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Srs. SOPHIE'S CHOICE TIME.

Poll #1670102 In the name of your GOD, take this poll!!!

Well? Which is it?!?

Cake!
111(56.6%)
Pie!
70(35.7%)
I hate desserts and all they represent!
0(0.0%)
I am a weakling and like both equally! (If you answer this, I will know that you cannot be counted on in the End of Days. DECISIVE, POR FAVOR.)
15(7.7%)

Down to the nitty gritty re: cake!

FROSTING! (Buttercream, natch)
83(43.2%)
FROSTING! (Lard-based, natch)
2(1.0%)
FROSTING! (cream cheese + I don't care it's CREAM CHEESE FROSTING)
71(37.0%)
ICING! (sugar sugar sugar sugar and some fat)
11(5.7%)
ICING! (Glaze-style, powdered sugar and sun'in' wet)
12(6.2%)
BARE I HATE ANYTHING THAT KEEPS ME FROM MY CAKE.
13(6.8%)

PIE NITTY GRITTY, oh my ever-loving god, TELL ME:

Meringue! Whispy white clouds of nom!
24(12.8%)
NEVER MERINGUE, god, it looks sweaty, feh.
10(5.3%)
Cool Whip/Whipped Cream! Either made on the cake, or added later!
33(17.6%)
ICE CREAM ON PIE. Melty cool goodness.
78(41.5%)
Nobody better put nothing on my pie, just GIMMIE PIE.
43(22.9%)

Laura, you Gee Dee sonofabee sting. You have alienated me by not having categorized the following!

CHEESECAKE. The one true dessert to rule us all.
76(40.9%)
BROWNIES. They are cake, but they are NOT CAKE, they are the BEST.
57(30.6%)
CONFECTIONS. Why are you hating on fudge and divinity? It is DIVINE, it's right there in the NAME.
15(8.1%)
COOKIES, what on earth you left out the ONLY THING THAT MATTERS TO ME IN THIS LIFE
33(17.7%)
Nasty Hard Candies that have congealed into a block in my Nana's front room in her ancient glass candy dish. ALSO, I AM 107 YEARS OLD.
5(2.7%)


Seriously you guys, this is so important, I can't even. (And the first person that COMPLAINS ABOUT or CHASTISES ME for leaving something out of this stupid thing is getting publicly mocked by yours truly.)

JERSEY SHORE IS TONIGHT AND I HATE ALL OF YOUR FACES FOR NOT LOVING IT LIKE I DO. That is some of the best writing of my LIFE, those recaps. (Ok, three of you are my new best friends and I'm growing organs for you. But the others? They are dead to me.)

Comments

( 134 comments — Leave a comment )
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elizardbits
Jan. 20th, 2011 08:09 pm (UTC)
OH MY GOD WHERE IS THE PUDDING YOU OPPRESSOR
stoney321
Jan. 20th, 2011 08:16 pm (UTC)
DAMMIT LIZ. Go sit in the corner. DO IT. No banana sticker for good behavior today, young lady.
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menomegirl
Jan. 20th, 2011 08:12 pm (UTC)
No multiiple choice!?!?! You made me choose fudge over cheesecake and brownies! ARGGG!!!!!!!!

*traumatized for life*
vermin_nz
Jan. 20th, 2011 08:16 pm (UTC)
I had the same problem...fudge, brownies and cheesecake...talk about a tough choice! At which point I thought about Russian fudge, chocolate brownie and cheesecake; if they were all on a plate and I could only have one, which one would I grab? Okay, so I should probably either grab the whole plate and run, or remember my waist - or lack thereof - and skip the lot...but hey, Laura mentioned fudge. A good Russian fudge is hard to resist.
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fishwithfeet
Jan. 20th, 2011 08:16 pm (UTC)
Cake over pie unless it's pumpkin and then all bets are off.
stoney321
Jan. 20th, 2011 08:17 pm (UTC)
THAT IS NOT A DECISION.

Obv. you meant to click PIE THEN. I am forceful. I AM A FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH.
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(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Jan. 20th, 2011 08:27 pm (UTC)
OH MY GOD YOU JUST MADE THE GROSSEST PIE EVER. I like pie, btw. I LOVE CAKE. Oh, and Grasshopper pie - isn't that a chocolate crumb crust and minty filling?

YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS IN MY POLL, I need to know who can shoot their children in the FACE if it comes down to it in the Zombie Times.

I still have to write up Monday's ep when Snooki is all drunk on the beach (whaaaaat? People get drunk on beaches?)

Ok. I officially do not hate your face. You can even bring your forty-seven layer pie to the Thunderdome.
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enigmaticblues
Jan. 20th, 2011 08:21 pm (UTC)
THERE IS NOTHING BETTER THAN A CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE FRESH OUT OF THE OVEN. NOTHING.
stoney321
Jan. 20th, 2011 08:27 pm (UTC)
YOU ARE NOT DOING SEX RIGHT.
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anniemare
Jan. 20th, 2011 08:38 pm (UTC)
CAKE! But if it has that light whipped frosting crap on it, DEATH!
stoney321
Jan. 20th, 2011 08:45 pm (UTC)
That's the lard-based frosting, I believe. Or wait, is that the lard-based icing? I HATE THEM BOTH.
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(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Jan. 20th, 2011 08:47 pm (UTC)
SUE YOU ARE NOT WELCOME IN MY ZOMBIE SHELTER. You've just shown me that you are all that's keeping my brains from being eaten by the undead on my block, and you'll be out there shilly-shallying and dithering over the definition of a cobbler or a crumble or a buckle or whatever the hell else desserts can be named while the jerkwad next door rips my child's head off.

THIS HAS SADDENED ME TO MY CORE, WOMAN.
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mangofandango
Jan. 20th, 2011 08:43 pm (UTC)
I selected the cool whip/whipped cream option but would like to state for the record that I do not consider Cool Whip a real food and it is NO REPLACEMENT FOR REAL LIVE WHIPPED CREAM OK. Carry on, now. :)
stoney321
Jan. 20th, 2011 08:48 pm (UTC)
LOOK, IN THE LAST DAYS WE NEED TO SIMPLIFY. If that means combining the definitions of Cool Whip and fresh Whipped, THEN I AM PREPARED TO DO SO.

This is how survivors think, okay? THIS IS HOW.
moosesal
Jan. 20th, 2011 08:53 pm (UTC)
What about pastry? And sticky buns? And donuts? (Buddy, though a lover of carrot cake, definitely wants to know where the donuts and sticky buns are. My dog has a sweet tooth.) And pudding? And creme brulee? And tarts? (I don't mean you or me, of course.) And bon bons? And caramels with dark chocolate and sea salt?
stoney321
Jan. 20th, 2011 08:57 pm (UTC)
PUBLIC SHAMING.

I AM SHAMING YOU AND MOCKING YOU FOR NOT BEING SATISFIED WITH MY PERFECT POLL OF PERFECTION.

Second sentence after poll, woman, GOD.
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furikku
Jan. 20th, 2011 09:06 pm (UTC)
Brownies are not very good.
stoney321
Jan. 20th, 2011 09:26 pm (UTC)
*gasp!*

PISTOLS AT DAWN, MADAM. (I like brownies, but I'm never compelled to make them)
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wesleysgirl
Jan. 20th, 2011 09:07 pm (UTC)
Cake all the way! But no canned frosting.
stoney321
Jan. 20th, 2011 09:26 pm (UTC)
Homemade cream cheese frosting!!
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dovil
Jan. 20th, 2011 09:16 pm (UTC)
That ws the HARDEST poll I've ever done! And now I'm going to spend the rest of the day wringing my hands worried that I've filled it out incorrectly.

By pie I meant apple pie heated up with ice cream, mainly because it's sitting in my freezer untouched for the last two weeks which is two weeks longer than has ever happened before.

I like the 5% of cheesecakes that aren't stickly and gross, which is also true of frosting. When they're bad they're like Satan himself vomited in your mouth and then used your tongue for toilet paper, but done right it is like God vomitted rainbows in your mouth and used your tongue for toilet paper, but that's okay because God craps out love and sparkles.

Edited at 2011-01-20 09:17 pm (UTC)
stoney321
Jan. 20th, 2011 09:27 pm (UTC)
You should worry! And while you worry, I'm going to rob you blind and shove you into the oncoming zombie hoarde, so I hope you're pleased with yourself.

Mmm, god poop. I always get the sparkled stuck in my teeth, too.
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stephanierb
Jan. 20th, 2011 09:24 pm (UTC)

Cake! With buttercream!

And absolutely NO meringue! Gross.

Plus, cheesecake.
stoney321
Jan. 20th, 2011 09:28 pm (UTC)
I HATE MERINGUE. It's all sweaty, like an old man's pate after he climbed a lot of stairs. GROCE.
fabrisse
Jan. 20th, 2011 09:29 pm (UTC)
Custards and puddings are some of my favorites.

And while I don't like too much meringue on my pies, I adore Floating Island in much the same way I adore slash. Not that you asked. *G*

But, yes, I liked the poll. It covers one of the truly important topics of our time.
stoney321
Jan. 20th, 2011 09:34 pm (UTC)
NO CUSTARDS AND NO PUDDINGS CAN YOU NOT SEEEEEEEEE?!!?!?!?!?

*hyperventilates*
ethrosdemon
Jan. 20th, 2011 10:07 pm (UTC)
What kind of cake it is determines what kind of icing it gets, god!

Most pie is very bad because it comes from a box or is made by a retarded polar bear in a human suit. It's just better to stay away from pie unless it was made by someone you know to be absolutely reliable.

Maybe I'll make chicken pot pie after all. I wasn't going to bother with all the work...

A quibble: fudge is not a baked good!
a2zmom
Jan. 20th, 2011 10:08 pm (UTC)
My sister makes a sour cherry pie to die for. All from scratch including the crust.
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( 134 comments — Leave a comment )

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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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