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crazydiamondsue made me do it. My family is a strange one: we sit around and bastardize songs all the time, so I can't help but want to turn Christmas songs in Buffy-themed songs. Maybe it'll make your caroling more fun, or like me, you can giggle to yourself as you sit through your father's Christmas Program at the performance hall and earn a few stern looks. Previous carols can be found here and here


~~~~~
More Carols
Gordok, Did you Know? sung to Mary, Did you Know? Words cannot express how much I loathe this song. Pedantic and triffling. So? I imagine a group of demons/insect looking things worshiping their version of the "Blessed Babe," and for the sake of argument, the "God" of their dimension is Throk. On with the parody!

Gordok, did you know?
That your unhatched egg will one day rule our nation?
Gordok, did you know?
That this puape can feed our whole population?
Did you know?
That it's adult form would raize the entire planet?
This unhatched egg you have laid
Will soon be feeding you.

Gordok, did you know?
That the citizens of our race - they are starving?
Gordok, did you know?
That this larval feast has begun, and guess who's carving?
Did you know?
That your baby has a picquant taste of almonds?
And when you taste your little baby
You've tasted our own Throk.


~~
I Came Upon My Lover's Rear, sung to It Came upon a Midnight Clear, performed by Spike (he has the better voice).

I came upon my lover's rear
That glorious tushie so taut.
My Angel bending over the bed
He looked so lovely and hot.

Oh, God! I'm cummiinnng!" he exclaimed
And that? My cue to explode.
And we in exhausted stillness lay
In our dark skyrise abode.


~~~Christmas in Sunnydale, sung to Christmas in Killarney

The grass is green, the trees are green
The warmest of climates you've ever seen.
It's Christmas in Sunnydale
With out any trace of snow.

It's nice you know, to kiss your beau
While Xander is sleeping in mys'try snow
And The First has been stopped, you see
The sun won't kill Angel, no.

[Bridge]
The crypts are always open
The vampires pay a call
And Techno-Pagan Miss Jenny
Will come back to haunt you all.

How good (not sad!) to stop The Big Bad
And renew the great love that you once had
I'm handing you no tall tales
The likes you've never known
It's Christmas in Sunnydale
You've saved the one Vamp you've "known!"


~~~I Saw Xander kissing Sleazy Spike, Sung to I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus, sung by Dawn

I saw Xander kissing sleazy Spike
Underneath the "stalker tree" last night,
They didn't see me sneak
Out the doors to have a peek
They thought I was tucked up
In my bedroom fast alseep
Then

I saw Xander kissing sleazy Spike
Underneath his black T-shirt so tight
Oh, What a laugh it woud have been
If Buffy had only seen
Xander kissing her boyfriend last night!



~~O Holy Night, sung by Xander (Imagine the version by Luciano Pavaratti)

O Holy night,
Willow is brightly shining.
It is the night when we bring Buffy back.

Long lay SoCal in demons and in vampires,
We need her back so we all do not die.

Willow is writhing, snakes are shooting out of her.
We all stand back and watch the Wicca work.

Oh! Holy Crap!
The demons broke the one urn
Poor Buffy is lost...
No wait, she has come back.

O night sublime!
It is the night
That Buffy's home
O night sublime!
Wait I think...
She's not right.

~~And you knew it was coming...
The 12 Days of Christmas Sung by Angel (The Spangel version!)
On the first day of Christmas, my OTP gave me:

A Vampire named Spike that turns wee!

On the second day of Christmas my OTP gave me:

Two evil rivals and a....
Three blondish lovers
Four times with Buffy (I'm assuming they did it thrice on their "special 24 hours" - work with me, people.)
FIVE SEASON SHOW!
Six licensed workers
Seventies were awful
Eight apocolypses
Nine bedroom partners
Ten decades of soul-hood
Eleven Black Thorn Members
Twelve eps with Ho-oltz

AND A VAMPIRE NAMED SPIKE THAT TURNS WEEEEEEE.

Comments

( 18 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Dec. 12th, 2004 11:16 am (UTC)
There is something very wrong with me. I know this.

And yet.... There is a special place in hell for people like me who turn "It Came Upon.." into a song about gay sex. I have a firm belief that it's where all the fun people will be, so yippee!
cityphonelines
Dec. 12th, 2004 11:55 am (UTC)
I've never heard 'Mary Did you Know?' so that one was funny in its tunelessness. And the rest? Laughed Diet Pepsi all over the place, it's up my nose, I coughed, the day is good.
stoney321
Dec. 12th, 2004 02:57 pm (UTC)
Oh, God. Mary, Did You Know? sounds like it was written by Trey and Matt. Go immediately to Borders or Barnes and Nobles and listen to it with their headphones. And laugh your ass off at the alien/demon rendition. It's my husbands' favorite. He's singing it in the back of the house right now.

I'm trying to get everyone in the spirit, goddammit!
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Dec. 12th, 2004 02:58 pm (UTC)
I HAD SO MUCH FUN!! There just may be more. I have holiday baking coming up, which means filling the CDplayer with Christmas music, so the parody songs should really start flowing....

I LOVED "stalker tree" so natch I'm happy you picked up on it. "Gordok, Did You Know?" has to be my fave. Mainly because the idea of taking a baby worshipping song and giving it the CORRECT meaning just pleases me.
yin_again
Dec. 12th, 2004 12:35 pm (UTC)
You are now in charge of Christmas - see about perving up the dinner and gift exchange. Also the cookies.

And? Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
stoney321
Dec. 12th, 2004 03:00 pm (UTC)
Bwah ha ha!! You should see the sugar cookie shapes I make... Hee hee!

These have been fun, and are getting me into the x-mas spirit (finally!) although the Dreidel/Willow song is my fave of all of them.
mirasol
Dec. 12th, 2004 12:44 pm (UTC)
Excuse me whilst I dust myself down. Yes, that was me on the floor giggling like a fool.

You did it. Your version of O Holy Night has replaced Cartman's as my favourite. Maybe because I'm so annoyed that my brother packed away my Mr Hankey's Christmas Classics CD. I know where it is. Right at the back of the storage unit. Behind the furniture and tables and multigym.

/wanders off singing O Holy Crap...
stoney321
Dec. 12th, 2004 03:01 pm (UTC)
WOW. I wrote the thing and I still have Cartman's "fall... on your nuts" in my head.

Never will I hear the horrible and trite holiday puke that is "Mary, Did You Know?" and that is enough to please me. Wait! No it isn't! Lovely fb from friends is what I want for Christmas...

*loves all over you*
paynbow
Dec. 12th, 2004 01:30 pm (UTC)
Oh! Holy Crap!

I don't know why, but this is my favourite line... *g*

These are hilarious! Spitting my water all over the keyboard (you owe me a new keyboard *g*)
stoney321
Dec. 12th, 2004 03:02 pm (UTC)
Roger. new keyboard. Fall on your knees and beg Sandy Claws to bring you one, mm'kay? *EG*

All of my poor flist seems to be suffering from the blues, so I'm doing my part to cheer y'all up!

*smooshes you and sops up mess*
mskakaako
Dec. 12th, 2004 01:41 pm (UTC)
Heeee! I love I Saw Xander kissing Sleazy Spike. I'm no Spander fan, but that ::points up:: is freakin' heeeeelarious. The last verse is PRICELESS! Mastercard ® PRICELESS!

Bwhahahahahahaha! You *are* a musical genius!
stoney321
Dec. 12th, 2004 03:05 pm (UTC)
Hee hee! That sneaky Dawn... I am having fun desecrating the spirit of Christmas. Thanks for blaspheming with me!
ex_dovil323
Dec. 12th, 2004 11:46 pm (UTC)
These are a gazillion times better than the originals. You need to get a group of friends and go caroling at an old folks home.
stoney321
Dec. 13th, 2004 06:28 pm (UTC)
Funny, there is one just down the street... Maybe they will be infirm enough not to notice the changes?

I thought you'd enjoy the Spangel Karruhl: I Came Upon My Lover's Rear.
spikendru
Dec. 13th, 2004 06:25 pm (UTC)
Just got your link to "Mary Did You Know?" in a more recent post (which I haven't read yet, so will comment on that there).

OMG! It sounds lke a Michael Bolton song! My ears! My ears! I am quickly imagining the sacrificing insect demon from the "Welovedherfirst" dimension singing "Gordok" instead!

*wondering if I can get away with singing "I Came Upon My Lover's Rear" at Christmas Eve service? Wondering if anyone will notice*
stoney321
Dec. 13th, 2004 06:30 pm (UTC)
Well, if I can sit in the front row of a performance hall and sing along with the audience to my FATHER'S Choir about gay vampire sex, I don't see why you can't do the same...

Isn't that Mary song HORRIBLE??? And how much do I love you for picking the image of the EXACT demon I had in mind??
elcazavampiros
Dec. 14th, 2004 12:26 pm (UTC)
These are all great! I especially loved Christmas is Sunnydale. I want more.
( 18 comments — Leave a comment )

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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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