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First, I know I have some Glee fen on ye olde fryend lyste, so I wanted to rec a fic that broke my fic-reading drought. (Really, I've not read any fanfiction in over a year.) And The Living Is Easy, by flaming_muse. Adorable and hot Kurt/Blaine fic. Go, read, feed.

(Remember when people used to expect readers to leave comments? Good times. Let's have nostalgia week!)

Second, because I need support to help me deal with my horror (and there will be a palate cleanser after to ease you into recipes) I want to share with you the WORST EMAIL EVER.

Dear Parents: I am looking for a summer vacation home for my Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches.  I have 5 of them (at least that is what I started with and assuming none have escaped)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Since they are decomposers, they eat their waste, exoskeletons and other debris.


An entire WORLD of DO NOT WANT. Emily told me that "Big Daddy" shed its skin yesterday in class and it was totally freaky. I AM HAPPY IN MY MAKE BELIEVE WORLD WHERE THESE CREATURES DO NOT EXIST. (Note: anyone that tries to tell me how great they are CLEARLY has never lived in hot/humid climates where Palmetto bugs live. KILL THEM ALL.)

GAH.

Palate cleanser: LET US ALL PACK UP AND GO TO THERE. (Greece, that is, as it seems to be my current source of zen.)

Recipes! Y'all know how I feel about my margaritas. I have a perfected rocks version, and I have a perfected (by my sister) frozen version. They could not be improved upon! Years of sampling - hard work, I tell you, but someone has to do it - have proven that it could not be improved. AND THEN THIS HAPPENED. (This being a weekend of non-stop parties at my place.)


The New And Improved Stoney-rita

Making the Lime Cocktail:
Step one: cut a hole in the box. (How long until that stops being funny? Now? it's not funny now? Ok.) Get a shit load of dimes limes, I have a 3 pound bag of Persian limes, it's about 20. WASH THE LIMES BEFORE PROCEEDING. You'll thank me later when you don't ingest anything icky. Decision time: do you want to strain your lime cocktail (for that's what we're about to make) or do you care about zest?

DNW zest method:
Tough, you're going to have to use it, but you can be slick and use a vegetable peeler so you can fish out the zest/peel.
Juice the limes, really get all of it. Peel off strips of zest (get as little pith as possible, or you'll get pithed. Theriousthly.) In a glass container (non-reactive, coverable) dump the juice and the zest. Mix in 1 1/2 C sugar (I did slightly less because I like it tart, if you have a sweet tooth, add 2 C)
Let this sit overnight, a minimum of 12 hours. The longer, the better. Fish out the peel, will store in the fridge for weeks, not like it will last that long, though.

WANT zest method:
Good for you. Same thing, juice all the limes, use a microplaner on about 4 or 5 limes (pre-juicing, it's just easier) and add to the juice. Stir in 1 1/2 C sugar (adjust to taste) and cover.
Refrigerate for at LEAST 12 hours, preferably 24. Will store, covered, in the fridge for weeks.

Margaritas: As-sem-ble!
In a glass: ice cubes!
1 jigger of tequila*!
1 jigger of triple sec!
1 jigger and change of lime cocktail!
Top with club soda or mineral water! (I use Tampico with hints of lime, we loves it)
Stir!
INHALE.

The lime cocktail makes THE most amazing difference. *TEQUILA NOTE: I'm all about the blanco tequila. I like how clean and crisp it tastes, like really good vodka can be. Just because you're mixing it doesn't mean you shouldn't use GOOD tequila. My go to is Milagro Silver, it's fantastic and mid-priced. Hornitos Silver is good, Herradura Silver is very good, and lately I've been all over Camarena Silver - excellent stuff. Just make sure it's 100% Blue Agave, that it's from Mexico, and that it's been filtered AT LEAST three times. (That's the thing that keeps the headaches away, you see.) Camarena is filtered 6 times, btw.

Other things you can do with the cocktail: mojitos! (again, just a splash is needed) add to Gin and mint and soda for a gimlet! Add to soda for a non-alcoholic treat!

Alternative: add to the lime juice/peel a good-sized knuckle of ginger, peeled and smashed (so you can fish it out later, after 12 hours.) Add that to gin, soda and mint and prepare to have your mind blown and your thirst quenched.


P-Dub's Sliders, My Style
Pioneer Woman put some burger sliders up last week, and we added our own stuff to it: chipotle bullion cubes. Seriously, the greatest and most used ingredient in my house, next to Chipotle Tabasco. That to some ground beef + pepper, minced onions and garlic powder, form golf balls (little bit bigger) and wrap half of a bacon slice around it, flattening it to a disc. She had two pieces of halved bacon on hers, but that's a lot of damn bacon and we preferred it with just the one.

We grilled one batch and smoked the other batch (mesquite wood, natch, this is Texas) and the smoked ones were unbelievable. Good, crispy bacon, flavor all the way through the meat. If your meat doesn't taste good, why bother?

We topped them with fried shallots (from the garden), good Guiness-soaked cheddar slices, and a dash of Chipotle Tabasco. Perfection on a potato roll.


That was Saturday and Monday. Sunday I made Mexican-style chicken salad (grilled chicken that had been seasoned with, you guessed it, chipotle buillion, salt, pepper, and cumin.) Roughly chop, add in diced celery (2 lbs of chicken, 2 ribs of celery) mayo, minced onion, a few dashes of chipotle Tabasco, chile powder, and put on potato rolls with butter-leaf lettuce.

Side dish to go with (aside from veggie plates and watermelon) 6 ears of corn, grilled and cut off the cob. 2 cans of drained and rinsed black beans (I was lazy and used a shortcut) I whole lime juiced over this, cumin, several dashes of Chipotle Tabasco (see?) cotija cheese crumbles, salt and pepper to taste. OM NOM.



The Best Chocolate-Cinnamon Bundt Cake ever
It's like a sheet cake (a good one) in bundt form. Super easy to whip up, too. 3 bowls, whisk, bundt pan, there's your mess to clean.

Ingredients:
1 cup water
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 stick (1/2 cup) butter
1/4 c plus 1 T cocoa

2 cups all-purpose flour
2 cups sugar
1/2 t salt
1 1/2 t cinnamon

1/2 c buttermilk*
1 t baking soda

(*I use buttermilk powder - that's my secret weapon in my daily bread, btw - so if you do, too, add the powder - 2T - to the flour mix, then add in 1/2 C water when you add in the eggs.)

2 eggs
1 t vanilla

Instructions:

Preheat oven to 375, GENEROUSLY grease/flour your bundt pan. (Bakers Joy, greatest thing ever. Plus, it's a must if you use Goldtone bakeware - Pam's will destroy the finish.)

In a large bowl, combine together* with a whisk: flour, sugar, salt, cinnamon. (*Add the buttermilk powder here, if using.) In a small bowl, beat the eggs and vanilla, set aside. Bring to a boil in a small pot: Water, oil, butter and cocoa. Let bubble for a few seconds, turn off heat and add this to the large bowl of flour, etc. Whisk in, it's an arm workout for a second or two. Add the buttermilk* (*or 1/2 C water) and baking soda, keep whisking. Add eggs/vanilla, mix to combine.

Pour batter into your greased Bundt pan (or two 9 inch cake pans) and bake for 35 - 40 minutes. (Mine needed the full 40, start checking at 30 - 35. It's moist, but it shouldn't be wet when tested.) Let cool for 10 minutes, invert onto cake plate, serve with a scoop of French Vanilla ice cream, moan loudly.




In other news, I continue to be woken up at 6am by Smidgen, who wants a makeout session, I guess. She jumps on my chest, head butts me to consciousness, then puts her lips on mine. On one hand, gah! Let me sleep! On the other hand, aww, she loves me. But I don't know where those lips have been!

In other, other news, Hey, Don't Judge Me almost had 30,000 hits for the month of May! That's pretty slick. Thanks for all of the support! There have been a lot of folks coming over from people's recommendations, and that's always the best.

1. Add us to your reader's feed! then you don't have to worry about missing anything. (hurr)
2. Add the feed to your LJ's flist! Do you come here more often? That's the best way to get updated, then.
3. Follow HDJM on Twitter! You'll get notified in hilarious ways. (hurr)
4. Facebook lover? Here's the Facebook page, share, like, communicate with other awesome people.
5. Come laugh about the hilarious episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey where sex was described like popping pimples! (Oh my god, so awful, this guy.)
6. Come share (non-spoilery) theories about Game of Thrones with us!

I can promise you at least one laugh, and who doesn't need a chuckle? We've got True Blood recaps coming this summer, walks down memory lane (Somewhere in Time! Valley Girl! And more!) and more. So much more....

Thank you SO MUCH for the support, I've really appreciated it.

Comments

( 41 comments — Leave a comment )
kuzu_no_ha
Jun. 1st, 2011 02:35 pm (UTC)
Can we also go to Crete? Because that is my dream. MY DREAAAMM and if we are going to go that far why not scamper to the island also?

And I have to say that the pool with luxurious hidy spot at the end is MY POOL, in my head anyway. I'm so glad they have it ready for me somewhere.
stoney321
Jun. 1st, 2011 03:57 pm (UTC)
YES WE SHOULD GO TO THERE TOO. (Oooooooh, they're all so beautiful, right? Whatever you do, don't go to their Fiji page. You'll just start to cry.)
flaming_muse
Jun. 1st, 2011 02:50 pm (UTC)
Aw, thank you for the rec. :) I'm glad you didn't break your fast with a fic you hated!

I am kind of traumatized by the cockroach e-mail and am jumping every time I get an itch like the cockroaches could be here.
stoney321
Jun. 1st, 2011 03:57 pm (UTC)
Well deserved, m'dear!

OH MY GOD I KNOW. AUUUUUGH. i hate them so much, you have no clue. (I don't think we knew each other when I was on Roach Island filming a movie. Jesus Christ, worst thing ever.) BLECH.
stephanierb
Jun. 1st, 2011 02:52 pm (UTC)

Ahhhhhh!!!!!! I hate cockroaches!!!! And I've never lived anywhere that palmetto bugs do, but I've heard tales of horror. NO THANK YOU.

And those houses in Greece are amazing, but holy pink bathroom Batman. Yikes. Still, that gorgeous pool more than makes up for it.

Thanks for the recipes. I love me some margaritas! (notice how I used the plural there).
stoney321
Jun. 1st, 2011 03:59 pm (UTC)
PETS. PETS!!! NO THEY ARE NOT. They are to be squished by thick soled boots.

Those pools! The clean white walls and the clear blue water.... So dreamy.

Let me know if you end up liking the recipe!
zyrya
Jun. 1st, 2011 03:22 pm (UTC)
Step one: cut a hole in the box.
I laughed and laughed and laughed. Perhaps it was hysterical over-laughing to compensate for the GIANT NIGHTMARE OF BUGS you put in my head just before bed, or perhaps it -is- still funny!

Now I need 6 Stoneyritas to drive that other stuff out of my head.

ETA: Where does the * next to "1 jigger of tequila" go? I can't find the note.

Edited at 2011-06-01 03:26 pm (UTC)
stoney321
Jun. 1st, 2011 03:59 pm (UTC)
Hahaha, I'm glad that's funny to other people still.

YOU NEED THOSE STONEYRITAS. Come to see me and we will drink them and float in my pool for DAYS.

Oooh, thansk for that, I knew I forgot to add the note. Going up now!
fiveandfour
Jun. 1st, 2011 03:39 pm (UTC)
You know, I didn't think I liked tequila, then last week-end I was introduced to Patrón. Trying Patrón last week-end, then seeing your margarita recipe today sort of seems like a message from God, and that message is: drink some margaritas. I would reply to God that I've been drinking quite a lot lately and I was thinking it would be good to slow it down a little, but it *is* God, so who am I to argue?
stoney321
Jun. 1st, 2011 04:00 pm (UTC)
You've only had shitty tequila, huh? Good tequila makes ALL THE DIFFERENCE. (Also, I left off the note to the 1 jigger of tequila, so give me a minute and hit refresh to get options for purchases. :D)
fiveandfour
Jun. 1st, 2011 07:55 pm (UTC)
Aaawww, I love that you call the shot glasses "jiggers". Haven't heard that one since my dad passed away (he was an Oklahoma boy).

Re: the tequila...it's kind of a vague memory (high school? college?) when I tried it, shuddered, shuddered some more, and swore to never have it again. Then along came last week-end...
stoney321
Jun. 1st, 2011 09:24 pm (UTC)
Ha, "jigger" is the name of the metal measure bartenders use, but I would probably call a shot glass that, as well, if I measured with one. And aww, bless your Dad's heart (and yours, too.)

Sounds to me like you drank the worst: Jose Cuervo. It's just bilge, I hate it.
minim_calibre
Jun. 1st, 2011 04:04 pm (UTC)
>Alternative: add to the lime juice/peel a good-sized knuckle of ginger, peeled and smashed (so you can fish it out later, after 12 hours.) Add that to gin, soda and mint and prepare to have your mind blown and your thirst quenched.

Oh. Oh. Yes! Must!
stoney321
Jun. 1st, 2011 04:06 pm (UTC)
SO. DAMN. TASTY. (Ooooh, and alternative to THAT, use grapefruit juice + ginger + mint + gin + soda. OH. MY. GOD. Talk about thirst quenching by the pool!)
evamagick
Jun. 1st, 2011 07:38 pm (UTC)
Added you everywhere, Your Awesomeness. :)
stoney321
Jun. 1st, 2011 07:49 pm (UTC)
Yay!
lynnenne
Jun. 1st, 2011 09:24 pm (UTC)
Sadly, I never stayed in any of those villas. But I did get to visit Mykonos and Santorini, and they are ALL THAT.

Adding your blog to my LJ list. <3
stoney321
Jun. 1st, 2011 09:47 pm (UTC)
Every picture I see of that place, I'm blown away. SO BEAUTIFUL.

(And hee, the extra sugar in the lime cocktail recipe is TOTALLY for your benefit, because I know you don't like sour drinks. *g*)

Thank you!! Aww, I love you, Miss Lynne.
lynnenne
Jun. 1st, 2011 09:59 pm (UTC)
HEEEEEEEEE. You still make the best mojitos I've ever had anywhere!
stoney321
Jun. 1st, 2011 10:07 pm (UTC)
FIST PUMP OF TRIUMPH!

The lime cocktail I detail up there: amazing mojito come from it, too! MMMMM. Why yes I *am* about to juice 60 limes, why do you ask? Ha!
elizardbits
Jun. 1st, 2011 10:14 pm (UTC)
SIGH. I am too spoiled by nearly a decade in Ibiza to be excited by Greek villas, alas. I MEAN, OBVSLY I WILL TAKE ONE IF THEY ARE BEING GIVEN AWAY. Obvsly.

wait, are they being given away? ARE YOU HAVING A RAFFLE?


Man, I've seen a few episode bits and pieces of NJ housewives at the gym, and oh my god, I thought the Jersey Shore kids were bad. Those women are pure 100% sad-ass whiskey tango losers, and they don't even have being 21 and dopey as their excuse. I CAN'T EVEN.

Edited at 2011-06-01 10:14 pm (UTC)
stoney321
Jun. 1st, 2011 10:16 pm (UTC)
I WOULD LIKE TO BE SPOILED BY IBIZA, LETS NOT GET HASTY.

That would be the best raffle ever! mostly because there would be ONE ticket and I would be holding it.

They are craymazing, those ladies. it's just.... I feel like an anthropologist watching them, I have to be honest.
elizardbits
Jun. 1st, 2011 10:26 pm (UTC)
AHAHA, the anthro is a big assumption. I would go for at most primate biology, as they look about 2 seconds away from actually flinging their own shit at each other.

The scariest part is that some of them have spawned already.
stoney321
Jun. 1st, 2011 10:58 pm (UTC)
The way they live, their societal rules are like a whole different species/way of living to me. It's absolutely fascinating to me. THERE'S A REASON THE SITE IS NAMED WHAT ITS NAMED.

Also, I drink a lot.
elizardbits
Jun. 1st, 2011 11:49 pm (UTC)
OMG DUDE. You should do video recaps of them with Attenborough-style voiceovers. COME ON IT WILL BE AWESOME. and probably a copyright infringement but WHO EVEN CARES SO AWESOME.
stoney321
Jun. 2nd, 2011 12:01 am (UTC)
LOLOLOL!!

Or Honey-Badger style. "Look at this fierce bitch, she wears four cans of aqua net in her hair, bitch don't give a shit! Oh my god, is that another gold cross on her neck? Jesus."
strtmyorange
Jun. 1st, 2011 11:35 pm (UTC)
"Smidgen, who wants a makeout session"

OMG! IT'S NOT KISSING!!! YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT SHE'S TRYING TO SUCK OUT YOUR SOUL!!!!!!!! TEH EVIL, EVIL KITTEH WANTS YOUR SWEET, SWEET SOUL...AND BRAIN-MEAT!!

Somebody needs to gift me one of those villas. I deserve it! But I really dislike you now, Stoney, for adding yet another thing to my "WANT!!!...But can't have!" list.
stoney321
Jun. 2nd, 2011 12:02 am (UTC)
OH MY GOD YOU'RE RIGHT!

Except I have no soul, remember? Atheist. SHE MUST WANT MY BRAAAAAAINS. Lol.

I want and can't have, too, so we can make a sulk club!
cdvla313
Jun. 2nd, 2011 05:50 am (UTC)
Completely off topic, but Stoney, I finally saw The Book of Mormon!

Let me say first it's pretty much exactly what you would expect from the show, after having listened to the cast recording and bootlegs. Plus tap-dancing missionaries. I was kinda ridiculously spoiled across the board from numerous people about the details of the book of the show, so it wasn't quite as shocking/ridiculous/funny to me, but ah, what can you do? Also, from reading your posts, stuff like I Believe and Spooky Mormon Hell Dream, while everyone else was laughing, made me kinda depressed since I know it's not really an exaggeration. lol.

Overall I thought it was cute, had music that, for the most part, stuck in my head and didn't remind me of another show, so A+ for that, lol, and I know is going to win craploads of Tony Awards (They're doing I Believe, btw). Which I can deal with a lot better than last year's winner, so that's good. lol. I can be more specific, if you want, I just don't know how much detail you're interested in.
stoney321
Jun. 2nd, 2011 12:02 pm (UTC)
LOL at you being melancholy during those numbers! I AM SORRY I AM SO TRUTHFUL. (haha) I'm very much looking forward to Spooky Mormon Hell Dream for the dance/production number and the tap dancing missionaries. Augh, I'm so glad you got to go, so happy that I won't say how sad I am for me. :D

SO COOL. I can't wait to see I Believe performed - as you know, that's the song that did me in.
brunettepet
Jun. 2nd, 2011 06:01 am (UTC)
Last month was national burger month and the mister had me grilling burgers like a grilling fiend - okay 5 over the course of a month, but I'm not that much of a meat eater, so I got caught out of the equation until Texas sweet corn finally came into the markets again. I grill it and cut it off the cob to make salads and add to bean dips and just eat, eat, eat. I'm also happy to see artichokes back in season.

Let's all go to Greece - this time of year my diet consists of Tomatoes, cucumber, feta, parsley and lemon anyway!

The palmetto bugs could have been deal breakers but we had them in Los Angeles, too. It just really surprised me when they were pushing some of my tschotskies (sp?) around the first night we slept pin our "new " (built in 1950) home. It takes some girth to make 2 liter German beer boots move around. Scary bug action.
stoney321
Jun. 2nd, 2011 12:10 pm (UTC)
I totally whimpered at your story of bugs - THEY ARE MY GREATEST FEAR. Even more than huge face eating spiders. One thing I love about living here (as opposed to my 100 year old bungalow by the lake and forest) is that there are NO roaches in the prairie. Not enough water and vegetation to support them. YAY. I do have to put up with grasshoppers in the summer, but that's a far better tradeoff, imo. GAH.

GREECE! Yes, let's go ASAP, I fully support your plan!
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Jun. 2nd, 2011 03:45 pm (UTC)
She sent back an email within fifteen minutes calling off the search because someone offered it! (I wonder if the student's father is an exterminator? LOL.) DO NOT WANT x INFINITY, omg.

Ooh, yay!! I'm so glad that you might be able to eat this cake - it's very light and very moist. I hope the cocoa powder part works out! (And the lime cocktail is awesome when you add a good splash to club soda - much better for kids than canned soda, imo.)
ipnotika
Jun. 3rd, 2011 12:16 am (UTC)
I am ALL about the 'ritas. MMMMMM. Thanks, m'dear!

If you like cinnamon in your chocolate, and like spicy things as well, try frosting that awesome cake of yours with some chocolate frosting that has some (good quality) cayenne mixed in. OMG/die
stoney321
Jul. 11th, 2011 08:41 pm (UTC)
I am just seeing that I never responded to this! Waah, you're one of my favorite commenters, I'm sorry!

And yes, yes, cayenne (or ancho chile powder) with chocolate is AMAZING.
sockmonkeyhere
Jun. 6th, 2011 03:40 am (UTC)
An entire WORLD of DO NOT WANT. Emily told me that "Big Daddy" shed its skin yesterday in class and it was totally freaky. I AM HAPPY IN MY MAKE BELIEVE WORLD WHERE THESE CREATURES DO NOT EXIST. (Note: anyone that tries to tell me how great they are CLEARLY has never lived in hot/humid climates where Palmetto bugs live. KILL THEM ALL.)

*cackles* But they ARE great! They're nothing at all like grody Palmetto roaches, who fly and skitter and shit all over the books in your bookcases (if you live in an old house with lots of cracks.) Hissing roaches act like big giant doodlebugs -- they amble about placidly, eating vegetables and taking no interest in your kitchen cupboards or the bowl of kibbled cat food on your porch. They're actually very clean, too. I lurves them.

*runs away*
stoney321
Jun. 6th, 2011 01:28 pm (UTC)
THEY ARE WORSE THEY ARE WORSE THEY ARE WORSE THEY HAVE SEGMENTED TORSOS THEY ARE WOOOOOOOOOORSE!
sockmonkeyhere
Jun. 13th, 2011 02:00 am (UTC)
THEY HAVE SEGMENTED TORSOS

*coffeespit* Bwahahahaha!

*Ioncehadanentirecolonyofthem*

lutamira
Jul. 4th, 2011 06:16 pm (UTC)
So I bookmarked this way back when you posted it, thinking, hey, that sour mix sounds awesome. I should try it out the next time I happen to have THREE POUNDS of limes sitting around. And eventually I just gave in and bought a whole bunch on-purpose and OHMYGOSHITSSOGOOD. Seriously. Hubby and I made ourselves margaritas with it and were like, we are never drinking anything else again ever. That first batch disappeared like someone else was drinking it too and we immediately made more. So, uh, thanks for posting. And for testing it all out and perfecting it before sharing it with us. :)
stoney321
Jul. 4th, 2011 06:25 pm (UTC)
YOU ARE WELCOME. And really. Crazy good, right? I made some with 6 pounds of limes this weekend in anticipation of parties, and we're almost through it all, too. It keeps for a long time in the fridge, like a few months (not that it would, but you get me) so make a bunch ahead of time and sip all summer. :)
( 41 comments — Leave a comment )

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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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