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I'm not right. We all know this. Further proof is below. So dovil has had the mother of all Mpregs to make fun of, and it got my brain thinking of Spike in terms of the Antebellum South. Petticoats and passing out. So now I give you, the retelling of Gone With The Wind with the cast and characters from Angel and Buffy. (Basically, crazydiamondsue is running late and I'm filling in the time until she gets here.)



GONE, WENT MY MIND
~~~
Cast of Characters:
Spikanie Hamilton-Wilkes, Southern Belle with a constitution like silk in a rainstorm, but a heart as strong as an ox
Gunn Wilkes, the kind, sweet soul who loves her/him
Angel O'Hara, the Southern bitch who loves HIM, but believes in breaking hearts and having the smallest waistline (ahem) in three counties
Wesley Butler, Roguish Rake who loves Angel, but loves money more
Mammy Chase, sassy housekeeper who tends to Angel
Prissy Harris, house slave who is a bit tetched in the head
Big Clem, field hand who stuck around

~~~
We start our story with Spikanie deep in the throes of labor as the city of Atlanta is burning all around. Spikanie's is an unusual labor as she is a he, and dead, and carrying the child in his rectum. Prissy Harris has re-assured Angel O'Hara that she has acted as mid-wife hundreds of times in this very type of delivery.

Angel O'Hara is hurrying down the grand staircase to escape the noise of Spikanie's delivery.

"Angel... Angel!" Spikanie breathlessly cries out.

Angel dashes off to the kitchen, ever mindful of her hoop-skirts around the fires of the great stoves. Angel runs square into Mammy Chase, who promptly throws her fists onto her hips and blocks any further escape from Angel.

"And jes' WHERE do you think you going? Cain't you be hearin' that poor Childe upstairs crying her/his eyes out? How in de hell that honey baby gone come outta that poor sugar's ass? Gone jes shoot out like uh egg fromst a chicken?"

Angel stuck out his chin. (Yes, Angel is also a man, but prefers to think of herself as a chick with a dick, since her shrill voice and petulant behavior is most unbecoming for a man-pire. Oh, Angel is dead, too. Or rather, UN-dead. But a woman, nonetheless.) With green, cat-like eyes fixed on Mammy Chase's brown ones, she/he replied, "Oh, fiddle-dee-dee! I won't think about that now, I'll think about it tomorrow when I can stand it. After all... tomorrow is another day."

Mammy backhands Angel. "Oooh! No you di'int! You get that ass up them stairs and go hep that poor Childe get that baby out his ass and you bes' go do it now!"

With a flounce of hoops and fabric, Angel waltzes upstairs, only to run into Prissy Harris, who is humming nonsense to no one in particular.

"Oh, thank the Powers That Be, Prissy. Spikanie is about to give birth, and you said you know what to do. Now go on, scoot!"

Prissy begins to hyperventilate, "Oh, Miss Angel! Miss Angel! I cain't! Oh, Laws, I cain't! I don't know nothin' ‘bout birthin' no babies! ‘Specially no ass-hole babies coming from no dead man dressed up and acting likes a woman! Oh, Laws!"

Angel pouts, then she/he's ever disappearing vampire strength comes back with a vengeance and she/he back hands Prissy with such force that Prissy goes flying through the air, slides down the wall and crumples in a bloody heap at the floor.

"Angel... Angel!!" Spikanie is becoming more agitated as her delivery approaches.

Angel grits her/his teeth and climbs the stairs with determination. "Spikanie, I‘m coming. Give me strength, but I'm coming!"

Mammy Chase follows behind her with towels and a teakettle of hot water.

"Mammy, run just as quick as you can and tell Gunn that the baby is coming. And for him to hurry up quick, but hide from them filthy Carpetbaggers, because he is a young, black man and this is the Antebellum South. For that matter, send for Wesley Butler, too. He'll know what to do, the shameless rake - but I love him. Oh, Mammy, I -"

Mammy slaps some sense into Angel, who is beginning to ramble. Didn't she remember a baby is trying to come out of a dead vampire's ass? And that vampire is a delicate magnolia flower, liable to pass out at the drop of a hat?

"Lord, Miss Angel. Jes' stand betwixt that othern' legs and catch what come shooting out. I's taking care of dey rest." She heads back downstairs and mutters to herself, "Laws, I wish I was in tuh coma or somthin' tuh take me outta dis here picture show. Men be having babies, dey men be dead dressing up like a woman..."

~~~
Angel makes her/his way into the room with Spikanie, who is putting on a brave face for her friend.

"Angel... You came. I... I feel so weak. If only the baby would come. Oh, please let the baby look like his daddy, so tall and proud. Angel, you are my bestest of friends. Ooh!"

Spikanie has a particularly painful contraction and promptly passes out because she/he can't take an ounce of pain. Angel checks her/his nails and picks off flecks of dust from her/his fine, corseted waist. Spikanie comes to within moments.

"Oh, my. I seem to have passed out again. Where is my Gunn? Our...our baby. I believe it's coming!"

Spikanie throws the blankets off her body to reveal a massive bulge in her groin area. Angel jumps back, eyes agog at the sight before her/him. It appears that the baby has decided to come out of Spikanie's piss-slit instead of her/his bunghole of manly, dry love. In a panic, Angel grabs the teakettle and dumps the hot water all over Spikanie's delivery-meat. Spikanie promptly passes out. Again. Angel then drapes all of the towels over the cock-and-baby and hears footsteps pounding up the stairs. Gunn Wilkes bursts into the room, followed closely by Wesley Butler and Mammy Chase.

Angel falls onto the nearest chaise in relief as Gunn rushes to his lover's side, slapping Spikanie's face to help her/him revive.

"I've come. Darling, I'm here."

Gunn looks down to witness the birth of his beloved undead-ass-baby and recoils in horror as he sees where the baby is trying to deliver itself.

"GOD. DAMN!"

Angel sees that her/his friend, and once paramour (and soon to be again - these two have more ups and downs in the romance department than Erika Cane) Wesley Butler has come.

"Oh, Wesley! I just don't know what I'd do if you hadn't come!"

Angel throws him/herself into Wesley's arms (quite a feat considering Angel has two stone on Wesley) and sobs in relief. Fluttering her/his lashes, she/he looks expectantly up at Wesley. "Well? Aren't you going to kiss me?"

Wesley stands Angel up on his/her feet, dusts the tears from his coat sleeve, and with a rakish grin replies, "No, I'm not going to kiss you although you need it. You need to be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how."

Mammy interrupts this with, "Oooh, you scalywag! You no good, dirty summbitch! I know you talkin' ‘bout me! You think you know what to do? Took me three days to dry my clothes you wet, chicken lipped, no good -"

"Mammy. I was being a rake."

"More like a hoe to me!"

The room bursts into laughter. Mammy!

Angel stomps her/his little (if size 13 is little) foot and says to Wesley, "Sir, you are no gentleman!"

Wesley retorts, "And you, Miss, are no Lady!"

Everyone in the room gasps. A bright, red blush creeps up Angel's face, and he/she tries to conceal her penis, which has become hard at the sight of Wesley Butler. In a swirl of petticoats and hoops, Angel dashes from the room to cool her/his cheeks.

"GAAAHHHH!!!"

Everyone turns to see the progress the baby has made. Gunn and Wesley are barely able to make eye contact with Spikanie, so great is their discomfort with this particular delivery. Gunn races to Spikanie's side and takes her/his hand, offering soothing words of love. Wesley paces back and forth, unsure of what he can do. Mammy gets tired of all the hemming and hawing going on.

"Miss Spikanie, this gone hurt reeeal bad, but it'll make everything come to a head, nice and fast. You ready?"

Spikanie grits her/his teeth and replies, "Yes. Oh, Gunn, don't leave me. Our beautiful baby is almost here!"

Mammy stands in between Spikanie's legs, and with one swift move, squeezes Spikanie's balls in her great, big fist. Spikanie stands up in the bed with a blood curdling scream, and a large blob comes shooting out of his/her dick with tremendous force.

"Somebody ‘bout tuh lose a perfectly good mulatto vampire ass baby roun' here!"

"Big Clem!" everyone cries out.

Big Clem has come up from the servant's quarters just in the nick of time to catch the baby as it shot forth like the greatest wad of cold, dead seed ever to shoot from a cock.

Big Clem hands the baby over to Miss Spikanie, who covers the baby in kisses, while Gunn looks on at his family with pride. Miss Spikanie looks up at the father of her baby, immediately drops and flutters her/his lashes, a'tremble with emotion.

~~~
Everyone leaves the happy family alone. Angel has been waiting in the hallway for Wesley Butler. She/he grabs Wesley's coat sleeve.

"Wesley, you'll stay to supper, won't you? I'll have Mammy kill something and cook it up for us."

(Yelled from far away:) "The hell I will!"

Wesley grins down at Angel (who has hunkered down in order to appear the delicate flower she is usually referred to), "I'm leaving, Angel. There's money to be made, and lives to lead that are far from here."

Angel says in a shocked voice, hand clasped at her/his neck, "Wesley, if you go... where shall I go? What shall I do?"

Wesley retorts, "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."

(From the kitchen:)"Ooh! He shore done tol' you!"

"Mammy, quiet! Wesley! WESLEY!!"

Wesley walks into the sunset, Angel grabs on to the door, gasping and sobbing, her/his grief overcoming her/his frail (ahem) body.

[Sweeping, grand orchestral number as curtains close]

Comments

( 49 comments — Leave a comment )
inlovewithnight
Dec. 30th, 2004 02:26 pm (UTC)
I think I sprained something. No, really, I'm broken over here.
Can you do "Casablanca" next? ;)
stoney321
Dec. 30th, 2004 02:42 pm (UTC)
GREATEST. IDEA. EVER. Let me get drunker, and I'll check back with you.
lynnenne
Dec. 30th, 2004 04:07 pm (UTC)
ats_nolimits just did Casablanca last week. Angel was Ingrid Bergman. Snort!
stoney321
Dec. 30th, 2004 07:57 pm (UTC)
GODDAMIT!!! I have juuuust enough chnmpagne in me to do it. Poop.
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Dec. 30th, 2004 02:43 pm (UTC)
Next one will have ubie, I kinda promise.
cityphonelines
Dec. 30th, 2004 02:35 pm (UTC)
"Somebody ‘bout tuh lose a perfectly good mulatto vampire baby roun' here!"

If I had a nickle...

*snort* magnolia flower *snork*sneeze*
stoney321
Dec. 30th, 2004 02:44 pm (UTC)
Later tonight, when Sue and I are drunk, we might call you and perform this.

I'm apparently losing my mind.
cityphonelines
Dec. 30th, 2004 02:55 pm (UTC)
Later tonight, when Sue and I are drunk
I love how that says 'when' not 'if'.

I have no image to iconize for you
*whines*flails about like Spike*
Help me, guide me.

Though I did find a hot pic of Anya/Emma for Caza's B-day icon. Make him check his flist later.
stoney321
Dec. 30th, 2004 07:58 pm (UTC)
i just called you all drunk!! you are currently on the phone with Sue! In my plan we fatless!
spikes_heart
Dec. 30th, 2004 03:00 pm (UTC)
Oh. Dear. God. I'm... speechless. I think I snorted my liver out of my nostrils by the time I got to this: Prissy Harris, house slave who is a bit tetched in the head, and it was downhill all the way.

I so needed a good belly laugh, and this was it. **snorfles**
stoney321
Dec. 30th, 2004 07:59 pm (UTC)
Tee hee! I aim to please... Lots of alcohol helps too.

*hugs you hard, then touches boobies while you are passed out*
kita0610
Dec. 30th, 2004 03:00 pm (UTC)
*diez and is ded*

Somewhere, someone is making an icon that says "mulatto undead ass-baby". I just *know* it.
stoney321
Dec. 30th, 2004 08:00 pm (UTC)
OH MY GOD!!! I want that icon. I will pay money for that icon.

*gives your corpse mouth to mouth*
spikendru
Jun. 28th, 2005 09:30 am (UTC)
Hee! Coudn't resist! Low-quality (well, consider the subject matter!) rapid-fire icon-on-command:
willshenilshe
Dec. 30th, 2004 03:06 pm (UTC)
*dies of laughter*

This is just... this is... I have no words. But I worship you now.
stoney321
Dec. 30th, 2004 08:02 pm (UTC)
lord bless and keep you.. You?? you are not to worship but to BE worshipped. Like that? I'm all about the pleasing. There is not a little alcohol in my system right now.

Oh, Sue says to thank you, which I thought I did, and so: thank you!!
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Jan. 1st, 2005 03:32 pm (UTC)
From your mouth to...

Casablanca. Hmmm. What about Citizen Kane and we can all try and guess what "rosebud" means THIS time around?
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Dec. 30th, 2004 08:02 pm (UTC)
I love you, so it works out, huh?
mskakaako
Dec. 30th, 2004 11:16 pm (UTC)
It appears that the baby has decided to come out of Spikanie's piss-slit instead of her/his bunghole of manly, dry love. In a panic, Angel grabs the teakettle and dumps the hot water all over Spikanie's delivery-meat.
HOT DAYAM!!! You know that you are converting me into a slash lover, right? I mean...this was FREAKIN' HAWT!!!!eleventyone1111

Mammy backhands Angel. "Oooh! No you di'int! You get that ass up them stairs and go hep that poor Childe get that baby out his ass and you bes' go do it now!"
If there was an award for best use of the word CHILDE in a story, I would nominate this sentence! Uh huh! *That* my friend is skill and mastery. Right there. Oh yeah!
stoney321
Dec. 31st, 2004 07:07 am (UTC)
What happened last night? Apparently I got drunk and flashed my metaphoric boobies all over LJ last night.

*grabs you close*
You know I love you, right? Did I throw up on your shoes?? Did you hold my hair??

(Oh, and thanks. I'm not right in the head.)
chantal87
Dec. 31st, 2004 03:20 am (UTC)
You are a freakin' lunatic. I adore you
stoney321
Dec. 31st, 2004 07:08 am (UTC)
the feeling's mutual, believe me.
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Dec. 31st, 2004 07:05 am (UTC)
I. DON'T. KNOW.

Mommy is reading about her superfriends?
ex_dovil323
Dec. 31st, 2004 08:45 pm (UTC)
That smell? Is my dead and decomposing body as I am now dead. Dead from laughing.

Oh dear god, you have outdone yourself with this one. Hilarious! :D
stoney321
Jan. 1st, 2005 03:34 pm (UTC)
*writes you check, blank to be filled out later*

A package is coming from Texas to you. It has the power of re-animating corpses. Shh!
greenstone_j
Dec. 31st, 2004 09:44 pm (UTC)
*giggles and snorts* Oh, poor delicate Spikanie. And Angel...*giggles like a loon*
stoney321
Jan. 1st, 2005 03:35 pm (UTC)
*hands you tissue, pushes hunters away seeking the elusive loon*

Spikanie is such a delicate thang, I do believe she has the vapors...
violethamster
Jan. 1st, 2005 07:51 am (UTC)
I will build you a temple. And during each service (held at a reasonably late hour, so to give time to sleep off hangovers) there will be reeactments of your stories. And you will have to do the voices for us all.

I do hope no one ever decides to film them, though. I don't think I could take the infamous 'delivery-meat' scene.
stoney321
Jan. 1st, 2005 03:37 pm (UTC)
No, that is a scene that should be left to the imagination, to be sure.

I got Sue to cackle like an old woman from reading this with the "sho 'nuff!" Cordy voice, and the Angel as Vivian Leigh, "oh, fiddle-dee-dee!" voice.

No hangover? Don't you go dying on me!
likeadeuce
Jan. 1st, 2005 04:03 pm (UTC)
OMG, how did I miss this the first time around? Wesley as Rhett Butler????
THAT is love

best line: ‘Specially no ass-hole babies coming from no dead man dressed up and acting likes a woman!
paynbow
Jan. 2nd, 2005 03:00 pm (UTC)
This is why I hate no internet...I miss THIS!
I'm back and Oh. My. God. I am trying not to lose my shit everywhere (btw, I'm back from "the hood" also known as Whistler...you heard white-bread ski resort town? You heard wrong! *g*)

"And jes' WHERE do you think you going? Cain't you be hearin' that poor Childe upstairs crying her/his eyes out? How in de hell that honey baby gone come outta that poor sugar's ass? Gone jes shoot out like uh egg fromst a chicken?"

Bahahahahahah. Is it wrong that I have a mental picture?

And that vampire is a delicate magnolia flower, liable to pass out at the drop of a hat?

*snicker*

Big Clem has come up from the servant's quarters just in the nick of time to catch the baby as it shot forth like the greatest wad of cold, dead seed ever to shoot from a cock.

Bahahahahahah! Oh man...you rule! This story was just the thing for my post new years completely non-aclcohol realte funk *g*

_beetle_
Feb. 2nd, 2005 12:28 pm (UTC)

"Oh, thank the Powers That Be, Prissy. Spikanie is about to give birth, and you said you know what to do. Now go on, scoot!"

Prissy begins to hyperventilate, "Oh, Miss Angel! Miss Angel! I cain't! Oh, Laws, I cain't! I don't know nothin' ‘bout birthin' no babies! ‘Specially no ass-hole babies coming from no dead man dressed up and acting likes a woman! Oh, Laws!"


You are friggin nuts.

Will you marry me? You me and vampirellabites can live in sin and write slash for each other.

"Mammy, run just as quick as you can and tell Gunn that the baby is coming. And for him to hurry up quick, but hide from them filthy Carpetbaggers, because he is a young, black man and this is the Antebellum South. For that matter, send for Wesley Butler, too. He'll know what to do, the shameless rake - but I love him. Oh, Mammy, I -"

Mammy slaps some sense into Angel, who is beginning to ramble. Didn't she remember a baby is trying to come out of a dead vampire's ass? And that vampire is a delicate magnolia flower, liable to pass out at the drop of a hat?


I can't believe it took me tis long to get here, but now that I am, I'm never leaving. I love you.

Gunn looks down to witness the birth of his beloved undead-ass-baby and recoils in horror as he sees where the baby is trying to deliver itself.

"GOD. DAMN!"


Seriously. I love you. So much.

"Somebody ‘bout tuh lose a perfectly good mulatto vampire baby roun' here!"

"Big Clem!" everyone cries out.

Big Clem has come up from the servant's quarters just in the nick of time to catch the baby as it shot forth like the greatest wad of cold, dead seed ever to shoot from a cock.


Dear God.

"Wesley, you'll stay to supper, won't you? I'll have Mammy kill something and cook it up for us."

(Yelled from far away:) "The hell I will!"


My face hurts.

Wesley, if you go... where shall I go? What shall I do?"

Wesley retorts, "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."

(From the kitchen:)"Ooh! He shore done tol' you!"

"Mammy, quiet! Wesley! WESLEY!!"

Wesley walks into the sunset, Angel grabs on to the door, gasping and sobbing, her/his grief overcoming her/his frail (ahem) body.

[Sweeping, grand orchestral number as curtains close]


I think I've just had an embollism. Thank you. Good night.
stoney321
Feb. 2nd, 2005 12:51 pm (UTC)
I know not of this Vampirellabites!

*runs off to find others that have the same sickness*

Welcome, welcome! I'm a friggin' nut-job, just be warned!

*kisses back with leg snaked around yours*
beadattitude
Mar. 4th, 2005 12:26 pm (UTC)
::trying to type through wracking sobs of laughter::

I do love you so. That was so absoultely perfect. And Mammy....

::laughs harder, passes out::
irishrose1
Jun. 27th, 2005 06:17 pm (UTC)
perfectly good mullatto vampire baby

:hits head on the desk as she falls out of her chair:

The concussion was worth it! You soooo need a banner with that!

:dies laughing:

stoney321
Jun. 27th, 2005 06:26 pm (UTC)
That may be what I have inscribed on my sarcophagus when I'm entombed. They still do that, right?

Wheee! Thanks for reading!
spikendru
Jun. 28th, 2005 09:37 am (UTC)
*sobs* Apparently you first published this during the TWO FRICKIN' MONTHS!!! I was computerless, but Yay! for dovil's Mpreg, cause I finally got to see it.

BWAHAHA! Can't even begin to quote--I loved it all!

*pssst* Check above--I made you the icon you requested! *snuggles you*
zaneetas
Jul. 8th, 2005 02:27 pm (UTC)
Heh. You know, it took me a few days to follow the link you left in kita0610's journal -- and I was going to apologize for that, but now I see that my slowness was actually part of a divine plan designed to make sure that I had the time to mentally prepare myself for this. Not that it worked, 'cause dear god is the image of Spikanie & undead child going to burn forever in my brain.

Anyway, your distilled cracked-out version is approx 500 times more interesting than the original (and 500 times shorter, so bonus)!

Also:

"Mammy. I was being a rake."

"More like a hoe to me!"

The room bursts into laughter. Mammy!


Bwah!
stoney321
Jul. 8th, 2005 02:44 pm (UTC)
Heh. One thing you should know about me and this journal: it is often filled with WRONGNESS, such as this. Hee!!

I'm happy to have entertained you...

*offers bleach*
zaneetas
Jul. 9th, 2005 08:06 am (UTC)
Oh, you definitely entertained me! That least, that's one word for it... ;)

So, I'm gonna take this bleach and am probably gonna bathe in it later -- however, I'll be smart here and wait until *after* I ask you about the story behind your icon. Just in case, you know. *g*
stoney321
Jul. 9th, 2005 11:50 am (UTC)
Hee!! If the STOOPID memories were working, you'd have a GOLDMINE. I have this one writer I watch for who just really butchers the English language. Example: as Buffy climaxes, it's described as muscles snapping like a pissed off aligator around Spike's cock.

WOW.

It's the most fantastically bad fic ever. And I LOVE it. I have this thing I'm known for where I wade through the shit, pull out the gems, and save your brain. Somewhat. The tale on the icon is actually in the fic. Hand to god.

Your icon made me laugh. Have you gotten to the bottom of this? *flashes you*

:-D
zaneetas
Jul. 12th, 2005 07:26 pm (UTC)
*ogles you like Bernstein* (Woodward totally wouldn't even looked unless you have a Pulitzer hidden under there, dude.)

Knowing that I'm missing this fic is almost enough to make me write angry letters to bradfitz et al. Just...that fic sounds like it could be a beautiful, soothing balm to my soul. The very *idea* of Spike expressing his love in dance (ha!) makes me feel all zen inside -- I can't imagine how happiness much his being tiny would add to that.

Example: as Buffy climaxes, it's described as muscles snapping like a pissed off aligator around Spike's cock.

...

First, ouch. Second, ouch! I've run into a couple of doozies over in popslash (more in terms of plot bizarreness than terrible writing, though -- 63 chapter stories wherein JC is taken prisoner by mute aliens and forced to have many, many alien children who's names all start with J before falling into a coma and possibly being sold as a dowry to Justin and his beautiful bride, Orlando Bloom, etc) but nothing quite so painful sounding as that. Some serious confusion over what various sex organs are actualy capable of, though, which is something this author seems like he/she might share.
stoney321
Jul. 12th, 2005 07:31 pm (UTC)
Heee! And - memories are working. Here's the masterlist of the boiled down craptasticness.

Dear... God. The tale of alien J babies and popslash makes me ITCH WITH WANT. I love truly horrible bad fiction. The mocking... it is strong in me.
zaneetas
Jul. 12th, 2005 08:49 pm (UTC)
Yay! I'm so hurrying off to read now but wanted to fulfill my part of the unspoken deal here and leave you with some links of PAIN. It's tragic, though, really -- there are so many broken links in my "tastes like burning" favorites folder! I seem to have lost forever the story where JC kills Justin for becoming vegan and refusing to eat the last pig on their jointed-owned deserted island and that truly saddens me, dude. I did find these two, though:

In the Blink of an Eye (alien mpreg mind-control coma fic)

Can't Fight the Moonlight (Justin breaks JC's heart so JC fakes his own death, flees to the Southwest and befriends talking multi-colored cockroaches who he names after the other members of Nsync-fic)

Also, here's a link to What We All Wish For, which is a premiere Justin/JC site (and, trust me, if you want crack!fic, that's the pairing to follow). It's worth a visit just for the search engine on the first page, the funniest part of which is "not able to categorize" 'cause I can't even imagine what that'd be with the other listings there. I mean, National Holiday Joshtin?
zyrya
Jan. 24th, 2006 01:11 pm (UTC)
Perfect! In the most grotesque, twisted, depraved manner possible. Thank you!
stoney321
Jan. 24th, 2006 01:13 pm (UTC)
Okay, seriously. Pony cakes for you. I heart you VERY MUCH. I'm glad I could entertain you.

*hugs you - almost to the point of being inappropriate*
( 49 comments — Leave a comment )

Tags

Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

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