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Sorry for the double posts in one day, but you'll survive. ;-)

In case I haven't mentioned it before, Victorians apparently loved a good ghost story while sitting around the fire on Christmas. So I'm keeping with the times, in a way. They aren't ghosts... just, well, "other." Previous part here. We last ended at 8 maids a milking...


~~
More of the Same
Whores! Stinking, filthy, plump, and scantily clad whores. I have no idea who could have ever dreamed up such punishment, nor why we sing this horrid song each year whilst caroling. Dancing. Pah! I've never seen such undulations, and to refer to that in the same manner as to the genteel manner in which to pass the time at a ball...

These... women slithered and slunk into our home as if they were the maid service. Scarves flown about like bits of paper. Mother clapped her hands over Cedric's eyes. Honestly. He's a young lad of 12 and to be subjected to such filth on this most hallowed Holiday? I do believe I am at my wit's end. I have completely crossed Roger off my list. It seems the only prospect for a husband that I'll have at this rate is the butcher's son, and a more spotty, wonky youth never shambled on this earth.

All of my prospects for happiness are dashed. Mother is constantly in tears. Father has been passed out on the hearth rug for several hours, the maids have quit, and none of my inner circle has been round to call since before the Froggie Hens. I'm ruined. Utterly and completely. All because of that bastard. That whey-faced, floppy-haired... POET!!

I have no idea where to house the trollops until the constable comes around. He actually laughed in Miss Maggie's face when she ran to the station. Has the whole world gone mad?




1880, December the Twenty-Third
If I thought nothing could be lower than a troupe of whores cavorting in the Conservatory, I certainly was mistaken. Actors. And they aren't even very good actors. They are dressed (quite shabbily, if truth be told) in a mockery of everything I hold dear, everything I once stood to gain, and now have had ripped from me. The house thunders with their every jump. Oh, I am well aware of the lyrical "leaping" they have been porported to do according to the Devil's Own Music, yet jumping is what I say as jumping is what I see.

I've had to place myself in front of the servants' quarters to keep the two groups of scalywags from one another. As there are ten of these flamboyant thespians about, yet only nine of the, ahem, dancers, that leaves one. One that has been panting at my heels and reaching for me since the noon hour. A good, sound slap to his cheek certainly let him know where further steps along that path would leave him.

I've arranged for my Auntie Claire to pick up the younger children and keep them at her home. She was terrified to send a cab as if the madness that lives here was catching. Mother hasn't come out of her blankets, Father is of absolutely no use. I shall take matters into my own hands. I will not be a prisoner in my own home!

~~
The strangest thing. I took it upon myself to pay a call to the Haugh residence, rumors or no. Mistress Haugh seemed most relieved of her ealier consumption, indeed, she looked rather in the pink with a jovial gleam in her eye. Instead of outrage or shame at the actions of her son and the pain that has been heaped upon my family, she almost seemed... delighted. Can it be that her mind has finally snapped?

Never would she come out to speak to me and seemed most insistant that I should join her for tea. The very idea! When I made to turn and leave, she hissed at me! I looked at her quite sternly and asked, "I beg your pardon?" What should have put her in her place seemed to have pleased her... 'Tis most curious. I reminded her that her own tenuous standing in the community was at stake, should she choose to not correct her son.

I felt as if every hair on my neck was crawling up to reach the sun when she spoke. "I see you do not care for the gifts that have been prepared for you. Perhaps you would enjoy the presents I have planned?" The peculiarity of this statement almost made me forgot our stations. "Madam, perhaps you should recall our social standings? Shall I have to remind you that your son is acting as a poor sport and should learn to better deal with life's disappointments?"

The crone replied, "you know nothing of life's disappointments. But you will, my love. You will." I? Know nothing of disappointment? I, who have lost a Knight in good standing with the Queen as a suitor? I who have had to endure humiliation upon humiliation these past days? These... peasants shall rue the day they chose to upset the greater balance of my existence!!
~~TBC~~

Comments

( 47 comments — Leave a comment )
likeadeuce
Dec. 13th, 2004 03:11 pm (UTC)
hee hee -- love the Cecily. and she's right, lords-a-leaping by any other name are just a bunch of jumping fools.
stoney321
Dec. 13th, 2004 03:17 pm (UTC)
I'm sure some of them were leaping upon one another while Cecily was busy pulling up the shoulder straps on the "dancers" and trying to not burst into tears.

Is the subtext clear? Are you keeping mum on it to keep the EXPLOSIVE ending that is coming explosive? What a whore am I.
likeadeuce
Dec. 13th, 2004 03:18 pm (UTC)
no! when I act clueless, I'm genuinely clueless.
reremouse
Dec. 13th, 2004 03:29 pm (UTC)
Oh, oh, I love this!

Your Cecily voice is hilariously, offendedly Victorian and wonderful!

I can't wait to see her reaction to the pipers and the drummers. This would be enough to drive any woman to vengeance.
stoney321
Dec. 13th, 2004 04:31 pm (UTC)
You DO??!!? *claps hands together with child-like glee, which is weird since I am 32*

This would be enough to drive any woman to vengeance
you are the FIRST person to word it in such a fortuitous manner...

*loves on you*
reremouse
Dec. 13th, 2004 05:56 pm (UTC)
I do! I pimped it! (Ha! I pimped Cecily and lived!)

you are the FIRST person to word it in such a fortuitous manner...

I'd like to see an epilogue with Halfrek reacting to a sound system playing that song in Sunnydale. Or carolers singing it. Or Spike singing it.
stoney321
Dec. 13th, 2004 05:57 pm (UTC)
I love that idea more than my children.
violethamster
Dec. 13th, 2004 03:43 pm (UTC)
Hee!

Spike's mom creeps me out. I'm a little worried for Cecily, even if she is a stuck-up jerk.
stoney321
Dec. 13th, 2004 04:33 pm (UTC)
As she should.

*in her best 30s radio serial voice*

"Stay tuned for tomorrow's episode of '12 Gifts From Someone Beneath Me' for more horrifying gifts and something else..."

*hugs you almost too hard*
spikendru
Dec. 13th, 2004 03:46 pm (UTC)
It seems the only prospect for a husband that I'll have at this rate is the butcher's son, and a more spotty, wonky youth never shambled on this earth.

Oh. My. God. This line had me chortling with glee! Chortling, I tell you! That should teach snotty Cecily to be so rude to our poor Willie! He's beneath her? I wanna see her having to fend off a proposal from the wonky butcher's son!

And "healthy" delighted Anne inviting Cecily in for tea! Loved it!

"I see you do not care for the gifts that have been prepared for you. Perhaps you would enjoy the presents I have planned?"

Oooh! Now I wanna know what Evil!Anne had planned! Whatever it is, it couldn't possibly be as good as the presents Dru could devise! *chortling again*
stoney321
Dec. 13th, 2004 04:34 pm (UTC)
Tee Hee! That was a fave of CrazyDiamondSue's. You picked up on Anne's instant health, did you? *wink*

As to future presents and possible gifters, not saying a word.

*smiles evily*
ex_dovil323
Dec. 13th, 2004 04:16 pm (UTC)
I can so see William pulling a stunt like this - poor, poor Cecily, even though she makes me laugh. See, this is why Spike brought along a beer for Buffy's birthday, he knew where his barmy idea of presents could lead to.

Love your Cecily voice.
stoney321
Dec. 13th, 2004 04:38 pm (UTC)
Dovil, you are the Queen of recognizing Bad!Fic, so any compliment from you is HUGE.

Are you sure who is giving? Not saying more...

"He knew where his barmy idea of presents could lead to." And with that, I feel that I am writing cannon. Or at least mortars. Ha!
mirasol
Dec. 13th, 2004 04:35 pm (UTC)
A good, sound slap to his cheek certainly let him know where further steps along that path would leave him.
*raises eyebrow*
Oh. That cheek.
stoney321
Dec. 13th, 2004 04:39 pm (UTC)
Rather! To dare suppose...
stoney321
Dec. 13th, 2004 04:40 pm (UTC)
And for someone with a spanking fetish, I can't believe I didn't pick up on your joke. DId I REALLY just say that out loud?

mirasol
Dec. 13th, 2004 04:45 pm (UTC)
*nods*
Makes no difference to me, love. You've read some of my stuff - you know how my mind's wired. No use me looking all sweet and innocent around you.

Poor, poor Cecily.
sdwolfpup
Dec. 13th, 2004 04:36 pm (UTC)
I don't want this to be almost over, I'm enjoying it far too much! I can't decide which part of this I liked best, but it might be the very first line: "Whores! Stinking, filthy, plump, and scantily clad whores." And I love how she uses "POET!!" as an epithet. I give you Spiffy Thumbs.
stoney321
Dec. 13th, 2004 04:43 pm (UTC)
I'll take those spiffy thumbs and see you a Dancing David.

You know... one tear. Trembling on my lashes. It is making me so happy that you like this and have been there each post...

(And that is my most favorite opener to any of my fics EVER.)
zinnydark
Dec. 13th, 2004 05:27 pm (UTC)
Once again, you get a 'Hee!', for I am intimidated by the witty feedback that comes before me. I hang my head in shame.

~hangs head~

...


~in shame~
stoney321
Dec. 13th, 2004 05:31 pm (UTC)
Pshaw. Any feedback is good feedback, and I'll take that "hee" and snuggle it like a woobie.
zinnydark
Dec. 13th, 2004 05:35 pm (UTC)
May I just say, your icon scares the fucking CRAP out of me your icon is a bit unnerving...
stoney321
Dec. 13th, 2004 05:59 pm (UTC)
WHAT?? But all he wants is a Daisy Air Rifle (but they give it a fake name in the movie)?? And Hershey'sTM chocolate.

HE'S REALLY FUCKING EXCITED ABOUT CHRISTMAS, OMG!!
zinnydark
Dec. 13th, 2004 06:01 pm (UTC)
OMGZ~DIES~

... I've had the sudden realization that that needs to be an icon... ~wanders off to find a pic~
spikes_heart
Dec. 13th, 2004 06:28 pm (UTC)
Read all you've written in this series in one shot, and now I have to replace my sodden chair cushion! More, please... now!!! I so needed a good laugh, and you gave it to me.
stoney321
Dec. 13th, 2004 06:32 pm (UTC)
I am so glad you are liking it! More tomorrow, I promise. Only two parts left...

If you need filler, check out my earlier posts of buffy-esque carols.

*throws you towel for wet cushion, breathes through mouth as I am not sure WHY it is wet...* :D
tx_cronopio
Dec. 13th, 2004 06:53 pm (UTC)
Just found this from reremouse's pimp.... this is GRAND!
Oh, how I love to see Cecily tormented.
Faster, faster, pussykat, kill (I hope I got the quote right)
Anyway, way to capture the Victorian thing.
stoney321
Dec. 13th, 2004 07:02 pm (UTC)
Thank you so very much! I've "seen" you around in my friends' journals, and you appear to have excellent taste in fics, so I appreciate you stopping by. Feel free to kick your shoes off and stick around.

There's fudge coming. And possibly a bit of murder.
julia_here
Dec. 13th, 2004 06:59 pm (UTC)
This is so good that I'm offering you the opportunity to list any two of your least wanted relatives to put into a shipping container emptied of Christmas Merchandise to fill the Walmarts of the west coast, and ship it back to China.

Julia, have two of mine in there already...
stoney321
Dec. 13th, 2004 07:04 pm (UTC)
Ha ha ha!!! Julia, have I mentioned lately how glad I am we finally found one another? Perhaps it's one-sided, but nonetheless...

So far the family is behaving quite nicely, I just need to get my damned baking done. And neighbor gifts. And teachers gifts.

*wanders off singing horribly innappropriate, although amusing, karruhls*
paynbow
Dec. 13th, 2004 07:50 pm (UTC)
and none of my inner circle has been round to call since before the Froggie Hens.

*snarffle*

I loved the scene with Anne...heh, healthy my arse. I just love that Cecily is getting her beats...*eg*
stoney321
Dec. 13th, 2004 08:08 pm (UTC)
Can you hear her trill those r's? Frrrroggie Hens.

Anne is suddenly in the pink of health, isn't she? Hmmm.
*loves you pretty hard*

Oooh! I had to fill out a form for customs for your CDs, so if guys in black bust into your house, eat the Spangel CDs IMMEDIATELY!! We do NOT want that falling into the wrong hands... Ha!
paynbow
Dec. 13th, 2004 08:14 pm (UTC)
lol... eat CD's. Check.

I have to get FDA approval for the chocolate, so if they come busting in, eat...er...shove it up your arse *g*
stoney321
Dec. 13th, 2004 08:25 pm (UTC)
*spits hot chocolate all over beige carpet - glares at you*

Ha ha ha. I need to figure out a way to play Phase 10 with you people online. See what hanging with the Mormons does to me??

*dreams of chocolate in naughty places*
paynbow
Dec. 13th, 2004 08:28 pm (UTC)
lol...well, your carpet and my keyboard...now we're square *g*

Mormons are a bad, bad influence...but what is this phase 10? *hopes she doesn't make an ass of herself for asking*
stoney321
Dec. 13th, 2004 08:39 pm (UTC)
Phase 10 is the best card game you can play with lots of people and no money. Go here: http://www.areyougame.com/Interact/item.asp?itemno=FX9225 and join THE MADNESS. I am a total sucker for games: card games, board games, word games, bedroom games...

Need to go sleepy... Love you HUGELY.
paynbow
Dec. 13th, 2004 08:43 pm (UTC)
Have a good night! Will check out link. <3's u tuns back *g*
cityphonelines
Dec. 13th, 2004 09:13 pm (UTC)
Spotty wonky. *blink*
Spotty wonky. *blinkblink*
Spotty wonky. *contemplates stealing the 100% She Juice icons*

Need I say more?
stoney321
Dec. 13th, 2004 09:31 pm (UTC)
Yes, you may have the icon. You I love more than all others (except for the pesky others. Damn kids. And Sue.)
mskakaako
Dec. 13th, 2004 09:26 pm (UTC)
Anne is freakin' me out. Is she a vamp? Is she?! IS SHE ?!!

ANSWER ME, WOMAN!!!

Um...so you posting more tomorrow or what?
stoney321
Dec. 13th, 2004 09:32 pm (UTC)
Yes, I'm posting tomorrow. Did you watch season 7? 'Sall I'm saying.

Your icon is hilarious.
mskakaako
Dec. 13th, 2004 09:54 pm (UTC)
Did you watch season 7?
Did I watch season 7?
Yeah...I watched it on Mondays (because in Canada we were able to get it one day earlier) and on Tuesdays. I also made a crappy ass mixed CD of Season 7-capturing each episode in song (reflecting the mood, tone and theme of the episode).
Did I watch season 7?
You bet your buffybiffy I did.

Yes, domokun is cute and threatening. He's everything I aspire to be. I love your Ralphie icon. Kids named Raphie are a guaranteed laugh riot. A Christmas Story is one of my most favourite Holiday movies EVAH! You'll shoot your eye out!!
spikefan
Dec. 14th, 2004 05:21 am (UTC)
I finally caught up with Cecily's ongoing saga. I love the idea of Cecily being driven 'round the bend by incessant deliveries of birds. What a delightful treat you offer us for Christmas. (I'll have to pass on the She Juice, though, two's my limit and I'm driving home. Wait, is that egg nog or cream of cum soup? Maybe I can stay a few moments longer.)
stoney321
Dec. 14th, 2004 06:29 am (UTC)
No, no, there are no ladles of She-Juice. I try to "class it up" for Christmas. As evidenced by my beautiful and completely respectful Holiday Carols.
spikefan
Dec. 14th, 2004 11:57 am (UTC)
Hence the need for cream of...nog. You can't dish out such shameless blasphemy to a minister's daughter without providing some kind of intoxicant to relieve any pesky residual guilt. *snicker*
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Dec. 14th, 2004 07:42 am (UTC)
See? I didn't want to spoil the story... And I am so glad that you said that about Cecily. Keep in mind that she started off as an uppity bitch, then became a Vengeance Demon sho soley helped _________. Ooops! Said too much! Takes gumption to become a demon, wouldn't you say?

I love Phase 10. And Skip-Bo. And Stratego, and Risk, and Sorry, and Pictionary, and... It's that Mormon upbringing. Monday night is Family Night, and we always played games.
( 47 comments — Leave a comment )

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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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