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More Karruhls, and big thanks to my flist

*taps screen* Is this thing on? It's clearing out fast around here... I'm not going anywhere (hard and fast Stoney rule: stay home on Christmas). I want to say a big thanks to mskakaako for my cute card and AWESOME bookmark (yes, I read REAL books!), thanks to paynbow for the great snowman card and the DELSIH treats. The kids and Mr. Stoney devoured almost all the peppermint bark. YUM. And to anelith who made me an origami swan in the most beautiful colors that PERFECTLY matches my tree... She didn't know I have a 12 Days of Christmas Tree and this year was the year to find "7 Swans a Swimming." It's perfect and beautiful, and I cried when I saw it. I love you guys!

Now, I am bored, and I think a bunch of you out there may be, too. So. Posting some new Karruhls as well as the others I've done (mainly so I can save them in my memories in one post.) Hannukah song in here, too!

Sung to "Up On The Housetop"

Under a window, a stalker - dead
Boot steps on a Marlboro Red
Dreaming of blonde hair and panties blue
To steal and sniff, oh, Spikey EWW!

No, no, no - she wouldn't go
No, no, no - she wouldn't go
Behind the staircase (kiss, kiss, kiss!)
Down on your cold, hard Vampire dick.

Sung to "We Three Kings"

We Three Nerd who plague Sunnydale
Our purpose: To get some hot tail
Princess Leia; Troi, Deanna
Chicks that we three could nail

O Dames a'plenty, chicks "to do"
Chicks who once said we were through
French Maid costume, 'Bot - I lost you!
(Andrew whispers:) Maybe Warren wants me, too...

Made a ray gun, got demon balls
Froze Rusty, bugged Buff in the halls
Tested Slayer, Cool like Vader
No more hiding in the stalls...

O Dames a'plenty, chicks "to do"
Chicks who once said we were through
French Maid costume, 'Bot - I lost you!
(Andrew whispers:) Maybe Warren wants me, too...

Sung to "I Saw Three Ships" As Sung by Buffy Summers

I saw three nerds driving away, when I came back, when I came back
I saw three nerds driving away when I first came back from heeaaaven
What's up with those nerds of three? when I came back, when I came back
What's up with those nerds of three, now that I came back from heeeaaaven?
They bugged me with a lame time thing on my first day, on my first day
They bugged me with a lame time thing on my first day back to college

And then there was the mummy hand, on my first day, on my first day
And then there was the mummy hand on my first day at the Magic Box
Got drunk then fought a red demon (was really lame, was really lame)
Got drunk and fought a red demon, I drank too much eeeeaaaauuuggghhhh!

And then I turned invisible, but first I cut, but first I cut
And then I turned invisible, but first I cut my goldilocks
Decided all their tricks were lame: demon dog prom? Sexy 'Bot?
Decided all their tricks were lame, when I had come back from heeeeaaaven.

And the oldies but goodies:
Sung to "Do you hear what I hear?" As sung by Xander, Anya and Spike

Said the Whelp Boy to his Demon Girl,
"Do you see what I see?
Down in the dark crypt over there,
Do you see what I see?
A vamp, a vamp humping in the night
With a cock as big as a kite,
With a cock as big as a kite."

Said the Demon Girl to the Naive Boy,
"Do you hear what I hear?
The moaning of your name, Naive Boy,
Do you hear what I hear?
A gasp, a cry and was that a squee?
Like when you put your penis in me
Like when you put your penis in me?"

Said the Naive Boy to the Bleach-ed Vamp
"Wanna know what you know,
In your crypt so cold, dark and damp,
Wanna know what you know,
Your Childe, A Childe: would you be my Sire?"
"Your life's blood is what I require.
Your life's blood is what I require."

Said the Vamp to the Scoobies at Giles' house,
"Listen to what I say!
Xander is my bitch, don't you grouse.
Listen to what I say!
We screw we screw, Anya, so much more than you
See ya, we're happy now, just us two
We are happier now, just us two..."

Sung to "Dreidel Song/Round" by the South Park gang, As sung by Willow and Gang

I have a pretty girlfriend, I made myself be gay
Because have you fricken' seen her? With Tara I will play
Oh, Tara, Tara, Tara
I made myself be gay
Tara, Tara, Tara
With Tara I will play

(Stan's part, sung by Buffy)
I'll try to fit you in
Faith showed, I'll try again

(Mrs. Bravlovski's part, sung by Joyce)
Now when you learn to fight the bad demons
You KNOW the Scoobies always win
(keep fighting!) Learn to fight the bad demons
You KNOW the Scoobies always win

(Mr. Bravlovski's part, sung me MEEE!)
Spike is hot, I love him
He's so hot, on that show

Sung to "Santa Baby" As sung by Harmony

Spikey Baby, just slip a nibble under the tree
For me
Been an awful good girl
Spikey Baby, so hurry back to your Harmony

Spikey Baby, get rid of that yuck DeSoto, too
It's poo
How 'bout BMW?
Spikey Baby, so hurry back to your Harmony

Think of all the fun I've missed
Found out you were dead and boy,
I was pissed
That's what happens with "the fight for Good"
Stick with me Schmoopy,
'Cause you have been missed.

Spikey Baby, I never got to see all of France
Or dance
With you in tight leather pants
Spikey Baby, so hurry back to your Harmony.

Spikey Sweetheart, I am a sharp career girl now
And how
I run the office, like, WOW
Spikey Honey, Wolfram, Hart sure love your Harmony

Come and see me run the show
You'd never believe all of the things
That I know
Secretly I am still bad
But on the outside I'm good and they'll
All be had

Blondie Baby, one last thing that I want from you dear
Right here
I'm talking sex you big queer.
Schmoopy Spikey, come have a go with your Harmony.

Sung to "Rudolph The Red-nosed Reindeer"
Kendra, The Irksome Slayer

You know:
And Good Faith
And Bad Faith (awakened)
Potentials who made it

But do you recall
The most obnoxious Slayer of All?

Kendra, The Irksome Slayer
She also sounds like Bob Marley.
And if you ever heard her
'Nflections that would make you pee.

All of the other Scoobies
Didn't like her - too book-y
Except the Watcher Giles
Someone else to research - wee!

Then one set-up gone badly
Dru came out to play
Buffy, with her mind not right
Left her friends to die of fright

And then that Dru, she kilt her
With her nails of red and glee
Kendra, the Irksome Slayer:
She sounds just like Bob Marley!

Sung to "Mary, Did you Know?", As sung by the "We loved her FIRST!" demon on Angel, Season 4
Gordok, Did you Know?

Gordok, did you know?
That your unhatched egg will one day rule our nation?
Gordok, did you know?
That this puape can feed our whole population?
Did you know?
That its adult form would raize the entire planet?
This unhatched egg you have laid
Will soon be feeding you.

Gordok, did you know?
That the citizens of our race they are starving?
Gordok, did you know?
That this larval feast has begun, and guess who's carving?
Did you know?
That your baby has a picquant taste of almonds?
And when you taste your little baby
You've tasted our own Throk.

Sung to "It Came upon a Midnight Clear" As sung by Spike
I Came Upon My Lover's Rear

I came upon my lover's rear
That glorious tushie so taut.
My Angel bending over the bed
He looked so lovely and hot.

Oh, God! I'm cummiinnng!" he exclaimed
And that? My cue to explode.
And we in exhausted stillness lay
In our dark skyrise abode.

Sung to Christmas in Killarney
Christmas in Sunnydale

The grass is green, the trees are green
The warmest of climates you've ever seen.
It's Christmas in Sunnydale
With out any trace of snow.

It's nice you know, to kiss your beau
While Xander is sleeping in mys'try snow
And The First has been stopped, you see
The sun won't kill Angel, no.

The crypts are always open
The vampires pay a call
And Techno-Pagan Miss Jenny
Will come back to haunt you all.

How good (not sad!) to stop The Big Bad
And renew the great love that you once had
I'm handing you no tall tales
The likes you've never known
It's Christmas in Sunnydale
You've saved the one Vamp you've "known!"

Sung to "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" as sung by Dawn
I Saw Xander kissing Sleazy Spike

I saw Xander kissing sleazy Spike
Underneath the stalker tree last night,
They didn't see me sneak
Out the doors to have a peek
They thought I was tucked up
In my bedroom fast alseep

I saw Xander kissing sleazy Spike
Underneath his black T-shirt so tight
Oh, What a laugh it would have been
If Buffy had only seen
Xander kissing her boyfriend last night!

Sung to O, Holy Night by Xander, Anya and Tara

O Holy night,
Willow is brightly shining
It is the night when we bring Buffy back.

Long lay So. Cal in demons and in vampires
We need her back so we all do not die.

Willow is writhing, snakes are shooting out of her.
We all stand back and watch the Wicca work.

Oh! Holy Crap!
The demons broke the one urn
Poor Buffy is lost...
No wait, she has come back.

O night sublime!
It is the night
That Buffy's home
O night sublime!
Wait I think...

She's not right.

Sung to "Do They Know It's Christmas Time At All?" as sung by Cordelia and the Cordettes, special solo by Harmony Kendall
Do They Know about Prada At All?

It's Christmas time, there's no need to be afraid,
It's Christmas time, we buy up bags made by Kate Spade
And in our world of beauty, we can share a tip or two...
Throw your Bonnie Bell away, we'll re-do you!

But say a prayer, pray for the ugly ones
With bad skin tone, pimples that weigh a ton
Throw away things from your closet
This means the "softer side of Sears"

No more poly-blended pants suits, no more outdated "Homie gear"
And the big, gross shoes you're wearing
And pleated slacks that seal your doom
(Harmony sings to Cordy) Well, tonight thank God it's them, instead of you!

And there won't be gift cards for the crap at Penny's
The greatest gift you'll get this year is us
Oh, we'll pluck your big eyebrows, color charts: the whys and hows.
I mean, do you know about Prada at all?

Buy Black LabelTM...
Don't buy any crappy clothes at all
Buy Black LabelTM...
Don't buy any crappy clothes at all


( 33 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 21st, 2004 10:27 am (UTC)
Still funny, stoney.

I really needed that today. Thanks.
Dec. 21st, 2004 10:34 am (UTC)
No prob!! I exist to please others... (Heh. Riiiiight.)

The Star Wars/Star Trek shout out was for you and Sue, you caught that, right?

Where is everyone today? Tell your wife to quit being productive at work and slack off. Waaaaahhhh. Or better yet, come work at one of the many colleges in Dallas and I can tell her myself! ;-)
Dec. 21st, 2004 10:42 am (UTC)
I thought that the shout out may be for me. Yes. I would have been one of the Three Geeks.

Sue's having a bad and busy day at work. Don't know if she will slack off today.
Dec. 21st, 2004 11:01 am (UTC)
Nonsensical outpouring of my lurve...
Will read and comment on your ever-heeelarious Karruhls, but just doing a drive by to say...

I'm not trying to buy your love, but you really make me want to.

Heee! I'm humming 'Material Girl' as I write this. I used to looove that video. THat song was about teh sex as well, right? *mwah*

Dec. 21st, 2004 11:19 am (UTC)
Material Girl is about her love of lube, er something...

More pimping: if you don't normally read Karabair, you need to read her story "The Borogroves" about Wesley finally confronting his dad after the whole "shoot 'cause you hurt Fred" scene on Angel Season 5. She posted right after you, so you can head over from there (should be in her memories.) She's another terrific writer, and NOBODY writes Wes like her.
Dec. 22nd, 2004 11:01 am (UTC)
I said I'd be back for Karruhls...
My favourite of the bunch was Kendra, The Irksome Slayer. Hahaha, remember when she said, "Me only shirt!", it makes me laugh. Every, single time!

I don't know of Karabair's fics. Will give it a go! I love poor, dead Wes. So sad.

Madonna is a dirty, filthy girl. Like you! Heee!
Dec. 22nd, 2004 11:10 am (UTC)
I love the Kendra song muchly. What a crap idea to have her be Jamaican. Maybe if they had gotten someone that didn't sound like she listened to a Peter Tosh album once then said her lines...

Bu unlike Madonna, you can bring me home to meet the family.
Dec. 22nd, 2004 11:31 am (UTC)
you can bring me home to meet the family.

You coming here? <--Wishful thinking, I know! :D

It's such a pretty day today. Warmish, even.
I'm looking at the mountains and the water, right now. Well, before I was, 'cuz now it's all about the monitor.

Dec. 21st, 2004 11:07 am (UTC)
maybe Warren wants me too. . .
OK, these all rock but the Trio stuff is too much!

thanks for the laugh.

working some season 1 Wes/Cordy (sort of) as we speak.
Dec. 21st, 2004 11:17 am (UTC)
Can you hear his plaintive Holiday wish??
I couldn't sleep last night, so I wrote Troika carols instead.

OH MY GOD!!! I want to read it! When you're ready, of course...
*climbs back into her seat and releases claws from the monitor*
(Deleted comment)
Dec. 21st, 2004 11:30 am (UTC)
tee hee! what x-mas is really about... Ha!
I've been singing "Spikey Baby" all morning. Gordok is definitely Mr. Stoney's favorite, and he does an impression of the alien with wonky hands trying to hold a microphone while he "oversells" the song. Ha!! American Idol, here he comes!

I told Caza already, but the Star Wars/Star Trek refs were a shoutout to you two.

"I came upon my lover's rear..." *snerk*
(Deleted comment)
Dec. 21st, 2004 12:02 pm (UTC)
Mmm. Making sausage rolls tomorrow...
Got: fudge, caramel brownies, pizza, sausage balls (which I always sing: Hey everybody, have you seen my balls, they're big and salty and brown), peppermint bark, bavarian mints, Hot PocketsTM, and of course, the ever-present juices boxes and Snack PacksTM. No more string cheese, tho. Kids ate it up.
(Deleted comment)
(Deleted comment)
Dec. 21st, 2004 12:34 pm (UTC)
Mmm. Leggy birds. Save me the neck, Chuck!
Did you know that your baby has the picquant taste of almonds?

If you were a good little Mormon gal, you'd turn them taters (what's taters, Precioussss?) into funeral potatoes: hash brown mixed with sour cream, chives, topped with cheddar and baked. YUM. Making a big pan for the Big Day.

Hard and fast rule in my house: I don't travel on X-mas. I went to three houses on average every X-mas day for 15 years (stupid divorced parents) and got sick of it. Plus, I'm the only one with little kids, and I firmly believe they should hang out in their jammies, play with their Red Rider BBguns or whatever Santa brings them.

So I make a ton of food the night before and set it out buffet style on the Big Day and let everyone help themself. While I help myself to the Baileys. Hee! Come spend Christmas with me! I promise no religion anywhere, and we can sneak off to read porn...
(Deleted comment)
Dec. 21st, 2004 01:14 pm (UTC)
And when I deliver the big "power emotion moment" can the song from the Charlie Brown Special, "Christmastime is here" play?

Don't funeral potatoes sound YUMMY? Do you know of them, or are they a Mormon staple?

And can I make out with Charisma Carpenter? We want it to be AUTHENTIC, don't we?
(Deleted comment)
Dec. 21st, 2004 12:40 pm (UTC)
Stop being funny! You make me laugh too hard and now my stomach hurts. :P

A cock as big as a kite! Ha!
Dec. 21st, 2004 12:45 pm (UTC)
Hee Hee! You know I wrote the Dreidel Round re-do for you, right? Well, not that I'm saying you're all into the slash, but you know. Hannukah.
Dec. 21st, 2004 09:41 pm (UTC)
Aw, for me? That's good because I laughed really hard. I've had that song in my head all day. Mostly the Mrs. Bravlovski part. And I am into slash. Boy slash. Mmm boys making sweet love down by the fire...
(Deleted comment)
Dec. 21st, 2004 01:11 pm (UTC)
Boo to crappy morning! Boo to Dr. not respecting your time! Yay for compliments!

Go have some nog from the "adult" bowl on me.
Dec. 21st, 2004 02:07 pm (UTC)
You are the true meaning of Christmas. Mormons are so cool. I want you and Sue for X-mas. C'mon, y'all got 4 days, start walkin'. "I Saw Xander kissing Sleazy Spike" may be the best song ever written, but the Driedel revamp has my Jew love.
Dec. 21st, 2004 02:19 pm (UTC)
I can't really pick a favorite, that'd be like picking between my kids (Emily. Unless someone is weepy, then it's Morgan. Or if someone has figured out something difficult and pumps a fist into the air, then it's Austin.)

But I'd go with Gordok, Santa Baby, and We Three Nerds. Please note that this will change tomorrow according to waht plays on the radio. But Gordok is weird enough that Mr. Stoney and I can sing it together. With really cheesy Kenny Rogers drama.

*packs kerchief, puts on good walkin' shoes*

Wait! It's colder in El Paso than Dallas! Get yer buns over here! I'm making sausage balls (hey everybody, have you seen my balls/ they're big and salty and brown?)
Dec. 21st, 2004 02:20 pm (UTC)
You should record these. I wanna be putting up my Christmas tree and singing along. Just hope the family doesn't decide to sing any carols this year. They might be a little surprised by the new and improved lyrics.
Dec. 21st, 2004 02:36 pm (UTC)
Fortunately my family has a warped sense of humor, so they know a few of these... Um, not singing "I came upon my lover's rear" however. Bit much for them...

How ya been?? Survived finals alright?
Dec. 21st, 2004 02:55 pm (UTC)
Not so sure I survived, but my reanimated zombie corpse is shufflin' along just fine, so yay!

Now all I want to do is bake a gingerbread house and sing "We Three Nerds". Let my brain cells slowly regenerate.
Dec. 21st, 2004 04:11 pm (UTC)
We Three Nerds was GENIUS! I also love Cordy and the Cordettes...awesome!

I'm glad you got the package! The candycane bark is my fave too...I love that stuff! Glad you guys enjoyed!
Dec. 22nd, 2004 11:11 am (UTC)
YUM, again I say: YUM. I put you in my special "Victorian Santa" canister. Um, not YOU, but your candy.
Dec. 22nd, 2004 09:00 pm (UTC)
...it's awfully dark and small in here.... *g*

If you want the recipe, just say the word. It's one of my faves *g*
Dec. 12th, 2005 08:46 am (UTC)
HAHAHAHAHA! Harmony's song had me in stitches. I could totally see her singing that.
( 33 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

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