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Coon pecker.

This was said to me today at the pool supply store. The lady was describing what her in laws use for toothpicks. See, they trap raccoons, cut them off, and then dry them to be used as toothpicks.

You can't make this shit up. You can try, but it wouldn't be as funny or bizarre.

In non hillbilly news, how about that Real Housewives of Beverly Hills last night? OMG. This is the season, you guys. Catch up with my recaps, then set your DVRs for Monday night. Wow.

Also, Breaking Bad went up last night, so those of you that love good TV: there you go.

And the LAST GLEE REWATCH-RECAP IS UP. Just in time for the new season to start tonight. *thunk*

ION, coon pecker.

Comments

( 26 comments — Leave a comment )
gottriplets
Sep. 20th, 2011 09:03 pm (UTC)
You win the internets. I am so excited about Glee tonight that it was a welcome treat to get to read your snark (and add some of my own)!

stoney321
Sep. 20th, 2011 09:20 pm (UTC)
YAY!! *takes sceptre and stomps around, GRAND EMPRESS OF INNERNETTUBES*
gottriplets
Sep. 21st, 2011 11:35 am (UTC)
I need to come up with a good song for your first dance...that will require much thought and meditation...
Screw it...dance to Dancing Queen! LOL!
brunettepet
Sep. 20th, 2011 09:08 pm (UTC)
You can't make that shit up, but I really, really wish it was just a joke *shudders* Raccoons freak me out. I can't imagine the first person who dried one of their peckers and used it to pick their teeth *full body twitch*
stoney321
Sep. 20th, 2011 09:21 pm (UTC)
I just... WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?
_slutknot_
Sep. 20th, 2011 09:56 pm (UTC)
Your icon is beautiful.
That is all.
stoney321
Sep. 20th, 2011 10:18 pm (UTC)
It pretty much expresses my life pilosophy.

PATSY. PATSY STONE. STONE. PATSY. PATSY STONE. (oh, how I love AbFab!)
kuzu_no_ha
Sep. 20th, 2011 10:41 pm (UTC)
Sweetie, darling, sweetie.
stoney321
Sep. 20th, 2011 11:35 pm (UTC)
AbFab: one of the greatest shows ever on the tv's.
_slutknot_
Sep. 21st, 2011 06:19 am (UTC)
I feel the same. Granny will always be my favorite though.

Patsy Stone is my spirit animal.
Did you hear that a new series of Ab Fab is in the works?
stoney321
Sep. 21st, 2011 12:44 pm (UTC)
I *did* hear there's a new one! I couldn't be more excited unless I set myself on fire. Which might happen accidentally as I work on my Patsy Stone tribute band, CHEERS, ED.
_slutknot_
Sep. 22nd, 2011 04:25 am (UTC)
I think this is my most favorite comment made by anyone ever.
shabazmataz
Sep. 20th, 2011 10:05 pm (UTC)
Nothing like petrified coon dick to clean off that tartar buildup my dentist keeps nagging me about! I imagine a possum pecker might be too small, so I can see they did their research. Who needs mouthwash?
stoney321
Sep. 20th, 2011 10:18 pm (UTC)
Is that not the most hick thing you've ever heard? I LIVE IN A NORMAL SUBURB.
ladycyndra
Sep. 20th, 2011 10:32 pm (UTC)
When I read the title of this post, I thought it was from Weepingcock. XD
stoney321
Sep. 20th, 2011 11:34 pm (UTC)
That used to be my bread and butter, but alas, now it's only on rare occasions....
shannon_f_r
Sep. 20th, 2011 11:28 pm (UTC)
Um...so as I understand it, the choice is between going to all of the trouble of trapping and castrating raccoons, or heading out to the Wal-Mart to buy a 200-pack of toothpicks for $1.50.

The poor really are different than you and me. Although that looks more like enjoying castrating animals than thrift to me.
stoney321
Sep. 20th, 2011 11:35 pm (UTC)
I DO NOT UNDERSTAND EITHER.

Like, I'm trying to figure it out, and I cannot. I CANNOT.

And lol, I think you're right re: where they find their bliss.
stephanierb
Sep. 21st, 2011 12:00 am (UTC)

See, they trap raccoons, cut them off, and then dry them to be used as toothpicks.

I am not going to be able to get that image out of my brain for a very long time. *shudders*
stoney321
Sep. 21st, 2011 12:43 pm (UTC)
THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST HILLBILLY THINGS I HAVE EVER HEARD. And I live in a middle class/upper middle class suburb. WHERE DID SHE COME FROM?!
luvxander
Sep. 21st, 2011 02:42 am (UTC)
COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON PECKER!!!!!!!!!!!!
stoney321
Sep. 21st, 2011 12:42 pm (UTC)
You know I heard that like Sooo-EEEEEEEEEE!
luvxander
Sep. 21st, 2011 03:43 pm (UTC)
As well you should. Because the sooo eee people are the same ones that will stick a coon penis in their mouth.
entrenous88
Sep. 21st, 2011 03:21 am (UTC)
*cries at this information*

I hope at least they use their coon pecker picks multiple times? Or is it the height of hillbilly chic to throw them away after a single use?
stoney321
Sep. 21st, 2011 12:42 pm (UTC)
I think the point of a coon billy pecker pick is so you can use them over and over and over again.

I DON'T KNOW WHICH IS WORSE I REALLY DONT.
maybe1ce
Sep. 21st, 2011 01:09 pm (UTC)
Damn it, Stoney, you made me google.

Apparently, Raccoon Penis Bones are often made into necklaces and given as a superstitious love token in certain parts of the country. There are many common nicknames for them, most commonly...WAIT FOR IT...

Texas Toothpick.


Enjoy that, you crazy Texans.
( 26 comments — Leave a comment )

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