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If my husband could go ahead and buy a red sports car and flirt with his secretary so we can knock this flippin' mid-life crisis out of the way, that would be super keen with me. He sounded shocked (shocked!) that his mother's third bout of cancer (not currently going well) his job path being set in stone now, his son having Asperger's, his beloved cat dying, and his just turning 40 and acquiring man boobs would have anything to do with his current bout of malaise and sorrow, all of which have been directed at me in the form of eye rolling, huffing and puffing, and outrageous out of nowhere arguments about nothing. True fact: the argument I hate more than any is the one that stems from "Yes, I know you said that, but I thought you said this." "Well, I didn't." "Right, but I thought you said..." AUGH!!!! Shut up shut up shut up!!

Yeah, I'm kinda busy here dealing with all of that, too, not to mention the running of a house, trying not to drown our teens when they act like teens, cleaning up dog and cat poop, canning 58 pounds of peaches so they don't rot, handling all of the upcoming school changes, and keeping everyone from the "I'm bored" crap that comes with summer while you, dear husband, travel and live in hotels with room service and housekeeping.

Oh, and then there's the mistake I made of googling my newly released movie and finding all of the bad reviews (there are good ones, too) that mention the "bad supporting actors" that were "over the top" [and I wonder, what the hell did you think you were getting, a Zeffirelli?] the lack of call backs on the acting front (making me think there's something to those reviews) the lack of any advancement on the writing front (and the lack of ambition on my part because of lack of blah blah blah) the posts and comments hither and yon (and in my own lj) expressing hatred for me because I dare to talk about my extreme dislike of Twilight and why I'm a stupid, horrible, angry person with too much time on their hands.

To which I give a resounding, hearty laugh, because where the hell is this extra time, because I could use it!?!

Bad day. Bad series of non-stop crazy days. I'm not even going to go into all the wank online, because I'm avoiding that crap like a zombie with a hunger for my brains. And the first person that tells me to "just breathe" gets my foot in their throat meat. (I cannot STAND that trite saying, for the record. Hate that like I hate sparklepires.) I just need to vent, guys.

I feel that some decadent cookies are in order today, and the house can just clean itself. And if my dog loses a leg and my truck gets stolen, I'm moving into a cardboard box in the mountains, I'm just saying.


( 116 comments — Leave a comment )
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Jul. 7th, 2010 05:10 pm (UTC)
Mmm, cookies.

I don't know, but this might make you laugh -- I was in a relationship with a woman that didn't last very long because she had a tattoo of "just breathe" on her forearm and I knew from the moment I saw it that we were not meant to be.
Jul. 7th, 2010 05:16 pm (UTC)
THAT IS THE GREATEST STORY EVER. I fully support that decision of yours.
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Jul. 7th, 2010 05:11 pm (UTC)
Damn, that's a lot of crappy stuff. *gives you loads of cookies and a bazooka*
Jul. 7th, 2010 05:17 pm (UTC)
Oooh, the bazooka is my favorite! It's so indiscriminate and messy. :)
Jul. 7th, 2010 05:15 pm (UTC)
Dude, sometimes it is all just TOO MUCH.

Have those cookies and hire a cleaning lady? I dunno. It's going to be 100+ here again today, so my brain, it is mush.

*sloshing noises*
Jul. 7th, 2010 05:18 pm (UTC)
YES. Normally I can take it, I have strong shoulders, blah blah, but today? NO MORE, PLEASE.

The heat isn't helping anything either, right? Esp. when it's hot and still. A breeze would come in handy. And a cavalcade of servants.
Jul. 7th, 2010 05:15 pm (UTC)
Hate it when life piles up, and then my husband comes come full of venom from work and dumps it on me - most often in the form of that "I thought you said/meant" argument. Enough to make me want to kick someone in the teeth. When I'm not happy, I try not to dump all my shit on the people who love me... Crazy me, I know.

This'll make you smile, though. All the HULK characters are worth following (esp. DRUNKHULK) but this is something I had to retweet:

Jul. 7th, 2010 05:17 pm (UTC)

I want this on a shirt! I would wear it PROUDLY!!
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Jul. 7th, 2010 05:16 pm (UTC)
You know what else I hate? When someone tells me to "Calm down." GRRR!!!!

Edited for typo.
Jul. 7th, 2010 05:19 pm (UTC)
Oh me too... That just pushes my rage button.
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Jul. 7th, 2010 05:23 pm (UTC)
You really have to stop not saying those things to your husband. *rolls her eyes*

Somehow I think things got mixed up somewhere. YOU are supposed to be the one with the room service and housekeeping!
Jul. 7th, 2010 05:26 pm (UTC)
I do have a birthday coming up, so I guess now I know what to ask for! Just... someone make me dinner. And clean up afterward without me demanding people follow through. FOR STARTERS.

It's exhausting some days. This is just one of those days.
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Jul. 7th, 2010 05:27 pm (UTC)
It's just a bad day I need to vent. I'm sure I'll look back on this in a day or two and be embarrassed by my outburst. :)

And these 14 year olds can grow up any day now, right?!
(Deleted comment)
Jul. 7th, 2010 05:25 pm (UTC)
fuck breathing. this shit calls for mas tequila and chocolate. but probably not together
Jul. 7th, 2010 05:27 pm (UTC)
I would like a cadre of assistants to deal with this shit while I sit around and read random things and have delicious nibbles at fingertip reach. And fancy summer drinks. I could use all of those things today.
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Jul. 7th, 2010 05:27 pm (UTC)
Definitely eat the cookies!

I really hate the "Just breath" cliche. I AM breathing, how is thinking about an automatic function going to make feel me any better about the world around me turning to a flaming bag of poo? It's on fire! FIRE!

Anyway, you are awesome. The end.
Jul. 7th, 2010 05:28 pm (UTC)
Oatmeal pecan chocolate chunk cookies. Hot. And many of them. I REQUIRE THEM, STAT.

(And thank you. *leans*)
Jul. 7th, 2010 05:38 pm (UTC)
I was going to offer to give you a hug and then I realized that is just as inane as telling you to just breathe. So I will kick today into tomorrow for you hoping that when it arrives it will just be better!
Speaking of cookies - I am fortunate to live next door to a woman who's sole purpose in life right now is perfecting the american version of this little French macaroon.


And I am her guinea pig!
So have a macaroon.
Jul. 7th, 2010 05:48 pm (UTC)
Oh, hugs aren't inane. It's the "I'm calm and will guide you through it, crazy person" tone of "just breathe" that makes me ... crazy. :)

Oooh, to live next to such a woman!!
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Jul. 7th, 2010 05:46 pm (UTC)
Decadent cookies are always in order. D: I hope things get better.

RE: Just breathe: what ticks me off more than that (I am already breathing, dammit, what a stupid phrase) is when people spell breathe as breath. It makes me so angry :C "Just breath" "NO DIE D<"

Also, RE: angry comments on your LJ: you could fire that free time argument right back at them, which is always fun.
Jul. 7th, 2010 05:49 pm (UTC)
AHAHAHAHAHA, at the lack of E. I have that same reaction!

And lol, I have in the past, but then it just degenerates into a series of =P back and forth. Ha.
Jul. 7th, 2010 05:46 pm (UTC)
Hi, uhm, I love you.

And whatever you do DON'T BREATHE.
Jul. 7th, 2010 05:50 pm (UTC)

And don't worry, I'm holding all of my breath. Blue is slimming. ;)
Jul. 7th, 2010 06:03 pm (UTC)
Your posts re: Twilight are made of hilarious, and you really need that self-cleaning house. (Weren't we promised self-cleaning houses by the Jetsons?)

Maybe you can make the teenagers can the peaches?
Jul. 7th, 2010 06:15 pm (UTC)
I would like the push button house that Daffy Duck sold to Elmer J. Fudd, Millionaire.

I've made them help me along the way, it's just... that's how many pounds I have LEFT. (9 qt. 6 pints of white peaches done. the rest is yellow peaches. Not to mention 10 half-pints of peach nectar done. I'll be glad when it's over, my hands are just tired of the sticky.)
Jul. 7th, 2010 06:09 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry you're having such a bad time of it lately. For the record, I adore your posts, think you're funny as shit and completely agree with your mocking and scorn for the Twiheads.

Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.
Jul. 7th, 2010 06:16 pm (UTC)
Your last sentence is normally my modus operandi, I'm just too weighted down today to be able to laugh. It'll come, though. Some clicking on Fail Blog should do the trick. :)
Jul. 7th, 2010 06:14 pm (UTC)
Mama Stone should drink one of these (http://www.realsimple.com/cooldrinks) with her cookies.

Jul. 7th, 2010 06:17 pm (UTC)
I AGREE WITH THIS AND WANT ONE TO MATERIALIZE RIGHT NOW. (man, does that look refreshing!)
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Jul. 7th, 2010 06:16 pm (UTC)
But... but... I LIKE Blood on the Highway. It's supposed to come in at the end of the week, and I'm gonna have a vewing party with my mom and some friends. Your acting fits the tone of the movie perfectly, and if they can't see that well then phooey on them.
Jul. 7th, 2010 06:18 pm (UTC)
I like it, too! But it's pretty upfront with not being a serious movie and being pretty damn offensive. Eh. I just didn't need to read three reviews in a row that were negative. (Not to mention insulting Nicholas Brendon, who is an absolute sweetheart and did the movie for a pittance because he thought it was funny. He's terrific.)
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Jul. 7th, 2010 06:20 pm (UTC)
I would like to throw in my two cents of personal observation that yes, Mr. Stoney has been a bit gruff and snappy. I guess you can be grateful that he hasn't pierced his ear with a diamond stud or developed a new fascination with pinkie rings. Because then he would have to go away for a long time, or be kept in a cardboard box in the mountains (where you will decidedly not be for the proposed reasons).

I hope your day gets better! Your sister loves you and knows all that we ladies do while our husbands think life is so hard and stressful and meanwhile our jobs never end. EFF THAT ES IN THE A HOLE.
Jul. 7th, 2010 06:37 pm (UTC)
OK, it's really gratifying to know I'm not imagining things. (like his: OMG YOU HAVE TO SUUUUUEEEEE! conversation Friday. Slow down, Honcho.)

He did buy tasseled loafers to spite me, though. He only wears them when he travels because I cannot abide them. Bargh.

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Jul. 7th, 2010 06:36 pm (UTC)
Venting = totally appropriate. I haven't seen your movie yet, so I can not attest to your acting skillz, but I do read your posts, and can tell you that you are definitely a talented writer.

Also, I have an entire group of friends IRL who hate Twilight, and I tend to point them to your entries for supporting arguments, b/c we all agree w/ you that they are not just bad writing, they are damaging on a level 90% of the population is turning a blind eye too.

And maybe nothing in this comment makes you feel better, b/c supportive comments may not be what you need to hear/read right now, and that's ok too.

I just happen to think you are genuinely a very cool and wickedly intelligent person, who keeps one heck of a complicated life running in a way that often makes it seem easy, and I respect that.
Jul. 7th, 2010 06:39 pm (UTC)
For the record, the directions were: be a disgusting over sexed trailer whore. So. When you finally see it, you can tell me if I hit my mark. :) (And thank you. *hugs*)

And it is VERY GRATIFYING to know that I'm not being an "alarmist" when I say how damaging those books can be ESP. because of how popular they are (and seemingly untouched with real criticism on a public scale.)

[Edited for proper icon usage. :)]

Edited at 2010-07-07 06:39 pm (UTC)
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Jul. 7th, 2010 06:40 pm (UTC)
*throws chocolate on*
Jul. 7th, 2010 08:57 pm (UTC)
Jul. 7th, 2010 06:40 pm (UTC)

Maybe you could mix a little 'aromatic' smoke in there.

ANYway - sometimes men suck so hard i frankly can barely restrain myself from beating them to death with a handy stick. With a nail in.

And if my daughter's room gets any more revolting, i'm gonna shovel it all into garbage bags and call it done.

On the upside, there are leftover ribs in my 'fridge. Mmmmmmmmmmm.
Jul. 7th, 2010 08:59 pm (UTC)

And you have to know by now that I've DONE that shoveling thing. I mean what I say, yo. (They know by now not to test me, however. And guess what they're all doing? Cleaning. HOORAY.)

Mmmm, ribs.
(Deleted comment)
Jul. 7th, 2010 09:00 pm (UTC)
Ugh, it's just been intense! My back is just all in knots. Cookies are forthcoming, but I'm afraid the spa/pool by myself thing can't happen for a few days. But I think you're right: I need some alone time pronto.
Jul. 7th, 2010 06:45 pm (UTC)
My husband went through the 'manopause' and had the same nonsensical twisted logic about conversations we didn't actually have. He got over it but now the trouble is he's going deaf and blaming me for not talking loudly enough! My fault he can't hear, is it? Insists his hearing is fine, he doesn't need to have his hearing tested, it's me that should talk LOUDLY! The vanity of men, it never ends.
Jul. 7th, 2010 09:00 pm (UTC)
LOL at manopause! And OY at your current problem. There's not enough head desking to confront that!
Jul. 7th, 2010 06:48 pm (UTC)
A little goodie for you:


Just Br..............................eak something! HA! Or eat cookies, or ice cream. My life has piled up on me too, so I am totally picking up what you are putting down. My life has slightly fewer players living in my house, but ZOMG! I mean, would be be so hard for life to slow the eff down for a second? Srsly.

HUGS from Nebraska. If I was there I would drag you out for a margarita ;)

Jul. 7th, 2010 08:48 pm (UTC)
The video is great, but the comments are AWESOME!!!!
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Jul. 7th, 2010 07:25 pm (UTC)
It would be cooler in the mountains.

Sorry for the load you are carrying these days. Some weeks it just piles up doesn't it. And as to the "just breathe" talk, sometimes it feels good to hold your breath tight until your head explodes all over everybody telling you to breathe. Vent away!
Jul. 7th, 2010 09:03 pm (UTC)
SIGH, it really would be. Triple digits (but hey, that's all of the US, practically!)

And that's it: it's just piled up to a breaking point today. Cherry limeade slush from Sonic is putting a happy face on me, so that's nice. *hugs*
Jul. 7th, 2010 07:27 pm (UTC)
Fuck the virtual cookies.

I send you virtual Margaritas, with the chaser of your choice.

Boys are smelly and stupid. My current strategy is to formulate recipes for my garden veggies in my head while he's speaking his nonsense. Then I go have a nice gimlet when nobody's looking. DONT JUDGE IT WORKS. so far.

In happier news, my formerly-Twilight-obsessed daughter is laughing with loud appreciation for the new book I bought for her. --> http://www.amazon.com/Nightlight-Parody-Harvard-Lampoon/dp/0307476103/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278529195&sr=1-1

"Complete with romance, danger, insufficient parental guardianship, creepy stalker-like behavior, and a vampire prom"

Jul. 7th, 2010 08:15 pm (UTC)
My library system isn't likely to be with-it enough to have this book.

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( 116 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

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