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That episode of Friends where Ross makes everyone listen to his crappy synthesizer music makes me LOL every time. That was my junior high, yo, everyone had Casios and tried to recreate the sounds of Depeche Mode and Siouxie & the Banshees. And honestly, most of the dubstep/80s inspired music that's out right now sounds so terrible to me. It's like the point of the music is to have the tinniest, thinnest, crappiest sounding electronica playing and then ridiculously earnest (and embarrassingly navel-gazing) lyrics whined in a nasal, breathy tone. No me gusta. Also, I think I used up all of the adverbs and adjectives, sorry.

And then there was this mix of a song by a band [who's very picture makes me want to punch them in the Bert and Ernie sweaters. Oh, you're so hip and fresh! Bleh.] BUT THE SONG. All remixed by Matthew Dear, and let me tell you, if you see his name attached to anything, it's going to be golden. Honest. [The other mix on that page, not so much.]

I have very strong opinions on music, let me show you them, lol. OOOOH, the biggest BIGGEST BIGGEST pet peeve is when you can hear someone's damn fingers sliding up the guitar strings. NO. GAH, and I heard one song where that was like... on purpose. EVERY. DAMN. NOTE. "Skreeeeee! C SSKREEEEEE! E-flat." But that diminished 9TH? That's a man's chord. Ahahaha.

When you [general you] do that god awful sliding you have just told me that 1) you don't take your "art" seriously, 2) you are a hack, and 3) you don't practice strengthening your fingers like all stringed instrument players should. Before you try and tell me why it's okay (or why you don't notice it, etc.) let me stop you right there. My father and sisters are honest-to-god virtuosos on the guitar, both classical and acoustic. Dad trained with THE classical guitarists of the 20th century. You wouldn't be allowed to take your guitar out of the CASE if they knew you did that, esp. if you did that on purpose.

So. If you think you're a guitarist and still make that back-tooth pain skreeee! noise as you slide your fingers around, you've got a long way to go, dudebro. Get those fingers crisp and clean. Doesn't matter what style of music you're into, the best of all genres know that.

That was nice and random, huh? Nuh uh, this is. I made 15 foot long curtains this weekend. With grommet/rings to hang them by. They are GORGEOUS. I've only had the fabric in my craft closet for... a year? Well, it's because I have a crappy sewing machine (a Brother, aka "so you want to learn to sew!" machine.) I had to borrow my s-mom's bad ass Pfaff to get through the heavy material and was so sad to give it back to her that I decided to go hunt around and see if I could find a used one for a reasonable price. (Um, they are pricey. As in 2 - 3 GRAND. Damn.) I happened on a store that really needed to break even before the year was out and got an ABSOLUTE SCORE on a top of the line machine. I'm talking 60% off the retail price, just over his cost for the machine. Oh my god, I wriggled my tush all the way home. Like, I might make my own towels, or some shit. That's how happy I am. (Lol, no I won't. I think.)

AM I A PARTY ANIMAL, OR WHAT? Sewing and complaining, I'm almost your Nana. Wait, let me finish up making gingersnaps today and buy some hard candies. And can't you stand up straight?

OH. AND LASTLY, FOR LONGTIME LJ BUDS. Remember how I had a favorite aunt (Mormon) who wrote me off because I got mad about the totally repugnant racist crap she and her husband were mailing out while they were on their mission from God? GUESS WHO I HAD LUNCH WITH YESTERDAY. (And had no idea she would be there.) Oh, and guess who didn't bring up past ugliness? Neither of us. And guess who had a decent (if awkward and slightly nerve-wracking) lunch? She has two thumbs and wrote this post, that's who. GUYS I EVEN SAID GOOD THINGS ABOUT MISSIONARIES. I deserve my redonk sewing machine just for that angelic act, yo. LOL.

Comments

( 47 comments — Leave a comment )
entrenous88
Dec. 14th, 2010 03:10 pm (UTC)
Yay for your civil lunch with your aunt!

And now via the opening of your entry, I'm thinking of Ross and Monica doing The Routine.
stoney321
Dec. 14th, 2010 03:18 pm (UTC)
There were recipes shared! Pies eaten! PIE, J, PIE. It solves all of life's ills.

(Which... don't you need a slice of pie today? Perhaps a delicious buttermilk or Chess pie?)

THE ROUTINE. I knew you would enjoy the Friends references! Pretend I'm doing Monica's Turkey Dance for you.
entrenous88
Dec. 14th, 2010 03:20 pm (UTC)
That's so lovely! It's great that you reconnected with her, yay!

CHESS PIE! Awww! I seriously should make a pie today. It really would help absolutely everything. Maybe that one, or maybe Shoo-Fly Pie?

PIE!
stoney321
Dec. 14th, 2010 03:26 pm (UTC)
SHOO FLY PIE. Oh my stars, let me man the fwoomp tube!! <3
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Dec. 14th, 2010 03:29 pm (UTC)
There's a difference in a glissando (which is a change in key shift/pitch shift) to, say, the guitar work on one of those Black Eyed Peas songs where it's just a high pitched screech every time they shift chords. That's not a musical technique, that's a lack of technique.

I'm telling you, this is what you'd learn from Paco de Lucia or Andres Segovia.

And it should go without saying, this is my journal, my opinions, you are entitled to your own, wash, rinse, repeat.
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Dec. 14th, 2010 04:51 pm (UTC)
I just called my dad to make sure I wasn't talking out of my ass here, and he said that round-wrapped strings are notorious for making that sound on the low end, and if you get flat-wrapped, it cuts down that sound significantly.

Some is inevitable, but the squeaking I'm talking about is people using the string as a guide to slide up/down to a new chord, not, say, the fast chord work of an acoustic piece where a tiny "ree" noise might be heard.

Like, listen to "Classical Gas" when the bridge plays - four chords in quick succession, no screeching.

So I offer you a partial mea culpa. ;)
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Dec. 14th, 2010 06:06 pm (UTC)
I thought of a song where it's NOT the horrid sound I'm (poorly) describing: Blackbird, by The Beatles. There are tiny little noises that are inevitable due to their use of metal strings, etc. But in this one song I heard the other day, it's like it was a note they were purposely playing. "C chord SCREEEEEECH C Minor chord SCREEEEEEECH" etc.

*plays patty cake with you and sends you off with cookies* :D
(Deleted comment)
ruthless1
Dec. 14th, 2010 08:23 pm (UTC)
I was just going to chime in at some point and say - some of it depends on your strings. With the mandolin - when I was using Elixer (CRAP!) strings - that noise did happen and when I went back to D'Dario (sp?) strings - it stopped.
I think stylistically some people (teenage boys) think it's cool. Me. Not so much.
stoney321
Dec. 14th, 2010 08:36 pm (UTC)
I'm getting new strings for my sister's acoustic (not the sister online) and was going to get Elixir, med. weight. What about them don't you like? I want to make sure I get her a good set, IOW. :)

...oh, wait. Mandolin strings are probably different than acoustic guitar, huh? Like banjo, etc etc.?
ruthless1
Dec. 14th, 2010 08:44 pm (UTC)
Mando are definitely different than guitar BUT elixer's suck. They suck green monkey dicks in fact.
They literally tore my fingertips up. It was kind of gross. I would lose skin all the time when I played and my fingertips looked horrible and I really don't think they sound that great. They are touted as gortex but who in the hell needs gortex in a string? I am NOT putting my instrument in the rain irregardless of the water proofability of the strings. hehe. That was joke.
Check with the music store and see what they recommend. I had switched to elixer all on my own and when I finally asked the guys at the store about it - they all said "we were wondering why you used these crap strings" HA! I like D'dario - or whatever the spelling is. And I think their guitar strings are good too.
Medium weight is good if she is already a player and comfortable with it. Light weight is good for beginners. Doesn't hurt the fingers as much. Hope this helps.
stoney321
Dec. 14th, 2010 09:16 pm (UTC)
AH! See, the Elixirs for my sister's guitar are brass, not gortex! And lol at irregardlessly proofabiliti-ifying your strings. She plays a little classical on her acoustic, so the brass strings give a great, crisp sound.

I think my sisters and father switch between the Elixirs and the ones you're talking about. My sister's been playing for close to 30 years. She has some awesome calluses. ;)
a_mistletoe
Dec. 14th, 2010 03:28 pm (UTC)
I don't know what chess pie is. *is British*

Those young men should not only be punched in the Bert and Ernies (never mind the sweaters) but their hair should be taken out and humanely put down. I'm afraid the vocal hurt my head but I liked it up to that point.

Also yay for not liking squeaky chord changes. Dashed unprofessional I say and they make money?!? How standards are declining.

Reconciliation is good. Two thumbs up!!
stoney321
Dec. 14th, 2010 03:32 pm (UTC)
...I think it's close to a milk pie? Does that translate? It's an old school southern US pie, very sweet, like a baked custard with a crust. NOM NOM!

THE HAIR, AHAHAHA, YES! But that remix is awesome to me. I don't care for the original song, I should say, just the remix.

There's a mini kerfuffle happening about the squeaking chord changes, but I stand by my opinion and will not falter! *dies on stupid hill* Lol.
a_mistletoe
Dec. 14th, 2010 03:45 pm (UTC)
OK I googled chess pie and it sounds a bit like custard tart except it has cornmeal which is not a staple over here.

*stands beside you on stupid hill as the tattered standard flutters and grapeshot flies*
stoney321
Dec. 14th, 2010 04:07 pm (UTC)
Yes! Very similar. The cornmeal (a scant amount) floats to the surface and browns, giving the crust a crunchy little texture. You could omit it and brown the top like you would a creme brulee. OM NOM!
flyingichthyo
Dec. 14th, 2010 03:42 pm (UTC)
Oh, Stoney. I *did* straighten my back when you said "can't you stand up straight," and then I had a craving for a butterscotch. Ha!

Also, I totally didn't know that you can prevent the skree noise when playing guitar. Please, if you can direct me anywhere that will help me, or tell me how to do finger exercises... wow. No idea. Although the skree noise doesn't bother me, I'd like to prevent it if it bothers other people. And if it improves my technique, bring it on!
stoney321
Dec. 14th, 2010 04:11 pm (UTC)
AHAHAHAHAHAH! At least I didn't lick my thumb and wipe off that schmortz from your cheek.

I know that it doesn't bother some folks, but I grew up with a master guitarist (studio guitarist, instructor, etc., the man has skills, is what I'm saying) and that was Lesson 1: Proper Technique.

Finger exercises are easy, and you can do them any time. When I played viola, I did this multiple times a day: flip your instrument over so the back is facing you (or you can use a table, or other hard surface) Lay your left hand on the surface, as if you have a ping pong ball trapped (your fingers are curved.)

Tap your index finger 10 times, perfecting a sharp "tick!" noise, repeat with your middle finger, all the way down to your pinky. It's hard, that ring finger and pinky! But you'll develop strong, crisp fingering as a result. YAY! Then repeat over and over again. As important as mastering scales, says I!


<3

Edited at 2010-12-14 04:12 pm (UTC)
flyingichthyo
Dec. 14th, 2010 09:01 pm (UTC)
Omigosh. Thank you so much! And you'd think I'd know about this little trick, having taken piano lessons for years, but nooo.

I will practice!

::kiss::
stoney321
Dec. 14th, 2010 09:54 pm (UTC)
There's an illuminating convo happening above about strings, etc.

HIGHLY RECOMMEND, WOULD READ AGAIN, ETC.

;)
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Dec. 14th, 2010 04:53 pm (UTC)
I LOVE MY PFAFF. I have suffered under the weight of inferiority long enough, I have earned my new baby! LOL.

Ooooh, see, it's the "all metal" that makes a difference, though. My old one has some plastic parts, which is why it skips, etc.

The old machines are work horses, for sure! (But I couldn't find any good ones online at Craigslist, woe!)

The Husqvarna Viking equivalent to my new one retailed at $2400. DUDE. That's a huge chunk of change, yo.
ryokomusouka
Dec. 14th, 2010 05:43 pm (UTC)
Loves my Singer Featherweight. Old 40s machine with a belt on the outside. I sewed my first wedding dress on that baby.

Think I might have it pinstriped someday.
stoney321
Dec. 14th, 2010 06:08 pm (UTC)
Those old Singers are WORKHORSES. They just don't make Singers like they used to, huh? There's nothing like having a machine that just WORKS, right?
tabaqui
Dec. 14th, 2010 08:15 pm (UTC)
BWA!
I adore the 'skree' noise. I luffed it in 'Blackbird' and in any song, really. I dunno why, i just *like it*. I mean, yes, shouldn't be present in classical musical performances and whatnot but to me it just sounds kinda homey and 'sitting around with my buds, playing a little tune' kind of sound.

Now, doing it intentionally on *every single chord change* is annoying and stupid, but when it just happens? I like it.
:)

Bert and Earnie sweaters. HA. They are. But i'm with misletoe54 - the hair is fuxored. W. TFingF.

I wish i had a good sewing machine. I've got my mom's old Singer, but she replaced it for a reason and i can't ever thread the bobbin right and omfg, annoying. One of these days.....
stoney321
Dec. 14th, 2010 08:39 pm (UTC)
I just can't get past the sweaters. I want to mock them to their faces. BUT I LOVE LOVE LOVE THAT REMIX. I'd do better losing my eyesight than my hearing, is what I'm saying. :D

OH MY GOD. you know what I realized I'd been doing wrong with my bobbin this whole time? (Because the thread snaps off on a Pfaff if you do this) Putting the bobbin in the holder BACKWARDS. Ex.: when you put it in and run the thread through the groove, and you hold the lever that keeps it from falling out, look at the bobbin. When you pull the thread, it should pull clockwise.

On my Brother it didn't matter every time. On the Pfaff? No go.
tabaqui
Dec. 14th, 2010 08:47 pm (UTC)
Heeeeeee. Yeah, eyesight over hearing, but then i'd have to listen to the robo-voice read porn aloud. Not sure i could handle that.

My bobbin issue is i somehow do it wrong *every frickin' time* and it just won't catch on the needle and come up. So very *annoying*. Even doing it with my mom over my shoulder it takes a couple tries.

Probably another reason she wanted to replace that thing, heh.
ryokomusouka
Dec. 14th, 2010 09:51 pm (UTC)
The trick I learned with my new Singer is to plunk that bobbin into the bobbin case the same way it comes off the winder (it's on top).

My mom and daughters can't figure out how to THREAD my new machine - bobbin's the easy part. :<
tabaqui
Dec. 14th, 2010 10:03 pm (UTC)
Oh man. My mom's new machine is a nightmare to thread. Just - wth? It really should *not* be that hard!
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Dec. 14th, 2010 09:13 pm (UTC)
I want to do the "oh, oh, oh oh! What a feeling!" Toyota leap! <-- just dated myself, wow.

I am happy about it, too! LOVE YOU, ANNE-GIRL!
dovil
Dec. 14th, 2010 08:52 pm (UTC)
I'm going to come over to your house and get drunk and wrap myself in your long luxiourous curtains and then I'm going to fall over and rip them off the railing and then flail my legs out and smash it through the window and cut a leg artery, but hey, it's cool, because I have your curtains to stem the bleeding.

Mormon missionaries have fantastic leg muscles from all the bike riding. <- my nice thing, so where's my small appliance as a reward?
stoney321
Dec. 14th, 2010 09:18 pm (UTC)
You touch my curtains with your lanolin-soaked fingers and I'll cut you. See? You'll bleed either way. WIN/WIN.

Your small appliance is in your bedside table, don't be coy.
dovil
Dec. 14th, 2010 09:26 pm (UTC)
Small appliance? I have a light ute parked up in the corner of my room so I can charge it off the battery since going off the mains caused lights to dim three suburbs over.

I'll breathe on your curtains thereby making them an instant fire hazard and then fart while rubbing my sock covered feet on your carpet and burn down the entire house. Mwahahahaha!
stoney321
Dec. 14th, 2010 09:55 pm (UTC)
SO I AM IN THE MARKET FOR A FLOATING BED/ENCLOSURE. GUESS WHERE YOU'RE STAYING.
dovil
Dec. 14th, 2010 10:02 pm (UTC)
The local zoo? Everytime I go to stay at someone's place...

You desecrate and destroy a few households here and there and all of a sudden you're a social pariah. Where's MY parade?!
dovil
Dec. 14th, 2010 10:24 pm (UTC)
PS. I tie my many babies into guitar string harnesses and then when I'm tugging them around the malls I slide my fingers along the strings. You'll know when I'm doing it because that's when you get that mystery eye twitch.
dancetomato
Dec. 14th, 2010 09:36 pm (UTC)
Unagi.

Salmon skin roll.
stoney321
Dec. 14th, 2010 09:53 pm (UTC)
I have to do the finger twist thing when I hear/say "Unagi."

(And honestly, I looooooove the salmon skin roll.)
dancetomato
Dec. 14th, 2010 10:03 pm (UTC)
I always to the finger twist thing on unagi. It's kind of embarrassing when I order it.
dampersnspoons
Dec. 14th, 2010 10:19 pm (UTC)
I don't understand your guitar string-slide hate. I've never heard that was a bad thing, but I guess it's like nails on a chalkboard to you! I like it in an acoustic setting if it's a lazy sort of melody, and I think it adds a sort of organic sound if it happened unintentionally. I know dad is all about things being produced to a tee, but I think that's boring, and I think "too perfect" is "too sterile". A little soul and edge never hurt anybody, and a finger sliding up a string isn't a travesty to the guitarists of the world, just to people who are bothered by high pitched screechy noises, hahaha! And for them? I say, "I get ya!" But as a guitarist, I can say it's all a matter of personal preference, and not a mark of skill or lack thereof.

(And I'm totally bummed that I missed out on that sewing machine. I was so busy I couldn't listen to your message until you'd already given it away. LAME!!! :D But glad you're getting a new badass one!)
stoney321
Dec. 14th, 2010 10:38 pm (UTC)
OMG, Dad would go off if we were ever listening to music together. I have a lot of that in me, too. Like, I can't do Tom Waits. I KNOW, HERESY. The only voices I like that aren't perfect are Thom Yorke and Neil Young, but that's because I'm a dirty hippie.

And you know how it is with Dad, if he says it, it's gospel. SO HERE YOU ARE SCHOOLING ME WITH YOUR WORDS. I STAND (I'm sitting, actually) SCHOOLED. (I think Tiff gets her back up at that noise, too. All of your guitaring was done when I was in Utah, so I don't know your style! You should bring your git-fiddle to the house sometime and just play to an enraptured audience of me.)

Waaaah, I'm sorry! I tried to call, etc., and to take it back from Angie would be douchey. But you can come over and sew to your heart's content! Or borrow? *sad face emoticon*
dampersnspoons
Dec. 14th, 2010 10:44 pm (UTC)
Dad also goes off if people go outside of his mode of classical training. He's a purist, and for that reason, I respect his opinions highly. For a guy playing a classical guitar recital in front of people ready to judge his technique, yes, it would be a travesty to lazily slide one's fingers without precision unless the music called for it. But for rock 'n roll (makes fingers) you can't bog musicians down with technique. That's what classical music is for. Rock 'n roll is all about feeling and if someone's gotta slide their fingers to get to that rockin' note, then they're gonna slide those fangers all the live long day. Not to mention the usage of strings to make noises other than plucking or strumming, all sorts of noises are used in music, from tapping the string to scratching it on purpose, to strumming the tight, short bits where you wind a string into the pegs.

I am picky about music, too, and I've got some things that grate (like Bob Dylan's voice, but even he has moved me to tears musically so he gets a pass) but if the music is solid, if it moves me, if I'm tapping my toes and if it pleases my ear meats, I could give a f*ck if it's perfect. In fact, a person singing off key with their body and soul can be more moving to me than someone singing every note with perfect pitch. But that's why music is so versatile, because we all listen for different reasons. It's a knee-jerk reaction. You either love it right away, allow it to grow on you, or you have to turn it off immediately. No one's wrong in what they like, they're just wrong if they don't like what I do. HAHAHAHA
a2zmom
Dec. 15th, 2010 02:11 am (UTC)
I didn't know Matthew Dear but that was awesome. Do you have a cd rec?
( 47 comments — Leave a comment )

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Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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