITTLE left in the second bottle!"

aaaaaaaaand then all of my inlaws judged me. WHOOPS!
stoney321
May. 10th, 2010 07:55 pm (UTC)
WHATEVER, THEY ARE WEIRDOS. There is no such thing as leftover wine, only wine I'm about to drink.

(And really, am I the only one that can get the original cork back in? Or am I some kind of tacky asshole for doing that? Is it because I picked my nose with the cork first? You can tell me.)
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copykween
May. 10th, 2010 07:39 pm (UTC)
Totally rigged. Or voted on by American Idol viewers. Which is kind of the same thing....

Huh. Leftover wine? I'm not familiar with this mythical occurrence.
stoney321
May. 10th, 2010 07:55 pm (UTC)
I know - it's like a flying unicorn! WHAAAAAT?
luvxander
May. 10th, 2010 07:43 pm (UTC)
IT WAS RIGGED AND I HAVE PROOF!!! There was a tiny tape recorder hidden in Johnny's "golden" fiddle and he was fiddle-syncing the entire time. How else could there have still been music when he was speaking? Did he have a back up band? NO, he did not! Explain that one, Mr. Cochran!

Also, I googled, there's no such thing as "leftover wine".
stoney321
May. 10th, 2010 07:56 pm (UTC)
Oh, well then it's settled! Nothing on google means IT DOES NOT EXIST.
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silmaril
May. 10th, 2010 07:54 pm (UTC)
Yup. This, pretty much.
stoney321
May. 10th, 2010 07:56 pm (UTC)
Double true.
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a_mistletoe
May. 10th, 2010 08:06 pm (UTC)
Have the Muppets done a version of this? I'm sure it would provide definitive proof that the Devil was a clear winner and Johnny's granny put something in the dough to nobble him. Hence the chicken interest. The Muppet chickens would have pecked her, not the breadpan, thus giving victory to the Devil!!! I may have been drinking leftover wine (definition: wine that was not in the first glass.)
stoney321
May. 10th, 2010 08:09 pm (UTC)
I feel pretty positive there was a Muppets version of this song, but it most likely ended with Fozzie tripping over the devil, knocking Miss Piggy in Robin who freaked out and Gonzo ran in with a bunch of chickens.
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fabrisse
May. 10th, 2010 08:31 pm (UTC)
I agree. I've never understood why the band thought the devil lost, especially since Charlie Daniels played both parts.

As for leftover wine... Wine Jelly. It's really good and cooling on a hot summer day.
stoney321
May. 10th, 2010 08:49 pm (UTC)
Wine...jelly? But, I thought we all agreed there's no such thing as leftover wine? Just wine I have yet to swallow?
... - fabrisse - May. 10th, 2010 09:46 pm (UTC) - Expand
peneli
May. 10th, 2010 08:42 pm (UTC)
I just always figured it was a standard he gets your soul either way, right then or in the long run through pride & greed (contest for a golden fiddle? saying you're the best ever? DUH!)
killiara
May. 10th, 2010 09:46 pm (UTC)
THIS. THISTHISTHISTHISTHISTHIS.
At least there was a second part written to the story, the Devil comes back and takes a much older Johnny up on his offer of a rematch (Now Devil just come on back if you ever wanna try again). Thing is.. Johnny's out of practice. BADLY out of practice. And song number 2 does not tell us how the contest ends...
jenbooks
May. 10th, 2010 09:05 pm (UTC)
See, and I never understood the "fiddle made of gold" part. I mean, it'd be too heavy to play, right? And could it really have good sound? I think not.
stoney321
May. 10th, 2010 11:10 pm (UTC)
READ COMMENT DIRECTLY BELOW.
gehayi
May. 10th, 2010 09:27 pm (UTC)
Apparently physics demands that even if you have an electric violin, part of the violin HAS to be made of wood so that the strings will vibrate correctly. So, basically, a shiny fiddle made of gold would sound like shit. And you, Johnny--self-proclaimed expert fiddler--are too dumb to know that.

So, kid, you're the best that's ever been...and you're gambling your soul against a shiny fiddle that's unplayable. Sure, you could sell it as a curiosity (and the money that you earn from selling it will probably be cursed, since you got the violin from the Devil). But if you keep it, it's not going to help you play any better. In fact, you'll probably sound worse.

Also, the violin was once called "the devil's instrument." Ergo, you obviously are not playing better than the guy the instrument was DESIGNED for.

Personally, I think that the Devil figured your soul was too weak and puny to be worth taking, so he decided to maximize on damnation by giving you a present straight from Hell that would destroy anyone it came in contact with.

And you fell for it, Johnny. You dumbass.
stoney321
May. 10th, 2010 11:10 pm (UTC)
LOL x FOREVER.
elizardbits
May. 10th, 2010 09:50 pm (UTC)
What can I do with leftover wine?

This sentence makes about as much sense as such ridic phrases as "extra cake" or "unnecessary hot boykissing" or "robert downey jr has been naked too often lately".
stoney321
May. 10th, 2010 10:26 pm (UTC)
LOL at RDJ naked for too long, HOW IS THAT A PROBLEM? Short answer: IT ISN'T.

EVER.
cityphonelines
May. 10th, 2010 10:08 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry, left over wine? I don't - HUH?? People should be happy I have enough wine left over to COOK WITH.

Also, just spent forever at you other post and SOME PEOPLE, MAN.

As far as fancy ass fiddlin' goes, I prefer a banjo, that's real playing. I'm just sayin'.
stoney321
May. 10th, 2010 11:08 pm (UTC)
Um, didn't we all learn that "leftover wine" is code for SECOND DRINKS? As in, someone didn't finish theirs at my house, so I get a second chance to finish it when no one's looking??

God, it's like no one knows anything anymore.

BANJO. That's my dream instrument, trufax.
roonilwazlib6
May. 10th, 2010 10:40 pm (UTC)
When he was in college, my fiance and his roommate would buy bottles of wine, and since they didn't have a corkscrew or anything they'd just push the cork into the bottle. Which meant they'd have to drink the whole bottle so... we never have left-overs lol. (Even though we do have a fancy-shmancy bottle opener now.)
stoney321
May. 10th, 2010 11:09 pm (UTC)
I'm assuming you saw the video of the drunk Frenchman that opened a bottle of wine with his shoe? ENLIGHTENING. Hee.
(Deleted comment)
entrenous88
May. 10th, 2010 11:03 pm (UTC)
LOL!

*falls over*
stoney321
May. 10th, 2010 11:07 pm (UTC)
Jess. I know. I KNOW. I'm really going out on a limb here, but... Johnny wasn't that good! Satan went to JULLIARD, OKAY? No one ever takes that into account, NOT TO MENTION that Satan plays violin, so picking up a fiddle is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

...won't someone think of the baby Satan? He lost his golden fiddle! His GRANDPA gave him that!
morgielefae
May. 10th, 2010 11:56 pm (UTC)
Pfffft. The Devil had so many more years of experience. Anyone who thinks Johnny is a better player is delusional.

But who would win in a violin contest between the Devil and Emilie Autumn?
maybe1ce
May. 11th, 2010 12:43 am (UTC)
Q: What do I do with leftover wine?
A: Drink it, fool.
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