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Cecily Fic, Next to Last!

I have really appreciated all of the "old timers" who have hung on with me through this, and am tickled by the new friends I have made. WHo would have ever thought people would have such interest in such an obscure character on Buffy? I think it's because none of us can believe someone would turn down our Spikey. Hell, even Harmony knew a good thing when she had it. On with the show! We left off with "Lords" *ahem* a leaping...


~~1880, December the Twenty-Fourth
I awoke with a sense of calm. I dressed quickly and made for the foyer and opened the front door myself (most of the staff has left at any rate) right as the next "delivery" was made. Heaven preserve us, the Irish have landed. I assume they won't stay much longer as Father and the actors, pardon me, Lords have drunk most of the spirits that were left. I don't even hear their great wailing pipes any longer, such is the state of my head.

I hate him. Oh, I hate him so. If I saw him I would pluck out every hair on his head, smash those ridiculous glasses into a thousand tiny pieces, and then choke him on his own paper filled with his bloody, buggery, hateful, horrid, stupid little words! Once he was dead, I would then proceed to rip his arms from his body and beat him about the head with his own limbs. I would drag his torso through the great heap of muck that was created in our back atrium, commission the dancers and thespians to leap about his body, smashing every bone into bits, then deposit the entire bloody mess at his mother's feet.

Oh, ho, the things I would do to her. To dare speak to me the way she did... To completely ignore the madness her son is causing... It is inexusable.

Things I Would Wish Upon an Old Crone's Head, by Cecily Navisham.
I wish for her to fall over clutching her chest in pain, no. no, I wish that she would break all of her limbs while tripping over her own stupid cat. That she lay in her own filth and putrescence for days with no one calling on her. That her mind would slowly crack watching her own life's blood seep from her many wounds and have the knowledge that not one person will care about her when she is gone. That even her own foolish son will not care for her. And I wish that it would HURT.

And all of this has upset me so much that the lovely color that normally brightens my complexion (I've ALWAYS been told I have the most delicate rose-petal skin) is gone. Surely he won't deviate from that damnable song and all will end on the morrow?

~~TBC~~

Comments

( 27 comments — Leave a comment )
likeadeuce
Dec. 14th, 2004 01:30 pm (UTC)
OMG -- "Things I would wish upon an old crone's head" is the best. and "the irish have landed?" Hee!

rock on!
stoney321
Dec. 14th, 2004 01:33 pm (UTC)
"The Irish have landed" made me laugh, too. I can just see her, shocked, but still able to keep her wits about her... Such a well-trained young lady. Except for that stream of curse words. 'Tis a good thing her father is sotted, or she might lose her priveledges...

I SHALL rock on. 10Q
spikendru
Dec. 14th, 2004 01:56 pm (UTC)
May we assume from this episode that Cecily is a tad . . . unhappy with the numerous gifts she has been receiving?

Snark!

stoney321
Dec. 14th, 2004 02:08 pm (UTC)
Me thinks the lady is pissed.
cityphonelines
Dec. 14th, 2004 02:00 pm (UTC)
Heaven preserve us, the Irish have landed.
Dude! *cackles with glee*

I've ALWAYS been told I have the most delicate rose-petal skin
Allow me, please, to bash her about the cranium!

One more day? NO!!! *flails... gracefully*
stoney321
Dec. 14th, 2004 02:09 pm (UTC)
*revives you with smelling salts and loosens your corset*

*knocks you back out and fondles what the corset hid*

I can see her snooty little pout with that "rose-petal skin" line.
violethamster
Dec. 14th, 2004 02:05 pm (UTC)
Is it wrong that I've always been amused by the thought of someone being beaten about the head with their own pulled off arms?

And I love Cecily's little essay.
stoney321
Dec. 14th, 2004 02:10 pm (UTC)
Yes, I must say that was stolen from the "New and Improved Roach Motel" commercial on SNL. I find it terribly amusing as well.

Hee hee! 10Q.
mirasol
Dec. 14th, 2004 03:30 pm (UTC)
I must say, your Cecily seems to be just a tad put out by all this.

But I'm saddened that not even one of those sweet Irish lads sidled up to here and whispered in her delicate ear - Is dócha nach bhfuil seans ar bith ann?
stoney321
Dec. 14th, 2004 03:47 pm (UTC)
Good. Lord. I think I just egressed all over the chair. Quit figuring out all of my secret kinks!! (Mr. Stoney won me over by gorging on my cooking and getting completely sprigged out in Full Heilan' gear. The sporran didn't stay on long...)

Cecily is, to put it delicately, pissed. The US def., by the way. The pipers drank the last of the sherry and ale. It's fortunate that they only use small pipes, and not the Great Pipes of Scotland.

BTW: I just recieved your BEE-YOU-EE-FULL card that you handmade and my awesome CD!!! Oh, and your card went to the top of the card tree, by the way.
mirasol
Dec. 14th, 2004 04:03 pm (UTC)
Hah! The CD is played almost constantly at work and drives everyone insane. Like I said, Christmas is tacky and full of love - and those songs are mostly just so tacky. ;P

Yes, I know that White Flag isn't a Christmas song (unless you're waving a flag of surrender to the kids) but I had to include it, just because of the video. First time I heard the song I was sure Dido was singing "I will go down on big sheep".

Strange lady, I thought.

Then someone told me it was "I will go down with this ship". Saw the video, saw that DB was in it. At the same time, I was getting into fanfic and slash. Brain went straight from point A to point Z, no stopping. Can't stop giggling whenever I hear it now, because I always hear "I will go down on this 'ship".

Honey, wouldn't we all like to have that choice?

So you know what the gaelic says then?
stoney321
Dec. 14th, 2004 04:21 pm (UTC)
No, but like Jamie Lee Curtis, I am naked and enjoying the inflection. (So what's it mean?)
*throws a tea towel over herself and summons a pittance of shame*
mirasol
Dec. 14th, 2004 04:34 pm (UTC)
*looks guilty*
It means "I suppose a ride's out of the question then?"
Guaranteed to get him a slap.
Yep, I'm just a regular potty mouth. Luckily it's not all English. Much better in Welsh.
stoney321
Dec. 14th, 2004 04:42 pm (UTC)
I have a thing for cunning linguists (snerk) that it doesn't matter which language it is, as long as it is slightly different from "how y'all are?" Then again, give me a Mississippi boy drawling "darlin'" and I'm paying the check and hailing a cab. Basically, I'm a whore. Ha ha ha!

Oh, and I have a thing for the bad lick up lines, too. LOVE. THEM.

*commits new line to memory, saves for airfare to UK*
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Dec. 14th, 2004 04:44 pm (UTC)
But... you'll have to! Only until tomorrow, I promise.

But thanks for getting all dressed up!
*licks your icon*
reremouse
Dec. 14th, 2004 04:42 pm (UTC)
Heaven preserve us, the Irish have landed.

This story? Is making my holiday season! Cecily's talent for creative vengeance is the best resume a justice demon could wish for!

Still pimping vigorously.

You inspire me to great wrongness, and therefore *rock*.

Are you sure you're not possessed by a catty Victorian? Really, you can tell me.
stoney321
Dec. 14th, 2004 04:44 pm (UTC)
I have been reading back issues of Harper's Bazaar (date 1878) for interesting recipes and such... Maybe they are EVIL magazines.

And I want to feed you special brownies for the love you're giving me. You know. "Special" brownies. With nuts!
reremouse
Dec. 14th, 2004 04:49 pm (UTC)
There are subliminal messages in them! There must be. Call for help if you get the urge to

If I eat the special brownies, I will be able to write like you! Y'know. Nuts! 0-:oD
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Dec. 14th, 2004 07:34 pm (UTC)
See? This is why I love you. It's more the feelings behind the words...
mskakaako
Dec. 14th, 2004 07:46 pm (UTC)
And I wish that it would HURT.
Wooooohoooo!
D'Hoffryn is comin' to town! I love him.
stoney321
Dec. 14th, 2004 08:28 pm (UTC)
You better not shout, you better not cry
You better not pout I'm telling you why...
D'Hoffryn is coming to town.

Everything becomes a bastardized carol in my head now.

Last part tomorrow!
beadattitude
Dec. 14th, 2004 08:10 pm (UTC)
Ooh, I betcha Cecily is giving off vengance vibes like a lighthouse.

pissed off former flower of her family here ----------->X

Won't be hard to miss.

Oooh, and if she thought the pipes were bad.

:;laughs the laugh of evil::
stoney321
Dec. 14th, 2004 08:29 pm (UTC)
A corps of drummers marching in wouldn't be pleasant under any circumstances, I believe. How the snare drum must riccochet off the marble...

Last bit tomorrow!
beadattitude
Dec. 14th, 2004 08:31 pm (UTC)
Yep, that's going to send her right over the edge. Whoo HOOO!
paynbow
Dec. 14th, 2004 11:31 pm (UTC)
Things I Would Wish Upon an Old Crone's Head, by Cecily Navisham.

Hee! It's like What I Did On My Summer Vacation but more vindictive... *eg*

I love how you've driven her to the brink...miss hoity toity "delicate petal"...Ha!

I am also a bit vindictive *g*
(Deleted comment)
( 27 comments — Leave a comment )

Tags

Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

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